A/N – I am very sorry for the slow update. *bows* I must have re-wrote this chapter a dozen times, but I am thankful for the reviews and wow, a lot of you knew where I was going with this, so congrats! 8D

…..

Painful was an understatement. Honestly, for a brief moment, Jim thought to himself that the amount of pain he was actually feeling needed to have a new word to describe it. Unfortunately, his head was in too much of a jumbled mess to think of one.

Every part of his anatomy was screaming. He could vaguely feel his head tossing side to side, his body tumbling on what felt like a bed, and his voice was faint to his own ears, but clearly he was shouting. Pressure was on his head, immense pressure. It felt as though it would explode any moment. Then, when things appeared they couldn't get any worse, Jim began to slowly return to consciousness.

"Jim!" A familiar voice called to him, faintly at first, but then gradually louder until the very single syllable threatened to maim his ears. "Jim!"

He blinked himself awake, but even that task proved to be a hard one as a blinding light pierced his silted eyes. A lazy hand moved across his field of vision until someone decided to turn down the light. Now with less intensity, Jim could finally observe his surroundings. He was in sickbay.

Damnit.

His head offered another pounding pain as an internal rebuttal. "What happened?" Jim managed to ask whoever was kind enough to turn off the bright lights of death. The familiar drawl told him all.

"You had a seizure unlike I've ever seen." Bones told him grimly, loudly.

"Seizure?" A tricorder met the tip of his face and began its hum as doctor mode overtook his friend. He began to scan him thoroughly.

"Well, not really so much as a seizure as it was more like your mind literally trying to rip itself in two. But, you know, which ever definition you prefer." Jim was confused. None of what Bones was telling him was making any sense. Now with his bearings back, Jim blearily looked up at his doctor friend, confusion written all over his features. The last thing he remembered was flirting with Spock, and last time he checked, flirting didn't exactly translate into standard as 'ripping seizures'. He went to ask what the fuck Bones was blabbing about when another voice decided to answer for him.

"For all intents and purposes, Captain, Dr. McCoy is accurate in his prognosis." Jim swore that Spock had magically appeared from no where. He had not been there two seconds ago. "You are, quite literally, ripped."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked, his voice almost in a tremble. When his vision cleared completely, the Captain decided to take a moment to study his surroundings a little better. It's not like he didn't know what Sickbay looked like, but his academy training forced him to take in all the details. Somehow, the room felt foreign to him.

Spock continued, taking a seat that had been strategically placed next to the biobed Jim was resting in. It appeared Bones took his counterpart's heed after all. Jim turned and looked at the Vulcan. "While you were unconscious, Dr. McCoy and I discovered that you were not suffering from any typical Human aliments. In fact, what had caused your collapse had been entirely Vulcan in nature."

"What that means, Jim," Bones cut in, "is that your other Vulcan boyfriend decided to leave you a nice parting gift." Jim felt a slight panic rise in his throat.

Spock ignored the doctor's interruption, focusing entirely on his Captain. "When my counterpart melded with you, a light bond was unintentionally created. This bond is wholly Vulcan in nature and very few Humans have ever experienced it. With so little data, it was difficult to predict exactly how the accidental bond would affect you."

"The implanted emotions." Jim whispered to himself. "You're telling me that they're still going affect me? Even after we just got out of that mess?" He watched as Spock and Bones switched a knowing glance. This couldn't be good. And for an unknown reason, that thought made a rise form inside Jim that was quickly taking the form of anger. Bones decided to take over and placed a warm hand on his shoulder. This did little to calm him.

"I don't know how to say this, but actually, them leaving is exactly why this is worse than it sounds. You're ripped, Jim." Something inside him snapped. It had to be the emotions.

"You've both been saying that but you haven't given me a damn reason yet! What the fuck do you mean I'm 'ripped'?" The outburst made his doctor double-take, but he regained himself quickly, tag-teaming off to Spock.

"Dr. McCoy and I examined the data and found that the precise moment you began to collapse, Captain Talho's 'ship' had just transported from our universe. I looked into it personally. It matched down to the millisecond." The way he said 'millisecond' was all that it took to convince Jim that they were far from over with their counterpart issue. The realization froze Jim. A wave of anger and sadness enveloped him and he didn't know how to stop it. He looked away from them, considering what they had told him but still not quite understanding it. "What are you saying?"

