Spock, his Spock, had every 'logical' right to find the older Kirk attractive and more suitable company than Jim. It was a sad fact, but undeniable. James was everything Jim wished he could be. He was intelligent, gallant, handsome, understanding, a smile that could stop anyone in their tracks—Damnit!—and what made it worse was that the fucking guy was him! How could Jim envy a man who he would one day grow up to be? Well, it was simple. This Jim Kirk was from a different timeline and the chances of Jim making the same choices and growing into those admirable traits were about the same chances of Spock growing up to be ten times more emotional than Mr. Spock.
Anything could happen since the future Romulan fuck up of a few weeks ago.
Anything.
Even Younger Spock falling in love with Older Kirk.
The next morning, Jim arrived on time for his shift as he typically did. Everyone was in their appropriate places, not a single hair out of place. He tried to keep himself from turning and looking at his First Officer, but that was hard to do because, you know, the guy kind of worked with him in the same damn shift. When Jim was trying to avoid contact, Spock would approach him with information and reports. He tried to remain professional about it. He didn't know if it was working or not, but as Spock was talking with him about the recent pulses the anomaly had burst, Jim couldn't get that image of last night out of his head. He saw that memory again and again, but with his imagination it was far more erotic than it had actually been. He found himself thinking of Uhura.
He turned to her station and saw her working there steadily and efficiently. She didn't know about it. She had no knowledge that her Vulcan man-candy had stolen a kiss from his future self. Jim envied her. He wished he didn't know about it either. For reasons he couldn't explain, the whole situation was incredibly painful.
Just yesterday he had been friends with Spock, played games with Spock, had been furious with the guy and then admitted his friendship and trust to the Vulcan. It had been one emotional rollercoaster Jim really wanted to get off of before he puked his guts out, and yet…here he was, not angry with the Vulcan anymore, just…sad. It was almost too painful to look at him. Knowing that his Spock preferred the older version of Jim compared to what he had now was unsettling.
How could he compare to that man?
Why did he want to compare to him?
Jim stood still. Why did he care if Spock was into his older self more than him? If anything, it was natural for crewmen to fall in love while on missions. Spock had Uhura and now he had James, what did he care if Spock was a player with bisexual fury?
Jim ran the thoughts through his mind again. Elder Spock had said that the mind melds had accidentally placed feelings inside his head from that of Spock's feelings about his Captain. Both times. So, these feelings he was getting, they were in reciprocation to the feelings the two alternate reality Spocks had for their Captains.
Was it possible that the older Spocks had gained such a high regard and respect for their Jims that they practically loved them? It would explain why Jim felt as he did around the two Vulcans. But then, that would also imply that the feelings he had now were not his doing—not his own.
It was possible that Jim was only angry about catching the small neck kiss because of the implanted emotions. He was angry because the other Jims would have been angry about it. Not him. He didn't have a reason to be. Spock and he were friends, not lovers. So it was completely probable that the entire mood he was in was completely and utterly not his doing.
Then again, it was also completely probable that they were.
Jim had been becoming great friends with his second in command. He had been very honest when he told Spock that he trusted him and wanted to remain his friend and blah blah mushy shit like that.
Very honest.
He meant it.
Every word.
This was confusing. Jim wasn't sure which feelings were his and which were in reciprocation to the older halfsies. The only way he would know for sure was to have the emotions removed and see if he still liked Spock afterwards. But there was a problem with that, though logical to have them removed, as Spock would put it, Jim liked these feelings. He liked them very much and felt at home with them there even if they were the cause for his current cracked out shit problem. To get rid of them or not to get rid of them.
Damnit.
"Captain, are you feeling ill?" The question broke through and settled on his mind as easy as a sack of potatoes might at a bone crushing speed. He looked up and saw that his First Officer was standing beside his Captain's chair, a slight tinge of worry around those empty eyes. Jim looked into them. They were so similar to Mr. Spock's and yet so different. Shit, even if Jim really did like his First, it wouldn't matter because Spock had Uhura. He wouldn't give up those sexy legs for a friendship with a loser like himself. Jim sure wouldn't do that.
Spock repeated his question when Jim didn't respond. Jim looked up and caught those eyes in his. They locked. Jim stood abruptly and grasped his friend's shoulders tightly. It was like he had no control over himself at that moment, his body was reacting to a form of muscle memory. Spock appeared startled. The Bridge crew looked up to see what was going on too. Jim stared into those dark eyes, searching, searching, searching.
Do I like you or is this from the other two?
Do I like you or is this fake?
Could I possibly lo—, Jim released Spock and walked from the centre of the room. Nearly everyone was watching him now. He informed Spock that he was in command and he would return shortly. Then with a turn of his heels, he left for the turbolift.
