Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. They belong to Cecily von Zeigesar and The CW.
"How long have I been asleep?" Blair inquired as she opened her eyes to see Chuck staring back at her intensely. She had no idea how long she had been asleep. In fact it took her awhile to figure out where they were, and why they were there. When she remembered it was their anniversary, she smiled leisurely as she stretched out.
"Not long," he shook his head as his hand caressed one of her breasts softly, massaging it in his strong hand.
"Did I pass out?" she asked as she sat up slightly arching herself into his hand..
"From exhaustion or starvation, maybe," he told her, "Not from pleasure, unfortunately."
"What smells so good?" she inquired as the scent hit her nose suddenly.
"Dinner," he told her as he nuzzled her neck gently, "It just arrived a few moments ago. When you passed out, I realized we haven't eaten anything since breakfast. We must have gotten sidetracked by something else."
"I wonder what that could be," she gasped as she played dump as he bit down on her neck in response.
"We need to eat to keep up our strength," he told her as he reluctantly pulled himself from the bed, pulling her with him.
After a delightful dinner in which they took turns feeding each other, they decided to give each other a bit of a respite and watch a movie. Chuck almost choked on his own surprise when Blair told him he could choose the movie. Whenever they watched television or a movie, which was rare, she was always in control of what they were watching.
At first, he tried 'Roman Holiday' with Blair's beloved Audrey Hepburn, but she nixed the idea as he was trying to make her happy. She insisted that he choose one of his favorites. He sighed as he began to think of possible movies. He could have easily picked one of the standard guys movies that he and his best friend had watched over the years, but he wanted something different for his evening with her. Suddenly a suitable movie came to mind as he ordered up an Alfred Hitchcock classic, 'To Catch A Thief'.
Blair curled herself into him on the sofa as the movie began. They had both donned robes to eat dinner, but she began to slowly push the silk of his aside gradually as the movie continued. He tried to concentrate on the movie and ignore her advances, but she was persistent as she was so often was. By the time of the masquerade ball, he had her underneath him as he made love to her slowly.
"You are an unbelievably sexy temptress," he told her as the end credits of the film began to roll as they lay on the sofa in each other's arms. "I was trying to be good and give us both a break, and all you did throughout the entire movie was seduce me."
"What exactly are you complaining about? I already told you, all I want to do on our anniversary is spend it making love to you," she told him, "Anything else is unimportant."
"Dinner was important," he told her as he kissed her gently, "As is sleep."
"Sleep is overrated," she rolled her eyes, "Neither of us have anything to do tomorrow nor anyplace to go. And if you're complaining about us making love, I'm going to think my Chuck Bass has been kidnapped and a doppelganger has taken his place."
"I would never complain about us making love," he scoffed, "But at some point I'm going to run out of energy with the pace we have established here."
"That sounds like a complaint," she told him.
"I'm shooting blanks here, Waldorf," he groaned as she began rubbing herself against him.
She began laughing so hard she was shaking. "Weren't you the one eager to begin the next chapter of our life in which we make love day in and day out, only a few hours ago?"
"That was a few hours ago when I was still fully loaded," he insisted.
She continued laughing as he began tickling her again. Chuck soaked up the sound. They were so happy together. Her laughter was an everyday occurrence, but each day was a new adventure, a new thrill.
"I have something for you," Blair told him as she tried to get a hold of his hands to stop his teasing assault.
"Is that so," he paused, "If it involves sex, it will have to wait."
"Not everything is about sex, Bass," she giggled as she tried to get him off of her with a shove to his shoulders.
"Bite your tongue, Waldorf," he eyed her devilishly.
"It's not," she held firm as she tried to keep a serious expression, but was failing miserably.
"Do you really have something for me? Or are you trying to get me to stop tickling you?" he inquired as he allowed her to push him away. "I must warn you. If you are trying to get away from my tickling, and I find out about it, my next assault will be without mercy."
