Alright so another long chapter for you guys and you're probably really going to hate me now, so READ AND REVIEW while I go hide again.
Disclaimer = I don't own Twilight or any of the songs that I used in this chapter!
Chapter 14
A first
Bella's Point of View
Edward cupped both of his hands on my face and held me still. What was he doing? Looking me straight in the eyes, he said: "Maybe this is a little impulsive but… Bella, I love you. Since the first day that I've seen you in school, you've dazzled me. I can't begin to explain how you've changed my life. Never did I want to move to this boring old place and I would have asked Mom and Dad to transfer back to San Francisco, but you changed my mind. I want to get closer to you Bella, I want to be with you." Well, that was a first. No one has ever said that they loved me before, only my mother. It's been years since anyone said that they wanted to get closer to me or even want to be with me. Edward had said all of those things. But… he couldn't love me. He just couldn't. Looking away from him, I closed my eyes and tried to force the tears to stay hidden. Placing one of his hands under my chin, he made me look at him and asked: "What's wrong love?" Love…
"You… you can't love me… You just can't."
"And why can't I? Bella, it's my choice who I want to love. And I love you," He said, which just made the tears fall freely down my face.
"You can love anyone you want and you're choosing me? Obviously, you're choosing the wrong person," I said while trying to get away from him and hide my tears but he held me in place. Edward wouldn't let me go. "Edward, I'm trash. You heard Tanya and the rest of those kids. They all say the same thing," I explained and he seemed to stiffen in anger. "What's the matter?"
"I don't want you to ever say that you're trash or anything like that! It's not true."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I've gotten to know you during the past few weeks. And I know that you always put others above yourself. You're smart, beautiful, incredibly—"
"Stop it." My voice was rough and filled with sorrow. Keeping my eyes closed, I wouldn't look at Edward. He'd just try to make me feel better by saying lies. Opening my eyes, I looked deep into Edward's green eyes and tried to find the lies. It was difficult. "Edward, you hardly know me. You don't know what happened to me during all of those years."
"How about you help me understand?" He asked, egging me for more information. What was I supposed to do? Just pour my heart to him? It would ease the pain…
"I had a happy family," I started explaining. "My Mom, Dad and I were happy before my mother died. We'd laugh, go to the beach and be a family. When my Mom died, Dad was dead set on blaming me for her death. At the funeral, Charlie's face was like a mask, unreadable. I remember that much. The day after the funeral, his anger got the best of him. He started insulting me, saying that I was Death itself, coming to take his happiness away. Everything around me died.
"I can't say that I disagree with him. Everyone's happiness died when I was around. It still happens. When I was at school, no one would talk to me. They'd call me names, insult me, and bully me. But I just ignored everything. If I showed that it bothered me, they'd step it up a notch. When I was nine, I didn't want that to happen. So yeah, my life sucked at the time. And do you know what?" Edward didn't dare to interrupt me right now. His face was set in stone. He was mostly angry and tried to control himself, for my sake. "It got worse. When I started high school, Charlie started beating me every single day. He'd tell the kids at school all sorts of lies to make me look bad and make him look like the hero of the day.
"He'd tell them that I did drugs, beat myself up for attention, all sorts of lies. Even though they kept bullying me, I took it all. They could insult me all they wanted but I wouldn't give in. Whenever I got home, eighty percent of the time, Charlie would be drunk. Either he had a lousy day, or he kept looking at old pictures of Mom. Sometimes, he'd beat me until I'd pass out. Other times, he'd beat me until I couldn't move. Either way, I couldn't go to school, which just intensified the rumours. At some points, Charlie had said some horrible things to me that made me think of killing myself." Edward held his breath when I said that last sentence. But this didn't stop me from continuing the story. "Until the time where you came to school, I'd pretty much given up on everything. I stopped talking, paid only attention on my grades and in class, in case the teacher asked me a question, became unsocial, all of those things. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear Edward but my life was horrible. And then you guys showed up and finally showed me what a family is supposed to look like. I'm thankful for that but… no one can love me. I'm just a worthless piece of trash that hasn't been picked up yet."
It took him a while to respond but finally, he brought me in his arms, let me rest my head against his chest and whispered in my ear: "Bella, you've believed for years that you're not worth anything. Well, I'm here to tell you that you're wrong. They were all wrong to say that about you. Your 'reputation' might be horrible but Bella Swan, you are worth something to everyone in that house," He pointed to the Cullen household but never stopped looking at me, "and that's all that counts. Do you understand me?" He asked softly, never truly able to make himself angry. I nodded sadly as more tears ran down my face. Edward whipped them away with his thumb and kept looking at me. "Bella, I don't care what anyone else has to say. They're just ignorant jerks. I only care about—"
"Ignorant…" I repeated to myself, stopping his sentence midway. He'd just given me a brilliant idea and a catchy tune in my head.
"What is it?" He asked as I stared past him. Never did Edward think that what he just said gave me a brilliant idea for a song, maybe two if I was lucky enough. "Bella? What is it?"
"Reputation… love…" I vaguely said, still looking past Edward.
