Cover my eyes
Cover my ears
No…not Sora…my mind couldn't comprehend what this woman was telling me. "Roxas…please, you must understand." She said pleadingly as she took my hand in hers but I pulled it away in disgust. "How can you tell me this about him?! How can you expect me to just walk away from this and be alright?" I asked her angrily.
Her eyes filled with tears.
"I had to Roxy…he was dead…he was supposed to be dead…."
Tell me these words are a lie
"W-what?" I asked her. Stunned. My breathing had gone ragged and my body was chilled to the very bone.
Not Sora…
She looked up into my eyes with the most concerned expression mixed with pity…something I recognized from a time long ago.
Then I ran.
***************
It had started like any other day since Sora and I had found out about each other. I had walked with him to school, we had gone our separate ways to act normal, then as soon as we got home to the emptiness of our room…that was when we truly became ourselves. We kissed and held each other, while I listened to everything he said with careful speculation.
I never shared my story.
It wasn't that I didn't want to, I just felt ashamed of how awful I was compared to Sora and all his wonderful achievements.
"Want some pizza?" I asked Sora, looking down at his head in my lap. He smiled enthusiastically. "Sure." He answered sweetly, my head bending down to kiss his lips. "I'll be right back then." I said with a wink, moving him out of the way so I could slip out of the window.
I climbed down the tree, hearing Sora cry out "Careful Roxas!" as I landed on both feet at the bottom, barely missing one of the old tree's protruding roots.
I hurried towards the pizza place when I suddenly found myself falling….falling…the ground rushing towards me painfully fast as I caught myself with my hands.
"Fuck." I hissed as I looked at my bleeding hands.
"Such bad language Roxas." A woman behind me said softly. I turned and stared at her, recognizing her but unable to place where I had seen this raggedly- dressed old woman before.
"Excuse me? Do I know you?" I asked her rudely but she only smiled. "So beautiful you've gotten…." She said softly, reaching out and taking my hand.
For some odd reason…I let her.
"Roxas, do you know who I am?" She asked me with a smile. I shook my head but my eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "I've seen your face before…"
"Yes, Roxas. You have." She said, then solemnly she took her other hand and tenderly stroked my cheek.
I didn't know what to do.
"W-where?" I managed out quietly, my eyes wide. Who was this woman? Why was she acting as if she'd known me all her life?
"Roxas….I am…your mother…"
Everything in me felt like cold water had been splashed onto my unknowing face.
"But….I'm an orphan…"I said stupidly but the woman shook her head as she wrapped her arms around me.
"I'm so sorry Roxas…this was for your own good. You and…your brother." She said hesitantly but I knew automatically who it was.
Not Sora…
"Sora?" I choked out and she nodded her head but looked confused. "How did you know about-"
"No." I said firmly.
"No what, Roxas?" She asked me sweetly but I pulled away from her. "Sora is not my brother."
"Roxas, you must understand that I had to do this for both of you. He's dead sweetie…you're safe now." She told me but it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than me.
It cant be true
"He's alive. He's ALIVE!" I shouted angrily into her surprised face. "No…." She said softly but I ignored her. "No this can't be happening…" I said but she only took my hand again.
And this is the moment when I looked into her eyes and saw that this was real.
All of my dreams.
Every moment with him.
It was an abomination…I was a sick, twisted person.
That I'm losing you
The sun cannot fall from the sky
So I ran and ran but I couldn't run from him forever.
Not Sora…
I stopped on the outskirts of town, breathing heavily and fell to my knees on the side of the road.
How could I love my brother?
All those moments…the way our lips felt against each other…that look he got in his eyes when he saw me…
Those dreams…
My brother.
Sora was my brother and there was nothing I could do about that.
Were we twins?
Was I older?
Was everything a lie this entire time?
And why did our mother seem to think he was dead?
My head began to ache with questions that continually grew inside of me.
Can you hear heaven cry
Slowly, pain began to radiate from within me and spread from my chest upward. And as I sat there on my knees something came over me.
I began to cry.
And not just small tears no…heart wrenching sobs that filled the air and made me feel like I was dying.
Tears of an angel
Tears of aaaaaaaa...
Tears of an angel
Tears of an angel.
Eventually, I made my way back home, but in a dead fog that filled the very core of my soul. I was completely and utterly numb.
"Roxas???" Sora yelled, leaping down from my window as best he could once he saw me. "Are you okay? I was so worried! You went out for pizza and come back four hours later like…like that!" He said pointing to my dirty clothes, messed up hair and red eyes.
I sighed and ignored him, pushing past him to make my way up the tree.
Our arms brushed and I felt the pain of my ignoring him rush through me like salt in a fresh wound.
I yanked away from him with fresh tears in my eyes, trying to ignore the building hurt behind those innocent eyes.
I climbed into our room and immediately went to my bed, falling down on my pillow, closing my eyes and trying to keep my ears shut to the grunting Sora who had just fallen into our room.
"Roxy…" He said softly, but I didn't answer.
"Roxas? Roxas answer me." Sora said, sounding a little sniffly but I didn't move.
"ROXAS." He said next to my ear, and grabbed my shoulders as he shook me. I angrily opened my eyes and shoved him off of me.
"Fuck off, Sora. Get the fuck outta my room I don't want to speak with you." I said coldly into his shocked face.