He arrived in Sickbay after a few moments. He blew pass a few medical officers and when he caught sight of Chapel, he cornered her and asked where Bones was. She informed him that the doctor was in his office. Jim thanked her and left.
He went right inside, not even caring that Bones was doing paperwork. He slumped down in the chair in front of his desk and waited. It was an odd thing for him to do—waiting. It was something Jim wasn't customary in doing on a regular basis, so when Bones noticed he wasn't fidgeting or moving about sarcastically making perverted jokes towards his profession and office supplies, he began to worry.
And worry was something Bones did best.
In an instant, a tricorder was running up and down his entire body. Jim was amazed, he hadn't even seen the doctor move from his desk. It was like the guy had just appeared out of no where. He pushed the device away.
"There's nothing physically wrong with me." Jim said.
"You're in my office, sitting, quiet as a church mouse, and you're going to tell me that something isn't physically wrong with you?" He paused. "You're right, Hell must be freezing over."
"Where's Older You?" Jim suddenly asked in an attempt to change the discussion.
"Leonard is in his cabin. He'll be returning after my shift, but that's not the question at hand. What's wrong, Jim?" Bones was standing in front of him now, Jim looking up into those country eyes and Bones looking down into those chaotic ones. A firm hand was placed gently on the Captain's shoulder. Bones was in a quieter tone now.
"What's wrong, Jim?" He asked again, clearly worried. Jim shook his head.
"You wouldn't believe me." Bones gave a huff.
"I witnessed a future Romulan blow up a planet with a mining ship and nearly destroy everything I hold dear—all on the sake of whether or not we want to believe it. Trust me, I'm sure whatever you have to say, the crazier it is, the more likely it's true."
Ah, good ol' Bones. There was someone he could trust to always be honest with him and tell it like it is. He was a great friend—no—he was Jim's best friend. Jim appreciated that and, damnit, the guy was right. They had witnessed a whole fucking shit load of crazy just weeks ago, surely the story of Spock-overdose wouldn't be too unbelievable after something like that.
"What do you know about mental shit?" Jim asked curiously. Bones planted his hand right on his doctor forehead and sighed.
"Only a month into our mini missions and you're already screwing your head up? God, Jim! Leonard was right! You do have a knack for screwing yourself over!"
"No, no," Jim tried to argue, "I'm not going crazy, at least, not yet and not now. I have a small problem and it is mental related, but not in the sense you'd be used to." Bones sighed and sat down in the chair beside Jim.
"I don't think it'd be any sense I'm used to. I don't handle mental health, Jim. I'm a doctor not a psychotherapist." He raised his palms and looked at them with a longing Jim was sure Bones only reserved for when his liquor glass was empty. "There's only so much I can do."
"I understand and I'm not asking you to play psycho-thera-whatever, I just want to know if you can help me with my minor problem I'm having with Spock." He paused. "Spocks." He corrected. Bones looked at him and gave that look that Jim knew was his 'you're cracked out high or something, aren't you?' look. It was then Jim explained his problem. He mentioned all three Spocks (Bones could handle it, right?) and the two he had induced mind melds with and the excess feelings and emotions, how they made him moody towards his Spock and blah blah, you already know. He was certain to leave out the part about Spock kissing Older Kirk, but did mention how upset he was at seeing the two so close together. During the whole explanation, Bones did little more than nod and listen. Afterwards, Jim sighed and looked to his friend.
"So, can you help me?"
"I think this is all a little out of my field, Jim, no, correction, way out of my field. I don't know much about Vulcan mental problems. Maybe if you share this information with Leonard, he could help? He's been around that pointy-eared bastard longer than we have, he might have some useful information." Jim shook his head.
"No, I don't want to tell him about it. It's bad enough I'm telling you."
"Then, damnit, Jim, why don't you just do what the Elder said? Have one of them remove the tainted bits for you." Jim gave him a sarcastic look and began a poor acting frenzy.
"'Hey Spock, you're not going to believe this but I've been in two mind melds with you, though not really you and more like your older counterparts, and they left behind some shit that doesn't belong. You know, feelings and shit like that. Wanna remove it? No? You don't? Why not? Oh, I see, you're too fucking busy strangling me again.'" Jim mocked a quick choking of himself and returned his attention to the doctor. "Yeah, Bones, that's a fucking wonderful idea." Bones rolled his eyes and huffed.
"Why not ask Mr. Spock?"
"Are you shitting me? He's half the cause for this! When I'm around him I get all…warm inside. I could never ask him."
