I woke up the next morning feeling worse than I went to sleep. Over the course of a week, I had realized something that made me very sad. I realized something that I would never want to admit to Bella – I did not want kids. I never saw myself as a father. I always saw myself as a husband and a doctor, but never as a father. I had learned that children were not meant for me. Bella was the type who can have children and care for them, but as for me, I just did not like them. I loved my niece, and I loved taking care of children at the hospital, but that was it. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life taking care of someone else. I was always content with just taking care of Bella. The shock of of this abrupt realization paralyzed me to the bed. This was not something I could hide from Bella for the rest of my life. This was the kind of thing that led to argument after argument, and sometimes even resulted in divorce. I ran my hand through my hair and slowly walked throughout the house. Bella was already gone. I sighed remembering it was a weekday, she was already at work. I absentmindedly walked around the house not knowing what to do on my day off, everyone was at work. I reached for my phone on the coffee table and called the only person I could think off.

"Hello?" A groggy speaker asked on the other end.

"Hey…it's Edward. I'm sorry if I woke you but I needed someone to talk to and you were the only person I could think to call. I know things have been rough with us but is it ok if we meet up for coffee or something?" I asked as I rubbed my neck feeling very stupid for doing this.

"Yeah of course. Ill meet you at the coffee shop by your old place." The speaker answered, shocked.

I quickly said my goodbyes and hung up. Bella was not going to like this. I showered and changed, and started shaving. For no reason at all, I found I wanted to look nice for her. I felt like I had something to prove.

I sat at the table closest to the door, one hand strumming on the table, while the other folded under my chin. I saw her before she walked in. Wearing shorts and a tank top, Lucy walked in looking beautiful like always. She quickly noticed me and sat across from me without saying a word.

"Your hair grew," I blurted, not knowing how to break the awkward silence.

She laughed, "well Edward, it has been a little more than a year since you left me at the altar."

I grimaced hoping she would not have brought that up. "Sorry Luce, I thought you would forget about that."

Lucy laughed again as she got more comfortable in her seat. "It's ok Edward I completely understood why you did it. It was better for the both of us, and as you can see I am engaged," she fanned her hand in front of my face. I caught a whiff of her lotion, reminding me of all the times when I would hold her. I smiled at the fact that that smell did not phase me at all. I had made the right decision in picking Bella.

I shook my head. "Really? That's great!"

"Yeah it really is. He's a great guy and we both want the same thing, ya know?" I sighed, I wanted the same things as her too. "So why are you here Edward? Not that I mind, of course. It's great to talk to you and not have anything awkward between us, but I can tell something is up. Did you and Bella leave each other already?"

I ignored her last question, wondering where to start. "Bella wants to have children really badly. The problem is...I really don't want children. My whole life I knew two things, I knew I was going to make a great husband and a great doctor, but I never even considered kids. I love Bella, and I want to spend every minute of my free time with her, and it feels like if I had a child, I would have to share that time with the baby." I paused and ran my hands through my messy hair. "I mean call me selfish, but she is the most important person in my life. I don't want to spend my life being tired at work and then coming home and being tired at home too. I just want to come home to a quiet house and to my wife. I am completely happy with that. I don't see why she isn't happy with me. I don't get why I am not enough for her." I lowered my voice feeling more ashamed. "I tried talking to my mom but I felt even worse after talking to her. You always understood me and you are great at giving advice, so I was thinking maybe you can help."

I looked up from the table and saw Lucy giving me a sad smile. It was as if she was telling me that I wouldn't have this problem if I was with her. She leaned forward, putting her weight on her forearms. "Edward...I don't think you will like what I am going to say, but you came here for some advice and I will give it to you. "If you love Bella as much as you say you do, and I am positive that you do, then you will do anything in your power to make her happy. As your wife, Bella should be a part of you. Seeing her upset should make you upset, and seeing her happy should make you happy. Even if it isn't something you may want now, or ever, you should at least consider it and really think about having a baby with her. I get that maybe children aren't for you, but they obviously are for Bella. Sometimes we have to do things that we aren't particularly fond of for the people we love. I am sure Bella doesn't like the long hours you work at the hospital. Sometimes you are gone for days but does she complain? No she does not because she knows that is what you love and she would never even think about taking that away from you because she loves you. Well, the same should go for you. Besides you never know, once that baby comes out you might fall in love with it. You won't even mind sharing your time with Bella because that baby will have stolen your heart." She finished speaking and sat back in her chair.