"I have something for you," she repeated as she looked around the suite trying to find her schoolbag.
"Limo," Chuck prompted her upon realizing what she was searching for without her having to vocalize her thought. He quickly retrieved his phone to contact his chauffeur to have the bag brought up. "We have a few minutes to wait, Beautiful. What shall we do until then?"
"I thought you were wanting to reload," she teased as she caught his suggestively raised eyebrow.
"I can make out with you until your surprise arrives," he grinned devilishly as he wrapped a strand of her silken hair around his finger, "Requires no ammo." She was snickering slightly as he pulled her to him, kissing her until she forgot what was so amusing.
All too soon there was a knock at the suite door. Chuck quickly found a new robe, as he was unable to locate the silk one he was wearing earlier and put it on as Blair covered herself with one of the pillows enough so that anyone with wandering eyes would have no view. Chuck efficiently dismissed his loyal chauffeur as he took Blair's bag from him, giving him the rest of the day and evening off.
"You need to close your eyes," Blair told Chuck when he returned to her side, snatching the pillow away from her gorgeous curves before he handed her the school bag she had been seeking earlier.
"Blair, if you're suddenly turning shy, you're ridiculously late. As I told you a year ago, I've seen everything there is to see, and I intend to see it again and again and aga. . ." he laughed as his eyes raked greedily across her bare flesh.
"Close your eyes," she interrupted him as she gave him an amused but stern look, "After you take off that ridiculously unnecessary robe."
"Are you feeling a little underdressed?" he inquired as he freed himself of the white, terrycloth that was standard in all rooms at The Palace.
"No, I'm feeling you are a little overdressed," she corrected him as she petted his chest affectionately.
"Are we getting to the presents yet?" he inquired.
"So impatient," she cooed as she leaned in to whisper in his ear. Chuck used her close proximity to pull her to him. Her school bag was forgotten for the moment as his lips crashed down on hers. "You locked and loaded, Bass?"
"God, yes," he growled as he climbed over her. She was giggled as he slid inside her, but her amusement was quickly forgotten as he slid further in, playing her like the expert he was becoming. He came sooner than he would have liked, but he took solace in the fact that she had come before him.
"You're lasting longer with each attempt," Blair proclaimed as they both panted for breath after their most recent encounter.
"A few more rounds and I'll be back in prime form," he agreed as her fingers kneaded the muscles of his back as she held him tight. His lips grazed her jaw line as he spoke, his breath tickling her overly sensitive skin, sending shivers down her spine. "Are you cold?" he inquired as he felt her shiver beneath him as his hands began rubbing her arms vigorously in an attempt to warm her.
"No," she shook her head as another shiver coursed through her body.
"You're shivering," he told her.
"Overly sensitized," she responded as his eyes searched hers for an explanation.
He kissed her slightly swollen lips softly before he released her. Her pout and whine of displeasure were pronounced as he took the discarded terrycloth robe off the floor and wrapped it around her body to keep the chill off her. The silk robes they had been wearing earlier were still curiously missing.
"Can you hand me my bag?" Blair inquired as her eyes closed in on the bag that had fallen to the floor as they made love.
Chuck bent over and retrieved her bag. Her hands reached out to caress his skin, as her fingers itched to touch time. Once the bag was within her reach, she voiced her original request, "Close your eyes."
Chuck's eyes slid closed as he heard her searching through her bag briefly.
"Okay, you can open them," she told him as she took a deep breath. His eyes opened to see her hands shaking slightly with the gift in her hands. His hands closed around hers with a reassuring smile. "First off, you have to promise that you will never show this to anyone, especially Nate." He nodded as his curiosity was peeked. "Secondly, you have to find an appropriately private spot for this."
"What are you giving me?" he inquired as she looked at him as a blushed crept up her neck.
She handed it to him. His eyes went wide as he saw a picture of Blair posed seductively in black lingerie on the front of what looked like a calendar. As he flipped through it, his suspicions were confirmed, as each month was a provocative pose of her in a piece of lingerie that reflected the season or holiday celebrated for that month.
