I don't own TMNT.

Let it go.

Don waited, and waited, and still waited. He shook his head in confusion and checked again. Pressing his finger against the vein, he had to find the pulse. There had be a pulse…

He waited the normal 15 seconds.

Nothing.

He removed his hand and tried again, making sure his finger was against the vein so he could feel the pulse.

He waited 15 more seconds.

Nothing.

He moved in a daze and tried the vein in Leo's wrist.

He waited 15 seconds more.

Nothing.

He pulled away and didn't hear Raph's and Mikey's cries for the status. He sat there for thirty seconds until a hand on his shoulder made him look up. It was Mikey.

"What's wrong Don, Leo's ok, isn't he?" Mikey asked, his blue eyes faltering.

Don's eyes narrowed. Leo had to be ok.

"Raph, I need your sai," he said, none of the turtles aware of their sensei and human friends walking up behind them.

Raph moved as if in a daze himself but nevertheless, pulled one of his sais from his belt and handed it to his immediate younger brother. Don held it close to Leo's mouth and waited, watching to see if Leo's expelling breath would cloud the metal of the sai.

10 seconds.

Nothing.

20 seconds.

Nothing.

30 seconds.

Nothing.

40 seconds.

Nothing.

He waited five more seconds, just to be sure.

Nothing.

45 seconds and no breath escaped Leo. Don scowled and tossed the sai behind him, knowing Raph caught it with ease. Don put his hands on Leo's plastron and applied steady pressure. He moved back to place his ear next to Leo's mouth.

Nothing.

"Ok, no need to panic," Don muttered, unaware that his hands were beginning to shake.

"Don what is it!" Raph demanded, "What's wrong with Leo?"

The purple masked turtle ignored his older brother and placed his head on Leo's plastron, listening for a heartbeat.

15 seconds.

Nothing.

30 seconds.

Nothing.

That's when everything hit him. NO BREATH, PLUS NO PULSE, EQUALS DEAD BROTHER! The genius sprung into action, immediately giving CPR to the lifeless body.

"Don!" his other brothers screamed in shock.

When Don pulled back for the chest compressions he let it all out in one breath, "He doesn't have a pulse and he's not breathing!"

Raph froze, "Don are you saying he's-"

"No, he can't be," Mikey insisted as they gathered around the blue clad turtle.

45 minutes later Don collapsed on top of Leo and felt for a pulse again.

15 seconds.

Nothing.

30 seconds.

Nothing.

45 seconds.

Nothing.

He checked for a breath.

10 seconds.

Nothing.

20 seconds.

Nothing.

30 seconds.

Still nothing.

40 seconds.

Inexistent.

Just five more seconds.

"Please, one in five seconds?" Don mentally begged, his eyes beginning to sting and his throat closing in on itself.

Those five seconds.

One-

Single-

Absence of breath, pulse and life.

Don lifted himself up on shaky arms, "It's no good. There's no pulse and no breath."

"Don?" he heard a choked voice ask.

Unsure if it was Mikey or Raph he spoke the plain truth, raising his eyes to look at his brothers while tears filled his eyes, "Leo's dead."

"WHAT!" everyone screamed.

The other turtles dove for their eldest brother, reaching desperately to find a pulse or the escape of air from his lungs.

"NO!" Raph shouted, leaning over Leo, "NO! LEO WAKE UP!"

"LEO YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP!" Mikey shouted, "WAKE UP! PLEASE WAKE UP!"

"DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS TO ME LEO!"

"IT CAN'T BE, IT CAN'T BE!" Mikey cried.

Don was already shaking with sobs, trying to muffle them with his hand, but it was doing little good.

"Leonardo," Splinter whispered and kneeled by his eldest's head, closing his eyes and reaching for his son's spirit.

"YOU CAN'T!" Raph shouted at Leo as Don and Mikey huddled together for comfort

April turned and cried into Casey's shoulder. This couldn't be happening to them. Years of knowing the loving family. Memories, were just that now. There would be no more memories made. History became just history and the future no longer held a flash of blue.

"LEO! NO!" Raph kept on shouting his defiance to the still, cold form in front of him.

He could still remember the last words he had said to his older brother:

"I'm done taking orders."

And the last thing he had did, was snap each of Leo's swords in two and then nearly shoved a sai through his throat. One inch, and he could've killed him. Then, all he could do was be a coward and run away, leaving Leo defenseless and as an easy target for the stone generals. And now…

Now he was…

"NO!" Raph shouted again, "HE CAN'T BE! LEO WAKE UP! YOU CAN'T-"

No one lifted a consoling hand as his words fell into choked back sobs and as tears spilled from his eyes and onto the form of the broken brother below him. Raph grounded his teeth together and then glared right up towards the hole in the ceiling that had been made by that otherworldly vortex. He took three deep breaths and then, he screamed. He screamed louder than anyone could imagine and he just kept screaming, the anger and sorrow melting together as they flew into the surrounding air. After a long two minutes he collapsed on top of Leo, his once, yelling voice, now a scratchy whisper as he begged.

"No, you can't. You can't Leo. You can't. You can't leave us, not again. We just got you back. You can't go. I-I can't Leo, I can't lose you. You're the only older brother I got."

He allowed himself tears and sobs for a few more minutes before he whispered again, wishing his voice wasn't horse and he could still yell, "Please, big brother, please."

He didn't care if the others were watching at this point. It was if the dead heart under his hand was his world and it had just stopped. Time stopped, the wind died away, flowing water froze in midair, the planet stopped turning and he only knew one thing.

He couldn't be here.

Raph tightened his hands into fists as the guilt piled down on him. This was his fault! He had fought Leo like he had had nothing to lose and now, everything he lost and got returned was gone again. Leo returned from his training but he couldn't return from death.