I stared at her confused. "I thought you didn't want kids."

Lucy shrugged, "I really don't but if John ever wanted kids as bad as Bella does then I would give them to him. Seeing him happy would make me happy. That is all that matters to me. That is all that should matter to you."

I stared at my pale hands afraid to say what I was about to say next. "I'm scared Lucy."

"I know you are. You don't want to lose all your time with Bella, but to be honest, you guys will probably end up having this bond that you have never had before. You will fall even more in love with her - if that is possible."

"I am also scared of being a bad father." I blew out the air that I was holding in.

Lucy snorted, "Edward you are the last person who should worry about that. You were an amazing boyfriend. It is also obvious that you are an amazing husband. You have always taken care of everyone in your life. You take care of strangers. You are so sweet, generous, and kind to everyone. What makes you think you wont be that with your own child?"

"Because I will hate them for taking Bella away from me."

Lucy threw her hands up in the air. "No one is going to take her away from you Edward! She will be a mother, her children will be her priority, but you are the love of her life. That will never ever change."

As I sat against the tree, I closed my eyes and let the warm breeze dance across my face. Lucy had given me a lot to think about. I agreed with her on the part where I should do everything in my power to make Bella happy, but what about me? Wasn't I supposed to be happy? How was it fair that She could always be happy in life, and I had to suffer in order to make her happy? Shouldn't she consider not having children to make me happy? I leaned my head against the tree, annoyed with myself. I knew Bella always wanted kids. I knew she wanted them just as much as I wanted to be a doctor. I knew this ever since the year before I met Lucy.

"I hate kids!" I whispered towards Bella, aggravated that she made me help her watch this little devil child. We had been sitting at Chuck E Cheese for only ten minutes and I was already ready to tear my own hair out.

"Come on Edward, Riley is not that bad," Bella said as she eyed the little blond boy warily. She quickly stood up and ran after him once she saw that he was trying to steal tickets from a much younger girl. She walked back looking sad. I couldn't help but laugh. "What did you expect me to say to his mother? No I will not take care of your son while you go give birth to your child? Her water had already broke when she asked me. I couldn't say no!"

"Okay okay," I laughed. "Just make sure not to ask me to help you next time. Its kids like him that make me hate children."

Bella sat back down and put her head on my shoulder. "It's not that bad. Well, I don't think it is as bad when it is your own kids. Yeah sometimes they can be a pain in the ass, but in the end it is worth it. Just seeing a child smile brings tears to a parent's eyes. I think there is more pros to having kids than cons."

I shook my head, "Nope I do not see any of that."

She slid her arm around and poked me. "Come on Edward, kids aren't that uncontrollable." She looked out at all the kids playing. "I can't wait to have my own. Someone to rely on me when they need me. Someone that I can raise and teach what is wrong and what is right. Someone that is a part of me that I can love."

"Since when did you want kids that bad?" I asked

She shrugged, "I have always wanted kids. I think I will be a good mom. Don't you think?"

"I do."

I barely ever regretted marrying Bella, but it was times like these when I did. I felt like someone else can make her happy, someone who can give her everything she wants and needs. I turned my head towards the sidewalk when I heard that familiar laugh. I saw Bella by the front porch helping a little girl ride her bike.

"It's okay if you fall off. Don't give up. Just keep trying till you get better. Promise me you will keep trying?" I heard Bella say to the little kid. After the kid left, Bella turned towards the park and saw me staring. She waved while giving me a questioning look. I waved back letting her know I would be in soon.

I wasn't ready to face Bella, not with all the thoughts lurking in my mind. I wiped the dirt and ants off my legs and walked towards the car. I was going somewhere Bella would not like, not this early in the day. I was on a role for doing things that would upset Bella today. Strangely, that thought did not give me pleasure but made me sick to my stomach...yet I continued to walk towards the car.