Gently nodding his head he turned away from me and walked out of my room.
I cried all night long.
Stop every clock
Stars are in shock
******************
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
"Hello?"
"Roxas?"
Rolling my eyes, I turned over in bed and peeked over at Sora's sleeping form.
"It's three in the fucking morning Ax." I said tiredly, my eyes still shut.
"I did it! I finally fucking did it!" He said excitedly but I had no clue as to what he was talking about.
"Do what?" I asked, finally starting to wake up.
"I fucked Kairi!" He said happily, and I felt shock roll all the way down me.
"W-what?"
"I fucked her, man! We did the dirty. We got it on! We sent our lovemaking moans to the starry skies!" He said positively ecstatic.
This was just fucking great.
"Call me back once it's legal to be awake." I groaned at him but suddenly heard a knock on the window.
Damnit Axel.
I hurried over to it and opened it up as I let the bubbly red head in.
"This is the best thing that's ever happened, Rox. Not to mention she was a virgin. A fucking virgin! I got to be the first to get a head in her." He said laughing so hard I thought he'd never be able to breath properly again.
He finally calmed down enough to look over at Sora then face me.
"Roxas…you need to talk to the poor guy. It's been over a month since you spoke to him…he's dying man, and you're letting him."
The river will flow to the sea
I wont let you fly
I wont say goodbye
"Axel….if he knew the truth…" I trailed off and then shook my head with tears coming to my eyes again. "I don't wanna talk about it." I said at last with a shake of my head.
Axel glared at me.
"Man, what's with you? Why're you turning your back on me? You've always told me everything! Why is this time any different?" He asked angrily, standing up and turning back to the window.
"It just is." I hissed back bitterly but Axel simply shook his head.
"When you decide to trust the people that'll always be there for you, gimme a call. Until then, maybe you should watch who you stab in the back with that sharpened knife of yours." He said and jumped out of my window.
I got back in bed and turned to watch Sora sleep.
He looked so sad, even in his dreams….
I walked over to him and gently touched his cheek, when all of a sudden a rush I hadn't felt in a long while came over me.
Anger….betrayal…sadness…grief…hopelessness…so many terrible emotions came over me and when I ripped my hand away I realized I was sobbing.
What had I done…?
I wont let you slip away from me…
I walked over to my bed and sat down on it with a sigh. Wiping my eyes I turned to Sora.
"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry but if you knew the truth as I do…you'd realize how terrible I am to have done this. I should never have fallen for you, Sora. And I should never have let you fall for me…" I whispered into the darkness of the night.
"No, you should not have." A familiar voice said, opening my door as I yelped in surprise.
"Roxas, you're an abomination and I'm going to use you as I should've years ago. And now that you and your beloved are weak…this should be easy." The voice said with an evil laugh.
Taking out a needle, the source of the voice pushed it into my arm and the world began to fade away….
Darkness…
Taking over my vision…
"I love you….S-S…ooorr…a…" I mumbled as I collapsed on my bed and got dragged away…
Down…
Down…
Down…
Can you hear heaven cry
Tears of an angel
Tears of aaaaaaaa...
Tears of an angel
Tears of an angel.
Having a hangover has always been the worst feeling in the world to me.
Fuck that…
When I woke up in a damp, dark place with the smell of alcohol and sewer water and the sickening numbness flowing through me…that was the absolute worst feeling in the world.
"Why….why are you doing this?" I mumbled to a shadowy figure across the room from where I sat against a hard concrete wall.
"I want to steal that power of yours…to feel emotions is a wonderful gift Roxas. You don't realize how truly special you are. You and Sora." The figure said back but I felt nothing.
That was bullshit.
All of this was.
"What are you planning to do?! Sora won't let you take him so easily!" I said angrily, fighting a wave of sickness.
So hold on
Be strong
The figure smirked at me and then blatantly laughed. "Oh, this is precious. Much easier than I ever thought."
It walked towards me, reaching forward and grabbing me by my shirt. "Come here little Roxy…" It placed me on a stool in the middle of the room and put a weird helmet thing on my head that had little scanners running over my head.
"Take a deep breath and hold it." The voice instructed and I nodded my head, gulping in as much air as I could before the figure pushed a button and suddenly I was overwhelmed with pain….over and over again Sora's emotions were coursing through me as I screamed and screamed…
My head was pounding and suddenly my thoughts connected with Sora's…he was dreaming about me being in pain…
I let out another scream as Sora realized I wasn't breathing in the dream…wait….I wasn't breathing…
I tried to suck in some air but the pain felt like someone had punctured my lungs and I couldn't hold in a single breath.
I was dying…
Just like Sora was on the inside.
Everyday on we'll go
I'm here, don't you fear
Every time I went to sleep after that I only dreamt about Sora. I don't know how long I stayed there, writhing in pain…day after day…night after night…every once in a while the figure would come back and do more experiments on me, feed me, give me clothes but then I'd spend days after that alone.
I didn't know what to do with myself and I was slowly losing my sanity…
Sora….please….
Be safe.
Don't hurt him.
Not Sora…
"Sora…I'm sorry." I whispered sadly to myself as I listened to the silence surrounding me.
"I love you….my brother."
Cover my eyes
Cover my ears
Tell me these words are a lie