Spock briefly hesitated, "Upon the review, I had my suspicions, but I could not ascertain the facts without another mind meld. With Dr. McCoy's permission, I initiated one and found my theories to prove accurate." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "The light bond that my counterpart had carelessly created, mistook Captain Talho's transport as death. Because it now lacked the presence of my older self, it literally ripped his half of the link from your mind, causing your current distress." Jim shook his head in disbelief, this couldn't be happening. "Vulcans, when a bondmate or arranged bondmate regrettably passes, meditate with their families to soothe the broken link, but since you are Human and there are no records of Humans outliving their Vulcan bondmates, there is no current arrangement to help alleviate the alien bond."

"So, what you're saying is that my mind ripped itself and neither you nor any Vulcan for that matter knows of a way to cure it?" Jim seethed.

"I have heard of certain methods—" but Spock didn't have time to finish as Jim began a sad laughter. Tears stung the way to surface as Jim took it all in. He had fought so hard to keep everything from Starfleet, risked his career for their counterparts, traveled to an alien planet, lost his memory, regained his memory, and even after all was said and done, he would still have to ride his emotional rollercoaster. That I didn't even ask for.

Both Bones and Spock tried to calm him, but the emotions swimming throughout his body refused to listen. Brilliant. Fucking brilliant. He shook his head, tears silently falling from him, a heat rising up his throat. Then suddenly and harshly, Jim pointed a finger directly at his First Officer.

"All I ever wanted was to make nice with you." Jim started, silencing any and all other conversation. "All I ever wanted, was to be your friend—and why? Because some damn old fogie version of you said it was meant to be!" Jim slammed his fist on the biobed railing. "I tried, Spock! I fucking tried! I kept telling myself to keep at it! To raise the white flag and prove to you that I wasn't just some dumb-hick farm boy with a penchant for taking promotions from fucking alien species!" Spock blinked, his features minutely changing with Jim's rising voice. "And you know something? I was enjoying it! I liked hanging out with you, I liked playing games, I liked making you uncomfortable with my charm and flirt-tastic shit! Hell, I think I even liked you to the point I was ready to accept that our counterparts fell in love!"

Spock stood up, apparently Jim's tone making him uncomfortable. Jim didn't care. Something inside him was urging him on, so he took it. He needed to do it. "But this! This! It's clear to me now that our universe fucking hates us. It hates me, it hates you, it hates us so much that it tried to keep us as enemies!" His breath hitched and he tried to calm himself with little effect. "All I ever did was like you." He breathed. "And look what that brought us. Look what it did to me. I didn't ask for it. I didn't ask for our universe to get the shit-end of the stick, and I sure as hell didn't ask for it to fling three versions of you at me, two of which screwed me up worse than Nero."

"Jim…" Spock whispered.

"No." Jim said flatly, emotionless. "Don't say it. I don't want to hear it." He paused. "God, sometimes I wished I'd never met you." Two sets of brown eyes went wide. The room fell silent and only then did Jim realize what he had just said. With those last few breaths, all his anger seemed to dissipate and normalcy took him. The hollow look in Spock's Vulcan exterior was all it took to make Jim see he had made the absolutely biggest mistake of his life.

Spock stood rigidly. His hands lay straight and proper at his sides. Jim looked at him, wanted to take back what he said, but found something was holding him back. Like an invisible hand placed over his mouth. Spock didn't look at him, his eyes downcast to the Sickbay floor. All was quiet until the Vulcan spoke softly. Detached.

"The Captain is under distress of a broken, inadvertent Vulcan bond…" Bones, who had remained silent, reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, but Spock stepped out of the way, the doctor's hand hanging in mid-air. "He can not be held responsible for anything he may say while under these conditions." Turning on his heels, Spock headed for the exit. Jim tried to call out to him, but his throat felt caught. There was nothing he could say that would make this better. A tiger once let out of its cage can not be whistled back in. Before the doors swished open to allow his exit, Spock stopped briefly.

"Captain, I request to work Beta shift until we return to Earth. Since you are still under the care of Dr. McCoy, I will sign approval for the request myself." Then he was gone. He left no time for anyone to say anything for or against the request. He simply left. The room grew cold.

So very cold.

