Part Five
The first thing I become aware of when I wake up this morning is that I'm resting against something soft and warm and definitely not a cotton sheet. My eyes are still closed, but instinct tells me that a broad shoulder is propping up my head, my right arm is wrapped loosely around a trim, T-shirt-covered waist and judging by the leg hair I can feel brushing my calf, my right leg is tangled up with someone's else's.
Oh God, I'm curled up in bed with Max! My heart thumps in my chest as I realise my position in relation to him and my stomach lurches as I remember how we left things last night. I'm dreading opening my eyes and having to face him now.
The thing is, before our previous situation came back to me just now, I was just thinking about how comfortable and…safe…I was feeling as I stirred from my sleep; like waking up like this every morning would feel like the best thing in the world.
Oh my God, what's happening to me? I've never felt anything for my best friend before; I've never even wanted to. So why is this happening to me now?
It's not like he's going to be interested in me, or anything. I mean; have you seen the girls he's gone out with in the past? Okay, I suppose they were nice enough, but most of them were either on the cheerleading squad or were those tall, sophisticated, beautifully poised girls who held themselves with such an air of confidence that I could never compete with them. After being with them, what would he see in me; a five-foot-three, flat-chested, self-proclaimed science-geek? I also doubt he's particularly interested in a long-term, committed relationship right now, especially considering what just happened with Tess; and long-term and committed is kind of what I'd be looking for, if I was to enter into something new. I think I'm done with casual boyfriends for now. I want the real thing; I want someone I can talk to, someone who understands me, someone who loves me and I'm sorry, but none of the guys I've met recently seem much like the settling-down type.
My musings are put to a stop when I feel slight movement under my cheek. Max's hand flattens against my back and I can feel the muscles in his arm flexing against me. I cautiously open my eyes and peer up at his face, hoping against hope that he's still asleep and therefore I can shift positions back to my side of the bed without him ever knowing.
But, as my eyes meet his warm, hazel ones, I can see that my idea is not going to be possible. I break eye contact, bracing myself for the inevitable annoyed glare and brush off that I know he's going to send my way, but it doesn't come. When I look back up at him, I notice the barest hint of a smile tugging at his lips.
"Max?" I wonder, my voice coming out in a whisper. But he just shakes his head and places a finger against my lips, before dropping his hand to his side.
"I'm so sorry, Lizzie," he whispers back. "I don't know what happened to me yesterday. Maybe this whole 'living-in-close-quarters' thing we've been doing these last few weeks has just been getting to me," he pauses for a second. "But when I opened my eyes just now and saw you lying next to me, all innocent in sleep, I realised what a jerk I was to you; and after everything you've done to help me this last week, it was completely uncalled for," he gives me those puppy-dog eyes that he knows will get me every time.
I shake my head, "Max…" I never could stay mad at him for long. "Wait, you were watching me sleep?" I ask, slightly embarrassed. He doesn't say anything, but the shifty eyes and guilty expression give him away.
I watch him for a second, intrigued, but then my thoughts from a few minutes ago return and I suddenly feel uncomfortable and awkward in his presence. I carefully untangle myself from him and sit up, smoothing my hair self-consciously. What's going on today? I've never felt self-conscious in front of Max before.
I move to swing my legs over the bed, but a hand comes out to stop me, closing around my wrist. I close my eyes at the feel of it.
"Hey, where are you going?" asks Max.
I open my eyes again and turn to look at him over my shoulder, "Bathroom. I really have to go," I lie.
"Oh, okay," he says, releasing my wrist so I can stand up.
Once inside the bathroom, I brace myself against the sink and stare at my reflection in the mirror.
What the hell? I can't be falling for my best friend!
Can I?
It's really weird; when I emerge from the bathroom this morning, I find Max fully dressed and ready to go, a smile on his face like everything's back to normal. Honestly, I can't figure him out right now.
"What are you so cheerful about this morning?" I ask him suspiciously.
He shrugs, "I guess I realised that life's too short to get angry. I shouldn't have given you the silent treatment last night and I'm sorry that I was such a bastard to you. We're on this trip to have a good time and I don't want us to be fighting about stupid little things. We've never really argued before and I don't want us to start now," he finishes.