His eyes were shining with amusement as he set the calendar down and pulled her towards him. "I have the perfect place for this in my office," he told her.
"Chuck," she spoke sternly. He appeared to be deliberately ignoring her request.
"My office in the penthouse," he quickly clarified as he pulled her to him, "It's perfect. Thank you."
"I'm glad you like it," she sighed with the relief she felt, "I've been so nervous about giving it to you. Even when Dorota was helping me with the pictures, I couldn't stop my hands from shaking in between poses."
"You had to know that I was going to love it," he told her as he caressed her chin gently with his forefinger. Had she not have sounded so uneasy, he would have teased her with the image he had of her beloved Dorota helping with her personalized gift.
"You know what I mean," she told him as she suddenly closed the robe tighter around her body as her self-consciousness came through. His growl of displeasure shook her.
"Blair, there is not one flaw in this calendar nor on this gorgeous body of yours," he told her as his hand motioned first towards the calendar and then went to the sash at her waist to loosen the knot so he could take in her exquisite form. "Forget what you see in the mirror, and focus what I see . . . the most beautiful woman in the world that I love more than life itself."
"You're good for my ego," Blair sighed as he pulled her tight against him as they relaxed against the sofa.
"You're good for mine," he agreed.
"What has been your favorite moment of this year together?" she inquired as she snuggled in closer to him, inhaling his uniquely masculine scent as deeply as she could. She heard him take a deep breath as he tried to come up with an answer.
"There have been so many," he responded after several moments of thought, "Too many perhaps, but I guess the one that stands out the most in my mind is Christmas Eve when you and I promised each other that we'd one day get married."
"That's a pretty good one," she agreed as she nodded against his chest.
"What about you?" he inquired, "What was your favorite?"
It was Blair's turn for silent reflection. "I don't know," she responded finally, "I certainly remember the lowest moment."
"Blair," he tried to stop her from speaking.
"My relapse," she continued on as if he hadn't spoke, "And it wasn't even that I relapsed, it was more the feelings of inadequacy that went along with it. I was so lost in those few weeks afterwards, but always you were right there, picking me up when I needed it, assuring me that you were going to be there no matter what. You always managed to find those perfect moments to pick me up when I felt like I was going to fall. I could have easily spiraled back into my old patterns of binging and purging, but you wouldn't let me."
"How bad did it really get before?" he inquired in barely more than a whisper.
"Pretty bad," she admitted as she looked him dead in the eyes. They'd never really talked about her eating disorder beyond what had recently happened. She'd briefly touched on it at Christmas, but he had wanted to know more while knowing he couldn't push her to talk about it until she was ready. Although he had known what was happening back then, he never knew to what extent she took her illness.
"Will you tell me?" he requested.
"Not today," she sighed, "Today is our anniversary. It's supposed to be a day of celebration."
"If you want to talk about it, today is the perfect day," he assured her as he kissed her temple.
She sighed as she gathered her thoughts. She really did want to talk about it with him. She was safe with him, and he had earned the right to know what had happened.
"It started innocently enough, I guess," she began, "I needed to lose a few pounds to fit into a cocktail dress for a party that my mother was hosting. Her design was just a bit to snug around my hips. So I dieted, counted calories, did extra yoga and pilates classes until the weight came off. Problem solved, my dress fit perfectly. My mother was happy because I showed off her design adequately. Nate couldn't keep his hands off me that night. Everyone was complimenting me on how incredible I looked . . . except you."
Chuck looked at her with a stunned expression on his face. He had always made a point to comment on her stunning appearance, even before they became involved. It had always managed to make her smile and irritate his best friend.
"I remember you asking me if I was feeling okay," she recalled. "I hadn't eaten much that day as I needed to make absolutely certain that the dress was perfect. You insisted that I eat one of the canapés you had on your plate."
