Moments later David came back, nervously wringing his hands.
"Listen Ginnifer, maybe you shouldn't be so fussy about the age thing…love knows no boundaries, what's a year or two in the long run?" He shrugged carelessly, as he walked over.
Ginny fixed him with a cold glare.
"Or maybe you're into older men…" David said shaking his head at her expression.
"Not to worry, you've got me here…I'm the solution to all your problems, carrot cake," David sat down again and took up his clipboard.
Ginny huffed and muttered, "David, I'm beginning to think you're the reason for all my problems…and if you don't stop with these ridiculous nick names, I'm going to hex you into next week," she said the final part warningly.
"Hmm? Oh yea, sure," David replied not paying an ounce of attention.
"Well? Who's next?" Ginny asked looking at her watch, only twenty minutes were left until lunch was over.
David was crossing names off by the multitude. Ginny raised an eyebrow.
"They were all younger," David said noticing her curiosity.
"There's no one left?!" Ginny asked with wide eyes.
"No, I didn't say that…there are a few blokes there," David said steadily.
"A few?" Ginny repeated quizzically as she noticed the sudden silence around them. In the distance crickets chirped.
"Ok, so maybe its one guy," David said with a casual smile.
Ginny's queasy feeling returned and she surmised that she had never done anything half so pathetic in her life. Holding auditions for a boyfriend, how low was she going? David didn't seem to think this was anything out of the ordinary. In fact, he made it seem like he was used to shenanigans like these every day of the week. Secretly, she surmised that David had probably done a lot worse and she shot him a wry glance. David was blissfully oblivious to it as he absentmindedly scratched his chin with his quill.
"Oi! Neville!" David yelled behind the tree and Ginny slinked further down in her seat. This was beyond humiliating; her cheeks were turning a bright shade of red.
"Waddup Neville my man," David adopted a rather amusing American accent. Ginny smacked her forehead and Neville looked like he was having second thoughts about this. His bright face contorted into an expression of bemusement. The lime green paper was also in his hand and Ginny glimpsed flashing letters in fuchsia, "Looking for a hot date?" Inwardly, Ginny groaned. She shuddered to think what else the flyer outlined.
"Have a seat monsieur, would you care for some escargot?" David now spoke with a heavy French accent. Ginny gave him an incredulous look sideways.
A plate of squirming snails was conjured in front of them,
"David, I think they're supposed to be dead," Ginny hissed at him.
"Oh really? I always thought it was rather odd to eat snails," he said conversationally. Neville looked ready to throw up everything he had eaten at lunch.
"No to the escargot then…what about an éclair?" He flashed Neville a bright smile, worthy of an overly cheery car salesman and he extended a plate full of delicious pastries. Ginny's mouth watered and she suddenly realized how hungry she was.
"First questions first," David began in a solemn tone. "Have you ever shop lifted?"
"No," Neville replied with a pastry half way to his mouth.
David looked oddly surprised and he scribbled something on his clipboard. Ginny overheard a muttering along the edges of "boring, rule abiding citizen".
"Any children?" David asked.
Ginny turned her scandalized gasp into a cough, and she shot David a glare worthy of Snape.
"David!" she hissed.
Neville's round face showed complete bafflement and it looked like he was having second thoughts about coming.
"I'll take that as a 'no'. Have you ever been a part of a Death Eater ritual?"
"No!" Neville said angrily.
"Oh really?" David made it sound like he didn't believe a word of it.
"Do you by any chance carry your criminal record with you?"
"What?! No, I've never seen the need to," Neville replied back shortly.
Ginny tried pinching herself; maybe she was having a nightmare.
David continued with his meaningless scribbles and Ginny made out something along the lines of "probably guilty of murdering a defenceless animal." Ginny could only roll her eyes at David's foolishness.
"David, how is any of this relevant?" She asked in an exasperated tone.
"Look, these are just technicalities. Next question, what came first, the chicken or the egg?"
"WHAT?" Ginny squeaked out.
"The chicken or the egg, which came first?" David stated calmly.
Ginny's face was buried deeply into her arms; she didn't know whether to laugh or to yell. She opted for a loud, frustrated groan.
"Listen, you can't date him without knowing this," David insisted as he checked off something on the clipboard again.
Neville stood up, "I think I'm in the wrong place," he began hesitantly.
"Answer like a man! Chicken or the egg?" David said with vehemence, rising in his seat, pounding his fist to emphasize. The question had clearly bought out another side in him.
Neville slowly backed away from the table, David's face resembled a red tomato and Ginny held on tightly to his shirt sleeve.
"You guys hear that? I think that's someone calling me, gotta run!" Neville managed to say it all in one breath, as he sprinted in the other direction.
"CHICKEN OR THE EGG?!" David stood onto his seat and yelled towards Neville's retreating back.
"Are you on any pills David?" Ginny asked as calmly as she could muster.
"What? No," David replied back just as calmly, sitting back down again.
"Then WHAT was that all about?" Ginny said in a tight voice.
"A scare tactic. I came to the conclusion that he's not the right sort of boyfriend for you. I have someone better in mind," David said with a devilish smile.
"Do I dare ask?" She inquired with a sick feeling in her stomach. David started packing up the clutter around him.
"Ok, it may sound a bit out there," David began with a small knowing smile, "But this will work out great!"
Ginny picked up her bag as well, and David cleared off any evidence of their previous activity.
"Imagine this," he began. "He's strong enough to carry you when you trip and fall and break your leg." Ginny let out a strangled cry and she shot him a glare.
"Which no doubt you will, with the way you run around..." he added wryly.
"Eyes that glitter like a blue ocean and looks that would shame Adonis himself," David continued in his melodramatic voice as they walked back to the castle.
Ginny's imagination started soaring, "Yes, that doesn't sound too bad," she said with a dreamy smile. She envisioned a tall, dark, handsome prince charming.
"A bad boy, yet a complete softie on this inside. The definition of today's misunderstood youth, but a genius of tomorrow's era," David expanded.
"How does that sound to you?" He asked her with a smirk.
"Not too bad," Ginny admitted.
"Who did you have in mind?" She asked, curiosity getting the best of her.
David shot her a beaming smile, "Gregory Goyle."
The shock was too much to bear for her. David reasoned as he saw Ginny drop into a dead faint.
A/N: I know this a D/G, just stick with me. Review!