People have been accusing him all day of acting weirdly.
It's incredibly amusing to him, and he wonders if this is the kind of reaction Lady Gaga would get, going out in public as Stefani Germanotta. Because that's exactly what it's like, but kind of in reverse. He's shedding the stereotypical exterior that he donned as a defense and is becoming who he really is, in a volatile way, of course...
But it's no different from any other awakening.
He sees right through Mr. Schuester's attempt to get to the so-called heart of the matter, telling them to sing a song, right now, without preparation, acapella. Song choice is a window to the soul. Kurt could sing any number of depressing songs about being hated, but it's a new day and a new outlook for Kurt, and the self-hatred is a thing of the past. "Hating myself had to come to an end," Kurt thinks. That's a thought. I could sing that – no, too much profanity. Fuck You Aurora, while fitting, uses the word "fuck" too much.
He runs through his iPod, considers some songs. Hand of God, I Never Told You What I Do For A Living, The Phrase That Pays... Everything's just a bit too depressing and fucked up.
He wants people to know he's okay, just different. Coming out of his shell in one fell swoop, instead of crawling like a blind little snail. Theatricality – that's one part of his false persona Kurt kept. He still likes to do things with a bang and maybe a little bit of glitter, for old times' sake. It's fun to make a show out of everything, as long as it's on his terms this time around. He's the star of this show, and it will be a happy ending.
That's another thought – The Show, by Lenka.
And then the perfect song slides past his iPod screen, and Kurt flicks it back, excited. "I'm ready, Mr. Schue," he announces, cutting off Rachel, who is about to state her intentions. Everyone jumps at the sound of his voice, because it sounds so... normal.
Tina was expecting something dead to crawl out of his mouth. Puck thought he'd never talk again. Mercedes thought it would be a repeat of the "straight" fiasco of last year.
Mike and Matt aren't surprised. As dancers, they were the only ones who saw how uncomfortable Kurt was in his own skin, how he nearly always assumed a defensive posture when speaking. They had no idea this was going to happen, but they knew Kurt was hiding something. Body language, though silent, speaks louder than words. Hands and feet don't lie.
Mr. Schue gestures for Kurt to go ahead. When Kurt smiles in response, it is like his old smile, but wider, brighter, more honest – like he had been an unfinished sculpture before, and now the artist had finally finished, polishing the roughly hewn lines into delicate curves that speak volumes.
The entire room is taken aback by how happy he looks. Most of them had an image of Jesus on the cross superimposed over Kurt – suffering, uncomfortable, dying. They have no idea what to expect next, and Kurt intends to keep them guessing.
Before, he would spend half an hour agonizing over which song to sing, how to arrange it, and what to change about it. And then he'd change the entire song and repeat the process. Not this time.
This time, he just sings.
"We are young. We are strong. We're not looking for where we belong. We're not cool; we are free, and we're running with blood on our knees."
It's loud, it's powerful, and it never goes off-key. It's like Rachel possessed Kurt or something, because he has never put this much energy and heart into a performance, not like this. 4 Minutes was close, but it was not this. It has all the pride and strength of 4 Minutes, the vibe of "you are watching me and you know I am amazing", but it's more intense, and it's all Kurt.
"We could rule the world on a silver platter. From the wrong to the right light, to the open stream. With a crash and burn, we could make it better. Turn it upside down; just you and me. We are the dream. No other way to be!
"We are young. We are strong. We're not looking for where we belong. We're not cool; we are free, and we're running with blood on our knees."
He's working the room like it's a public performance, and it's turning into one. Rachel's on the edge of her seat, whispering, "This is the kind of energy and commitment I've been looking for from you guys – mmf!"
Finn has clapped a hand over her mouth, shooting her a look. She shuts up for once and listens.
"I could change the world. I could make it better. Kick it up and down... Take a chance on me. When you fake a smile and you think you're better, gonna put it down, rip it at your feet. No bridge to burn, nowhere to turn for me.
"We are young. We are strong. We're not looking for where we belong. We're not cool; we are free, and we're running with blood on our knees."
Mercedes didn't know Kurt had this in him.
"We are young. We are strong. We're not looking for where we belong. We're not cool; we are free, and we're running with blood on our knees."
Artie almost wants to cry.
"What do they know about us? Are they thinking of somebody else? Are they wondering what we might be? Are they thinking of you or of me?
"We are young. We are strong. We're not looking for where we belong. We're not cool; we are free, and we're running with blood on our knees. We are young. We are strong. We're not looking for where we belong. We're not cool; we are free, and we're running with blood on our knees.
"We could rule the world on a silver platter. Just you and me. Just you and me."
And oh my GOD, thinks Mr. Schuester, did he just hit high F in the middle of that line?
He's breathing heavily. He hasn't sung since... well, he's not sure when the last time he sang was. "I need to sit," he announces loudly, and is about to head back to his seat when Rachel, who has been fighting with Finn's hand the entire time, manages to burst free and runs straight at him.
It's Kurt's turn to be taken aback when Rachel hugs him with all the force she can muster. "Hi, Rachel," he says, at a loss for words. She smiles the smile she reserves for people she likes (who are few and far between).
"I thought we lost you for a month or so there," she says. "But I get it now."
"We found you," Mike supplies.
"I think it's going to turn into 'Inspirational Acapella' day, Mr. Schue," Artie says.
He's wrong, because Rachel interrupts. "It's tacky to go on when the opening act has clearly done a better job than you could ever hope to," she says. "But that's only for today. Tomorrow, I'll be standing right here with a song choice that will knock you over. And I am offended that you threw that high F."
"It wasn't for you," Kurt scoffs. "I didn't want my dad to, you know... Have to deal with any more. Stuff."
Mercedes, who's still having a hard time accepting all this, asks if that's why he's acting like this. "He's not acting," Matt says. "Don't you get it?"
"No, I don't," she says, snapping at him, "and I don't appreciate you using that patronizing tone with me."
Brittany speaks up for the first time since she walked in. "I don't get it either. It doesn't make any sense. It's like when Santana gets angry with me."
Kurt walks over to her and sits next to her. He pats her hand. "You don't have to get it, sweetie. Just... accept it. And forget about understanding it. There's no point. I don't even understand it completely."
You can see the similarities between Old Kurt and New Kurt, Matt decides. It's like walking through a valley filled with fog.
Everything is a vague shape that looks like something else, but once you get close and perceive the right shape, it all makes sense.
Once Kurt stopped shutting everything out, the fog lifted. And everything became completely clear. You had to look at everything an entirely different way, and sometimes the sun was so bright you had to squint your eyes, but everything was there, the way it had been before, and the way it was supposed to be.
Just... clearer.