So let's get a summary of all the shit that has gone down in the past two days, shall we? First, an anomaly spit out a vessel named Orion and on it was Jim's, Spock's, and Bones' eight-year-older counterparts. Okay, done deal, pretty sweet, get to ask all kinds of questions and have our older selves bullshit the hell out of us if they want to. No problem.
Second, Spock got all pissy with his counterpart and practically maimed the guy because Older Him didn't know about the 'tragedies' that had taken place in this universe. Okay, so we solved that problem with a mind meld, got a little cozy with one another, time went on and we worked out okay. No problem. We're totally cool now.
Third, due to the mind meld (okay, melds) Jim experienced unwanted feelings towards Mr. Spock and Elder Spock and was practically bitchy towards his own. Solved that problem too, mostly, well, not solved more than found a solution.
We're still pending on that one.
Fourth, it was decided that the anomaly would be studied to try and find a way to send the older guys back, because, you know, having two doctors, two bullshit Captains, and three fucking half-pissy-Vulcans in one universe just, you know, wasn't working out.
Probability of a kinky three-way with either the Spocks or the Bones?
0%, but hell, who wouldn't want to at least try that out?
Okay, back to the problem at hand. Yeah, sorry, I got carried away there thinking about stuff.
Fifth, Jim had caught his Spock necking-kissing, erotically making-out, man-on-man hot action scenes with his older self, James—fine, that wasn't true either and I may have exaggerated a bit. Which, turned out to be an optical illusion and Spock hadn't kissed James, so when Jim caught James and Mr. Spock doing the nasty in his Private Rec Room, he may have blown up on the guy just a tad bit too much.
Aw, fuck it, he was bound to get fussed at anyway. Freaking awesome dude and his obviously more awesome traits than me. They guy can't even cheat right!
Quiet time now, Jim.
Shut up.
So that brings us to our sixth and seventh point. Spock (younger pissy version) found out that Jim had been in some mind melds (yay for nonchalant deception!) and didn't take the news well. Then, Jim and Spock both remembered how they got into this mess in the first place. The anomaly had disappeared—well—imploded. It's not there any more. This is a problem because now the older versions are stuck here for sure until they can find another way to send them back. Which, even with the Enterprise's new fangled glory and awesome computer systems and kick-ass crew, there's only so much they can do. It didn't help that Jim had a thing for speeding past the stop sign in his brain and letting his thoughts fly our freely into their own fifteen-car-pile-up.
"Well, you guys still have each other." He told the serious older Vulcan and the agape mouthed James. If Spock had been all human he might have smacked Jim's arm or bitch slapped his forehead, but he wasn't, so he settled on staring at Jim heavily to get the message across that that had been 1. Bad timing and 2. Stupid as all fucking hell to say at this point. His emotionless stare said it all:
Jim, are you as fucking stupid as you are bat-shit crazy about maiming yourself on away missions? What the fuck, man?
Jim shut his mouth, getting the message. Okay, that was a stupid thing to say, but it was true. The guys could be alone right now, separated, and since they were lovers that would have been terrible. So yeah, at least they did really have each other—even if that meant leaving everyone else behind. It could be a lot worse.
They could have landed in an alternate universe where men were castrated for anything.
Just sayin'.
Jim sat at the table, feeling like a total idiot, which was becoming the norm for him. He didn't like being seen as an incompetent fool, but he couldn't help it. He was still just as new to the Captain-gig as Spock was to the whole taking orders from a monkey thing. Jim snickered silently. Nah, Spock would probably have an easier time with a monkey. He sighed, he had made himself feel bad.
Silence had already taken form in the rec room. It was obvious no one knew what to say, except Jim who was still being heavily stared at as a warning not to open his mouth. Ever. It was a full minute before anyone dared to speak.
"We can not hide ourselves here too much longer, James," Mr. Spock began softly, "someone is bound to find out our identities and this may pose a problem."
"Yes," James agreed in a sort of dazed state, "it will be troublesome should Starfleet Command realize this error. Considering that they have already dealt with alternate timeline mishaps, they may not take any chances and detain us immediately upon arrival back from the missions."
