SB: Hey guys thanks SO much for all the amazing reviews I got last chapter :) Even my betas were surprised we got so many :P Hehe. Anyway, I think this chapter is really gonna make some people cry; it made me pretty emotional writing it. Once again; a great thanks to my sweetass betas RenesmeeCarlieBlackxo and cjfed. Oh and one more thing; ANYONE ELSE WANT TO TAKE PART IN THE WOLFPACK SEX SURVEY? It's just a bit of harmless fun; I'm gonna tally everyone's answers once I stop taking them and I'll list out the results along with the users who gave em to me ;) Now anyways; enjoy chapter 11!
Midnight the night before, the official arrival of the week-mark passing, that Leah had still been gone. Now it was entering a week and a day.
More phone lines were down now than before; the rain had turned to snow and the lightning turned to hail. La Push seemed to be freezing over with depression, worry and cold, hard, ice. Hope continued to be buried under the falling white.
Police were regular fixtures in La Push, at least on the days and nights where the roads were even remotely hospitable to drive on. Search parties patrolled that into the woods came back without so much as a hair to show for their efforts. Charlie was the head of all these parties of course, and Sue had so much faith in the poor man just to see it prove useless hour after hour.
Even Seth could see that Charlie was worried; he was a little surprised. In all honesty Seth had known that Charlie didn't like Leah that much either. There were only so many back-turned glares and curses that a person could pretend to ignore. Not only that, but when Leah could avoid being around him she did so he didn't get much face time with her either. Seth was okay with Charlie; he wasn't about to hop in his cruiser and go for a ride with him anytime soon but he didn't look for excuses to undermine him as part of the family, like his sister did. But he also could've guessed that Charlie's worry could amount up to 'I hope Sue doesn't keep seeing me be a failure. I need to find Leah just so she knows I'm good for something.'
Sometimes Seth wondered why the man even tried; he knew his 'son in law' and all his friends were wolves, just like Jacob and they were out there beating feet night and day when they got a chance (which was rarely, maybe once every two days now) to find her. Really, what luck did humans have over a pack of gigantic wolves?..
It was depressing. It was actually heartbreaking. And then days progressed even more, and a week and a half mark had shown up.
It brought with it a shred of good news; but before that, Seth's meltdown.
"Seth, you ready?" Quil asked, pulling his shirt off and shivering at the thought of going out into that weather again. They were at the Clearwater household;... It seemed to be the pack's new home. (It seemed like the little brother wasn't the only one perpetually terrified of forgetting she existed.)
Seth was seated in his favorite chair, elbows on his knees and his head was down. He looked so damn tired.
"No, I'm not goin'.." He drawled out. Jaws practically hit the floor and it wasn't long before Jake, Sam and Paul stepped into his space.
"What d'yah mean you're not goin' Seth!? We're never gonna find her if-" Seth jumped up so fast out of his silent reverie that Jacob stumbled back out of shock.
"We're not gonna find her you dumb fuck! We've searched the entire area around La Push and we've got nothing to show for it! We fucking failed! She's gone! Leah's gone for good and there's nothing we can do about it so we should just give up now while we're ahead and put this whole stupid mess behind us!" He was screaming, he was spouting off and a glass fell out of Sue's hands in the kitchen and shattered on the floor. Seth was crying now so hard and it was the first time they'd actually seen it, since she went missing.
And now here was the person who loved Leah the most in the world saying he wanted to give up.
"The storm's too goddamn bad anyway Jake I mean are you fucking insane!? She's dead, she's probably been dead now for days and I'm sick and fucking tired of wasting my time looking for her! She never wanted to be here and it looks like she got her goddamn wish didn't it??" Eyes narrowed into slits in the room but he just kept on going.. "But then again it looks like I got no right to talk, doesn't it?? Because fuck knows we never wanted her around that much either! I know for a fact Paul you wanted to kill her yourself and Embry you were gettin' ready to punch her in the face. And Sam you're the worst one you know that!? You just wanted her out of the way, the whole time-"
A fist connected with Seth's jaw and the boy collided with the wall behind him.
Breaths hitched in the room as Seth turned around slowly, tears still falling as he looked at his Alpha. He was breathing ragged and eyes black and angry as Sam stepped over to him again and beat off Jake and Jared's hands from pulling him back. Briefly they heard Charlie and Sue yelling but it was background noise in the scary situation. Sam grabbed Seth by the shoulders and shook the boy so hard he practically came off the ground.
