Archways and Endings
A/N: Sorry updating is a little off it's wack. My great-grandmother passed away (January 16, 2010) and I've also been getting in trouble for really no reason. Tense time. School has been kicking my ass! What's new? Sophomore year is no easier then freshman year. Who was I kidding? (it's not like I'm a bad student, I'm just not focused enough I guess) But anyway I owe you an update. So things to look forward to. I'm really really happy to have made it to the 15 Chapter Point! Thank you all for your continued support of me and my writing.
A PEYTON chapter! Finally! :) Takes place right after 13.
I've got a new one-shot for you! Please take a look: .net/s/5790288/1/
Now please don't tell me, I'm swinging in circles after reading this! I don't think you will. But just in case. I can't handle it!
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Fifteen: Calling the Sins We Sing
November 1, 2001
Tree Hill, North Carolina
Peyton
It's too cold to be outside, waiting. Waiting for Lucas. Waiting on the river court for my best friend's boyfriend, her unborn child's father. You'd think that after last year, I'd learn to stop waiting around for Lucas. That somehow I'd get it though my mind that Brooke's feelings and what she wanted was far more important than the screaming of my own heart. When you love someone you sacrifice. Don't you?
My arms are crossed over my chest. A leather jacket thrown over my bare arms, a wife beater and pajama bottoms cover my body. Even when Lucas and Brooke starting dating seriously, I still use to try to dress up for him. I'd spend ten extra minutes on my hair and makeup and try to make him notice. I've learned throughout the year that he doesn't care.
He once told me I was beautiful no matter what. And I've clung that those words like you would a life preserver while being trapped in a stormy sea. Hence the pajama bottoms.
"Hey," He says quietly coming up behind me.
"Hello there, Dad." He looks at me with the strangest look on his face. Like I've slapped him. Like he can't believe the word himself.
"Please," he begs. "I just…" he exhales deeply. "I just really need a friend."
"You need a friend? So does Brooke." I say firm. "I can't be both."
He shakes his head. "You aren't. And you and I both know that."
My eyes pierce into those perfect depths of blue. Mistakes and secrets between us.
"You can't do that! That's not fair!" I argue.
"Well as you can see, Peyton, life's not really that fair." He coughs and looks at me seriously.
"You too?! You can't be blaming me too!" I wine. And although I hate how childish I sound, I know for a fact, all of this that both he and Brooke dump on me is not fair. Not at all.
"Damnit! Jesus Fucking Christ! I'm not blaming you. I just didn't want this! I wanted…" And he trails off. And we both know why.
"You asked her to marry you." I say quietly. "Just like I knew you would." And I remember the words I used to comfort Brooke. The words I wanted so badly not to be true.
"I love her." He says. "She's having my child." And then I know. I know like I've always known. Things never work out how you want them.
"I know you do. I know you love her." And I feel tears come to my eyes. I feel like the biggest idiot.
"But you know how I feel about you!" He pleads. "I just wanted…damnit I just wanted more time."
"The clocks ticking." I say.
"How can you say that Peyton?" He asks me. I tuck a stand of hair behind my ear and lean on the picnic table behind me for support.
"Because I know you," I say. "I know that I love you. I know that I've always loved you. And I know that because of it, I've got to let you go. She's my best friend."
"Peyton," He breathes.
"Don't say anything. It's a baby, Luke. Your baby."
"I never wanted for any of this to happen." He says slowly, reeling.
"Of course you didn't. Just like I'm sure you didn't mean to ask Brooke to marry you." And my bitterness comes out. Even though I've tried so hard to not show it.
"If you were pregnant, would you want me to marry you?" I stare him and finally take a seat on top of the table.
"I'd hope it'd be a whole different ball game. I'd hope you marry me because that's what supposed to happen! That it be what you really wanted!"
He looks away. "I would. I really would. But I can't now."
I take his hand into mine and plant a kiss on his palm. "I know."
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I never planned on going back to Lucas. I decided that I would put Brooke's feelings ahead of my own. I decided that I didn't need him. And I tried. I tried so hard.