Jim sank into the medical bed; Bones was quick to snap his head towards him. He paced two steps until he practically hovered over his Captain. Jim didn't need to look up to know his friend was angry. He had every reason to be.

"I don't give a fuck if that's how you're really feeling of if that was caused by the implanted emotions, Jim," Bones began heatedly, "but what you said to Spock was just cruel! Even to an unemotional Vulcan prig, that was the cruelest thing I've ever heard you say!" Bones clenched his teeth, sneered and fought with himself. "Are you proud of yourself?" He suddenly asked, the anger encompassing his voice. "Proud that you managed to hurt the one person who could have been more to you than anyone in the fucking cosmos? Are you proud, Jim?" Jim remained silent. Sadness crept up on him and made his eyes water. Bones rolled his eyes. "Oh, great. Now you're going to get upset about it! Well, listen up, Jimmy-boy, your tears ain't gonna mean shit now. They ain't gonna change the fact that you just told your First Officer that you wished you never met him!"

"I didn't mean it!" Jim ground out. Finally, he could speak. It was like a tiny battle had been raging in his voice box.

"Yeah, well even if you didn't, Spock isn't going to understand that. He only understands logic and takes whatever people say for face value. And guess what, Jim! You just proclaimed your undying hate for him! Congratulations!" Jim flung himself out of the bed, not even caring that the diagnostics were beeping from his sudden movements. He grabbed Bones by the shoulders and made sure they were face to face.

"Why the hell are you doing this?" Jim demanded, shaking him a little. "I was speaking out of anger, stress—foreign Vulcan mental shit—and you know this! You know I would never say that and mean it to Spock! Or to anyone for that matter! So why the hell are you trying so desperately to make me feel like the most worthless piece of shit this side of the universe? Don't you think I'm pretty damn good at doing that myself?" Bones fell quiet, Jim did too. All that could be heard was their breathing. Many moments passed, the doctor just staring into his Captain's eyes with shame. When he finally managed to tug his eyes away, did anyone speak.

"Because," his friend began, "I suppose, I too, was speaking out of anger and stress. I'm sorry, Jim. It's just…" Bones sighed and guided his Captain back on to the bed. Bones took the chair and waited a few more seconds. "While you were unconscious, Spock told me about how you've been pestering him to be your boyfriend. He said prior to your episode that's exactly what you had done." The doctor looked at his hands as though they would tell the rest. "He said he couldn't understand why you were so persistent on the matter, but after witnessing our counterparts, he said he could see the benefits and potential to being your lover." Bones looked over to Jim, seriousness in his brown eyes. "He said it was illogical, but he had found this counterpart thing enlightening. He said he had grown a new respect not only for you, but for himself as well. Then, he looked me square in the eyes, Jim, and told me that after we explained to you what had happened, he was going to say 'yes', and work with you as your lover to help heal the severed link and those emotions." Jim's heart stopped. "That's why I got so angry at you. I know it must have taken all Spock's strength just to tell me that."

"Spock was willing…?"

"To try to set this universe right one more time." Bones finished. Jim crumbled all in himself.

"I really am the biggest dumb-fuck." Jim whispered into his knees as he brought them up to his face. "Bones, what have I done?" He felt a hand rub his back. Bones voice turned into a soothing baritone.

"We have three weeks until we have to report back to Earth." Yes. They did. "I suggest you find the time somewhere in between all the bullshit with Starfleet and our last few missions to apologize." Jim looked up at him, he knew his cheeks were pink from being upset.

"Do you think he'll listen?" Bones nodded then shook his head.

"Listen to you? Yeah. Accept it? Well, I can't tell you what he'll do. But I don't see the harm in tryin'." Jim nodded silently. "But, don't be surprised if he doesn't accept it. That was a pretty straight forward thought you gave. He might have a hard time believing you after that." Jim removed himself from the bed and gave the first smile he had given in hours.

"That won't be necessary, Bones. I don't believe in no-win scenarios. I know what I've got to do now. Foreign mental incapacitation or not, I've got to set this right." A new passion ignited in him. Just as Mr. Spock fought for James' affection, Jim would fight to win his Spock's back. He and James really were the same person, weren't they? Both had hurt their Spocks, but Jim still had time to do the right thing, right?