"A logical deduction." Both Spocks said at once. As if on cue, they both flared their eyes at one another, Younger Spock's gaze appearing more deadly than that of the Older Spock. Jim switched glances between them, apparently there was still some intensity there. If Jim didn't know any better he would have sworn the two were just about to pounce on one another and start one of those bitch fights he had frequently seen in high school between the top cheerleader and the top school whore.
"Now, now, gentlemen," James spoke up to save the day, "you are both equally logical and there's no need to argue over that. We have bigger problems to assess here." Oh, you know it was bad when the Captain had to remind the stoic First Officer to get his shit straight. Jim tried not to smile as the two Vulcans rearranged their features to try and not look like they were embarrassed, or as embarrassed as a Vulcan could look anyway, which was simply just tensed eyes and a slight green flush on the tips of their ears. It was kind of cute.
Damn those implanted fucking emotions and shit!
Spock noticed his slight mental outburst and turned to him casually. "Are you feeling ill, Captain?"
"Nah," Jim said with a wave of his hand as a blush streamed across his face, "I'm good. I'm good." Man, Jim was just beaming a captainly air today.
Not.
To regain back some of the ego he lost due to the older version of awesome sitting across the table from him, he sat and thought about the problem they were facing. "So, we can't send you guys back via the anomaly," he thought out loud, "and Starfleet Command will probably dissect you guys in more ways than one," he sat back into his chair comfortably, "so, I guess the only thing we can do is find a reason to delay our missions so we can search for another anomaly, maybe look for the similar characteristics that were around it to maybe pin point where another one might be." Jim was so lost in his thought he didn't notice the impressed look on his Spock's face. Jim then sat up straight and clapped his hands together playfully.
"Okay, Spock," the younger Vulcan appeared alert, "you did the reports on the anomaly in full, correct?"
"Yes, Captain."
"Of course you did, it was stupid for me to ask that. Now, you know all the measurements, its composition, its damn well near everything. Do you think you can scan the area for those certain measurements to maybe pin point possible locations where another one might occur?" Spock nodded slowly and skillfully.
"It is possible. Those measurements were particular."
"Great," Jim smiled, "and Mr. Spock, you also had readings and measurements on the anomaly before you guys blacked out from suffocation, correct?" Mr. Spock looked up, a slight twinkle in his eye.
"Yes, Captain. I still have those measurements on my tricorder."
"Good, good! We'll put those measurements together and see what we can find. Spock," Jim said while standing to look at his Vulcan, "I'm leaving it up to you to find these gentlemen a way home. Do you think you can handle such a big responsibility?" Jim knew the answer, but Spock nodded all the same.
"Of course."
"As for the delay," Jim continued as he paced around the table, now in deep thought and thinking how badass he must look right now, "the best method will be to tell the truth." Everyone looked up at him in unison, like he knew they would. "I'll tell them about the anomaly and give them both the readings we have. That way, they might be able to warn us of other anomalies similar to that within the area, so we'll get twice the feedback on these things." He held up two fingers as a visual and smiled like a goof with the greatest plan since sticking your dick in a vacuum tube.
"What about the issue of our counterparts?" Spock asked. Jim's grin widened.
"We don't have to tell them about that tid bit, but we can report on the strange magnetic bursts and how they have set us back about a week." If Spock were human he was sure that stoic expression on his face would have read: 'Are you made of all that is illogical, Jim?', but fortunately, Spock was not all human so the impression Jim got was: 'What. The. Fuck?'
"There is a flaw in your plan," obviously, was the unvoiced word heard after that, "the bursts did not affect the ship in any way." Oh, Spock, you lovable too-observant pointy-eared son of a bitch.
"Not yet it hasn't." Jim smirked and placed a Captainly hand on the back of Spock's shoulder, "but by tomorrow morning Scotty's gonna have a lot of magnetic related problems down there in engineering." Everyone still had their eyes plastered on Jim's notoriously illogic person.
"You are suggesting to sabotage your own ship?" Mr. Spock asked with a quirk in his eyebrow. Jim placed his hands firmly on the table and leaned forward. "Sabotage is such a mean word, I think of it more like…well, there really isn't a better word is there?" a pause. "Sabotage it is then!" He snickered at his wonderfully flawless plan.
"With our security personnel, cameras, and systems, how do you suppose you will get into engineering without someone spotting you?" Jim turned his gaze from that of his party-pooping First Officer and turned to James.
