Roxas...Why?

And honestly I have been begging for answers,

That you and only you can give me...

This what I feared would happen...The pain... the sorrow... the anger... the hurt. All of it flooding into me as I walked out the door and sank down against the wall as my chest started to heave. I was so weak.... I couldn't breathe... I must have done something wrong, something to provoke this...anything. There had to be a reason...there is always something.

But I just couldn't think of one. Everything had been perfect, and I would have been happy to lay there with my head in his lap, just looking up at him forever.

He said he's be back...

But...he didn't come back...

That may have been the face of the sweet boy that I knew was still there, but there was no signs of the boy that I knew... Roxas wasn't there...

Roxas was gone...

Roxas had fallen away.

All that was left was his face and those cold, heat wrenching eyes that stared blankly as his hand ripped through my chest to claim what I would have freely given before crushing in his hand.

A voice crying loud,

I've been crying for days now...

I felt almost like I was being punished...that God was mad at me after all. Maybe I really wasn't supposed to be with Roxas. Maybe I was just on of those people that wasn't meant to be happy... All I had to do was forget about him and move on, right?

Wrong.

Every time I even looked at him, every small glance, every brush of the arm as we passed in the hall way, every time I walked home, staying late so he would already be there, my the gash in my chest would rip open and I would be so distraught that I simply fell apart where ever I was. I just fell down...and had no intention of ever getting up again.

And as I start to run,

I stop to breathe...

It all just hurt to much...and everything, absolutely everything made the whole where my heart had been cut deeper until I had bled out everything that had made me who I was. Now all I was was a face. Just a face in the never ending sea of people. A face with sad, empty eyes... no heart... my heart had been given away... but even if he tried to, I wouldn't give it back.

I gave it to him... it belonged to him... I wouldn't be able to live if he gave it back.

It had been a month since we had last spoken to each other, never staying in the same room for more than ten minutes except at night. I woke up early and got ready for school before the sun ever had the chance to rise and did my home work. It was easier that way. When I get home, I go straight to bed so that way I wont have to bother him by sitting in his room. So I always did my homework in the morning since it only took me 15 minutes. That way I had 5 to pack my bags and I could walk out the door as soon as his alarm rang and be out of his way.

I think he liked it better that way... when I wasn't around. I think it was easier for him when I just left. So I did my best to make him at ease.

I was a little late today...

His alarm rang just at I was putting my books into my massager bag, and he groggily brought his hand down on it. I tried my best not to look up at him. He didn't like when I looked at him, and I didn't want to see what those cold eyes held for me today. Instead I just clamped my bag shut and threw it over my shoulder, walking out the bedroom door.

I closed it quietly, keeping my face completely blank of all emotions as I set off down the hall before decending the stairs. But when I walked out the front door I was greeted by a tall red-head with a cigarette in his mouth.

"Hey" he grinned.

And I'll be here by the ocean,

Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams,

All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes

And every wave drags me to sea...

I blinked at him unsure what to say to him. I hadn't really had the chance to really be Axel's friend, only a few , very amusing, conversations that usually ended in my blushing and him laughing his ass off. But he was Roxas' best friend, so I really had no business trying to rescue our acquaintanceship. But even in the short time that I had known him, I knew one thing for sure.

He was NOT an early riser.

"Roxas just woke up." I told him with my blank stare as I started walking again, "He's upstairs getting ready if you want him..."

"Actually," he said falling into step beside me, "I was hoping to talk to you." he said casually blowing a smoke ring.

That was surprising enough to stop me in my tracks.

"Why would you want to do that?" I asked him blandly as I started walking again, pretending that I wasn't bothered at all.

I'm not a very good actor....

"Frankly," he sighed dropping his cigarette and stomping it into the sidewalk, "You and Roxas have been acting all...depressed of late."

I probably wouldn't have answered if the last part hadn't registered and had me laughing my ass off for the first time in a long time. It took me a moment to catch my breath, "Did you really just say of late?" I laughed again at how funny it sounded coming from him.

"What?" he smiled, "Isn't that how you freaky skip-a-grade kids talk?"

"Um...no..."I told him, the happy glow of laughter fading, but I still managed to keep a small smile on my face.

"Anyway," he started before he was interrupted by the most beautiful voice in the world,.

"Thanks for waiting Ax..." Roxas huffed out of breath as he ran to to catch up. My head bowed instantly, suddenly becoming very preoccupied with my feet.

"You take to long," Axel chuckled, "And I found Sora here already up and at um." he grabbed my shoulder but I kept my gaze on the ground."Actually, I think we all need to talk about this situation that we have going on here," he said seriously.

"What situation?" Roxas asked blankly, "there is nothing going on. Right Sora?" He asked. but I knew that he want talking to me. He was just fooling Axel, he just wanted me to nod my head. But that was the first time that he had said my name in a month...

"Excuse me," I gasped and rushed off in the opposing direction back home. His voice... my name... it was all to much for my butchered chest....

I could stand here for hours,

Just to ask God the the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"

With a tear in his voice, he said, "Son, that's the question."

Dose this defining silence mean nothing to no one but me?

I went back to the house and ran up the stares, collapsing on my bed before the the terrible, gasping sobs broke free from my lips. My whole body hurt as if I had been stabbed over and over. Why was this happening? Why was God punishing me this way? What was so terrible about me loving Roxas? And what changed his mind about me?