"Well, besides your mind weeping like a teenage girl, your physically healthy." Bones told him. "I'm going to allow you back on duty but only if you promise to come to Sickbay every night before you turn in. I'm going to want to run tests to make sure you won't pass out on duty." Jim turned around and faced him.

"Deal." Grabbing up his boots, he began to redress himself. "Wish me luck." The doctor could only sigh and nod.

It would be a long three weeks.

And it was.

…

There was no doubt that the severed bond was present. Jim could feel it every time he wanted to speak, but it only hindered him when he wanted to speak with his First Officer. Sure, he could talk duties and about the damn weather if he wanted to, but when it came to anything remotely personal, it was like the damn implanted things just refused to cooperate. He found himself tongue-tied, unable to say what he meant, and making himself look like a bigger fool. But, it wasn't as though he had gotten many opportunities to try again and again. Since Spock took Beta shift, they hardly ever saw each other, and the missions were so simple that it didn't really require both their presences at once.

When he told this to Bones, who every night asked if he had apologized yet, the doctor took matters into his own hands and forced them both down to Sickbay. However, not even that worked out in their favour. Jim couldn't force himself to speak and Spock, well, Spock appeared more Vulcan than he'd ever seen the guy. He would wait for Jim to say something and when nothing would come, Spock would proclaim he had duties to attend to and leave. His backside was becoming a familiar view for the Captain and he hated every minute of it.

Jim fought with himself. As the days dwindled and blurred together, Jim found himself considering that this had been inevitable. There was no way he could tell Spock what he really felt when the hurting bond got in the way. As much as he wanted to shout his apologies, Jim discovered that as the hours turned into days, he missed his Vulcan friend—his could be Vulcan lover, but no matter how hard he fought, the emotions prevented him every step of the way. It appeared that they refused to link to another so soon after Mr. Spock's 'death'.

When Jim did manage to speak with Spock, it appeared that duty was the only thing he could bring up without acting a fool. What made this hurt worse than not apologizing to a guy who stood four feet in front of him, was that Spock had been refusing to call him by his name. It was always 'Captain', and in response Jim could only call him 'Commander'. The titles hurt him, more than he thought they would, but there was nothing he could do about it, just as there was nothing he could do to persuade Spock to play Chess with him again. Those had stopped too. In fact, in the entire three weeks, Jim had only seen him six times and each time had been in passing for their shifts and the one time in Sickbay.

Jim admitted defeat.

Jim sat on the biobed as Bones ran the usual tricorder over his head. "I give up, Bones." He stated suddenly. The doctor froze in place for an instant, then put the tricorder away.

"What do you mean, you 'give up'?"

Jim sighed. "I mean exactly as it sounds. I give up. I'm done. I'm through. It's been days and all I've done is prove to Spock I'm a stupid failure. I've tried everything too, there's just no way around this bond thing. Since I haven't even said 'sorry' once, I'm sure he thinks I'm a cocky bastard anyway and that I really do hate him." Bones eyed him and crossed his arms.

"Who the hell are you and what have you done with Jim?"

"I'm being serious."

"So am I. What the hell is this, Jim? You never give up! So what if a little alien mix-up gets to you! You never let something like this stop you before!"

"Damnit, Bones!" Jim shouted, "We dock tomorrow, for christssake! It's over! It's done! I've failed and the universe got to fuck me one last time in the ass!" He got up from the bed violently, nearly knocking it over. "Don't you get it? Spock and I were just never meant to fucking be in this universe! We wouldn't have even thought about if James and the other Vulcan bastard had never come here! We'd just be friends! Friends! Always friends and nothing more! Professional, uptight, co-workers!"

"Jim, listen to yourself!"

"I am!" Jim turned around to face him so harshly that his short hair appeared to be affected by the velocity. "I'm listening loud and clear!" He calmed himself for only a moment. "Mr. Spock was right. Maybe we just weren't meant to form a relationship here. Elder Spock was wrong too. This is a different place, a different time. Whatever worked in their realities just doesn't fly here." The doctor didn't move as he watched his Captain turn away.

"So that's it?" Bones asked quietly. "Tomorrow you're just going to let Spock walk right off this ship? What about when he comes back from shore leave? What is this going to do to our team?" Jim silently shook his head.