"You fucking listen to me! We all know we're at fucking fault but you're being the worst Seth! She is not dead, I fucking know it!" Sam spat, saliva and anger practically pulsing from him as he rocked the young boy like he was nothing. "And it might look unconvincing now Seth I know but she's your goddamn sister and deep down you know she'd never leave you if she didn't have to! You know you'd feel it if she was dead!.. You'd feel it like I would..." Eyes were wide, Sam was screaming, Seth's jaw was turning an ugly red. "You can't give up." Sam's voice dropped a decibel. Seth took the opportunity to push at his Alpha's hands, hissing and cursing all his own but Sam only grit his teeth and pulled the boy by the shirt into his chest and he wrapped his arms around him, and Seth just cried harder. Seth stayed in Sam's hot embrace and cried and screamed harder.
Sue was bawling in the kitchen and Charlie was looking away like the pain from this family burned him.
Paul stepped back a step, shaken, like everything else in their fucked up world so much that his foot collided with the couch and he fell down to sitting. Quil had to turn away from the two and he leant against the wall, hiding his bloodshot eyes.
(What had they become..?)
Sam held that boy and he remembered when he planned to marry Leah and Seth would be a part of his family for real, by blood. He remembered how Seth had always looked up to his sister and to him and to Jake and he followed them religiously. He knew, even now, how Seth could hold optimism like no one else.
And this was just another step closer to the breaking point of Sam's resolve.
These men, some of them just a step above children, were his pack; his family and he could do nothing but watch as each of them broke apart like sandstone. Sam could only listen to their cries and their pleas, because inside he felt he was crying harder than any of them and he knew she was the only way to fix it. Leah, who was most broken of all and yeah probably dead... She was the only one who could piece them back together again now.
Fuck it, Sam was going to make it happen. And no; Leah was not dead ('don't reach for the gun Sammy'); he would not let himself feel that way, not like Seth who had officially taken too much pain too quickly for a heart to stay strong. Sam knew he couldn't feel that way because some divine essence made him believe that if Leah died a larger part of himself would die too, and he would damn well know it when it happened.
Sam wasn't naive; he knew something was wrong, he knew something was royalled fucked up in a way that should never be possible but he just didn't know what exactly. But he was gonna find out. Goddamn King-of-La Push Sam Uley was not gonna let everything he'd fought so hard to keep crumble down into nothing.
Sam should've fought harder, right from the beginning he knew that. Should've fought the need to hold Emily in his arms and kiss her, should've fought to keep his desire for his girlfriend. But he couldn't and in that, Sam felt he'd started the destruction of the Clearwater family as a whole when they had done nothing more than hold his pathetic ass up when he had no father to rely on.
So he would fight for them now. Because he loved them. He loved them because they were his family whether by genetics or not, and because if there was anything strong about Sam Uley it was his love.
Fuck. How long had he been ranting in his own head, probing the scene until it fell apart? Sam didn't know. But a sudden clicking and a sudden change in the backdrop of the tense room caused Seth to pull away from Sam's chest and for Sam to follow with his eyes eagerly.
The tv. The television was back on. (now that they listened, listened hard for something abnormal, they could notice that the wind had dropped out.)
'-Back on the air in the Washington State area. It seems as if things are going to get a lot worse before they get better as we take a look at various footage captured around the La Push-Forks area of Washington this week, we can see many places where the environment is definitely taking a hit because of the storm. The cliffs of the beaches upwind on the La Push coast have shown considerable wear at the rising sea levels, pieces having broken off and fallen to the submerged beaches below. Any creeks or rivers near oceanic bodies of water have flooded as well, such as the Watoga creek near the border of BC.'
"Holy shit..." Embry muttered, taking in the videos and images of the creeks' water levels rising and the cliffs they'd dived from before collapsing into the raging sea. It was almost scary, like the world as they knew it was falling apart.
And La Push would get lost in the aftermath.
Then the reporter started talking again.
'But thankfully, and finally as I'm sure some of you are thinking, a break in the storm is to be expected beginning tomorrow, February 26th and is expected to continue through to February 29th, give or take a day or two. If there's anything you have to accomplish folks, I suggest you prepare for tomorrow.'
Jacob shut the television off.
"Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow." Sam nodded, "Tomorrow, at dawn we're takin' off and we're gonna search these woods from top to bottom. We're headin' North too, up past the Canadian border. It's strange lands but it'd never hurt to look. Be ready for dawn tomorrow; not a minute after. And don't mention anything to the council." With that Sam turned his head towards Sue who looked about to speak. "I'm honestly past their jurisdictions and I don't give a fuck what they think. Not to make me sound like a prick, but I'm running things now and I'd like to see them try and stop me."
Paul let loose a whistle.
