Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. They belong to Cecily von Zeigesar and The CW.
"How did your business go?" Blair inquired as everyone sat down for dinner after Harold and Roman returned from their day away. Blair and Chuck had occupied their day by walking around the vineyard after their passion filled romp in the storage unit. Harold and Roman's housekeeper found them with a basket in hand, which she gave them to have a picnic under the vines. It was a simple, yet romantic afternoon. They even chanced making love under the clear blue sky above, another first they could cross off their list ever growing list.
"Very well," Harold replied with an eager smile, "We signed a distribution deal for our signature wine."
"Congratulations," Chuck offered.
"We are excited," Roman added.
"How did the two of you entertain yourself this afternoon?" Harold inquired.
"We enjoyed the crisp fresh air of the vineyard," Blair replied, "Your housekeeper brought us a fantastic picnic lunch."
"We're happy you had a good day. I was hoping you and I could enjoy a father-daughter walk through the vines as the sun sets," Harold hoped.
Blair nodded in agreement before she threw a nervous glance towards Chuck with her father's attention was elsewhere. She knew she had things to discuss with him, but she lacked the courage. Chuck reached out to give her hand a gentle and reassuring squeeze.
"I'll be right here, waiting anxiously for your return," Chuck told her as he motioned towards the bench he had every intention of parking himself in after she left as he waved the book he was holding in his hand.
"I may need you," she sighed as she hugged him tight, clinging to him in an almost desperate way.
"You need to get this out," he reminded her. "Your father deserves to know how his leaving affected you. You've buried this for far too long."
"I know," she nodded.
"Are you ready, Sweetheart?" Harold inquired cheerfully as he joined the pair on the porch. He truly had no idea that their stroll would be anything but the leisurely stroll he had planned. Blair forced a smile on her face as she nodded.
"I'll be here," Chuck reminded her with a soft kiss as she released him. Her smile turned genuine as she looked at him.
"I love you," she proclaimed.
"I love you more," he responded.
"Not possible," she shook her head.
"Your father is waiting," he reminded her as she pecked at his lips once more. She nodded as she finally joined her father, linking her arm with his as she turned to wave at him as he settled into his seat on the porch. He waved back before he opened his book and began reading.
"You and Charles are as close as ever," her father observed as they began walking. Blair's attention was still on Chuck.
"Closer everyday," Blair agreed with a sigh as she finally turned towards her father, linking her arm in his.
"And you're as happy as ever?" he inquired.
"More so," Blair responded, "I can't really put it into words, but being with Chuck, sharing my life with him makes me feel complete in a way that was severely lacking before. I can be myself around him. I don't have to be the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect daughter. I can just be me."
"You never have to be perfect for me, Sweetheart," her father replied, "I want you to be whoever you are."
"Why did you leave?" Blair asked abruptly.
"You know why I left," Harold sighed. He appeared to be anticipating the question.
"I know why you moved out. I don't understand why you had to move to France. You and Roman could have stayed in New York. You moved an entire ocean away from me. You left me with Eleanor. How could you do that to me? I thought you loved me," she responded as tears began streaming down her cheeks.
"I do love you," Harold tried to assure her. "More than anything."
"Not more than anything," she shook her head. "If you truly loved me more than anything you would not have chosen Roman over me. You would not have left me in New York City when I begged for you to take me with you. If you truly loved me you would have been there during the doctors' appointments and counseling. Do you even know that I'm bulimic?"
"Yes," he responded tearfully. Seeing her tears and knowing he was the cause opened up wounds he had desperately wanted to bury away.
"How long have you known?" she challenged him. "Did you know I was before or after you left?"
"Before," he admitted, the pain of his admission was stabbing him in the heart. "I overheard you when you told your mother about the first incident that you had."
"You never said anything," she replied as the shock of his revelation slapped her in the face. "Not once have you ever let on that you had any clue."
"I was convinced that I was the cause of your illness," he explained. "The night it first happened was the night I told your mother that I was gay. I thought you overheard us."
"I didn't know until later," Blair responded in little more than a whisper, "I didn't know until Roman came into the picture, and even then it took a while to figure out what was actually happening. You never actually came out and told me."
"Because I thought you already knew," he replied.
"You still owed it to me to tell me face to face. You should have sat me down and told me what was happening. I didn't find out about the divorce until the two of you started arguing over custody of me. Even then I was merely a barging chip for your little chess match tug of war. Neither of you cared about my best interests. All either of you cared about was hurting each other," Blair snapped.
"Hurting you and your mother was never my intent," Harold responded quickly, "If I could have figured out a way to be who I truly was without hurting either of you, I would have. Your mother was extremely hurt when I told her I was gay. She thought it was something that she had done wrong. She couldn't understand how I could be in denial for twenty years about something so fundamental to who I am, and how I could hide something like this so well. Her hurt turned to anger and, for a while, things got pretty nasty. You suffered because of that, and I am so sorry."
"You left me," Blair stated simply as the tears continued to fall. "Put whatever spin you want on it, but you left me."
