This chapter, in my head, I swear to you.. was much longer, but somehow it's not. I'll blame it on anything but me. This chapter doesn't really move things anywhere, but it's got a point to it.. it's leading up to something, you'll see. Song is: Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade

"And your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care."

Peyton:

Peyton Sawyer, I used to be different. A big mess, yeah, but not like this. I'm pathetic now, lying on the floor of my bathroom, crying tears I didn't even know I had. The movies really give you a false sense of death, my life wasn't flashing before my eyes,the only thought in my head was the fact that my last few minutes were gonna be spent on the floor of my bathroom staring at a big ball of dust in the corner of my bathroom crying. Oh yeah, and death isn't quick or dramatic either. I swear I've been laying on this damn floor for the duration of a record, or maybe its just the death talking. I can't keep myself from thinking of all the things that could have prevented this, all of this. So maybe your life does flash before your eyes, figures mine would be depressing.

Two weeks ago, Peyton:

"PEYTON MARIE SAWYER! I know your there! If you don't pick up this phone I'm coming over there.. Okay, have it your way then." Brooke. I wanted to tell her everything to unload my latest troubles on to her but I couldn't. What kind of friend are you if you ruin your friends happiness just to feel a little bit of relief for yourself? Exactly so I didn't say a word that day, I had the chance, but I chose to be silent. Mistake number one.

Brooke was at my house within five minutes, I cringed at all the speeding limits she must have ignored, kind of funny that I was worried about her speeding, considering my track record of running red lights. I heard the pounding of her stomping up the steps, "If your trying to hide out maybe you should lock the door!" She comes to a stop in my doorway, "Peyton, seriously, I've been calling for the past two days and you can't answer? What's going on with you?" She walks over slowly and sits down on my bed, she looks so much like a concerned mom I can't keep the smile from my face. Instead of relief covering her features she looks even more alarmed, "Peyton?" I run my hands through my hair, "I'm fine, Brooke, really. I just needed a few days to myself, to just.. think about things." She looks at me, "What are you leaving out?" She knew me a little too well, in times like this it was hell, "Brooke, really, I'm fine. I just needed to.. escape from the world for a couple days. Thats it." She stares at me intently, I guess deciding it's best not to push me anymore because she doesn't say anything else. "Well, now that your fine, I'm taking you out. We'll go shopping or just walk around or something.. anything to get you out of this damn house. So go shower, you stink!"

I knew telling her no would do more harm than good, so I got up and listened to her. That was the day I gave up.

Present time, Lucas:

I hadn't left my bed in over two days, I hadn't slept in three. I know this because all I've done is stare at the clock with my unfocused mind since I took up location here. The only time I've even bothered to move is to take a piss and a couple times to quinch the thirst that was driving me nuts with a glass of water. I've been in such a haze any more than that would be more of a struggle than I was interested in dealing with. Lucas Scott, once a basketball player destined to make something out of his life, anything. Now took up location in his bed for days. What a screw up I'd become. I started laughing a bitter noise coming from my mouth, one I've come to recognize these past few months quite well.

I grabbed a photo album from the nightstand beside my bed flipping through the pages looking at everything I'd lost, my mother, uncle Keith, bastetball, Brooke, Nathan, and Peyton. And they actually questioned why I did the drugs? I fount a picture of me and Peyton, it was old but it somehow managed to bring a smile to my face, something my brain couldn't really process so it disappeared as quickly as it arrived. Peyton and I, bound by tragedy. Things hadn't exactly been great between us lately, but that wasn't going to stop me tonight. I had to see her, talk to her, I needed her.

I stumbled from my bed, too determined to even bother to change clothes I stumbled through the empty house, staring at the stark rooms as I grabbed for the keys. I stumbled to the car, if I did anything tonight I was going to make sure I fixed things with Peyton. I just needed to make a stop first, my haze was starting to drift away.. and I wasn't ready to risk the feelings that would crash into me when that happened.

"I was born to tell you I love you
and it's true I cant go on without you
your smile makes me see clearer
if you could only see in the mirror what I see."