"Then you seem to be at a fork in the road. I suggest you make your decision quickly because you can't captain a ship with all that nonsense running about your mind." He was right. Jim couldn't. He was used to being the badass Captain who could handle anything from irrational Vulcans to pissed off Romulans, but this was something new. This was emotional, something that Jim didn't handle regularly. He shown his emotions, unlike a certain Vulcan who needed to have it ignited and burning like a fucking house before he did anything, and handled them well but this was a whole new level of epic fail for him. James T. Kirk, Captain of the Starship Enterprise could beat off future fucked up aliens but was unable to fend off the swirling pool of alternate universe Vulcan juice in his brain. Yeah, what a way to end his captaincy.
Not today.
Jim stood and brushed his uniform like all his thoughts had mindlessly fallen on to it. He faced Bones. The doctor was looking back at him, a look of uncertainty, but friendly.
"You're right. I need to do something. I can't have this happening right now. I have my whole future ahead of me and I won't stop and let some weird feelings end the beginning of my wicked badass career." Bones gave a light smile. Jim did too. Then he slapped Bones' shoulder in a friendly gesture. "Besides, if I want to be anything like my eight-year-older counterpart, I have to start acting more like a Captain and less like a child-delinquent."
"Spoken like a true Captain." The doctor said.
"Thanks, Bones. I was right to think you're a whole new level of pure awesome. You really are."
"Aw, Jim, I'm blushing." Both snickered. "No, but seriously, can I get a recording of that for the times you want to chew my head off?" Jim headed for the door.
"Sorry, dude. Better luck next time." And he was off. He left so quickly that he didn't have time to see another smile form on that doctor's face. Bones really liked Jim and was happy he could help, even if the methods he used were small and insignificant.
So Jim knew what he had to do. There was no more bullshitting out of this one. He needed to have the emotions removed and they needed to be removed by some Vulcan soon. With that, he returned to the Bridge and found everything was just as he had left it. He sat in his chair, everyone was looking at him, but he barked for them to return to their work and they were all silently informed that he was better now. Even Spock tilted a brow at the strange emotional change.
Just as a Yoeman had given him a data PADD with some engineering information he had requested from Scotty, the ship shook.
A big shake too.
So big that the ship rocked to one side, sirens suddenly blared and everyone had fallen to the floor.
"Status report, Spock!" Jim barked as he lifted himself from on top of an unfortunate (or maybe fortunate?) Yoeman.
"The ship was hit with another magnetic burst, Sir. We have sustained no breeches but…" Jim had retuned to his chair.
"But what?" He demanded as he turned towards the Science station. Spock was looking into his monitors very carefully and slowly moved his gaze to his Captain. "Well?"
"We have gathered another problem, Captain." Spock said to him flatly, implying that Jim should walk over and look for himself. Jim did, but the monitor meant nothing to him. He wasn't really sure what he was reading. As his eyes looked around the dancing upcoming data, he stopped. Something was wrong with the calculations on the readings of the anomaly. For some reason all readings were zero. Jim stepped back, in disbelief. "Yes, Captain," Spock said after a moment when he knew Jim was now aware of exactly what 'problem' they now had, "it appears the anomaly has imploded and removed itself. The anomaly is no more."
Well, shit!
Jim ran his fingers through his hair and bit his lower lip. This. Shit. Was. Bad. The anomaly was the only source they were certain of that could send their counterparts back to their time, now that it was gone, how the fuck were they supposed to get back now?
Don't shout a string of curse words, Jim, he told himself as he tried to remain calm.
This was fucking brilliant. Not only did he have emotional problems, but now the universe decided to fuck him up a little more by taking away the only 'door' they supposedly had to send the older guys back. This was bad. Very bad. He looked up at Spock who appeared to be thinking the same thing he was.
They had to tell the counterparts.
Not just tell them, but possibly subtly tell them that they might never get back home. Who ever wanted to hear news like that?
"I will inform Captain James." Spock said as he started for the turbolift, but Jim grasped his arm tightly.
"No." Jim said quietly. "I'll tell him." There was no way in hell that he was going to let Spock have an excuse to smooch on his new boyfriend some more, not while Uhura was in the room probably wondering where her man was. It made Jim sick to think he was doing that to her. She didn't deserve it. She had been there for Spock, after all, when his planet imploded and mother died. He was angry again, but tried to suppress it. This wasn't the time to experience another snappy emotion towards his First. He gave Spock command and exited for the turbolift. Once on his deck, he walked towards the cabin of James. When he got there, he stopped. He looked at the stale grey colouring of the door and simply stood.
How was he going to tell him? How did someone tell someone else they weren't going home? This was bound to be hard on them. They would be gone forever from the world they knew, the friends they loved, the people they touched. Everything. Gone.
