Chapter 7: Maddening Adoration

Hermione had not been this happy for months. Harry was nowhere to be found, in her subconscious, or in her waking hours. Ron had finally admitted to caring for her, and she did the same to him. They were practically inseparable and everyone would share secret smiles as they walked by, obviously thinking "Finally."

And yet, a part of her ached. She missed the dreams she'd been having, only slightly. Yes, Ron was the sweetest, dearest person she had ever met; she loved him immensely. But gone was the intense passion, the maddening adoration, which had driven so many of Harry's nightly encounters in her mind. She was by no means sorry to see the nightmares go, but on the other hand, she desperately wanted to feel the heat that fueled his touch and the hunger so evident in his arms. If only Ron would hold that way, just once, she wouldn't be having the mutinous feelings…

She sighed and continued on her way to the library to catch up on some homework. Her studies fell behind because of all the problems she'd been having with sleep, and then her time with Ron furthered the problem. She needed to buckle down and get in some much needed work, or she would fail her last year at Hogwarts. Heading straight for her usual table, the one so many knew as hers, she stopped short when she noticed the person already there, anticipating her arrival.

"Hi, Hermione," Harry said, a hint of a smile on his lips. He looked horrible: his glasses sat askew on his face, his clothes were disheveled, and his usually messy hair looked worse than ever before.

Terror and compassion ripped through simultaneously. She debated on running swiftly out the door, but Harry's appearance won over her heart and she slowly sat down across from him, careful to keep out of his reach. Nervously, she cleared her throat. "Hello, Harry." Her voice was calm and curt, but her heart was racing wildly in her chest.

Harry glanced down at her hands, which were folded on the very edge of the table. "Anything new?" he probed. He didn't want to give Ron away if he hadn't given her the ring yet; after all, he was still his friend and didn't want to ruin the surprise. He also didn't want to tell her for fear of seeing her get excited, causing him to lose all hope.

Hermione shrugged at him and looked away. "Just doing some homework." She glanced back at him quickly and his heart rose. "You look like death."

He chuckled nervously. "I've had trouble sleeping lately."

Hermione's mood turned dark. "I'm so sorry to hear that." Her voice became cool and sarcastic. "Can't seem to find anyone else's sleep to ruin?"

Harry's smile disappeared and was instantly replaced by a look of supreme hurt. "I never intended to cause you nightmares. I just got impatient one night, and I almost…" He couldn't bear to say the word 'rape' out loud. "Well, I almost forced you. And then, after that, your subconscious would sense when I took over. No matter what kind of nice situation I planned, it would become this horrible nightmare."

Hermione stared, aghast. "You mean to tell me that you've been entering my dreams before the nightmares started?" She scowled at him. "That's just…rude," she finished lamely, when no other word would enter her thoughts. After a few minutes, it was she who felt hurt, violated. "Why?" she whispered.

Harry wanted to comfort her, but knew the effort would be futile. He needed to explain himself to her, try and sensibly remove any memory of the dreams from her mind with words of love and longing. "When I saw you at the train station in September, I felt differently than before." He rubbed the back of his neck, thinking of the right words to explain the delicate situation. "I noticed the woman you'd become…beautiful, sexy, feminine…" he sighed and continued. "I tried to brush the feelings away, talking myself into believing that I just wanted you to help me be victorious over Voldemort-"

"That's why you said we could be so powerful together," she muttered.

Harry nodded. "You're so smart, Hermione, much more so than me…I thought by talking myself into believing I was just being a selfish jerk, it would make the feelings seem grotesque and I could stop. But it turned into an obsession." He looked away, hating to own up to his own weakness. "I could smell you before you entered a room, sense your feelings without asking, find excuses to brush against you in what seemed like harmless encounters. Anything to fight the hungry arousal I seemed to always get when you were around."

Hermione flushed at the statement. While she was slightly flattered at all the things he tried to hide, she felt extremely dirty listening. Ron would not have been happy with the conversation at hand.

Harry's heart nearly stopped as she blushed. God, could she be anymore gorgeous? Every fiber within him wanted nothing more than to reach out and kiss her passionately, something he had not done in so very long. He fought his emotions, struggling to continue the story. "I went to the Restricted section one night to find a cure for my problem, before I couldn't fight it anymore. Instead, I found a way to go to you and test different ways of being with you." He told her about all the dreams he manifested before the nightmares, of kissing her and proposing, of the talks they had. He looked at her hopefully, wondering if she remembered.

Hermione, knowing what he wanted to hear, shook her head slowly. "I don't remember any of that, Harry. Just the nightmares."

Harry looked crestfallen. "What I manifested you must have forgotten upon waking up. But the nightmares you remembered because it was your subconscious's way of fighting back. I should have been more patient!" He slammed a fist onto the tabletop. "I had just waited so long already…I didn't think anything bad would happen…I blew it…" He flattened his fist and laid his head down on his open hand.

Hermione sat there quietly, watching Harry torment himself over his mistakes. Her heart went out to him, but she didn't really want to encourage him. If she did, he would think there was hope. And while she definitely missed the intensity of their meetings, she couldn't do that to Ron, whom she loved so much.

Almost as quickly as he put his head down, he popped back up. "Would you go on a real date with me?" He interrupted her before she could say no. "I know you're with Ron, and I don't want to break you up because he's my friend, but I have to know where this will go…" His eyes pleaded with her. "Just one night, just us, before you choose him. Please?" Desperation, longing, hope all stared back at her.

Hermione bit her lip and considered. If she did do this with Harry, maybe it would put a stop to this once and for all. Her dreams would be hers again. "Not a word of it to Ron?" She wanted to protect the man she loved; she didn't want him to know his best friend had been the one to torture her for so long. But she also felt like Harry: she wanted to see if this attraction he had for her led to something more…

Harry nodded eagerly. "You have my word, Ron will never know."

After a few more moments of deliberation, Hermione agreed. "Tonight, seven o'clock. This is your only chance, Harry."

Harry's face lit up happily. "Of course. Understood. Meet me in the hallway beside the Room of Requirement. We won't get noticed that way."

Hermione nodded her understanding and stood up. "Later, then." As she walked away, she instantly regretted what she had agreed to. He had terrorized her for months and yet, she couldn't shake the feeling that they had something more here. Letting confusion overtake her, she walked to the Common Room to get ready for her date, hoping like mad Ron was off with someone else and wouldn't see her go…