Wow. "And you came up with all this, in the five minutes I was in the bathroom?"
He looks down at his shoes for a moment, "Well, actually, it's kind of been on my mind for a few days, but I felt stupid bringing it up; I didn't want to sound like a girl or something," he states, but that twinkle in his eye has returned
My jaw drops in mock anger, "A girl?! What, like me, Evans? I'll have you know – " He cuts me off with a hand to my mouth as he spins me in the direction of my suitcase.
I feel his warm breath against my ear as he says quietly, "Just get dressed, Parker. I wanna go to Disneyland." See. I told you that deep down he was excited about this too.
I send Max out to get breakfast from the motel reception, where they provide Danish pastries and coffee for all the guests, while I get ready for the day. As I'm pulling on Capri pants and a tank top, I decide that I'm not going to dwell on whatever I may or may not be feeling for Max right now. It's never gonna happen, so why waste time agonising over it and risk ruining a fourteen-year friendship in the process?
When I leave the room to find Max fifteen minutes later, I take a moment to admire the gorgeous view of palm trees from our door. When my gaze drops down to seek out Max, I see him leaning against the rail at the bottom of the steps, a cup of orange juice in one hand and a sticky pastry in the other. He looks so adorable standing there waiting for me, his backpack looped over his shoulders that I almost drop my resolve and prepare to throw caution to the wind, but then he looks up and notices me and I know I have to stick to my earlier decision.
"Come on, Parker, get your ass down here," he calls up to me when I hesitate at the top of the steps. "Let's get going, already!"
I roll my eyes as I make my way down to him; looks like the old Max is back and raring to go. I can't resist playing with him a little, so I breeze past him and call back over my shoulder.
"Well, what are you waiting for, Evans? The park's about to open and you're just standing there with food in your hands!" I toss my head and smirk when I hear him swear and come after me.
"Hey, I'll have you know that I got these for you! And I've been holding them for the past fifteen minutes while you've taken your time getting dressed!" He's all offended now and I struggle not to laugh when he mutters, "Ungrateful bitch," under his breath before handing the cup and Danish to me.
"Oh, lighten up, Evans, I was only kidding," I reassure him, but he still looks put out. "I'm sorry, okay, I didn't mean to make you wait. But, thank you for getting breakfast for me, I appreciate it."
In an attempt to make everything seem normal with us, I link my arm with his like I've done for years and together we approach the park.
The day whizzes by and I'm having a great time. It's only early afternoon, but Max and I have already been on Space Mountain, Indiana Jones, Splash Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain (twice – it's my favourite), Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted House, Peter Pan and the Mad Hatter's Teacups! Now we're heading over to Disney's California Adventure Park. I've heard they have some great rides there. I really wanna go on the Soaring Over California ride and the Grizzly River Run. The California Screamin' roller coaster looks pretty cool too. I'm not too sure about the Tower of Terror though, I've never been good with vertical drops; or elevators, for that matter, but I'm sure Max is gonna try to persuade me to go on it. I'll just have to be strong and not give in.
We walk through the entrance into the park and Max immediately spots the sign to Soaring Over California. He grabs my arm and starts dragging me towards the Fastrack machines. We collect tickets for the ride and then grab something to eat while we're waiting. An hour and a half later, we emerge from the ride, expressions of awe on our faces; well, at least I assume that's what I look like, since I can't actually see myself.
I turn to Max, "Okay, now it's my turn to choose, so let's go check out the River Rapids!" I start walking in the direction of the rapids excitedly, leaving Max to trail behind me. Luckily, when we reach the entrance, the wait is only 10 minutes. As we wait in line, I observe the ride, which looks really cool; it even has drops and occasionally this huge geyser comes up out of the water and soaks whoever happens to be in that section of the water at the time!
"There is no way I'm letting that thing get me," says Max, as I watch the geyser completely drench an entire raft-full of people.
I laugh, "Max, if that thing shoots out of the water and we're right there, I don't think there's going to be any way for you to avoid it."
He snorts, "Yeah, well. We'll see."
I shake my head in amusement. "Well, you're about to find out, Evans," I say. "We're up next."