"After tomorrow there won't be a team anymore." He didn't need to look at his friend to know the doctor wore a questioning expression. Jim continued. "I got his letter of transfer. After tomorrow, Spock's going to be the Chief Science Officer of the USS Battalion."

"What? Jim! You're not serious, are you? You're not going to sign off on that!" Jim gave a heavy sigh and began for the door. Dr. McCoy seemed to just let him.

"I told you, Bones. It's over." He left, too quickly for Jim to hear his friend's last words.

"Not if I can help it."

…

It had been a hard three weeks but finally it was done. They pulled into dock and Jim watched as one by one his crew beamed off to take their promised leave. It took a total of five hours and twenty minutes until everyone was gone—everyone but him. He knew as soon as he stepped off the ship he'd have to face a few admirals about what had happened during their 'down time', and though that sounded as appealing as getting your dick stuck in your zipper, he wanted one last look around. One last look at the ship that come two weeks, would be devoid of a certain Vulcan First Officer.

He walked along the corridors with his small bag over his shoulder. He found himself walking without thinking. With the foreign emotions, it had gotten really hard to think about anything else besides his duty. The corridor was empty and his footsteps echoed off the sharp walls.

He stopped when he came to a familiar door. 'PRIVATE' he read beside it. The door looked faded and the walls stale around it. It was obvious at least to him that no one had been in there since the counterparts had left. He was about to walk away and sulk in his own fault when his eye caught something. Right below the words PRIVATE was a taped piece of paper. Curious, he stepped as close as he could and read the familiar hand-writing.

Jim and Spocky's Happy Play Time Room

It was his writing and it put a sour taste in his mouth. He wanted to punch the wall, to do something incredibly stupid and destructive. He had been such an idiot. He remembered receiving the letter of transfer, how his heart sank into the pit of his stomach and how there was really nothing he could do. He could deny it, but what would that do for Spock? Even though he hadn't signed it yet, he had made a mental note to do it before he left the ship for his leave. He would do that now.

He moved to head for his quarters, but his feet felt paralyzed. Jim didn't want to do it, didn't want to give up. Turning, he rested his forehead against the wall so that the taped note sat right below his nose. He punched the wall.

James T. Kirk, saviour of the planet Earth, but he couldn't combat the mental bond of an alternate reality Vulcan to apologize to his dear friend and First Officer. What a way to go. They had been through so much, and yet here he stood. In a matter of moments, it wouldn't matter anymore. The universe had won and Jim would taste its bitter victory.

Suddenly, Jim peeled the note from the wall. The tiny words were so saddening. The look of it, bitter, upsetting. When it was off, he read it again, then again, then again. The words still offered pain every time he read it. It wasn't until after the sixth or seventh time he read it that Jim's brain clicked into place.

He hadn't reposted this note.

Actually, the times he had gone by the Private Rec Room he hadn't seen it. It must have been posted recently. Like in the last few hours. The tape was still fresh though the note was worn. Who?

Who could have…?

"Captain." Jim turned around suddenly in surprise and dropped the note at the same time. He watched it land on the floor and then he looked up to the stoic features of his First Officer who he was sure left the ship three hours ago.

"Commander." Jim nodded with a fake smile. "I thought you had already gone." Spock's gaze fell to the note on the floor. Jim saw that he was wearing his regulation blacks. Leave it to Spock to still be in uniform when he's off duty.

"I had, but I came back to retrieve something I had left on board." The eyes returned to Jim. No one spoke.

Spock leaned down and picked up the note slowly. When he rose back up, the note was sticking to his fingers and he pulled off a single hair that had attached to it. He watched as Spock turned the note over as if studying it and disregarding it.

"Captain," he began almost grimly, "I do not approve of the nick name 'Spocky' very much."

Jim shuffled his feet for a moment feeling embarrassed. "Um, Sorry. I don't know who put it back up, I guess Bones was just trying to pull a stunt or something." Bones, it had to have been Bones. He's the only person he could think of who would pull something like this. Jim had been pretty grim about everything yesterday. But as Spock shook his head marginally while still holding the note, Jim thought to himself that it had been for naught. Nice try, though, Bones.

"Captain," Spock began again, catching his attention with the small inflection, "You are aware that I much prefer 'Spock' to any other name." Jim nodded, feeling a tightness in his throat. "You prefer it too, Jim?" He asked off-hand. His eyes looking down into Jim's wide ones.