He detached from our embrace and tried to look me in the eyes. "Bella, what's the matter?"
"I think you gave me an idea…" I said, rushing past him and into the house. Everyone looked at me while I rushed to my room, ignored all of their questions and grabbed my electric guitar. Hopefully, this tune would work. Edward ran into my room and found me tuning my guitar.
"Bella, what is it? Love, you're scaring me."
"First of all, it's not a good idea for you to call me love and second of all, you gave me an idea for a song Edward. If I'm right, I think this might work." Without hesitation, I started playing with the cords, making the tune in my head become reality. Edward never interrupted me during my little practice session. The song in my head was a rock song and it seemed to fit very well with what happened recently. Both the words that Edward had said couldn't fit in the same song. They would have to be separate but Edward still looked at me.
"That's wonderful love." He kept repeating the word again and again. And worst of all, he didn't seem to care about that. It's like I was the right kind of love for him. But maybe…
"Ok, you're going to have to leave. I can't work with others in the room," I said while grabbing a pen and paper and going to work on my bed. Edward seemed to hesitate but left anyways without another word.
Yes, that was technically a reason to avoid Edward's 'I love you' speech. Frankly, I knew that no one wanted to be with me. Charlie had made that obvious. But… what wasn't expected was that I would be so worked up over something completely obvious. Edward had said he loved me. Sure, I loved him in return and wanted to be with him but… his reputation would plummet and my horrible reputation might get even worse. I would not do that do him or his family.
It was bad enough I would have to deal with Tanya tomorrow.
Ah hell… what would I do about her?
Come on Bella, don't worry about Tanya right now. She's not worth the time, I thought to myself while continuing to write the songs. So far, I had the lyrics for both songs done by the time supper came. If an all-nighter was what it would take to finish these songs, then I would do it. Thanks to Edward, I'd have two songs done by tomorrow. I think Mom would be proud of me, if she were still here with me.
I spent all night trying to come up with the music to the songs. It went well, up to the point where I had writers block around two o'clock in the morning. Esme had tried to get me to go to sleep but, after explaining to her that I was on a roll, she told me that I would have only a few hours left. So, reluctantly, I went to bed but waited until Carlisle and Esme were in bed before continuing with my song writing. No one was the wisest.
When waking up that morning, I felt horrible of course. One night without sleep really tired me out but I finished both of the songs. Yawning like crazy, I woke up and went to get some breakfast. "Well, good morning. Someone looks tired this morning," Alice mocked while I sat beside her at the counter.
"Yeah well, I finished writing until five o'clock this morning." Esme turned around and had shock written all over her features.
"Isabella Swan, you stayed up until five o'clock this morning to write songs?" She practically scolded me. Flinching slightly, I tried to compose myself and tell her the truth.
"I'm sorry Esme but at some point, I couldn't sleep and started writing. It won't happen again, I promise."
She glared at me for a few seconds before sighing and pointing her spatula at me. "Make sure it doesn't, Bella. You need rest to be able to function at school," She said before returning to her pancakes.
"Will do Esme," I said before munching on a pancake.
"So, are we going to hear your song soon?" Alice asked impatiently.
I gulped the bite and asked: "Song? Don't you mean songs?"
Both Esme and Alice had shocked expressions on their faces as they stared me down. "Songs? And you finished them both last night?" Esme asked surprisingly, completely forgetting her anger.
"Well, this morning yeah. I think they sound good."
"Then you're going to have to play them for us!" Alice chimed with happiness as she bounced in her chair. Esme completely forgot about the fact that I had stayed up until five o'clock this morning to finish my songs once again and came straight to hug me.
"I'm so proud of you dear. You're finally fulfilling your dream," She said with such heart that it almost made me cry of joy. They really cared for me. No one has ever treated me like that. It still felt awkward but in a good way.
"Yeah, but I hope this time, when I perform them, it won't be because someone," Eyeing Alice and Esme, they stiffened a little out of guilt, "forced me to."
"Honey, we weren't forcing you," Esme said sadly.
"Yeah, we were just trying to lead you in the right direction," Alice finished with a guilty smile. Laughing half-heartedly, they started laughing with me.
I stopped suddenly and said: "If you ever do that again, you're going to get it." Mostly, I was pointing that threat to Alice. She bowed her head as Esme released me and went back to cooking. Suddenly, Edward and Rosalie came down the stairs, sitting down next to us at the counter. Edward sat next to me as Rosalie sat down next to her sister.
"Good morning," Edward said, leaving the 'love' part out. He must not have told the rest of the family about his little speech from yesterday.
"Morning Edward." Edward looked a little offended when I looked away from him.
"Alright, you guys are a little late so, I'm just going to give you guys a to-go breakfast and you'll be on your way," Esme said as she handed Rosalie and Edward a plate with sausage and eggs on it. That's to-go? I thought as Rosalie and Edward ate fast. In minutes, we were out of the house and going towards our cars.
Just as I was about to enter my truck, a hand was placed on my shoulder. Turning around, Edward was standing right in front of me. "I don't believe we were done with our conversation yesterday."
"You're quite persistent, aren't you?"