"That's where you are going to come in handy." James gave the slightest of smiles, something that if Jim were a woman he would have stopped mid-sentence, "We're tag teaming this shit. You have over eight years experience with this ship. You know it inside and out by now, so you're going to help me come up with a nice route in and out."
"It is true, I do know my ship rather well," James said placing a suggestive hand on his chin, "but this is a different reality. Things are not as they are in mine." Jim must have given a look of frustration because James' face suddenly looked interested.
"Do you want to go home or not?" Jim wheedled, nearly whining. "That's another dumb question, of course you do. So, honestly, I don't think you guys have much of a choice. If we delay the missions for at least a week, we might have enough time to look up possible locations on other anomalies. God knows we need the eff-ing time." Everyone nodded slowly in agreement. Jim's smile could not have been wider if he was kick-ass Joker from Batman. He thought his plan was so full of epic awesome that he sat down into his chair and put his feet up in a way of showing just how cool he was.
I am a badass motherfucker, he thought to himself.
"Though possibly detrimental to the Enterprise," Spock said after a moment, "I do find your plan…logical. It may very well work in our favour."
"I agree." Mr. Spock added. "I must admit that I was for a loss of plans to help our situation, but you seem to have brought back a sense of 'faith' as the Earth term would be. If this plan is to succeed, you will almost make me believe in 'luck'." Jim winked at him and put his feet down in a swift motion.
"Stay on this ship long enough and I'll make you believe in anything." Mr. Spock stared at Jim who stared right back with equal intensity. Jim hadn't known how suggestive that had sounded until James cleared his throat to break the two away from their sudden eye-sex and moved towards Mr. Spock, as if to say 'he's taken, back off, youngin''.
"Well," James started, "your plan does seem to have its possibility in working, but we should go over more crucial details before we begin an attempt."
"I agree." Spock said suddenly. "I will clear the Science Room and take Mr. Spock there with me to review our data." He stood and looked at the older Vulcan who stood up as well. They walked towards the door, but just before they left, Spock turned.
"Captain," Spock said in almost a hushed tone.
"Oh, I know," Jim confessed with a smirk, "I'm awesome, I know. I know." He licked his lips and flashed a perverted smile. "You can thank me by considering that offer to be my boyfriend." He winked. Spock's brow tilted and a slight flush met his ears.
"I will sooner accept my Human half." He turned on his heels and left abruptly. Jim snickered and turned to James who didn't look nearly as amused as he was.
"Well," Jim chuckled, "I didn't exactly hear a 'no'."
...
It only took a few hours for Jim and James to come up with a suitable plan. They ran it by the Spocks who were working steadily in the Science Room and both agreed with them. Here was the plan:
Mr. Spock and Spock would make a small device which when inserted into the engineering panels would cause a magnetic field to generate and shut down the equipment on the entire level. This device would be disguised as a wire and so would blend in nicely and the chances of Scotty actually finding it would be low. The device would be given to Jim and James who would come during the skeleton shift and put it in place, all the while Jim would scramble the security systems as James placed the object. Spock would announce that another magnetic burst was about to hit, Mr. Spock would scramble the magnetic distortion of the object within the system to keep anyone from pin pointing it, and then James and Jim would escape from engineering and return to their cabins while Spock walked down the corridors to fake the scene that a large magnetic burst has put the ship in down time. Jim knew that Scotty would assess the problem and admit to the down time, and Jim would contact Starfleet Command with the half-truth. It. Was. Flawless.
At least, they all hoped.
The Spocks only took an hour to construct such a simple device as a magnetic disturbance wire. When they had completed it, they returned to the Private Rec Room (now being called 'The Office of Evil Plans' by Jim) where they told Jim and James how to install it and use it properly. James went over his plans a little more thoroughly with everyone to be sure they were all on the same page. After the talk, Spock said that he and Jim were to return to the Bridge and would bring the plan to fruition after their shift. Before they got that far, Jim decided to share their plan with the doctors. They needed to know this stuff too.
When Jim reached Sickbay, he was surprised to see Leonard out in the open walking with Bones freely around the medical room. Jim's heart sank as he grabbed his friend violently by the wrist, not even caring that the guy was holding a hypo.