His head hung low for an instant, but then he determined himself again and decided that sulking about it wasn't going to make a damn bit of difference and chimed the door.
No answer.
He tried again. No answer. He waited for a few more minutes and chimed again.
Still, no answer. He walked down the hall and tried Mr. Spock's cabin. The same thing. No answer on either chimes. Thinking, he figured they might be in the Private Rec Room again. He walked to the room and noticed the door had a lock on it that he didn't put there.
They had to be inside.
He messed with the lock, trying to figure out the code. Why would they put one on it anyway? It was a recreational room. Jim didn't even lock it. He had no need. Once the code was figured out (huzzah! It was a simple Captain code), the door opened and Jim stepped inside.
"James? Mr. Spock?" He looked around and stopped mid-stride. There, on the table, sat James and in front of him was Mr. Spock. The older Vulcan had his back to Jim, but the younger Captain knew what was going on from the look of pure ecstasy on James' face and the parting of the man's legs right at Mr. Spock's head. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what Mr. Spock was doing to James.
James caught noticed of him, a blush forming around his cheeks, and Mr. Spock turned slightly to see who had come in behind them. A slight trail of something white on the man's lips. Jim should have looked away then, but he didn't. He wasn't disgusted by the act he had just walked in on, no, not at all. It was the fact that James had been kissed by his Spock and was now receiving oral pleasure from the older Spock.
"You…" Jim started, but then the fury broke, "You two-timing son of a bitch!" Jim finally blurted out. Mr. Spock had stood while James fixed himself to be presentable.
"Now, calm yourself," James said, "I know this is probably very confusing for you—"
"Shut it, old man!" James fell silent, Mr. Spock not moving an inch from where he was found. "How the fuck could you do this?" Both older counterparts appeared confused. Jim stepped forward, but then stepped back, not sure what to do or what he'd do if he got too close to them. "First you have a make-out session with my Spock and then you get some head from yours? What the hell, man? So now every Spock fucking belongs to you?"
"Jim, what is he speaking about?" The older Vulcan was obviously talking to James, but had called him 'Jim' by mistake. James' face went through a barrage of changes before it settled on a more serious one.
"I don't know." James finally said.
"The hell you don't!" Jim shouted. He was angry now, angrier than before. He was so pissed that he could go back in time and blow up a fucking planet. He approached them and pointed a hard finger at James' face. "I saw you! I saw you last night leaving this room and my Spock leaning over to suckle your two-timing, cheating neck!"
"Now wait just a—"
"I fucking saw you!" James' fell silent again. Mr. Spock made no attempt to speak, but Jim looked up at him anyway. "You probably knew! That's why you didn't want to say good night to them! It makes sense now." Jim turned back to James. "You just think you're so fucking wonderful that you can have any Spock in any timeline you see fit! Well listen up, asshole, you might be me, but I'd never never, cheat on someone, even if they were technically the same damn person! You're disgusting! You're—you're—" A quick hand grasped Jim's shoulder and turned him around violently. His watering blue eyes fell on those of his own First Officer.
"I think that is quite enough, Jim." Spock told him. Jim was startled to see the man. When had he arrived and how long had he been there?
"How can you say that?" Jim asked, sounding much out of breath from his rant. "I saw you kiss him, I know how much better he is than me, but seriously, how can you be so cool about this?" Spock shook his head and walked over to James. Once there, he turned his back to Jim and asked:
"This is how you saw us, correct?" Jim nodded, noting that they were in the correct positions. Spock then moved up, it looked like he was kissing James' neck again. "And this is what you saw?" He asked. Jim said it was. Spock then asked for him to come around and have a look for himself. Reluctant at first, he finally walked over and saw that the kiss had been an optical illusion. From where he had been standing, it only appeared that Spock had kissed James. Jim was confused.
"Wait a second, then why did you do that? Why get so close to the guy?" Spock motioned for him to come closer and when he did, Spock pulled down the collar of James' shirt to reveal a scar. It was in the shape of a bite. He was still confused.
"It appears that I have some explaining to do." James said. "We have, many things, to clear up." The older Kirk had everyone sit at the table.
"I am terribly sorry that you thought Spock and I were," he looked over briefly at the younger Vulcan, "engaged in some form of a relationship. This is untrue, as you can see." Jim nodded slowly. Okay, he made that mistake, but he was still unconvinced. Why would Spock want to get that close to see a damn scar? "After you and Mr. Spock left the room, Spock and I fell into conversation. Somehow or another, we got on to the topic of relationships when I mentioned that your Spock had the same absentminded flicking of his tongue as my Spock during our game play."