We get into the tyre-shaped raft, along with six other people and fasten our seatbelts. I look up and grin at Max, who's sitting next to me. "You ready for this?" I ask.
"Hell, yeah!" he grins back, before slapping his hand over his mouth, sending an apologetic glance towards the family with two young children, who are sitting opposite us.
Five minutes later, we get out of the boat absolutely soaked. The geyser actually went up underneath our raft and both Max and I got covered from head-to-toe in water! It's a good thing it's a gorgeously hot day today and therefore, it won't take long for us to dry off.
I squelch over to a bench and take a seat so I can remove my shoes. I'm suddenly glad I wore sandals today, unlike Max, who will now have to spend the rest of the day in saturated sneakers and wet socks. With a grumpy expression, Max comes to sit down beside me. First, he toes off his shoes and then peels his socks away from his feet. As I observe him doing this, I can't help but notice how nice his feet are, all perfectly formed and in proportion. The thought makes me smile.
"What?" he asks from beside me. My head snaps up as I realise that I was staring at his feet.
I shake my head, "Nothing!" I exclaim quickly. "Just thinking, that's all," I add and fix my gaze on the wall opposite us.
"Oh, okay," he looks slightly puzzled. "Liz?" he says after a beat.
"Yeah," I turn to look at him again. And stop. I can't tear my gaze away from him; he has this look in his eyes. I don't know what it means, but something about the way his eyes are fixed on mine is preventing me from looking away.
"I…" I wait expectantly for him to spit it out. "I…"
"Oh my God! Liz, Is that you? What a small world, eh?"
The unexpected sound makes me jump and my head whips round in surprise.
It's Aiden.
"Aiden? Wow, what are you doing here?" I exclaim in surprise. This is the last place I would have expected to run into him again.
He shrugs, his hands in his pockets, "Oh, I came down to visit my aunt and uncle here in California; and my annoying brat of a ten-year-old cousin," he rolls his eyes and gestures with his head to the excited young boy across the path who is currently jumping up and down in front of the souvenir shop window. "Insisted that I bring him here for the day."
I laugh, "Sounds like fun," I tease.
He gives a small snort and shakes his head, "Yeah," he says, raising his eyebrows. "So, what brings you here, Liz?"
I glance quickly at Max, who has a frown on his face and appears to be looking everywhere except in our direction, "Oh, just something we both wanted to do," I tell him. "I mean, who doesn't like Disneyland. Right, Max?" I ask and nudge him playfully. His head suddenly snaps in my direction, his expression surprised.
"Huh?"
"Honestly, Max. Pay attention," I nudge him and then nod in Aiden's direction "I was just telling Aiden why we decided to come here."
"Oh," he says, but offers nothing more. I look back at Aiden, standing near the bench we're sitting on, but his focus is now on Max.
"Hey, Max. Good to see you again," he holds out his hand to him, which Max shakes cordially.
"You too," he replies.
"Hope you guys enjoyed those beers the other night," Aiden adds, a twinkle in his eye. There is a moment's silence as we both avoid glancing at the other and shift awkwardly at the memory of that night. It looks like Max isn't going to say anything, so I jump in.
"Oh, yeah, we did. Thanks, Aiden, for buying them for us."
"Yeah. Thanks, man." Max seems to have found his voice again.
"Hey, no problem. Anytime," he says. "Just let me know if you guys would like anything for tonight."
"Oh, um," I shake my head quickly. "I don't think we'll need anything, but thanks for the offer."
"Sure," he says and then seems to notice something by the shop. "I'd, er…I'd better go rescue those poor girls over there from the clutches of my evil cousin."
I look over and sure enough, the boy is tormenting two small girls with a rubber snake. I snigger at the sight. "Yeah, maybe you should do that," I tell him.
He rolls his eyes at his cousin and squares his shoulders, "Okay, I've got to go brace myself for the ensuing argument. You guys have a great time and we'll keep in touch, right, Liz?" he asks and I nod.
"Sure thing."
He smiles briefly at me and then prepares to confront the ten-year-old. "Right, wish me luck," he says and makes his way over to the shop.
I smile at his retreating back and watch as he tries to grab his cousin. It's only when I hear an irritated cough coming from beside me that I remember Max is still sitting next to me.