"Are you high or something?" Jim demanded. He pointed a finger frustratingly at Leonard who was treating a bed-written, sickly Yoeman. "He can't be walking around here in the open!" Bones was reserved more than he should have been and calmly removed his wrist and shushed Jim.
"It's not a problem. All the sick just think they're seeing double. He's been really helpful by taking half my workload off my shoulders." After much dispute over how Jim was overacting and how Bones was a lazy-ass slacker (which, he did end up admitting to), Jim told Bones the news and of their plan. Somewhere along the line Leonard was brought over and he listened in as well. In the end, both shook their heads and spoke in unison.
"You're insane." Whoa, it was so creepy when they did that whole 'speaking at the same time' thing.
"Scotty is practically married to this ship. He loves it. The second he sees a wire he doesn't recognize, it's game over." Younger Bones told him with a crossing of his arms.
"Ah, but you doubt the joined efforts of the most awesomely awesome Captains and slightly-less-than-us awesome half-Vulcans."
"No." Older Bones retorted. "I have no doubts in your plans what-so-ever, what I doubt is that Scotty'll let you strut into his nursery and tinker with his babies."
"Dude, that joke has got to die." The younger doctor said, "I have got to get those horrible 'Scotty screwing the Enterprise' images out of my head." They looked at each other seriously and then began to snicker. "Man, you totally thought I was serious!"
"You had me going for a second there!" Older Bones chuckled. They gave a fist pound to one another as the laughter subsided. Jim wasn't amused. Damnit, he was being serious and these two needed to quit mocking him. He turned on the Captain Mode.
"This is serious." He said flatly, "I need both of you to cooperate for this plan to work. I want to send these gentlemen home, I'm sure there's a lot to miss about the other universe." Both Bones looked at him and steady themselves. They looked almost ashamed for having to be told to behave by their less-than-great-example Captain.
"What can we do?" Older Bones asked.
"For starters, you," Jim said while pointing at him, "need to get back to your cabin. You don't belong out here where Nurse Chapel or some of the other medical crew might see you." He then turned to his Bones. "And you Bones, I need you to distract Scotty somehow tonight." Bones rolled his eyes and sighed.
"I'm a doctor not a bottle of Scottish liquor." The doctor replied heatedly. "How am I supposed to distract him?"
"I don't know!" Jim threw his hands up in a small bit of frustration. The original plans hadn't called for any distractions on Scotty, but Jim thought it might help should the guy still be working down there after shift. "Be creative. Dance a jig with him, get him drunk off his ass,—hell—seduce the fuck out of him! I don't care, just make sure that man is not working down there after hours." A pause as he watched Bones take in all the information. "Do you understand?"
"Aye, Captain." He shook his head and gave Jim a small smile. "It's nice to see you making the turn around from stupid-dumbshit-lucky Earth saviour to a real Captain." Jim smiled back.
"I gotta start somewhere." He shrugged. "Plus, I always wanted to yell orders at you, so that part of my sick fetish is complete." Well, that air of authority didn't last long. He slapped both men on the shoulders and turned to leave.
"The Alpha Shift ends in three hours. Be ready, gentlemen." He then made his leave. He took himself to the Bridge where he was greeted by an acknowledging Vulcan and the rest of his Bridge crew. He whispered to Spock about what he had told Bones to do and then they completed their shift like nothing else was going to happen. Especially not a totally awesome sabotage plan.
When the skeleton crew started coming in and the morning crew lining out, the plan was set in motion. There were to wait exactly one hour before any shit happened. They gathered at the Private Rec Room, the Office of Evil Plans, where they were greeted by James, Mr. Spock, and to their surprise: Bones and Leonard. Jim gave a sheepish smile as his doctor looked at him with a stern expression of how exactly he didn't want to distract the Scotsman.
They all sat and went through the plan one last time to clue in the doctors and make sure no one was going to fuck up and forget what to do—like Jim.
Especially Jim.
Actually, just Jim.
"You know, I'm not a dumbass all the time. I can actually think things through and do stuff right." Jim said aggravatingly to James and Spock who had been explaining the plans again. "I kinda, you know, made the plan to begin with."
"This is not to ridicule your ability in forming plans, Captain," Spock said slowly like the word 'ridicule' was too big for him to understand, "we are just in need of clarification to make sure that the sabotage goes well without the possibilities of errors." Jim sneered at him.
