Chapter eight: an broken Angel
I was engaged, yes and it was nice. I was happy again and I could smile. Edward and I didn't find as much as we did before and me and my parents were getting well better now. Esme sees me and start to beam at my happiness. Carlisle sees me and smiled a true, happy smile, knowing that he made a good decision for changing me, but was it a good decision? Since Emmett and I got together I was happy, but there was something. Everything when so easy, but the point was, was it that easy? After what Royce and his damn friends did to me... I wasn't heal. I even didn't know if I was going to heal. I have hided it for Emmett and it went well for now on, but for how long could I do this?
I was sitting on a rock, with my head in my hands. I was still broken, I still couldn't accept my new life. Everything changed and there's so much that is taken from me. My mortality, my motherhood, my real family. Not that I really did care about the last one. I'll bet my parents were just upset because they lost there beautiful daughter. I just missed my brothers, who were there always for me. The point was, I couldn't forget my past. The point was, that I was a horrible monster. I was dragging Emmett with me, in the darkness. He didn't deserve that. He truly didn't.
I heard footsteps from behind me. The smell hit me first, Emmett. I sighed, I didn't wanted him to see me like this. So broken. He already knew my past, but it wasn't enough to understand that I was broken. He always called me Angel, but I didn't deserve that nickname. I didn't wanted to break Emmett with me, he was too good for me and he deserves much better. I didn't wanted to face him, I knew we were engaged now, and that I had to trust him. I was going to be his wife for fack sake. But I was too fragile.
'Rosalie,' Emmett whispered. He never called my whole name, just my nicknames like Rose or Angel, just if there was something wrong. I heard him step closer. I felt his arms around my waist and I just shook my head. I didn't wanted to speak, too afraid I was going to break down. 'Rosalie, what's going on?' Emmett whispered softly to me. I unwrapped his arms around me and stood up. I walked back from him. I couldn't pretend that there was nothing going on.
'Emmett...' I started slowly. Trying to let my voice sound normal. 'I can't,' I only said. I couldn't say more, it was too much. My pain was just too much. I thought that I was happy again, but I realized that it wasn't true. I thought that I was getting over my past, but that wasn't true. I was still broken and my past was too much for me. The cloud above my head was changing in my sun, yes, it was. But what if the sun was changing in rain? How could I handle rain?
'You can't what?' I heard the fear, worry and concern in Emmett's voice. I was standing with my back to him, facing a tree. I didn't wanted to look at him, I didn't wanted to see the anger that was coming up when he finds out that I was broken. Who wants a broken woman? Emmett could never be happy with meMaybe Edward was right, maybe I was too selfish and shallow to be loved. Maybe I was doomed to be hurt, to be broken. But what can I do about it? Nothing, just nothing.
'I can't just pretend that there is nothing going on,' my voice was full of sadness and hurt, but it was harsh too. I still didn't know how I had to say it to him. That I was broken. I still didn't know what I was going to do if he left me. What if we went too fast with the whole marriage thing? I was two months after I met Royce engaged too, and see what happened. But I couldn't compare Emmett with Royce. Emmett was far and far better than Royce. Emmett deserved somebody who could make him happy, who could give him children and everything. Not me.
'Than say what's going on,' I heard Emmett step closer. But he didn't touch me or something. 'Rose, please,' his words were nothing more than a whisper. He sounded so desperate that I almost started to dry sob. I was only making him unhappy. I was a bad person, I didn't deserved to be loved. I didn't deserve anything what is bonded with the word love.
'I am broken,' I whispered so low that I wondered if he heard me. It was like I could feel him froze behind me. Finally I spoke the words to him, finally I said my feelings to him. It were three words. Three words who meant so much. I wanted to ran away, to ran and never stop again. I wanted to cry or to scream. I wanted to do so much, but instead of that I just standed there, as frozen. Until Emmett said something, something I didn't expect.
'Finally,' he breathed. I gasped. How could he say that? That must be a freaking joke. I turned around and faced him. He had a strange expression on his face... relief? How could he be relieved? I was freaking hurt and the only thing he can say is finally? I wanted to rip his head off and burn it.
'Finally?' I repeated harshly though my teeth. My voice was filled with anger. How could he? I thought that he was here to take me in his arms or at least comfort me. But instead of that he says something like that? I had to sigh heavily to control my emotions. To not jump at him and rip his head off or to not scream at him.
'No, no!' Emmett held his hands defensive out. 'You understand it totally wrong,' yeah I hope for you, was the first thing that came up in my mind. But I didn't spoke it out loud. Emmett grabbed my arm and settled himself on the rock where I was sitting before, he pulled me into his lap and started to caress my back. 'It was time to open up to me,' he said to me. I frowned at him. I opened my mouth to speak but he put his finger on my lips. 'Let me finish please,' he begged me. How could I not resist that? 'Baby, I knew the first time you spoke to me about your past that you weren't over it, but I didn't said anything about it. I wanted you to start about it, when you're ready,' he was silence for a few seconds. 'I thought that it would never come,' he chuckled shortly. 'Honey, something terrible happened to you, and I wish I was there to protect you, but I wasn't. But I will be always there for you from now on, maybe you don't need my protection like you did as human, but that doesn't matter for me. I will always protect you, and I'm glad you finally spoke to me. Though you said three words, it mean so much for me. I love you,' Emmett sighed and touched my cheek with his other hand.
I didn't know what I had to say anymore. His words meant so much for me. I didn't realize that he knew all the time that I was broken. He just waited until I started about it. I bowed my head. 'But Emmett, you can't love me,' I murmured. 'I am broken, how can you love a broken woman, Emmett? I'm just dragging you in the darkness, with me. You don't deserve something like that. You can have much better,' I looked him right in the eye now. They were filled with sadness, and I felt horrible for hurting him. 'Emmett, I'm just saying that from all the women you can have, you chose the wrong one. I love you, Em, but I'm not good enough for you. I'm broken, I can't let you feel the same pain like I have.'
Emmett placed now his other hand on my cheek too. 'Rosalie, don't you ever dare to say that again,' he said firmly to me. 'I want you, only you. I don't care if I can have all the women on earth, I just want you. I don't care if you're broken, I'm gonna help you and I'm gonna drag you out of the darkness. I don't care if I have to feel the most awful pain ever. I don't care if I have to give my life for it, as long as you're happy. I'm gonna help you,' Emmett leaned down so our forheads could touch. 'I love you,' I smiled at the accent he gave the you's. He returned the smile. I was glad I talked to him, it was something I needed. Maybe there was hope for me, maybe Emmett could really drag me out of the darkness.
'I love you too,' I whispered back to Emmett. He smiled and kissed my lips. I returned the kiss and pulled back while I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly against me. 'Thank you. Maybe there is hope for me,' I spoke my thoughts.
Emmett pulled back so his eyes could meet mine. 'Of course there's hope, Rose. You're an Angel, and maybe you're not whole now, but I'm gonna stick every piece that fell apart after what those bastards did to you on each other again so you're whole again. I promise you Rosalie Lillian Hale.'
I smiled a big and true smile. I could feel our souls together. Emmett was my soul mate. Every word he said he meant it, every word what he said was dragging me a little bit closer to the light that was waiting for me. Emmett was right, there is hope. I loved him and I trusted him. Emmett was my only hope. As long as he was by my side, I could be whole. As long as our souls were together, I could be happy.
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Wow, it was a long time ago I wrote chapter seven. Sorry about the waiting. ;)
I think this talk was very important for Rosalie and Emmett. Rosalie seemed very happy when Emmett came into the family, but her past is still a pain for her. So I thought it would be more real if I put this conversation in it.
Thank you.