I know you, who are you now?
"Hey Roxas!" A familiar voice called and I sat up, smiling up at the silver-haired boy in front of me. "Hey Riku." I responded nonchalantly with a wave as he jogged up and sat down on the grass beside me.
It was a beautiful day in August, the sun shining it's last rays of light before the night began. Little fireflies swooped in around us and the smell of grass and chlorine filled the air, it was a perfect place to be on nights like this and I was glad that we'd decided to meet up in this park.
"So where's Kairi and Namine?" I asked flicking a mosquito away, annoyance creeping into my features. "They're late again." I said with a sigh, and Riku laughed obviously finding my impatience amusing. "Relax, buddy. They'll be here."
"Who will?" Asked a sweet voice and I turned with a smile on my face.
Kairi.
"You guys, silly," I responded happily and jumped up to give her a hug. She looked cute today with her shorts on and a tank top, her hair was short (about chin-length), and her sweet pre-teen face looked joyously back at me. Her slender arms wrapped around me and my heart skipped a beat as I took her in…
"Earth to Roxas," another angelic voice asked and I smiled goofily at Namine. Her hair was down to her butt in golden waves and her tender blue eyes bore into mine with a smile. "Hey Nami!" I said and threw my arms around her as well, basking in the warmth she gave me.
After our warm greetings, we all huddled in a group and sat down in the grass, talking under the stars. Riku sat up and stretched, "Hey guys I'm gonna go take a walk, okay?" he said before he walked off with his hands in his shorts' pockets. "Be right back," Namine said as well and walked in the direction of Riku, leaving Kairi and I alone. "Can I ask you something, Roxas?" She asked really softly and I turned and smiled at her. "Of course," I replied.
"Well…I know that things have been really weird since you and Namine broke up but…can I…kiss you?" She said and before I could answer her, our lips were collided in a wonderful kiss that made my very heart melt. "What the FUCK is this?" I heard a strong masculine voice cry out and strong arms wrapped around me, picked me up and threw me to the ground. "WHAT THE HELL RIKU?" Kairi shouted but was drowned out by Riku's punch hitting me in the gut hard enough to make wheeze very loudly, I felt like I couldn't breathe…
"Why would you do this to me, Roxas?" I heard Namine's soft question as her fragile body began wracking with sobs and the fist collided with me again, this time on the side of my face. "I-I didn't mean to…she kissed me!" I wheezed out and I saw Kairi's eyes fill with tears. "Don't you love me Roxas?" She asked and before I could reply, Riku kicked me in the stomach. "I d-d-don't know!" I gasped out as tears blurred my vision. "RIKU stop!" Namine shouted and grabbed him just as he reached back to punch me again, elbowing her in the face. "Namine!" I gasped out, "You stay the fuck away from her…freak!" Kairi shouted, hurt turning to anger and suddenly everything seemed strange…my friends were my enemies….all over a kiss…..
"Hey, you okay?" A red-headed guy asked while I stared idly into space in detention. "W-what?" I asked and peeked over at his smirking face. "You just looked sorta down, I guess. I'm new, the name's Axel. A-X-E-L, got it memorized?" He said laughing at my bewildered expression and extending his hand. "I'm Roxas." I replied with a smile just as our hands touched….
"You know YOU'RE my best friend dude," I told Axel and sighed, running a hand down my face as we sat together in our secret spot behind the bleachers. "So what's this shit with Tommy? Why are we keeping this a secret?" He asked, obviously agitated but I honestly had no answer for him. Tommy had been the guy that had helped me through my depression, through the brief bouts of drinking, and through the process of letting the girl I loved go. Unfortunately, he'd turned into some sort of adrenaline freak and always wanted to do things that got ME in trouble and not him.
"Look, tonight we're gonna rob a bank. I'm gonna let him think I've got his back then I'm gonna ditch him, okay? I'm tired this bullshit too…" I whispered the last part but Axel's hand found it's way onto my shoulder. "Dude, don't do it," He said softly and I shrugged away, stalking off. "No one would miss me..." I mumbled. "That's not true…I would. "He replied…
"Roxas…keep up with me." A voice said, and my legs were pumping hard to run along with the boy in front of me. The bag of money in my hands felt extremely heavy but I kept on going, the light of the sun falling down into sunset. We were being cast in darkness but we couldn't escape the sound of sirens that echoed in my head and everywhere we went.
"Tommy, we need to get out of here." I said between breaths, trying to catch my breath. The scent of sunflowers was coming from the field in front of us and the heat of late summer caused more moisture on our skin than was comfortable.
"Fuck this, give me the money. We need to get out of here." He said, looking around quickly then took of running. I ran after him angrily. "Tommy, you get the fuck back here! You are not leaving me out of this! Tommy!" I yelled after him as we ran hard and fast through the sunflowers. The sirens were getting closer…closer…
He got too far ahead and eventually I tripped, falling to the ground and suddenly an arm caught me. "You're under arrest." A voice said and I let my head bow down in defeat, but instead of handcuffs the arms pulled me away and into a familiar car. "Axel?" I asked amazed as he let me turn around to face him. "I've got your back man. This time…you'll be the one off Scott-free. You can bet that I'm not gonna let my friend go through more hell for this. Especially my BEST friend." He responded and we hopped in the car, speeding off away from the crime scene…
"Shut the FUCK up Tommy. You're a sick motherfucker if you think I'm gonna let you beat the shit out of some innocent kid!" I yelled in his face, punching him hard in the jaw. He was much bigger than me but his size was nothing compared to the ferocity I got when I beat the shit out of someone. "But he's just some nerd…" He panted out and I punched him right in the nose. "Sora is NOT a nerd." I said and with that walked away, glaring at anyone who got in my way…
"Look Roxas, I jus' don't like seein' you down like 'dis." Maurice said and patted my back while I swept the place as methodically as possible, my face kept stony and cold. "I-I…can't do anything. I'm not…I'm not human or right Maurice." I told my boss and a lone tear slid down my cheek. "Go home man. Take a break from this for awhile and remember 'dis one thing, okay? Love is never wrong." My eyes met his and understanding passed between us…
Look into my eyes if you can't remember
Do you remember?