Sam just turned to face his fellow pack members. He could see as well; their faces had brightened just a little; just enough to make them seem living as his eyes cast over their tired frames. "Get some sleep guys. Big day tomorrow." Even Seth looked a little brighter. (Hey; a break in this goddamn storm would make anyone happy.) As Sam passed him by, he held his hand on the boy's shoulder for a minute until Seth nodded at him.
Then Sam continued on his way upstairs, cell phone ringing Emily's concern for him. He didn't answer.
-
He looked around at the light purple walls, prayed to know why he had to come in here. Her bed, the heaters, the desks and the tv; it was dusty. It chilled him to the bone.
Shutting the door behind him, Sam stepped into Leah's room and was blasted with memories like a camera flash.
That bed. They'd made love so many times on that bed. That window. He'd snuck in that window, and snuck her out, so, so many times. Her closet.. He remembered when she'd let him have commentary about what she should wear; he always picked blue and black. Leah looked best in her favorite colors. That guitar... Why did Sam remember that guitar?
..Her father. The guitar had been Harry's. Sam walked hesitantly over and lifted the black and blue instrument from it's position on it's stand, felt his fingers involuntarily strum across the strings to make one loose chord, and then had the overwhelming urge to put it down.
Like it wasn't his to touch; like it was something private, something magic that shouldn't be messed around with. As he held the neck of the guitar gently, sitting it's gleaming body back into the stand, he pondered over whether Leah had played it. Whether she knew how.
(He wouldn't know if she could, would he? He hadn't made the time to be around enough for that.)
His eyes drifted away and fell again on her stereo. Never, had he walked into the Clearwater house and heard that thing silent. It was like it was screaming now though, so loud and empty that it was deafening. Screaming just to be touched. He took a deep breath (why was he so nervous?) and pushed play, immediately turning down the volume to three or four so he didn't startle anyone down below, perhaps trying to sleep.
She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone,
Feels like it's all coming down.
She won't turn around;
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear,
The tears will not stop raining down.
Leave it to Leah to have the weirdest, most overly emotional music on her playlist ever. But still; this was new. New style, a singer he hadn't heard before. Sam found his dark brown eyes roaming over her CD holder. The dark orbs took in all the titles. It was sad how he knew almost every song on every album because she would replay them over and over; listen to the same oldies music day in and day out. Every artist, every album. 'Blue Oyster Cult; Fire Of Unknown Origin. Lynyrd Skynyrd; Gold And Platinum. Kansas; Leftoverture.'
So Stand In The Rain;
Stand your ground.
Stand up when it's all crashing down.
You stand through the pain;
You won't drown.
And one day what's lost can be found.
You Stand In The Rain.
'Queensryche; Empire. Nazareth; Hair Of The Dog. REO Speedwagon; Hi Infidelity.'
Jesus, he'd known her so well.
She won't make a sound;
Alone in this fight with herself and her fears, whispering,
If she stands, she'll fall down.
She wants to be found;
The only way out is through everything she's, running from;
Wants to give up, and lie down.
Well he'd thought he'd known her so well. Even a year after they'd broken up, with her being so bitter and evil; Sam would never bring himself to forget the exact location of every mole, every freckle; he would know exactly what mood she was in just because she wore gym pants, shorts or jeans; he could tell when she was happy (she never was) because if she was perfectly content or joyous she wouldn't feel the need to drag that iPod with her everywhere.
So how come, now, when he was in her room all he could see were things he'd forgotten? Things he'd subconsciously pushed from his mind? On her nightstand there was always a picture of him and her. Yes! ..It had been gone now, since they'd broken up; since the last time he was in her room, sometime last year.
His observant eyes weaved over her bedspread; the royal blue had a black smudge down at the end. 'She was painting her nails that day... I came to her house to see if I could go to the funeral with her and she was painting them black to get ready. Knocked on her window and scared the shit out of her, damn polish went everywhere..'
So Stand In The Rain;
Stand your ground.
Stand up when it's all crashing down.
Stand through the pain;
You won't drown.
And one day what's lost can be found.
So Stand In The Rain; stand your ground.
Stand up when it's all crashing down.
Stand through the pain; you won't drown.
And one day what's lost can be found.
Sam let the music play through; sat down on the floor, his back against her bed and stared at nothing in the empty room. Empty, because she hadn't been here. It wasn't filled with her spirit; her scent, her anything!.. It was just a room. Just a room in a house with a family. A family missing something.
How long had it been this way..?
So Stand In The Rain;
Stand your ground.
Stand up when it's all crashing down.
You stand through the pain;
You won't drown.
And one day what's lost can be found.
You Stand In The Rain.
Sam stayed in her room that night; he didn't sleep. They let him be, let him rest, uninterrupted.