It suddenly dawned on him which evening she was referring to. She had looked so frail that evening. He thought she hadn't been feeling well. He also remembered his best friend telling him that she had never looked better before that evening. He remembered because he thought his friend was being outright ridiculous. She had looked a thousands times better on virtually every evening before then.
"That was the night Nate first told me that he loved me," she continued on. "I didn't need any negative reinforcements, and I know he didn't mean it that way, but it's how I took it. He had never told me that before, and I was sure it was because of how thin I looked that evening."
"My parents' marriage began to visibly fall apart just after that. I guess they had been having problems before then, but that is when it really started to get bad and I became aware of it. Naïve as though it was, I thought it had something to do with me. I wasn't pretty enough. I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't thin enough. I wasn't enough," she explained as a tear rolled down her cheek. Chuck quickly reached out to brush it away.
"Blair, we don't need to do this tonight," he assured her as she began choking up. "If you're not ready."
"I need to do this," she told him as she gave him a warm smile. "You need to know this."
He nodded as he waited for her regain her composure so she could continue.
"One night at dinner, my parents were arguing. I don't even remember what it was about. To distract myself, I just kept my head down and ate. When dinner mercifully ending, I went up to my room to recheck my homework to make sure the answers were correct. My stomach felt like it was about to explode because I had overeaten. I probably would have kept it down had I not stepped on the scale and saw that I had gained two pounds from the previous time I had weighed myself. I was so disgusted with the numbers on the scale that I physically felt ill. I went to the toilet and it just came up." Blair heard Chuck's groan of remorse, but she continued on.
"I cried myself to sleep that night. I knew what had happened was bad. The next morning at breakfast, I told my mother what had happened before my father joined us. I guess that was my way of asking her for help. She brushed it aside like it was no big deal, like it was something that everyone had done at one time or another. Daddy joined us and immediately they began arguing again.
"I did okay for awhile after. I had scared myself straight. Then Nate started distancing himself from me. He didn't call as much as he had. When we were together he seemed preoccupied by something else. He didn't tell me he loved me unless I said it first, and then it was only because he was trying to be polite.
"My only conclusion was that I wasn't pretty enough for him. I went into my bathroom and removed all my clothes and stared at myself in the mirror. I pointed out every one of the flaws that I had. I began making excuses as to why he didn't want to be with me. When I stepped on the scale, I was still those two pounds heavier than I was the night that he told me he loved me. So I starved myself. For three days I didn't eat anything. I drank only enough water so that my throat didn't feel like saw dust. When I stepped on the scale, those two pounds were gone, but Nate was still distant, so I set out to lose two pounds more. After four days of not eating anything, I could no longer function, so I went to the kitchen and ate everything in sight. Upon seeing all the empty dishes, I realized that those two pounds that I lost were going to come right back, so I went to the guest bathroom, stuck my finger down my throat and forced everything back up.
"As stupid as it sounds, I felt better. I could function again and the weight did not return. I had found what worked for me so I just kept doing it."
Chuck was the one that had tears rolling down his cheek now.
"After awhile, I started to get bad headaches and stomach cramps. I was tired all the time, and there were times when it felt like my heart was jumping all over the place. My period was totally out of sync. If I hadn't still been a virgin I would have thought I was pregnant multiple times."
"By that time, Serena had left for boarding school and my father had left for France. My relationship with Nate was taking a nosedive. The only thing that I felt I had any control over was my eating habits. The lowest point was when I started vomiting up blood. That was when I called to get an appointment with Doctor Boyd myself. I had to tell Eleanor because of course she'd see the bills. The horrified look on her face when I told her I needed help and was going to be seeing a therapist still haunts me. It was that 'How dare you do this to me' mixed in with 'What will people think when they find out' look."
"Blair," he spoke out as he put a finger to her lips to silence her. He could piece together the rest of the story from what she had already told him.
"I'm sorry. I know that's a lot to digest," she responded as she looked away. He didn't let her look away long as he was quick to pull her gaze back to me.