"It's things like that that make me want to fuck it up." Both Bones and Spocks spoke at once, but Jim could hardly make out what each had said since it had been jumbled all together. He knew the Vulcans had said: "That would be illogical" and he was certain the doctors had said: "You'd be an idiot to do that" and "Shut the hell up, Jim".
"You know what?" He asked in response to all their jumbled mess, "Fuck you guys, you wouldn't even have the plan were it not for my handsome face and awesome Captain thinking."
"I hardly see how your aesthetics would help in any situation." Younger Spock said with the Vulcan equivalent of a taunt. The Older Spock looked away for a moment and James gave a little blush.
"Actually," Mr. Spock said at once, "James' aesthetic appeal and charm have helped in some missions quite heroically." Jim could see a bit of a blush streaming across James' face.
"Thank you, Mr. Spock, an unnecessary flattery, but thank you." James finally said. Jim stuck his tongue out at Spock and winked.
"In your face by the way, oh, and that offer still stands, you know." Jim waggled his brows suggestively, "You can still get a piece of this Captain Sexy Pants and his 'heroic aesthetic appeal'." Spock turned away and ignored him like an uninterested high school girl.
"Back, to the topic at hand," Younger Bones said, though it was strange to see him helping Spock out of a situation, though Jim was sure it was simply to avoid knowing what they were talking about. Though it was like, obvious.
They continued with the explanation. When the hour was over (to Jim's relief because sitting still was so fucking hard), they commenced their plan with Bones calling down to engineering to see if Scotty was still there. When his voice was heard over the intercom, Bones cringed and made up some lie about how Scotty's performance evaluation was slipping and he needed to take another look at the guy to make sure the tests hadn't been wrong or something. Smooth, Bones, smooth.
When the intercom shut off, Jim couldn't help but to laugh. "I swear, man, that sounded like the worst pick-up line ever!" He could see a blush forming on the doctor's face as the others seemed to be holding back amusement of their own. It really had sounded like a lame excuse to see Scotty.
"I hate you, Jim. When this is all over, I'm going to make sure your next physical will involve blow torches and acid injections." Jim grinned sarcastically.
"I love you too, Bonesy."
Bones left the room to get to Sickbay, while Spock handed James the wire. They all left together, Mr. Spock left to head for the ship's main controls, Spock left to assist the skeleton crew and 'fake' the magnetic burst, while Jim and James went off together on their route to place the wire.
All of this for sake of keeping those older guys identities a secret, Jim mused, reminding himself why this complicated plan had to work. James stealthily lead them down some corridors that Jim hadn't even known about until now, and while dodging crewmen and finally getting to the engineering deck. Jim hoisted himself up into the controls as James hid behind a computer engine. It was there that Jim started messing with the security system. It only took him a few minutes to get the system to temporarily shut down.
An alarm went off. Jim hadn't anticipated that, but this was the best ship in the fleet, it was only natural that it'd be awesome about hacker-related problems. James looked like he was in panic below, but suddenly the alarm shut off. Jim smiled as he knew it was either his Spock or Mr. Spock who had shut it down skillfully. He continued his work and finally gave James the go ahead.
Jim dropped down beside the man and stood as lookout while James took the wire to the engine controls. He watched the older man work fast. He took the cover off one of the panels with ease and started shifting through the wires to find exactly where he needed to put the magnetic one. Jim found this all exhilarating. Not only was he doing something bad, but he was doing something bad on his own ship. If he was caught sabotaging his own vessel, Starfleet Command could Court Martial him, and if he got Court Martialed, what did that mean for the older guys?
Jim gulped. A lot was riding on this. He knew after the Narada incident that the higher-ups weren't going to take more alternate reality people lightly—even if they were of the best damn officers in the fleet.
James was just about to place the wire when a security officer that Jim knew as Gibson, cornered him with a phaser and shouted for James to put his hands up. Well…Shit!
"Drop your item, put your hands up and turn around." Gibson ordered James. He was reluctant at first, but after the second barked order, James turned slowly around, the wire still in hand. Gibson looked at him questionably.
"Who are you?" He asked in a sort of daze. James smiled.