"Oh, sorry Max," I turn back to him. "We were in the middle of something, weren't we? What were you going to say just now?"
"Oh um, it was nothing," he says. He seems reluctant to say anything more, so I don't push him.
"Oh, okay. So you wanna go get an ice cream and head over to the pier and arcades while we dry off?" I suggest, in an attempt to lighten the mood.
He looks over at me, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Sure," he stands up and holds out a hand to me. "Let's go."
Day 18 – Thursday July 11th 2002
It's three-fifteen in the morning and I can't sleep. Right now, I'm sitting in the chair by the window, the small, dim table lamp providing just enough light for me to write this. Max is asleep on the double bed in the middle of our room and I'm spending more time watching him than writing this journal entry.
I feel really awful for what happened last night.
Max and I were on our way back to the hotel, when my cell phone rang. It was Aiden. He'd dropped his cousin home and had the evening free. He asked me to dinner and a movie and I said yes. I didn't even think about leaving Max alone for the night, or how he might feel about me just abandoning him like that. All I was thinking about was getting my mind off the growing feelings I was having for him and going out with Aiden seeming like the best way to do that.
Don't get me wrong, Aiden is a great guy; I had fun with him and when he kissed me at the end of the night, I didn't pull back, at least not right away. But the second I walked through the door of our motel room at just gone midnight and saw Max's face; I knew I'd made a bad decision. He was annoyed with me and we ended up getting into a full-blown argument.
Now I'm torn. Half of me is saying 'just get over it and tell him what you're really feeling', but the other half is telling me 'what good would that do, he's your best friend and suggesting anything more could ruin everything." I just don't know what to do anymore…
With a troubled sigh, I close the journal and move to stash it back in my suitcase. I take one last look at Max, sleeping peacefully, before I lift the covers of my side of the bed and slide beneath them. Max is turned on his side, facing me and I gaze at the contours of his face; the flawless slope of his nose, those oh-so-kissable lips and his strong, defined jaw line. I can't resist leaning over and placing a soft kiss on his cheek.
"I'm sorry, Max," I whisper. "For everything. I hope you can forgive me," I say softly. "Sweet dreams."
I smile at the innocent, untroubled look on his face for a second, before I turn over and let sleep overtake me.
We're both in better moods when we wake up a few hours later and the subject of Aiden and our argument doesn't come up at all. I think we both just want to forget about it and put it behind us. We spend another fun day at Disneyland and although there's still some tension between us, Max spends most of the time cracking jokes and coming up with dirty comments about the Disney characters. We don't speak about our personal lives at all.
Since it's our last night here, we decide to eat dinner at the Rainforest Café in Downtown Disney. The food is really great and there is an aquarium right in the middle of the restaurant! The atmosphere is light between us as we walk back to the motel and I can't help but admire the gorgeous sunset, which, with the palm trees at the side of the road, creates a beautiful landscape. I'll miss this place when we leave for San Francisco in the morning. It's a long drive up there, so I've insisted on doing some of the driving, which after a lot of convincing, Max finally agreed to on the condition that we switch before we reach the city so as to avoid a repeat of San Diego. We've arranged to meet up with Isabel while we're up there, since she's already left Roswell for her pre-college summer course.
By the time we reach our room, Max has me in stitches of laughter at his impression of a pirate – I think we did Pirates of the Caribbean one too many times! I unlock the door and we stumble through. I barely make it to the bed before I kick off my shoes and fall back onto it in exhaustion. Max pops into the bathroom and I close my eyes tiredly as I wait for him to come back.
A minute or two later I hear the door open and close again, but I don't feel like opening my eyes just yet; I'm too comfortable. But it seems Max has other plans.
"Hey, Liz?" he asks.
"Mmm?"
"This trip – its been the best thing I've ever done; I want you to know that," he sounds hesitant and in curiosity, I force my eyes open and sit up on the bed. He's standing by the bathroom door, his hands in his pockets. His hair is all messed up, as if he's just run his fingers through it and he looks so cute. "I know we've had our differences these past few days and I know that it's been mainly my fault – " I open my mouth to protest, but he beats me to it. "And I just wanted to tell you that there's no one else I'd rather be doing this with." He shakes his head, "Not Michael, or even Izzy. I don't think I'd last a week living with either of them!"