Jim.

That single syllable caught his attention quicker than anything had before. Spock had just said his name, after three weeks of strict 'Captain' and 'Commander', he finally said his name. His breath hitched and his body felt panicked, but in a good way. He was too stunned to move as Spock walked by him and placed the note back under the PRIVATE lettering. He pressed on the tape with delicate fingers until he was sure it would stay and then he reached into his pocket and retrieved a small pen. With the pen he scribbled out the 'y' in 'Spocky'. It was the first time Jim had seen Spock scribble anything. He then stepped back and they both viewed the note.

Jim and Spock 's Happy Play Time Room

"This is acceptable." Spock said lightly. He turned on a sharp heel and faced him with his hands clasped behind his back. Jim didn't speak, he couldn't. A lump in his throat prevented him but it wasn't the emotions' fault, Jim was just speechless.

"I have retrieved what I had intended." Spock said with a small nod. Jim nodded back and Spock brushed past him and began a walk down the lonely corridor. Jim could hear every step the Vulcan made.

Say something! Jim urged himself, seeing that it would only be a matter of seconds before Spock would disappear into the turbolift, Jim knew he couldn't mess up this chance. He had to do something, to say something! He just had to!

"Spock." Jim forced out, the foreign bond struggling against him. The Vulcan stopped directly in front of the 'lift, but he didn't turn to face him. "I was," he hesitated, "on my way to my quarters." His voice quivered very un-Captain-like. "I was going to sign off approval on your transfer request… before I left." No one moved. Jim braced himself for anything at this point. Then slowly, the Vulcan met his gaze. A small twinkle seemed to appear behind those stoic eyes as he told his Captain that that would be impossible.

"If you can sign off on a deleted document, I will accept the transfer, Captain." Jim's smile started small and then blossomed while Spock began to walk to him again. "Though you are a renown hacker, I doubt even you would have the abilities necessary to acquire fully deleted information."

"I don't know. I could still surprise you." Spock stopped three feet in front of him. Even with Spock's three-inch taller height, Jim felt so small beneath that brown gaze.

"I would hope that you would not."

"So, what made you change your mind?" Jim asked, feeling like a breath of fresh air was forcing in and out of him. He felt slightly woozy too, but refused to acknowledge it. Nothing was going to stand in his way now. He wouldn't let it.

Spock raised his brows silently, then gave the Vulcan equivalent of a shrug. "Let me just say that I felt what I was doing was… wrong. You could even say that I felt it in my… 'bones'." Silence.

Jim laughed. Hard.

He kept at it for many moments, his eyes wetting and his stomach hurting until finally he brought himself to a stop. Slight chuckles still escaped him, but honestly, Jim couldn't have been happier. "Remind me to plant a sloppy, wet one on that man when I get a chance." Jim tried to catch his breath after that, relieved to see a little humour in the Vulcan's stare. "He probably told you to say that, didn't he?" A brow tilted, then a nod.

"Dr. McCoy was quite clear that he wanted me to say that particular phrase." Jim began to chuckle again, mentally telling himself to send his best friend a bottle of his favourite brandy. "He also told me to say this as well." Before Jim could look up, Spock inched his face down and place a quick, soft kiss to Jim's lips. The Captain stood stunned, blinked and continued to do so even after Spock had moved away again. "Jim, I have reconsidered your proposition and I would like to tell you that I accept your offer of courtship—should your desire to have me still remain."

As much as Jim wanted to reply, he found he couldn't, but he didn't need to. Those eyes looking at him seemed to give him all the confirmation he needed. His throat felt as closed up as it had all those weeks, Jim knew it would still be a while before he could honestly reply, but Spock didn't appear to mind. So instead of offering a verbal response to Spock's return, he inched forward and kissed the Vulcan right back. Not even the severed bond could prevent him from doing that.

Yes, Spock. Yes.

…..

A/N – One more chapter until this story is complete. I hope I didn't make you wait too long, but writer's block seriously sucks. It was like, nothing I wrote ever sounded well and that made me upset. But, I treaded onward, and told myself I would finish this chapter today. And I did, so yay! 8D The last chapter will be our closing, I hope you look forward to it! Oh, and I'm sorry for the angst at the beginning. XD