Thank you so much for waiting. Lotta shit going on on the homefront. Let me know if you still love me :3
Chapter 2
You need him
I could be him
I could be an accident but I'm still trying.
That's more than I can say for him.
"Noah? Noah!" His mother called his name as he pushed the food on his plate around. He looked up, and then looked back down. She sighed, "Puck, I'm worried about you. What's wrong?"
Puck sighed, "Nothing is wrong Mom."
She sighed again, "You seem so…withdrawn lately. You don't eat, you barely sleep, you never go out, you don't go to Finn's or invite him over. All you do on weekdays is go straight to school and come straight home. On weekends you stay home all day, you don't even go out at night. Something has got to be up."
Puck wanted to say that if he went out, there was a slight chance he would run into Kurt somewhere, and he couldn't handle that. If he went out, he had to pretend he was happy or having a good time. He couldn't hang out with Finn because Finn was so damn happy all the time, and it only made him feel more depressed. He resorted to staying home because it was the only safe space he could mourn at without acquisition. Puck shrugged, "I've been busy. School stuff."
His mom looked at him, "Are you seeing someone Noah? Maybe that would get you out of this…thing."
"No." Puck stated.
She looked at him sideways, "Aren't there any parties you could go to or something? Something social?"
"I'm going to winter formal Friday, Mom, just…" Puck stood up, "Just drop it, okay? I'm fine."
He went to his room and sat on the floor where he had sat with Kurt the days he had come over for their science project. He did this every night before he went to bed, and he felt himself get worse and worse every day. He was a shell of his former self; his psyche and deteriorated from strong and self sufficient to depressed and lovesick. Friday was three days away. He already had a low key suit to wear hanging in his closet and had arranged to take a family friend who was a freshman at McKinley. He crawled into bed and wished he could sleep until Friday. He couldn't. At school the next day, they announced the girls and guys up for winter king and queen.
"Last but not least, nominated for winter formal queen is…Kurt Hummel!" They announced on the intercom. Everyone turned to congratulate Kurt. He was beaming, smiling, and thanking everyone for their well wishing. Puck saw what Kurt meant. He was thriving on the acceptance and adoration of his peers around him. Puck frowned.
The next two days were slow and horrible. Each day dragged on longer then the day before it, and Puck couldn't stand it. Each day Puck saw Kurt fake his happiness, at least until someone mentioned how much they adored him. Then Puck could see the genuine joy in his eyes as people cared about how he felt, what he did, or what he wore. Puck wished Kurt could be like that all the time. But the novelty of the affection wore off fast, and Kurt returned back into the pseudo-happiness. That's when Puck would sigh and sank deeper into his depression.
Finally, Friday rolled around. The entire school was in a fuss putting together last minute things and voting. The nominees paraded around in white sashes. Puck smiled a little when he saw Kurt's, but scowled when he saw Travis right behind him. In science, Kurt was paid attention by everyone in class. They had a free work day, so everyone came by his desk to wish him back, to say they couldn't wait to see him win tonight. There was no time or opportunity for Puck to pass him notes, so Puck had to sit on the sidelines and watch every other person in the class issue him love and support. But, when the bell did ring, Kurt caught Puck's sleeve. "Noah! You'll be there tonight, won't you?"
"Of course." Puck said, even though he had no real reason to go, besides Kurt telling him to.
Kurt smiled and kissed the palm of his hand, putting it between Puck's two hands. "Thank you. It means a lot to me."
They went on through the rest of the day not saying anything. Mr. Schuester cancelled glee because of complaints about needing time to get ready for winter formal. Kurt waved to them all, "Bye guys! I'll see you tonight."
He smiled straight at Puck before Travis dragged him out of the choir room. Finn elbowed Puck, "So, you going tonight?"
"Yea. With Kayla, Kayla Goldstein. My mom and her mom are close and she wanted to go." Puck rolled his eyes.
Finn nodded, "Oh cool. So I'll see you there."
"Who are you going with?" Puck asked.
"Um…Santana." Finn sighed, "Ms. Sylvester sort of threatened me…"
"Okay then. I'll see you there." Puck said. He couldn't care less about Finn right now. He loved his best friend and everything, but he loved Kurt even more. He had countless dreams about Kurt dumping Travis in front of everyone, then running straight into Puck's arms. He knew this was probably a long ways away from anything that would happen, but a boy could dream, couldn't he? Puck went home and showered, cleaning himself up for the night. He got dressed and was about to leave when his mom stopped him.
"Noah! My beautiful baby boy!" His mom hugged him, "I'm so happy."
"Okay Mom, let go." He pried her off. "I'll be home by midnight…or something."
