The Diary of Jane
Breaking Benjamin
If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?
And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
Just let me ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
No!
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place
In the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be!
Try to find out
What makes you tick
Cause I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
There's a fine line
Between love and hate
And I don't mind
Just let me say
That I like that
I like that
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place
In the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how this should be!
Desperate I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love!
There's no love!
Die for anyone
What have I become?
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place
In the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
Harry lay in his bed in Gryffindor tower, frustrated beyond belief—a not uncommon occurrence. He was disturbed with himself and his utterly demented loyalties, first off, but mostly he was irritated at the man himself.
If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
Frustrated, he mulled, was a rather timid word for the passionately enraged feelings that tore through him.
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?
He felt like screaming those words at the man. "Would you like that?" And he could just imagine the response he would receive.
"In fact, Potter," the dark form moving closer, loom over him, pressing him against a wall or desk or chair. "I do indeed," his imagination did not need words to elaborate what would soon follow.
After, the man would order him out, and command him not to return. Then, at Harry's relentless pleas and ranting and door-pounding, the man would furiously give Harry a lesson in pain he would never forget. However, by the following night…
And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
Just let me ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
He wondered idly if Snape enjoyed these twisted games he played with Harry, and then sighed. Of course he did.
No!
Did Harry?
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
It certainly felt like something inside him was about to snap at the endless, torturous pleasure he derived from his nightly dungeon visits.
I will try to find my place
In the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be!
It seemed that every time he felt comfortable with the way the things were between them, it changed. First hate. Then respect. Then lust. Then pain. Then…?
Try to find out
What makes you tick
Oh how he would love to know what made the Potions Master do the things he did. What compelled him to allow Harry to return, what made him want to cause the boy immeasurable pain, then kiss him in the same breadth of time.
Cause I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
He knew the man loved the way Harry fell asleep confused and pouring pain from him in red and clear.
There's a fine line
Between love and hate
What was it about the man that compelled Harry himself to return? One moment he felt something too deep to comprehend, the next, unclaimed loathing and spite.
And I don't mind
Just let me say
That I like that
I like that
All he knew was that he liked it.
Something's getting in the way
Something that bordered hate and lust and pain and pleasure.
Something's just about to break
Inside him, without him, he knew he would soon snap.
I will try to find my place
If he ever fit anywhere
In the diary of Jane
In this recollection of himself.
As I burn another page
As he sliced another vein…
As I look the other way
As he stared at things unseen…
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
He wriggled and attempted to fit where he had no right to belong.
So tell me how this should be!
He wanted to scream and yell and curse and hex and kiss and love and feel that man…
Desperate I will crawl
Waiting for so long
If it was one thing he had learned, it was, perhaps, patience. Whether on his hands and knees or sprawled on his back, there was no way to hurry the professor.
No love!
There's no love!
If the past two years had taught him anything, it was that love did not, indeed, exist. All there was left here was lust and pain and pleasure and loathing.
Die for anyone
If he was to die for the wizarding world, he would die his way.
What have I become?
He thought back to the nights previous to this, and then farther, before they had begun. What had he become?
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place
In the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As he drifted off to sleep with restless thoughts prowling his mind, he remembered vaguely that he should perhaps stop the flow of blood slipping from the vein on the inside of his elbow.
Before he could move himself to rise, however, he was asleep. And after that, he was never truly sure if he awoke, for his dreams were as dark and haunting as his waking hours.