"I'm not trying to be pushy. It's just… you opened yourself to me and then, you leave."
"I'm sorry about that. When I get inspiration, these sort of things kind of happen," I tried to explain but he seemed to see right through my lie. Sighing, I said: "How about we talk about it tonight? I don't want to be late." Ok, that was a really lame excuse but he bought it with a sigh.
"Alright, I'll see you at school." His voice was filled with sadness and pain. Oh, did I have to hurt everyone around me? Sighing deeply, I got into my truck and drove off to school sadly.
When arriving, someone expected was waiting for me in the parking lot with another smoothie in hand. She starts early with those things… Sighing once again—man, I was doing that a lot this morning—I stepped out of my truck and faced my utter doom. "Well, looks like Ugly Swan showed up today. She should have just stayed home and beat herself for attention," Tanya said, which made everyone laugh. Edward and the others stood behind me, anger flooding through them. Placing an arm behind me to stop them, they stood behind me, glaring at Tanya and her plastic witches.
"Yeah, like she actually needs more attention," Jessica sneered and that made my hands bawl into fists.
"We also heard Mr. Berty say that he wants you to be their Juliet. What a load of bull! Everyone would just run out of the theatre when you enter! No one wants to see Ugly Swan on stage, much less in public," Tanya mocked and laughed loudly afterwards. My mouth literally fell open. How did she figure that out? She's not that smart so, Tanya must have had someone look into it for her. "Unlike you, there's someone who would be perfect for the role, such as moi." Tanya fanned herself with her hand, as if she was already a big star. "I can't believe Mr. Berty hasn't asked me to audition right now. I mean, who could be better for the part?" Everyone started cheering and most of them laughed at me, causing me to start shaking.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The one thing she couldn't take from me was my talent for literature. To prove my point, I took a deep breath, started walking towards Tanya and repeated part of Juliet's monologue.
Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring!
Your tributary drops belong to woe,
Which you, mistaking, offer up to joy.
My husband lives, that Tybalt would have slain;
And Tybalt's dead, that would have slain my husband.
All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then?
Some word there was, worser than Tybalt's death,
That murd'red me. I would forget it fain;
But O, it presses to my memory
Like damnèd guilty deeds to sinners' minds!
'Tybalt is dead, and Romeo--banishèd!'
That 'banishèd,' that one word 'banishèd,'
Hath slain ten thousand Tybalts. Tybalt's death
Was woe enough, if it had ended there; …
There is no end, no limit, measure, bound,
In that word's death; no words can that woe sound.
"There's one thing that you can take from me Tanya and that's my dignity but when you start insulting me about literature, that's when I draw the line. Say all you want about me but you can't take away what I love," I said, standing up for myself for the first time in my life. "That's right, I know Romeo and Juliet off by heart. Got a problem with that?"
"I sure don't," A female voice said from the side. Turning my head to the side, I saw that Mrs. Goss was standing right in front of us, her eyes held amazement. "I've never seen anyone recite Juliet's monologue by heart! That was incredible, Miss Swan. I do believe that I have found my Juliet."
"What?" Tanya practically screeched in surprise and shock.
"I'll give you the script—if you actually need one—tomorrow. Now, if only I could find my Romeo…" Mrs. Goss mumbled mostly to herself. Suddenly, an angel's voice came from behind me and started reciting Romeo's monologue.
But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou her maid art far more fair than she.
Be not her maid, since she is envious. …
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
I turned around and saw Edward approaching me slowly and placing an arm around my waist, surprising me. Mrs. Goss and the rest of the student body just looked at the both of us. "Incredible! I've never seen such performances! Mr. Cullen, you're our Romeo! Both of you, come by my room around Lunch time and you're your scripts, if you even need it," Mrs. Goss said before entering the school, along with a few other students. She was really surprised. A smile came to my face because of that.
Tanya had her mouth open and, as I walked towards her, I whispered in her ear: "Close your mouth. Flies will enter if you don't," and took off into the school with the Cullens right behind me.
Having Edward beside me was a real stress reliever. His arm was still around my waist as we walked in the hallways. Edward really wanted to be with me. That little act in the parking lot proved it. Looking up at Edward's face, he had a large smile. What was he thinking? Whatever he was thinking must be quite happy because his smile didn't fade with time. Alice and Rosalie were chattering in the back about our little performance in the parking lot. I finally realized something as we walked in the hallways.
In the past few days, many things had happened. One: Tanya had made me feel inferior to everyone else. Two: Edward had told me he loved me. Three: I had, for the first time in my life, stood up for myself. Four: I'd finally tell Edward my feelings.
Pulling Edward to the side of the hallway, he looked me deep into my eyes, the smile on his face fading to a serious line. "Edward, I have something to tell you." He looked at me and made a waving motion with his hand for me to continue. "I should have said this yesterday but… I love you too."
Alright, so in this chapter, I went against all of you, in some point. And the two songs that I did were Ignorance by Paramore and Right Kind of Wrong by Le'Ann Rimes. They're really good songs and I suggest you look them up. So, I'm going back to my little cave while you all REVIEW!
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