But he was Lucas. And when he smiled, I got butterflies. He always had the right words to say when everything was going to hell. He was like a magnet. I could feel him everywhere. I could taste him in my mouth, see him behind my breakfast cereal and posted on street signs, I hear his voice whispering in every song I listened to, I could smell him from miles away. I knew him like an old familiar map or like the tracks on some of my favorite albums. I knew every back road. I knew every word by heart. I knew him better than I knew me.
It was the end of the summer and Brooke had been visiting her parents in California for the week. Lucas and I were drunk. Beyond wasted, we were completely intoxicated. I can't remember exactly why. But one minute we're just hanging out and the next the liquor's out and it's a party.
We were at his house. Stumbling around, laughing. It was the middle of the afternoon. Karen was at the café.
We had been talking about a college guy who had tried to pick me up earlier in the week.
"I guess since Jake left, I just don't see the point." I admitted. I'm an honest drunk. Too honest.
"I don't get how a girl as beautiful as you sit at home alone all the time." He says earnestly.
"I am NOT alone. I've got Brooke, Haley, Nathan, and….you."
"Peyt, you'll always have me." And our eyes lock. And I feel it all over again. That magneticness toward Lucas.
"Is that so?" I ask. My stomach in knots.
We are so close to each other. Just a few inches. "Always,"
"Look at you," He says. "So beautiful yet so hurt. I hate to see you this way."
I nod up and down. And I can feel the alcohol woozing around in my body.
He reaches out and tucks a piece of hair that fell in front of my eyes behind my ear.
"So, so, so beautiful." He says again. And my heart aches. The inches seem to close in.
And it didn't seem like one of us leaned in first or created this huge mess all by ourselves. It just seemed to me like we both leaned in at the exact same moment. Pressing our lips together. Sealing the deal.
It was electric. Not just alcohol. My whole body buzzed with longing, with want, with love. And our kissed seemed to deepen all on its own. And we some how wound up in his room. Lying on the bed, peeling clothes off each other's bodies.
And it just happened.
It's not something I set out for. He was Brooke's boy. He was on the god damned door.
But I didn't think about Brooke or the stupid ass list or anything else. I just thought about how perfect this would be in some other world.
And we came together. Bound, tied, and knotted. Like we should have always been.
It wasn't until later. When we both lay in his bed, the alcohol warring off, both of us realizing what we'd done.
"I've always loved you, Peyton Sawyer." He said softly.
"I've always loved you, Lucas Scott." I say tears burning the corners of my eyes.
And I have. Even if I've been too dumb to admit it.
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It's four am and we stare at each other tired. We haven't said a word in over an hour.
"I'm sorry." He says finally. "I'm sorry for everything."
I smile and sad smile and squeeze his hand. "I'm sorry too."
"What are you sorry for?" he asks.
"For falling so madly in love with you. For making this so much harder on you."
"Oh, Peyt."
"You are going to be a terrific father." I tell him. And I believe it. I know it.
"Thank you," he whispers.
"Anytime," And I place a kiss on his cheek.
"You need to get back home before Brooke wakes up."
"Okay," He says. He squeezes my hand one final time and lets me go.
He turns around quickly. And rushes back over to me.
Our lips meet. And he tastes of regret, and sadness, and of goodbye.
"Good night, Peyton." He says finally leaving me.
"Bye Luke," I whisper. And I watch him leave.
And I wonder if he knows how it feels to be ripped apart. To know that the person you love is gone.
I really wish this was goodbye. But I know Lucas. And I know this is the beginning. The beginning of something that is broken falling apart all over again.
-TBC-
Ahhh! So glad to have finally written that chapter. Now a mystery has been solved. What exactly was Peyton's relationship to Lucas like at the beginning of Brooke's pregnancy? I know all you BLers are so pissed! And LP fans are freaking out! Well go ahead. Tell me how much you loved or hated this chapter. It's appreciated!
-Kelsey