I crawled back into bed and threw the covers over my head, just staring at the inside stitching until my eye lids got heavy enough to close but not to sleep.

As hours move to minutes

And minutes take longer to break,

I'll be desperately awaiting...

I heard when Roxas came into the room and give out a long sigh before turing on his desk-lamp and ruffle through his bag. I didn't move, I just closed my eyes and willed sleep to come faster...But I didn't actually start drifting until the lamp tuned off and Roxas' breathing from across the room grew even and steady. Only when I was sure that he wasn't going to have a nightmare did I allow myself to sink into dreams.

My tongue won't fall apart,

And we've been sitting here for hours,

All alone and in the dark...

My dream started out in the perfect ideal setting. I was sure it was some place I had been before. A beach... with soft white sand, and perfect blue waters that crashed to the shore in huge waves. I was standing there in my school uniform, looking around confused. Why was I here?

I started to walk down the bank slowly, carefully, not yet sure if this was a night mare or not. But it was so beautiful... how could it be bad?

Off in the distance, I could see something...someone, standing and watching the waves. It was a beautiful woman in a plain white dress that blew in the breeze. Her hair was long, and braided, in the exact chocolate brown as mine. But it was her eyes... I knew those eyes... and I knew this woman. As soon as I was close enough to defiantly see her a tear slid down my cheek.

"Mom?"

Her head snapped up, and she took me in with hungry eyes, a grin splitting across her then we were running towards each other and she wrapped me in her safe arms like she was wrapping me in a blanket of her love.

I missed this...

So let me think of how to word it,

Is it to soon to say 'Perfect?'

If I could find another thirty minute somewhere,

I'm sure everything would find me,

All that's left is just to sing...

"Oh my baby!" She said over and over, "I can't believe that you are still alive.... I thought you were dead..."

I pulled away from her, confused, "What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Well your father dear," she said as if it were obvious, "When you were little I only managed to get your brother away. I tried to come back for you baby, I really did! I ju-"

"My brother?" I stepped out of her arms feeling a sickening feeling in my stomach. I knew who it was....

"Roxas," she told me... she stopped for a moment taking in my expression, "do you feel it to?" she asked anxiously. I nodded wondering how I hadn't realized this before. It was so obvious that we were twins... but... I loved him.

I was in love with my brother, that was a sin.

But something... something small and warm in my heart told me that it was okay.

She was serious now, "I knew you would find me, that's why I've been waiting here Sora... You are in danger. You and Roxas... Do you feel that chill?" she asked and I nodded, "That sick feeling in your chest. That is Roxas... something bad is happening. He needs you baby." she told me looking at me with large eyes. I'm sending you into his dream, but I need you to be ready. This isn't a dream to him. It's real Sora," she took my face in her hands and looked me in the eye, "Don't let him die!" Then she kissed my forehead and the scene changed.

And I'll be here by the ocean,

Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams,

All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes

And every wave drags me to sea...

It was cold here...I fell on the grounds with an 'umph!' surprised by how painful it was. This wasn't an ordinary dream...

Roxas was on the floor, his breath coming in shallow gasps as blood pored out around him.

No...nonononNO! I ran up to him getting down on my knees, begging him to get up with all my might. I wouldn't live if he died. His chest had been pried open and I could see his, beating, bleeding heart pound, "Roxas..."I gasped, "Please... stay with me okay?" I tried to smile but I just couldn't. "I'll give you anything... just don't die..." I pled.

But he just smiled softly at me as he drew a last breath. "I'm sorry Sora..." he croaked and closed his eyes. He wasn't breathing anymore. I was frantic. I held his nose and blew air into him mouth. "Please..." I begged him before I blew again breaking into tears, "Please come back!"

I'm not sure how long I preformed CPR but it didn't work... he wouldn't breath... I failed him. And know he was gone...

"S-sora?" My head snapped up to look at him, but I was pulled out of the dream. I couldn't see him. Was he alive? Was he dead?

I could stand here for hours,

Just to ask God the the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"

With a tear in his voice, he said, "Son, that's the question."

Dose this defining silence mean nothing to no one but me?

"Sora wake up!" a woman's voice called shaking me. My eyes popped open to see Martha looking down at me. "Shushhh" she tried to sooth me. I was crying. "You don't want to wake your father do you?" she asked.

My father?

I pulled away.

"He isn't my father..." I told her looking for Roxas. He wasn't in bed. "Where is Roxas?" I asked her not liking the way her eyes were looking at me full of pity.

"He's with your father dear." she told me.

"He is NOT my father!" I shouted. I think that was the first time I had ever taken such a hateful tone with anyone before.

She shook her head, "Your father wont like that tone young man!" she said crossing her arms. "You just quiet yourself down!"

I glared at her before I turned and opened the window. She grabbed my arm. "What do you think you are doing?" she asked me.

"Leaving," I spat, "I need to find Roxas!"

"I can help you with that..." said a sickeningly familiar voice in my ear before a needle was stuck in my neck... I tried to scream... I tried to do anything... but the light and the world were fading around me. "There there, "the man soothed me, "Don't fight it..." and I couldn't. In a last effort, I stretched my arm out the window, hoping that by some miracle Roxas would take my hand.... But he didn't.

He was gone.

Just a face now in my stream of thoughts that were all going blank. ..

Tell me once again,

That you'll love me to the death...

And should I die, you swear that you'd come for me....

As I fade away, you reach your hand out....

Roxas...

Please don't let me go...