"That is when I realized that James was implying that he and Mr. Spock had formed a relationship." Spock said quickly. "I had performed no 'flicking of my tongue', James was teasing a trait of mine that only those who have witnessed me in close quarters would know about." James went to continue.
"He didn't believe me when I admitted that my relationship was true. So I offered to show him proof when our game was finished." A pause. "It was when we were leaving that I showed him the scar that my Spock had left on me as a mark of ownership. The scar was Mr. Spock's own bite. He had claimed me." Spock finished for him.
"I was analyzing the bite when you saw us, Jim, I had found that the bite indentions were similar to that of my own dental records and were, in fact, true to my counterpart. James was speaking the truth." Jim had been sitting quietly during the explanation. So, James and Mr. Spock had formed a relationship? When did that happen? He suddenly felt like such an ass for assuming all that had happened. It made sense now, all of it, for real this time.
I'm such a dumb-fuck, he thought to himself. Rubbing the back of his neck, a blush streaming across his face, he apologized to everyone.
"There's no need to apologize," James said, "you had thought Spock and I were doing naughty things together and simply were trying to defend him from my 'cheating'. If that had been true, that would have been admirable. What really surprises me is that on that assumption you allowed him to engage in this 'fake' relationship while still being boyfriends yourselves." Jim blinked.
"What?" He asked.
"You and Spock. You're dating, right?" Jim and Spock switched glances and he thought he saw Spock slightly move away.
"Uh…no." Jim said. "Spock's dating Uhura, not me." James gave a puzzled look.
"James," Mr. Spock said, "this is a different timeline, Spock and the Captain might not ever engage in a relationship together here."
"So this whole time you thought he and I were dating?" Jim asked, almost in non-belief.
"That's right." James said nonchalantly. "I had, only assumed. I suppose I was wrong, considering he is instead dating Lt. Uhura."
"That is also incorrect." Spock spoke up. The words broke like thunder. Everyone looked at him. A slight greenish blush had formed over his cheeks. "I had ended the relationship with Lt. Uhura two days previous. It was mutual. We both had needs that were not being met, so we mutually ended our courtship." He flicked his eyes up at Jim. "When James went on to continue the conversation of our supposed relationship in the other timeline, I had mentioned a few things from this timeline which would have given him the assumption that you and I were dating, Jim. I apologize for the confusion and misinterpreted facts." Jim sighed and looked around the room for a moment. Spock wasn't dating Uhura anymore? Well, that was somewhat of a relief, or would have been easier to take if his had known about it two days ago. He might not have exploded as much as he had tonight. But, now his Spock was free from relationships. Jim thought it was the implanted emotions, but the news suddenly made him happy.
"You know, they don't have to be."
"Excuse me, Jim?" Spock asked.
"You know, they don't have to be misinterpreted. Wanna be my boyfriend?" He flashed an uneasy smile at the Vulcan which was met with an expressionless mask. Spock then turned his eyes away as if he couldn't possibly imagine doing such a thing.
"And why would I want to be in a relationship with you?"
"The older guys seem to like it."
"They are not us."
"Please? I mean, all this Vulcan mix up in my head has really clouded my thought process and I figured actually dating you might cure it."
"Vulcan mix up?"
"Yeah, from the mind melds." That came out suddenly and Jim hadn't meant to say it. He clapped his hand over his mouth again just as Spock's eyes looked sharply in his direction. Oh shit. This wasn't good.
"You have experienced a mind meld? And by your plural use, I am to presume you have done this more than once?" Before Jim could defend himself, Mr. Spock spoke for him.
"The Captain and I had shared a mind meld so he could explain to me the tragedies that had taken place here in your time. It was a logical method to explain such circumstances, but as for the other meld, I am unaware of it."
"A….story for another time." Jim said at length, hoping to drop it there.
"But, Captain, we may not get another chance for this explanation considering the limited amount of time we have around the anomaly." Mr. Spock said.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Jim had completely forgotten about that. Spock switched glances with him just then as well. It looked like he wasn't the only one who forgot. Through the heated argument and explanation, they both had forgotten to mention that these two men might not ever make it back home. Taking a deep breath, Jim began to explain what had happened on the Bridge. James and Mr. Spock could only look on, in what Jim was sure looked like horror.
...
A/N – Thank you to everyone who had reviewed! You guys are just awesome! I know a lot of you are confused about the pairings here, but hopefully this chapter cleared it up. I really like Bones, I think he is so cool. I hope to have more of him in the next chapter. Thank you again to the 100+ of you who have story alerted this! I'm so happy! *cries* Opinions and suggestions are always welcome!