I smile at his joke and my heart warms as his words register. What did I ever do to deserve a friend like him?
"Me either, Max. God, can you imagine Maria and I spending all that time on the road, alone? I'd go crazy!" I exclaim. I feel slightly bad about saying that about my best girlfriend, but I know how she can be sometimes. "So, you think we can put our differences behind us now and start again, no bad feelings?"
He grins, "Sure, no problem. It's all forgotten."
Unable to help myself, I grin back at him and pat the bed next to me. "Hey, come on, sit down. Let's have a relaxing evening in front of the TV, so we can be all refreshed for tomorrow."
"Okay," he replies and comes to sit beside me. We adjust our pillows and lean back against the headboard. I reach for the remote and begin flicking through the channels in hope of finding a halfway decent movie to watch.
"Liz?"
"Yeah?" I stop flicking and turn to face him.
"Can I ask you a question? It's kind of personal," he queries.
"Well, I suppose it depends on the question, but go ahead, try me," I reply, curious as to what he wants to know.
"What happened with you and Kyle? I mean, why did you guys break up?"
I frown. I'm not exactly thrilled to be talking about the subject. "Why do you want to know?"
He shrugs and looks towards the TV screen. "It's just…we never really talked about what happened between Tess and I or between you and Kyle back then; and well, you know about Tess now and I was wondering if perhaps Kyle did something similar to you and maybe you might wanna talk about it…or something?"
I give a small smile at his thoughtfulness, but then the memory of how Kyle and I ended comes back to me. My face falls and I shake my head, "No. There was no cheating anything like that; not from his side, or from mine," I tell him quietly. "It was me," I confess. "I broke it off with him."
Max looks puzzled, "But, you were upset after it happened; I thought he'd been the one to – " he breaks off his rambling abruptly, running his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to – What happened?"
"He wanted more from me than I was able to give," I start. It's hard to put this into words.
"God, Liz. He didn't…you know, force you, or anything did he?" Max cuts in suddenly and seeing the horrified look on his face, I realise that my words gave him the wrong impression.
"Oh! No, Max," I shake my head, vigorously. "Nothing like that. He told me he was in love with me. But, I just didn't feel that way about him; I mean, yeah, we were sleeping together and I really cared for him, but I wasn't in love with him, so I– "
"Wait, you slept with Kyle?" My eyes snap to him as he cuts me off, but his expression is unreadable.
"Well, yeah," I tell him with a small laugh. "It's not like I'm a complete nun or anything, Max. I do know how to have fun."
"Was he the first?" asks Max quietly.
I roll my eyes, "Geez, what is this, twenty questions?" I ask. He doesn't respond, just keeps looking at me. "Fine! No, Kyle wasn't the first. That honour went to Robert Caldwell in the tenth grade."
Max sinks back against the headboard, his eyes flickering around the room and I wonder what he's thinking.
"Why didn't you tell me about any of this?" he asks softly.
"It wasn't something I ever really felt comfortable talking to you about, Max. You may be my best friend, but you're still a guy and there are some things you just don't talk about with a guy. I never asked you about your sex-life and you never asked me about mine."
"That because I thought you didn't have one!" he exclaims and then covers his mouth with his hand. What?
"You thought I was a virgin?" I ask incredulously.
"Well, yeah," he states, as if it should have been obvious. "You're my Lizzie, you're not supposed to grow up and have adult relationships." Touched as I am that he wants to protect me, this isn't 50 years ago and girls these days are not all sweet and innocent anymore and I tell him as much.
"Yeah, I know," he replies. "But I still don't like the thought of you…doing stuff with those guys."
I snort, "Well, you're going to have to accept it, Max. I'm 18 years old and I can make my own decisions. It's not like I particularly want to hear the details of all your little liaisons, either."
"My…what?" he looks at me in confusion.
"Oh come on, Max, I'm not stupid. I have a pretty good idea why none of your relationships, bar Tess of course, have lasted longer than a couple of weeks."
His eyes narrow, "You think I…"
"Didn't you?"
TBC…