"This is all my fault," Raph whispered before he jumped to his feet and dashed out of the building, heading for the nearest manhole to the sewers below, his feet going ankle deep into the murky water as he started running in one direction.

After time, for he wasn't sure if it had been seconds, minutes, hours or days, Raph fell to his knees into the sewer water below, pressing his face against the cool, damp cement of the tunnel. The sun had risen so he couldn't go for a run to quell his anger. His throat, face and eyes were burning. It was déjà vu all over again, for he had done this before.

It had been when Leo had left. One year of training, that was supposed to be it. When their leader had left, the team ceased to exist. At first, it was nice. Leo wasn't there to boss them all around and they figured they could take care of everything he had easily. Life seemed easy around the lair. Then the 'duties' caught up with them all:

Someone needed to find places to get food.

Someone needed to take over the uncompleted chores.

Someone had to keep an eye on the humans in the sewers.

Someone had to watch after their father's health.

Someone had to watch Mikey, because he didn't like being alone.

Someone needed to find a way to get money.

Someone needed to patrol the city.

Someone needed to protect the citizens of New York.

Someone needed to keep the dojo clean.

Someone needed to banish the youngest turtle's nightmares.

Someone needed to talk with Don.

Someone needed to drag Raph home when he stayed out late.

Someone needed to ensure that they all trained.

Someone needed to be a verbal and physical punching bag for Raph.

Someone needed to be the leader.

But most of all, someone needed to be the big brother.

That was when things flew downhill. That's when the team and the family came to a grinding halt and split into different directions. Don got a job and became the de facto leader. Mikey got a job as well and found himself on his own more and more. Raph could only watch the city fall apart and neither one of his remaining brothers would do anything about, so he had to. He let Don be the leader without question, Raph's own responsibility became the city. It seemed it was all he could do at the time. But it always felt empty when the red masked turtle returned home.

Usually a light would be on in the dojo and the sounds of katanas swiping through the air reminded him that his brother cared enough to wait up for him. Not that he ever voiced it out loud. Leo fought with him when Raph needed to relieve more anger when the gangs and villains of the city were no match for him. But, those last two years, he walked into his home to typing from Don's lab, a light from his father's room, his youngest brother asleep on the couch and no cool headed older brother ready for a sparring match. For awhile, it didn't hit him, that Leo was gone. One night he came in and found Mikey sleeping on the couch as usual but the news was on. Probably changed by Don before he ducked back into his lab to answer a call for the IT tech service he found employment in.

The news story was a simple one. A young boy was giving a short hello to his older brother, who was overseas, fighting in a war. Raph tensed as he went to his room and flopped down into his hammock, staring wide eyed at the ceiling.

Leo was gone…

The next morning he asked his father how long Leo would be gone. Splinter replied that Leo would be training in Central America for the next year. When Raph was once again on the city's rooftops, he decided he could deal with it. One year without Leo, it was something new, but he could handle it. He could. At least, that's what he told himself. As time passed, he watched as Don and Mikey turned to one another for support during the time and how Splinter seemed to revert more and more into his own, searching for a spiritual calming. In the end, that left Raph with no one. No one was there for him. Someone had been there, but he wasn't anymore. It felt like betrayal.

But he just kept telling himself, "It's just a few more months, and Leo will be back."

Then, everything would go back to normal. He didn't allow himself to embrace those feelings of betrayal, because his older brother was coming home soon. So he waited, on his own, he waited. Six months passed, and he assured himself that he was ok. And as six became seven, eight, nine, ten and eleven. His hope grew. Finally, the twelfth month came and ended. He waited and his hope was high.

The twelfth month passed.

No word, no letter, no Leo.

Betrayal hit his heart as did the truth. Leo wasn't coming home. Then one night he had a nightmare, causing questions to spin in his head.

The dream opened into a thick forest that was coated in layers of shadows and for some reason, Raph was at the edge of this forest. He spotted a figure in the distance a bit into the trees.

"Leo!" he shouted out and jumped after him, but the figure ran.

He ran after him, where was Leo going?

Finally, the figure stopped and Raph finally caught up to him but then nearly fell back from the sight. This wasn't his brother, this being, looked like Leo, but was transparent, giving off a kind of green hue, no doubt from the surrounding plants.

"Leo?" Raph whispered.

The ghost locked eyes with him and then stepped back to the edge of the branch they were standing on.

"Wait!" Raph shouted as the ghost jumped down, plummeting towards the ground that was 300 feet below.

Raph jumped after it, jumping to lower branches. No one could survive that kind of drop! When he reached the ground, he smelled blood. He looked among the green grass and spotted a flash of blue.

"NO!" he shouted and then shot up from his sleep, nearly jumping to his feet.

The next morning, he asked his sensei, if Leo was dead. Splinter assured him that Leo was fine but confused. Time passed ever onward, the feelings of betrayal built up and Raph refused to let them out. Then came Splinter's birthday, Leo's birthday, then his, then Don's, then Mikey's. Another year, no older brother, no best friend. He was alone. Alone. Leo had left him alone, to rely on only himself for the comfort he couldn't give. He never really thought he needed his older brother, but facing the loneliness, he wondered how Leo ever coped with it, never having a big brother there. That's when he found himself running through the tunnels of New York City's sewer system. Unsure of where he was going, other than just away from what he knew.

Raph took rapid deep breaths as he faded back into reality.

This wasn't fair…

It wasn't fair…

Well, that's another chapter. Now all I can ask is for readers to just stick with the story for now. Maybe Raph was totally OOC but I really don't care. I just love seeing any hotheaded stubborn character emotional.

Stay tuned for the next chapter. It'll be out soon. Oh, I like updating very rapidly so please review ASAP. I may think no one's reading this.

~Moonsetta