"Yes, I did," he responded, his voice quivering as he spoke, "And I hate myself for it more than you'll ever know. There are a hundred, if not thousands of things, I would change about that time in my life, and leaving you is number one on that list. I never should have. I should have fought your mom for shared custody. At the time, I rationalized it as doing what I thought was best for you. Six months in New York; six months in France, it wouldn't have been fair to you, and Constance is one of the finest private schools in the world. In reality, I was being selfish. For the first time in my life I was putting myself before everyone else. I was doing what made me happy, finally being who I always knew I was. I wasn't doing what was required of me by my family. Was it the wrong thing to do? Absolutely."
"Did you even love Eleanor?" she inquired, "Ever?"
"Yes," he nodded, "I loved your mother very much. That made this so much harder. I never wanted to do this to her . . . humiliate her like I did, running off with one of her male models, of all things, but I could not fight who I was anymore. I couldn't pretend that I was a happily married heterosexual man."
"So, you left," Blair repeated. She knew she was becoming a broken record.
"I left," he nodded solemnly. "I took the cowardly way out. I ran away to France and left you and your mother to deal with all of the looks and whispers and crude jokes. I'm not ashamed of who I am, Blair, but after years of hearing all those insipid gossips rant on and on about one scandal after the next, I couldn't stand there and take it directly.
"I have no excuses for leaving you, Blair. I left, and I'm not proud of it. You had a lot of challenges to face and overcome. I should have been there for you, through the bulimia, when your relationship with Nate fell apart, when you were turned away from Yale. I should be with you now as you navigate your relationship with Charles, but now you don't need me. He is what you need. He has been there for you in a way that I couldn't. He is the reason you are the amazingly strong and confident woman that is standing before me. The Blair that I left would never confront me with the feelings that she has kept bottled up for so long," Harold explained. "He loves you more than life itself, as I can see you love him."
"I still need you, Daddy," Blair assured him. "I always will. Who else is going to walk me down the aisle one day and spoil my children rotten? You will always be an important part of my life. I hope you know how much I love you, and how much respect I have for you and what you went through. I know it wasn't easy for you. You may not realize it, but you following your heart to be with Roman is what inspired me to follow mine and fight for Chuck, even when I didn't think there was much left to fight for."
"I love you, Sweetheart," Harold responded as he put his arms around his daughter and held her tight.
"Chuck didn't ask permission to marry me yet, did he?" she inquired curiously against her father's broad chest.
"No, not yet," Harold chuckled. "I have to admit I was a little disappointed. I was hoping to make the great Chuck Bass squirm a little."
"You'll get your chance," she laughed, "But it will be a few years. I've asked him to wait."
"So he's told me," Harold replied as he looked at his daughter curiously. "I am a little surprised. I thought you wanted to be a young bride. Every moment of your relationship with Nate, all you thought about was wearing his mother's ring. Now with Chuck, you're asking him to wait. Why the one eighty?"
"With Nate it was a way to hang onto him. I was always doubting myself and doubting him, doubting that he loved me. I wanted that ring because I knew what it meant to his family . . . to him. Chuck and me are so different. Never once have I doubted his love for me. Never once have I doubted that he is my future," she explained.
"Then why did you ask him to wait?" he inquired. "If he's your future, why delay?"
"Because I want to have more than just the perfect marriage. I want to be known as more than Mrs. Chuck Bass," she explained.
"And you will," Harold assured her, "My daughter will settle for nothing less, but you don't have to postpone your happiness while you do that. If you want to be married to Chuck, you can be."
"I need to wait," Blair sighed, "If I don't, I won't push myself to be more. I'm afraid if I marry Chuck now that I'll get so caught up in being his wife that I will lose myself."
"Like your mother did with me," he concluded.
"I know our relationships are different," Blair responded, "Chuck loves me in a way you never did with my mother, but I still have this fear that we'll end up like the two of you."
"I don't see that happening," Harold replied. "I see the way you look at each other, the way you support each other, the way you need each other. Your mother and I never had that. Roman and I have never had that. I love Roman very much, but we've never had the consuming need that you and Chuck have for each other, the have to sneak out of your father's home at midnight to be together type of desire."
"You know about that," Blair looked at him guiltily.
"I'm your father, Blair," he reminded her, "I've watched you grow into the beautiful woman you have become. I also know when you're up to something."
"Roman told you about what he found, didn't he," she concluded.
"Honestly, Sweetheart, is it really that hard to remember," he blushed with embarrassment.
"With Chuck it is," she responded, "He can make me forget my own name."
"That's a little too much information, Sweetheart," Harold told her.
"If it bothers you, we'll stop using your office," Blair told him, "But I will warn you, Chuck will get a little cranky after a few days."
"How about we pretend I'm still oblivious, and you continue to sneak out after Roman and I go to sleep," Harold offered.
"Deal," Blair grinned.
"It's getting late," Harold replied as he saw that the sun they were supposed to be watching set as they went for their walk had already disappeared, and the sky was rapidly darkening. "I'd hate for Chuck to think that I cannot take care of my own daughter."
Blair chuckled softly.
"Are you and I okay, Blair?" he inquired as he stopped their walk suddenly.
"I'm not going to say that our talk has totally resolved all our issues, but I am glad that we had it," Blair replied. "Our issues are more complex than can be solved with an evening stroll, but we're better off than we were."
"I'm happy to hear that," Harold replied as he hugged his daughter.
TBC. . .
But only if you want me to.