"I have many names." He was stalling. "I have been called a scoundrel, a king, a fool, a lover," this guy was full of dramatic pauses, "the Captain of the dark night, the prince of the holy hand, the toy of a child, and the heart of a lion. But," He paused dramatically, "you may simply call me 'goodnight'." And with that final phrase, Jim struck the man behind his neck and he was out like a light. During the whole dramatic scene Jim had been creeping up behind him.
"Nice hit." James said.
"Nice irregular pauses." Jim added. "Have you really been called all those things?"
"Well," he lightly shrugged, "'scoundrel' is defiantly one I remember."
"Ah." Jim replied. There was no more time for talk as James steadily placed the wire in position. He turned to Jim and gave him the go ahead to alert Spock. Jim buzzed his communicator knowing that Spock would get the message that everything was in place and he should start faking the up coming magnetic data. When that was complete, he heard sirens start to blare and he heard Spock speaking over the intercom.
"This is Lt. Commander Spock, a magnetic burst has been detected from an anomaly in the area and is approaching the Enterprise. Please use caution and brace yourself for impact." James turned the wire on and immediately a large bang was heard as the ship's systems began to shut down and fail. Now they just needed to escape before the engineering crew arrived to try and resolve the problem.
Jim began to lead the way out, he was always the type of man to lead a situation, but when they started hearing footsteps clambering to get down here, he panicked. James took over as he grabbed Jim's arm violently to pull him behind a computer engine. From there, they peered over the corner to see many crewmen and women steadily trying to locate the problems. Jim thought for a brief moment how he hoped that Mr. Spock had scrambled everything correctly, and I say brief because the next instant, James was pulling Jim up into the control panels that led to the security systems. Just as Jim shut the panel below them, they could see personnel through the ventilation slits walking below. That had been close.
Jim decided to fix the security controls while they were up there, and once everything was back to normal, they moved through the system. It was a tight space, used mainly for one person to be able to squeeze through should there be any problems with the system, so imagine two men trying to fit their way through there.
Jim winced as his view was completely full of his older self's ass.
"Come on, we don't have much time." James said quickly, "Spock is probably already on his way to your quarters." Duh, Jim thought, have I always been Captain Obvious or do I grow into it with age? He followed his older self through the tight space and finally they broke free on the other side which placed them in a different part of the engineering room. To get out, they'd have to slip down the Jefferies Tubes and take the risk of falling into a crowded hall. Jim just hoped that no one was wandering around down there.
James was first to look down the tubes and when he said the coasts was clear, he motioned for Jim to follow. They slipped down the tubes, one after the other, and fell to the bottom. They landed in the hallway on the lower deck. No one was around. Walking briskly, they began the rest of their escape.
This hall was out in the open, anyone could be coming down it at any time, so their pace quickened for the turbolift. Dodging more crewmen, they managed to get inside without anyone's notice. Once the doors shut, both relaxed and released the breath they had been holding. That had been quite a rush. Jim looked up to his counterpart who was breathing rather hard. James looked up to him too.
Both instantly laughed.
"Man!" Jim started, "I haven't had to sneak around like that since that one crazy bitch back at the academy!"
"I hear ya," James said with a chuckle, "I don't think I've had to do that around my own ship before. Quite a rush."
"We're not home free yet." Jim reminded him. "We still got to make it back to our cabins. We got fake reports to make, fake data to make, we have a lot to make up to make sure it looks right to Starfleet Command." James placed a warm hand on Jim's shoulder. He looked up instantly and saw those brown eyes looking deep into his.
"You did good, boy. Mr. Spock and I…if we can find a way to get home after this…we won't be able to thank you enough." He shrugged.
"Don't sweat it, old man. You'd do the same for me."
The turbolift's doors opened to reveal their deck. They stepped out in the same stride, the Private Rec Room in sight. As they quickened their pace, they were suddenly stopped by a voice calling them from behind.
"Stop right there."
Jim and James instantly froze.
...
A/N - *big smile* You are all so wonderful with your reviews. I can't tell you how happy they are making me! I'm glad to hear that you are enjoying the story. *cries* Thank you so much! I am so thankful! So, how are you liking it now? This chapter wasn't really long, but long enough if you ask me. I wanted to give Jim a more Captain air since I'd been making him act like a doofus for some time now. Do you think I executed it well? I hope I did! *hugs* Thank you agai to all of you who have story alerted this and favourited it and reviewed. It means so much to me!