"Have fun." She beamed at him. He shook his head as he walked to his car. He drove to Kayla's house and picked her up. She looked nice, but Puck didn't even give her a second glance. When they got there, the two split up; Kayla to find her real friend, Puck retreating to the corner. He scanned the crowd of people there. He didn't spot Kurt, and it made sense for the wonderful boy to have the urge to be fashionably late. When he did strut through the doors, the noise in the gym seemed to lower slightly, the shock of the crowd dampening the conversations that had been going on. He was alone.
Puck's heart skipped a beat. What the hell is going on? He thought to himself. Kurt looked around like this was the norm, spotted Mercedes and immediately started dancing with her. People generally went back to their friends, but Puck knew everyone's minds were on Kurt. The boy made his rounds through the crowd, dancing with Mercedes, then Tina, then the other nominees for queen. He went about as if nothing was wrong, as if he wasn't missing the guy who had catapulted him to instant high school royalty. The night went on and there was no sign of Travis. Puck couldn't bring himself to approach Kurt, just watched as he got down with all the girls on the dance floor. But pretty soon they stopped playing dance music and switched to slow songs. All the girls reverted back to their dates. Kurt slipped off the dance floor and watched as everyone danced intimately. From across the gym, Puck could tell Kurt was losing his grip on his emotions. His eyes were welling, and his lips quivered. Finally, it was too much for Kurt to take. He slipped out a side exit.
Puck knew this moment was wrong, he could feel it. He went out the exit that Kurt had gone out. He saw the boy sitting on one of the many planters outside the gym. Puck sat next to him, "So, where is your boy tonight?"
Kurt shrugged. His eyes were now blank and sad. "I don't know."
They sat in silence until Puck moved closer and put his arm around the smaller boy. Then Kurt burst tears. Puck tried calming him, but Kurt was too upset. "Puck, you were so right. He hurt me so much. I should've listened to you! I can't believe he did this to me. You were so right. He's a monster!"
Puck stroked his hair to the slow music fading from the guys. When Kurt calmed down, he sighed, "He was cheating on me. He'd tell me to get rid of my dad, then he'd come get me and he'd smell like Santana or Brittney or one of the other school whores. He came over drunk, he came over high, he came over horny. I don't know which one was the worst."
Puck bit his lip, not sure if he wanted to know the answers to the question. "So…then you two actually…"
Kurt nodded solemnly. Puck's heart broke even more. He had always had that tiny speck of hope inside of him that said Kurt wouldn't let that bastard take his purity. But now, that speck was diminished, and he felt horrid.
Kurt took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeve. Bruises of all shapes and sizes were spread over the pale beautiful skin. "Like I said, drunk, high, and horny is not good to say no too. Especially when he's all three."
Puck was infuriated by the bruises. He picked up Kurt's arm, running his fingers over it lightly. Kurt flinched and Puck wanted to scream. Instead, he kissed the bruise. He kissed all the bruises exposed on Kurt's arm, and Kurt tried smiling. Puck looked at him, "Did he…force you…to do anything?"
"Well," He put his head down and whispered, "I don't think you want to hear this."
Puck raised Kurt's head with a finger and looked him in the eyes, "Kurt, please, tell me."
Kurt sighed, "At first…it was sort of consensual. I wanted to wait, but I sort of caved. But after the first couple of times…I just didn't want to. But I sort of caved. But after the first couple of times…I stopped trying to argue. I stopped trying to put up a fight or say no, because I knew it would just end up with more bruises or cuts or burns. I just waited for him to be down so he could leave my house, and get away from me."
Puck hissed. The hand that wasn't holding Kurt's arm clenched into a fist. Kurt teared up a little, "See, I told you you wouldn't want to hear it."
Puck exhaled. He stood up, walking slowly to the wall of the gym. He punched it full force, feeling the sting of the wall against his knuckles. He punched it again, harder. He felt the blood start to dribble slowly from his knuckles. Kurt whispered, "Noah, please."
"I'm sorry." Puck said, retreating back to his seat next Kurt.
Kurt took his hand and wiped the blood from his fingers, "Don't apologize. You are the last person who should be apologizing."
He sighed, "I just…I lo-"
"Don't say it." Kurt interrupted, "Don't say the 'L' word. Three months ago, that's all I wanted to hear. But since then, I've said it and heard it so much, it isn't even special anymore. I want it to mean something."
"Okay, fine," Puck sighed, "I really like you, Kurt. You're charismatic, funny, charming, and…you've just seemed to have this power over me the past few months."
Kurt smiled weakly. I seemed as if he'd heard it all before. Puck sighed, then picked up Kurt's bruised arm. "This isn't acceptable. Having someone, anyone, hurt you like this…it's not okay."
Kurt nodded, "I can't do it anymore. I can't be what he wants, I won't do what he wants, and I'm not taking any more of his bullshit."
