Simple Design
Breaking Benjamin
I live a chemical life
I'm on a mission inside
You went insane for a day
I'll have to shove it away
My only option is gone
Smile as they break and they fall
You want a simpler life
You can't erase what was right
You must be out of your mind!
This was a simple design!
You fuck it up every time
How could you leave me behind
It's alright, it's alright
'Cause I know what you want
But you'll just have to wait
If I had it to give
I would give it away
I'm living it up
While I'm falling from grace
There's no way that I'm running away
I'm used to making it worse
Made up of four letter words
You wanna know what it was
Now as I lay there it's gone
You fall apart at the seams
I'll never know what it means
Try not to pull it apart
Your anger straight from the heart
You must be out of your mind!
This was a simple design!
You fuck it up every time
How could you leave me behind
It's alright, it's alright
'Cause I know what you want
But you'll just have to wait
If I had it to give
I would give it away
I'm living it up
While I'm falling from grace
There's no way that I'm running away
It had to be the worst for me
I don't know what to say so let be
And now I find you left me behind
I don't know what to say so never mind!
You're wrong!
It's alright, it's alright
'Cause I know what you want
But you'll just have to wait
If I had it to give
I would give it away
I'm living it up
While I'm falling from grace
There's no way that I'm running away
He was having such trouble with the chemicals. They were fucking with him. Screwing with his head. Why he had to try the muggles remedy to life was a mystery to him, but he couldn't deny that it worked. He was flying high most of the time, a strong mist of contentment blocking the dark areas from himself.
I live a chemical life
What was he really striving for, however? Why did he continue to resort to this? Sometimes he couldn't even remember his reason.
I'm on a mission inside
The days he could remember, he wished he couldn't. Today was one such day.
You went insane for a day
Remembering followed forgetting, and forgetting followed such epiphanies when they were too painful.
I'll have to shove it away
His one option before it had come to this was quite simple—death. But the fear of cowardice inside of him canceled out that option, feeding him false hope that things would resort to their old ways.
My only option is gone
So here he was.
With a smile.
Smile as they break and they fall
He was so bitterly angered at the man he could only sometimes remember. His thoughts ran far, and usually they centered into a type of letter. Always addressing that other man.
You want a simpler life
You can't erase what was right
You must be out of your mind!
The fucking bastard was insane.
This was a simple design!
Everything had been so simple. So perfect.
You fuck it up every time
He wondered if the man knew what he had done.
How could you leave me behind?
Why had he been left here?
It's alright, it's alright
He was comforted, rarely, by the sight of that very man in his doorway.
'Cause I know what you want
Sex. It was all he ever came for.
But you'll just have to wait
At the moment he could hardly breathe, however. Things would have to wait.
If I had it to give
You could have it. You could. But I can't breath. His thoughts forever addressed that man. As if, from some unseen corner, he would be there, there to hear him.
I would give it away
If he were to be going, he went the right way. If this was his death, he flew so high that he wouldn't crash before he died. He'd merely soar up to the sky and become part of it.
I'm living it up
If this was so, why did it feel as if he fell so far into himself?
While I'm falling from grace
There's no way that I'm running away
"I'm sorry…I can't…I'm…" He gasped, trying to explain why he hadn't stood upon the mans entrance. Severus Snape looked around his small quarters in disgust, and Harry felt the irritation in the man's presence.
I'm used to making it worse
Fuck. Slut. Piece of shit. Nothing. No one.
Made up of four letter words
"What have you done, Potter?" trademark drawl, sarcasm, satire, it was all there.
You wanna know what it was?
His high was slipping away.
Now as I lay there it's gone
When the man put the signs together, and odd thing occurred.
You fall apart at the seams
He couldn't understand. Why did the man care?
I'll never know what it means
"Don't…I mean…I'm already…" He couldn't get the words out.
Try not to pull it apart
Your anger straight from the heart
"Don't hurt you Potter? You're dying for fucks sake!" the man looked angry enough to hit him. That's why he had put his arms up, in a feeble gesture to protect himself. For god knows why.
You must be out of your mind!
Didn't the man know about the chemicals?
This was a simple design!
He had thought it obvious.
You fuck it up every time
Now that he was finally getting his, the man had to go and screw it up.
How could you leave me behind?
How could he? It was his own fucking fault. Why'd he have to go and get mad now?
It's alright, it's alright
'Cause I know what you want
But you'll just have to wait
If I had it to give
I would give it away
I'm living it up
While I'm falling from grace
There's no way that I'm running away
"I…don't…"
"Don't what, Potter? Do what I came here for? We both know you're in no condition to perform the services I require. Get up. We're going to Mungo's."
The man snapped at him, yanking on his arm. When Harry was on his feet, he found himself pressed flush to the others body. And while he was undergoing certain maladies himself, he couldn't help but kiss the other man. He was so close. How could he, in his state, possibly resist or restrain?
It had to be the worst for me
I don't know what to say so let be
Words weren't necessary. The kiss was all it took to dissolve the others control. No matter Harry's condition. It had been too long since the last time, he supposed. Snape was probably at the end of his resolve.
And now I find you left me behind
I don't know what to say so never mind!
When he attempted to speak, there was nothing to say. So instead there was no sound beyond that of which the walls usually heard. Even as fucked up as he was, Harry was still beautiful. And the drugs gave him a wraithlike quality.
The visitors that frequented his rooms were not so far in-between that the sounds the two men made were new.
"Always the whore, Potter," the man growled, shoving Harry against the bed.
You're wrong!
"Only…" gasp. "Yours…"
It's alright, it's alright
This is the end.
'Cause I know what you want
And you've gotten it.
But you'll just have to wait
If I had it to give
I would give it away
He was slipping away.
I'm living it up
This was just the way he loved.
While I'm falling from grace
Falling he was flying. Soaring in this time where they two were only two. Only them.
There's no way that I'm running away
He wasn't running. He was falling. And as the man beside him stood and took his arm, he felt himself fall farther than he ever had.
He was so far gone…he was gone.