"It was a lot for you to go through," he told her.
"I've never felt so alone in all my life as I did then," she admitted as tears began rolling down her cheeks as she burrowed into his embrace further.
"You'll never be alone again," he vowed to her, "Whatever happens . . . it you ever relapse again, I will be there for you."
"I know," she nodded as she brushed away her tears. "This year together has proven that to me. We're not merely lovers, and we're not playing house. We really are together through everything. We've had extreme highs and extreme lows, but we always come out of those stronger."
"Speaking of extreme lows, we should talk about what happened a few weeks ago," he told her.
She'd been dreading this conversation since it happened, but it had been the large elephant in the relationship since then.
"You were right, when I proposed I was reacting to what had happened," he began, "I'm not sorry I did it, nor would I have taken it back had you said yes. I had just thought I'd lost the most important thing in the world to me. In those forty-five minutes, I was forced to face what I couldn't even fathom before, a world without you in it. I knew that I wouldn't last long without you. As bad as it got when my father died, it would have been so much worse. I would have either drunk myself to death, or the pain in my heart would just cause it to stop beating."
"The same thing would happen to me if I lost you," she told him.
"All I kept thinking about while we were making love was that I never wanted to go through that pain ever again. I needed to ensure that you would always be by my side," he explained. "If I married you, I would be able to ensure that no harm would ever come to you."
"Marriage," she prompted him.
"I know you," he nodded. "If I could get you to agree to marry me, you'd never leave me."
"I'm not ever leaving you," she told him, "Married or not, you cannot get rid of me."
"When you said no, it was like I had lost you all over again. I wasn't hearing the not now part. I was just hearing no," he explained.
"I almost said yes," she admitted, "But it would have been for the wrong reasons. I would have said yes for fear that you'd never ask again, not because I was ready for the till death to us part commitment."
"Are you not ready for that?" he inquired as his stomach turned.
"I'm committed to us, but as I told you a few weeks ago, I need to be more than just Chuck Bass's wife. I need to have my own life, or we'll never have the happily ever after that we want. My mother didn't have anything outside of her marriage when she was my age. Because of that she was an unhappily married woman even before her marriage crumbled around her. She was resentful of her husband and her daughter. I don't want that for us," she explained.
"I don't want that either," he agreed.
"I want us to have it all," she replied, "The successful careers, the perfect marriage, and we will . . . we just can't have it all right now."
"I understand," he assured her as he kissed her forehead. "I won't ask you again until I'm sure you're ready."
"But you will ask, won't you," she needed him to confirm. For a split second she feared his answer.
"Yes," he responded quickly. "You won't be able to stop me."
"I love you, Bass," was her replied before she turned in his arms suddenly and kissed him deeply.
"Again Waldorf," he chuckled against her lips.
"Again and again and again and again," she chanted as she climbed into his lap. "You'd better be locked and loaded because I just got my second wind."
He groaned in pleasure. He was giving himself massive props for having thought of removing all their barriers. She felt like heaven as she rose and fell against him. He relaxed against the sofa cushions and allowed her to have total freedom of his body. His hands at her waist were his only guides as he watched her ride him. She was a glorious sight to behold.
Somehow he was able to distract himself from the pleasure he was receiving and focus solely on what he was giving. When her movements turned frantic, he could see that she was about ready to lose control. He was torn my what his next course of action should be. Usually when she lost control, he would roll them over so he could take over, but rolling them over was a dangerous course of action as they were still on the sofa. Rolling over meant rolling off. She would take the brunt of the impact.
Her eyes went wide as they did when she had found her release yet she continued to rock against him with steady rhythm. How she had managed to keep going escaped him, but he was thankful as his release came moments later.
"God, I love you," he told her as she finally crashed against him completely spent.
TBC. . .
Don't forget the reviews. I'll keep typing only if you all keep enjoying, and I won't know that unless you let me know.