"Good." Puck smiled, "I'm proud of you."
"Yea," Kurt's face turned fearful, "But what happens Monday when he sees me? He knows all my weak spots, he knows how to make me hurt. What if he hurts me, Noah? He's going to hurt me!"
Puck looked at him. "Hey, look at me. I'll protect you. I'll keep you safe. He won't hurt you anymore."
"Okay then." Kurt whispered. He rolled his sleeve down, then looked at Puck. When Puck looked back, Kurt pecked his lips quickly. Puck looked awestruck at Kurt. Kurt leaned in to kiss him again, letting it last a couple seconds longer then the first. He pulled away and smiled a little bit, "Thanks, Noah."
"Any time," Puck breathed. Kurt kissed him again. The music stopped in the gym and they were making an announcement. Puck whispered, "I think that's your cue."
Kurt smiled and put his jacket back on. He straightened up his clothes. "How do I look?"
"Great. Go knock 'em dead." Puck smiled. Kurt hugged him and went inside. Puck took a couple seconds to process what happened before he rejoined the school in the gym. As he entered, he saw Principal Figgins awkwardly trying to get the microphone to work.
"Alrighty, now that we've fixed our microphone. Let us announce the winter formal queen and king." He opened an envelope. "The winter formal queen is…Kurt Hummel?"
Everyone applauded loudly and Mercedes and Tina went crazy. Puck was so happy to see Kurt up there. He was crowned and given a sash and flowers. He was beaming with pride. He whispered something to Principal Figgins. The principal shrugged, said something back, and walked off stage. Kurt stepped up to the mic. "Hey everyone thanks so much for voting for me. It really means a lot. We're gonna mix it up here a little bit. DJ, play my music!"
All of a sudden, Single Ladies blared through the gym. Kurt scurried down to the dance floor where he led everyone in an attempt to recreate Beyonce's dance moves. Puck laughed as he remembered learning those steps and working it out on the football field. He wondered why it took him so long to fall for Kurt in the first place. He watched Kurt the rest of the night, occasionally being pulled onto the dance floor by a glee clubber or football player. But he preferred watching Kurt do his thing, and his thing was to entertain everyone around him. Finally, the night started to die down. Puck's date went home with a friend, so he was just sticking around until Kurt left. Kurt stayed the longest, and he and Puck were the last two people.
"You need a ride?" Puck offered.
Kurt shook his head, "I've got my car."
"Then I'll walk you out." Puck smiled. They walked together to the student parking lot, making small talk about the decorations of the dance.
When they got to Kurt's car, he sighed, "Maybe you can come over tomorrow. We could talk."
"Sounds great." Puck said eagerly.
Kurt smiled, "I'll call you."
"I'll be waiting by the phone. Literally," Puck smiled. Kurt hugged him. They looked at each other, unsure what to do next. Kurt settled with a quick kiss on the lips and said his goodbye. He drove off, leaving Puck smiling and laughing wildly into the night. He practically skipped to his car, and when he got home, he could barely get any rest with all the endorphins swirling around his head. The next morning, bright and early, Puck got up to sit by the phone. It rang around nine thirty, and he picked it up on the first ring, "Hello?"
"Stay the hell away from my boyfriend. Or you'll both pay."
The line went dead. Puck hurriedly dialed Kurt's number. When Kurt picked up the phone, Puck asked, "Kurt, are you okay? Is everything alright?"
"Yea I'm fine." Kurt said uneasily, "Actually, I'm not. My dad's going to work soon, could you try to get over before he leaves?"
"I'll be there in five." Puck said, hanging up and grabbing his keys.
His mom saw him, "Where you going, Noah?"
"Out." He rushed out the door and drove off as fast as he could to where Kurt lived. Luckily, when he got there, Kurt's dad was still home. Puck was greeted by Mr. Hummel at the door.
"Hey…you must be, um, Noah." Kurt's dad said.
"Noah, or Puck. Kurt told you about me?" Puck asked, his stomach doing flips.
Kurt's dad nodded, "Not much. But a lot these passed couple weeks. And I heard about what you did last night. Frankly, I'm glad cut his ties with that Travis kid. He was not good, I could tell. He didn't seem like a real good kid."
Puck nodded, "My thoughts exactly."
"Well, look, I think Kurt likes you, but that's just me. Be good to him. And please be respectful in my home while I'm gone." Mr. Hummel said, a grave tone flickering in his voice.
Puck nodded, "We're just friends, Mr. Hummel. As much as it pains me to say this, we're just friends. And I would never disrespect you, your house, and most definitely would never disrespect your son."
He nodded, "Good. You're a good kid. Kurt, Puck's here!"
"I'll be right up!" Kurt's voice came from downstairs. Puck took a step into the house. Kurt appeared, and grabbed Puck in a hug. Puck hugged back, resting his head on Kurt's.