Oh…
It had all come rushing back to me and with a gasp I opened my eyes and stared up into the dark room I was huddled in. "Roxas…is that you?" I heard the sweetest voice in the world mumble and I felt my heart stop.
No, this wasn't right.
"Sora, what the hell are you doing here?" I asked, crawling towards him but felt bars between us and the dark kept me from seeing his beautiful face. "Yeah, it's me. What's going on Roxas? Where are we?" He asked with a tremble and I realized with a shock that he must be frightened and here I was dozing off in my memories of things from far too long ago.
"Sora, I'm gonna get you out of here." I whispered and leaned against the bars, reaching out for him. My cold exterior had melted and all that was left in its place with the desire to hold him and love him more than I ever had before. "Roxas, what happened to you?" He asked softly, flinching away from my touch, making my heart ache with sadness. I had done that…pushed him away until he no longer wanted me near him…
"I found out the truth…Sora, you're my-" But my words were cut off by the unfamiliar man grabbing me by my hair and yanking me onto a chair in what I assumed to be the middle of the room. "Shut your fucking mouth, you!" The man cried and a bright light was turned on, shining right into my eyes.
I can see, I can still find
"Who the hell are you?" I demanded angrily, no longer caring how much pain I went through just as long as Sora was left unscathed…"That don't fucking matter you little shit." He barked out at me and shoved my head back until my vision blurred and I could make out just the dark outlines of the man's head. "Mr. Orner!" I hissed out, thrashing in my seat angrily as I tried to kick the ignorant man in the face. "STOP MOVING YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" He shouted into my face and slapped me hard on the face.
"ROXAS!" Sora's voice yelled out, and I flinched at the power of it. It had been so long since someone actually worried about me or cared where I was.
You're the only voice my heart can recognize
Then I felt a pinch as a needle slid under my skin and everything went black once again…
But I can't hear you now, yeah
"Love is never wrong. Love is never wrong. Love is never wrong. Love is never wrong…" The words repeated over and over again inside my head as searing pain shot through my body.
"Roxas! God, Roxas! Please!" I heard an angelic voice crying over and over again for me but in my blanket of darkness, I couldn't quite find the will to care. "It hurts too much," I said softly and as the words slipped out so did the darkness and I found myself lying on my bed next to Sora who was stroking my face as I mumbled in my sleep.
I had my arms wrapped around him and I heard whisper to me barely loud enough to catch, "I missed you too…"
I'll never be the same, I'm caught inside
The memories of promises of yesterdays
My heart leapt to my throat as I felt all the loving thoughts come pouring out of him and into me…all those emotions I hadn't been able to identify, all the love, all the worry, all the understanding…it came rushing into me and combined with the pain I felt rushing around inside of me.
"Sora…"
And I belong to you
Suddenly I found myself looking through his eyes, watching myself drudge by with the weight of loving him burdened on my shoulders until I found myself on a couch watching him read over his shoulder, my head nestled in the crook of his neck.
"You seem to like romances…" I whispered softly and watched his skin get goosebumps, he took a swallow before replying, "They're nice."
The words shouldn't have effected me but for some reason I felt tears pool in my eyes and my heart felt like it was being ripped open…'I love you so much…it hurts to breathe…' I thought, choking back a sob.
He went rigid under me and I pulled away, taking his hand in mine to assure myself that he wouldn't just disapear. "What's wrong Sora?" I asked softly, wondering if he knew and if in some way he could even remotely feel the same way that I did…
But he's my brother.
The thought threw me out of my past self and I was left writhing in pain back in the darkness. "Look at yourself!" A voice barked and I was suddenly thrown into the past once again only this time watching myself coldly look away from Sora and his heartbroken expression made the pain even more unbearable.
I just can't walk away 'cuz after loving you
I can never be the same
Now I knew…I'd been so stupid trying to keep away from the boy I'm so obviously meant to be with. "Love is never wrong…" The voice whispered in my mind and now I understood better than ever before why exactly he'd said that. It had been like the voice of God speaking through him to me to tell me exactly why this isn't wrong, why I'm not horrible or sick or disgusting.
I loved him.
I loved Sora so much that even in the darkest hours I was never far from him….
"STOP!" I shouted pulling myself awake and throwing the man off of me. I was soaked in my own blood and vision was blurry but I managed to have the element of surprise which allowed me one second…just one is all I needed..
"I love you Sora!" I said as loudly as I could, the joy of it rolling off my tongue.
BANG!
A shot went off and suddenly darkness crept in this time but instead of calm…panic was all that consumed me, whether it was mine or Sora's I honestly couldn't tell…
No! Stay!
Sora was calling my name over and over and sobs were consuming all that I could hear. "It's okay…"I mumbled but still I heard him screaming. He sounded so heartbroken, so sad that it made my heart break…
Nothing compares to you
"Roxas stay! Please! Stay here just a minute longer…I love you Roxy…please?" His voice was pleading and I saw light swooping in before my eyes but still I turned to his voice…how could I abandon him?
Nothing compares to you…
"Roxas…"
I can't let you go
I heard a woman's voice and the light consumed me just as I listened to his voice slowly face away and his warmth wrap around me…
Cuz' after loving you…
I could never be the same…