Yuffie and Ol' Frank: Match Made in... Somewhere

Cloud looked up, feeling a premonition. Between all the mako in his blood and his ex-girlfriend being one with the life stream, he could get downright psychic sometimes.

So he could say with some certainty: something annoying this way comes.

Then he saw the Wutaian princess and a middle-aged man in a red ninja outfit, with the unusual addition of a metal demon face chestguard and a dangly little ball of light hanging from his metal forehead protector like an angler fish, coming up the road.

"Oh my gawd, why are you still following me around?" Yuffie whined. She kicked the guy hard enough to knock him over, but he popped right back up like one of those wobbly dolls you got at the fair sometimes, completely unharmed. She just didn't have the brute force to be an effective brawler, and her upper body strength was roughly equivalent to Cait Sith - without the Mog.

"My princess," boomed the over-the-top 40-something ninja. "Ol' Frank has vowed to serve you with his life!"

"Hey Yuffie," Cloud said cautiously, wondering if he could get out of this without drawing the weirdo's attention. "If you're here to talk to Tifa, she's over at the church today."

Yuffie drooped. "Yeah, okay. Mind if we stay here for the night? I could use some familiar faces. Oh yeah, Cloud, Frank. Frank, this is Cloud."

"When I checked back in to Wutai, Frank here was waiting for me. Apparently he just showed up one day, set up camp and refused to leave. He's totally sure it's his destiny to be my bodyguard or something and we can't make him leave. The guards just about laughed him out of the pagoda 'til he stomped the Five Mighty Gods flat while wielding a decorative shisaa statue." Frank did in fact have one of the protective lion-dog statues slung over his shoulder, with a sword hilt attached to its rear end.

Cloud realized it was going to be one of those days. He waved them inside the bar. "Come on in, guys."

Frank's eyes fell on the beat-up old jukebox, and widened. "Such a magnificent device!"

"Oh no," Yuffie groaned.

"Such emotion, such power to move the human spirit! Ol' Frank can sense many years of sorrow, of joy, of love and pathos! People pouring all their feeling into you, like a vessel filled with hope and dreams and country music!"

He was addressing the jukebox.

Without another word, Frank lifted the music machine and fitted it with a hilt, like the world's most ungainly sword. And coming from the guy who lugged around first a Buster Sword and then his six-in-one blade First Tsurugi, that was saying something.

"Oh my gawd! Don't do that, Tifa's going to kill me!"

Frank just patted his new weapon appreciatively, ignoring her foot-stomping rage.

Cloud was resting his chin in his palm, grinning beatifically. It was the kind of amazing smile that reminded Yuffie why she used to - kinda - have a thing for him. The karaoke machine had been Tifa's idea, not his; he wouldn't miss it. And it was worth the show. "Sounds like turn-about is fair play, hmm, Yuffie?"

The Wutaian princess's mouth dropped open. "What! What did I do to deserve someone who-"

The savior-of-the-world-turned-delivery-boy tapped First Tsurugi - his custom-made monster of a sword - where the materia slots should be meaningfully.

"Oh, what, so just because I once -"

"-or twice," Cloud interjected.

"-stole you guys' materia and ran off doesn't mean I deserve-"

"Yep," Cloud interrupted again, amused. "Do Wutains believe in karma? Sure seems like it, to me."

Yuffie stamped her foot again. "Geez, are you still holding that against me?"

"Yuffie, what a thing to say," he admonished serenely.

Absently, he patted his materia reassuringly. Don't worry, boys, the mean ol' ninja won't be stealing you again. "Frank, can I get you a drink?"

- - -

A/N: I never quite figured out what Cloud and Tifa's job descriptions were in Advent Children. Messenger service/orphanage/bartender?

Anyway, I finally got around to playing Shadowhearts 3, and it is as full of insane goodness as the first two ever were (like Ol' Frank here), albeit no Yuri.

Anyhow, a little longer than a drabble this time, but I doubt you guys will complain too much, right?