Kurt's dad cleared his throat. "Well, uh, I'm gonna head to work. I'll be back around two or so. Maybe later, I don't know."
Kurt smiled at him, "Okay Dad."
Kurt's dad left and Kurt pulled Puck downstairs to his basement bedroom. He bit his lip. "I have something to ask of you. You can say no."
"I'll never say no to you." Puck said, "What do you need?"
Kurt tossed him a camera. "I need evidence. I'm thinking of filing a case against…him. I need pictures."
Kurt slowly took off his turtle neck. His torso was covered in bruises and finger grip marks, including a hand bruised into his neck. Puck was focused intently on this particular bruise. The bruise enveloped Kurt's neck in the size of a hand. Kurt put his hand on his neck and turned away. Puck turned away and muttered, "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize." Kurt sighed. Puck turned around and saw Kurt remove his socks and pants. The bruises didn't stop, reaching all the way down to his shins. Kurt closed his eyes and opened his arms. He whispered, "Take the picture."
Reluctantly, Puck raised the camera and took a snapshot of the sad soul in front of him. Kurt turned around and Puck took another picture of the bruises on his back. Puck was drawn to hand grip bruises on Kurt's delicate hips and thought of what Kurt had said, about saying no to someone. He choked back tears and rage and kept his intense emotions inside. Puck turned around, "Okay. I'm done. Just…"
"Oh. Oh. Okay you can turn around now." Puck looked to see that Kurt had slipped on red football mesh shorts and a grey tee. He sighed, "It feels so good to let my skin breathe a little. Noah, don't me that look."
He hadn't realized the sadness he felt had taken over his facial features. He was looking morosely at Kurt's bruised neck and frowning. He shook his head. "Sorry, I just can't help it."
"It's okay. I'm going to have to get used to it eventually." Kurt shrugged.
Puck put down the camera, "Bruises fade."
"Yea, but memories don't." Kurt gazed off. A whole array of emotions flickered across his eyes. He shook his head, "I can't do it. I can't go back. What if I go back to what I was before? What if I'm even worse then before? Instead of being just a loser, I'll be a mentally scarred, physically abused, has-been loser."
Puck picked up Kurt's arm and stroked it carefully. "Is this worth it? Is this pain worth all the attention?"
Kurt looked into Puck's eyes. He didn't answer, he couldn't answer. Puck's mouth opened like he was going to say something, but he couldn't find the words. He just stared in disbelief at Kurt. Kurt's eyes welled with tears. He spoke slowly and softly. "You don't understand. Being popular…is a high. It's the best high I've ever felt. And I realize highs come with lows. And these are my lows."
"Kurt this is abuse." Puck cried.
"Highs come with lows," Kurt wiped a tear from his eye, "The pain I feel with these lows is nothing compared to the high I feel when people are looking at me, talking about me, caring about me!"
"You shouldn't have to feel pain to feel joy!" Puck's voice got higher as Kurt's did, "You should be able to feel that high without any repercussions."
"Well it doesn't work that way! No pain, no gain, right?" Kurt cried.
Puck took a deep breath. Tears actually came from his eyes, which rarely happened. "I'm not going to yell at you. I'm not going to tell you what's right, what's wrong. I'm not going to tell you how to feel. But I am gonna say this. You shouldn't have to look to others to give you that crazy good feeling. You should be able to look at the person with their arm around you and their smile, their laugh, their adoration for you, should make you feel ten times better then anything anyone could say about you. They should make you feel good about yourself. They should be the one person you are able to trust with your heart, and they should trust their heart to you. They shouldn't put you down, force you to do anything , or hurt you. In fact, they should be the one protecting you from all harm, because if anything were to happen to you, they wouldn't be able to live with themselves knowing they could've stopped it. Knowing they could've stopped it before it even started."
Kurt shook his head, "You couldn't have stopped this from happening."
"I could've and I didn't." Puck sighed shakily, "I caused this. If I would've stopped it, none of this would've happened. I hurt you!"
"You didn't hurt me." Kurt said softly.
"I did this to you!" Puck looked at Kurt's neck.
Kurt pulled Puck's face to his and kissed him. His tears trickled slowly down his nose to Puck's and dripped down Puck's face. He pulled Puck's face away and held him so they were looking into each other's eyes. Kurt was crying again, "You did not hurt me! If anything, this entire ordeal has lead me to you. The abuse, the relationship from hell, it all led us to this moment. Quite frankly, I don't regret any minute, because every minute led me to you!"
Puck let a few more tears roll down his cheeks. He said softly, "I love you, Kurt Hummel."
Kurt let out a sniffle, which led to a sob, and Puck could only hold him close and hope that it would ease the pain, even if it was just for the moment.