"What is that and where have you been?" Wilson asked, pointing an accusing finger at my carefully packaged meal as soon as I walked through the door of our apartment.
"Hello to you too." I mumbled. Switching the food and cane from one hand to the other, I shed my jacket and threw it on the couch just to annoy him further.
"Is that a Reuben?" Wilson opened the container right after I set in the refrigerator. Honestly, who goes through someone else's stuff like that? What an ass.
"My God, Wilson, it's just food. Don't get your panties in a bunch." Sinking comfortably into the couch and rubbing at my thigh, I turned on the television only to change it quickly when an army commercial popped up. Anything military related caused years of repressed anger to come bubbling up to the surface.
"So you were gone three hours getting a Reuben?" Wilson asked incredulously.
"Relax, I went to work. You saw me." I replied with a roll of my eyes.
"For five hours. In which you played cards, harassed nurses, and slept in the MRI room." I tried to turn up the volume to drown him out but he came around and snatched the remote from my hand to turn off the television. "Do you know how many times I called you? Four times, House." He answered my indifferent shrug. His voice rose an octave high with irritation and when I tried to snatch the remote back he moved it beyond my reach.
"Wow that's really serious." Sarcasm practically dripping from my mouth.
"An hour."
"Just because we live together does not make us a couple. I have no obligation to answer your calls. Now, give me back the remote. Dawson's Creek is on." I was swiftly getting fed up with his smothering and if he didn't back off soon Cuddy was going to have to find a new head of oncology.
"The only way I knew you were still alive was because Chase text me that he found you. Thank God someone has some sense."
Eyes narrowed, I snarled, "Were you afraid another crazed gunman got me or were you afraid I got piss drunk and killed someone else you love?" That's was it. All the progress we had made after the crash was going to come crashing down around my ears just because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
"That's not fair." He pointed at me accusingly. "Why would you even bring that up? So I'd leave you alone and sulk? Do you think I blame you for her death? I don't."
"Could've fooled me." I turned my focus to the blank screen just so I wouldn't have to see him.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I saw he had the confused boyish expression he always got when he is genuinely baffled when I glanced up. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips slightly parted.
Exasperated by the whole ordeal and hoping to salvage what was left of our friendship, I rose to my feet and made my way to my room as quickly as I could, leaving my cane behind.
"Oh no, you're not going to bring up my dead girlfriend and simply walk away." Wilson blocked my path with his body, hands on his hips as he moved when I moved to prevent me from getting past.
"I would if you would move out my damn way." I grasped my thigh and waited for him to fold and get out my way. He didn't.
"And why bring up the gunman? Do you want me to feel guilt that I wasn't there?"
"Shut your Goddamn mouth and get the fuck out my way." I replied in a dangerously low voice through clenched teeth. White-hot nails were being driven into my thigh and if it didn't stop soon I would go insane.
Wilson ignored me and continued his tirade. "Because then you would be able to feel less guilty."
"Yes, Wilson, I feel guilty. Amber died but it was not my fault." I yelled, angry at him and at the injustice of life. "Everyone believes I have some sort of God complex but I don't and I'm reminded of it every minute of every day. I had no control over the bus or what she took. I am not God but obviously you're the one that doesn't know that."
"What are you trying to say?" His voice cracked and there were tears welling in his soft brown eyes but I barely took any notice of because I was so angry my nostrils flared and every muscle in my body tensed. In short, my hackles were raised.
"Don't play stupid." I snorted with no trace amusement.
"I'm not. Don't fault me for not being able to follow your twisted logic."
"The note Amber wrote you the night of the crash, it's in your wallet. You look at the damn thing five times a day and if I'm around after you've read it you always give me this look of complete blame and utter contempt. I'm sorry she died. I would have given my kidneys if I could just to make you happy but you asked me to risk my life and I did. I nearly lost my mind just to have you walk in my room and look at me as if I was shit. You're fucked up Wilson. More fucked up then I am." Whatever sliver of friendship I could have salvaged before was probably gone now.
Wilson just stood there, stunned by my words with a look of shock plastered on his face. I brushed past him and struggled to remain upright, my leg threatening to buckle with ever step, until I was able to collapse on my bed only after slamming the door closed. Grinding my teeth together pain an irritation, I pressed the heels of my hand to my eyes until I saw stars. Months of repressed anger over misplaced blame had come rushing forth and I snapped at the only person I could ever really call a friend. I felt sick out of my mind and all I could think was how I would leap out the window just to get away at the moment. Forcing myself to calm down, I drifted slowly into a fitful rest filled with the sounds of gunshots and screams.
I died in my dreams. Every life-threatening incident ever occurred in my life replayed itself in my mind and I died with each. Overdose, fall from my third story window when I was ten, the knife in the socket, the bus crash all brought with them the pain and the raw emotion felt at the time.
When I woke I was nothing more than a shivering mass of tensed muscle, cold with the sweat that covered my body. A warm hand touched my forearm. The sudden and unexpected contact startled me and I jerked violently to escape it. Unfortunately I hadn't realized I had been at the edge so my arms flailed about, trying to stop my inevitable fall. The hand reached out and grabbed mine but it was too late and we both toppled over the edge. My head hit the floor with a dull thud but not hard enough to cause any damage.
"Damn it, House." Wilson groaned as he lay sprawled on top of me. What the hell was that?" He sat up and gingerly rubbed his right elbow.
"You prick, what the hell do you think it was about? You startled me." I snapped. Pain ran like wildfire through the damaged muscle. I clamped my right hand over it and used my left to push myself back from between his legs. "What the hell are you doing in my room?"
"I wanted to talk to you." He rose to his feet and offered a hand. "Our conversation shouldn't have ended were it did."
Ignoring the hand and the comment, I jumped onto my left foot and practically hopped to the bathroom.
"So you're not going to talk about it?" Wilson leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. "Fine, don't talk but at least listen."
"There's nothing to talk about." I tried to push past him but he pushed against me, backing me up with his body until the sink's counter dug uncomfortably into my lower back. "Have you fucking lost it?" I had a deep-rooted fear of being restrained so my heart hammered in my chest almost painfully. I placed my hands on the counter to try and push back against him but he took them in his own and held them at my sides. His pelvic crushed against mine so that I was trapped between him and the sink.
"Now will you listen to me?" He asked. He was so close I could feel his breath on my jaw.
"I don't see how I have much of a choice in the matter." I squirmed a bit as I spoke but stopped abruptly at his next words.
"I wouldn't have to do this if you weren't so damn stubborn. I shouldn't have to resort to getting physical just to get you to listen."
Any fear I had felt gave way to anger and I shoved roughly against him. "That's right. I say one thing you don't like and suddenly you've got every right to put your hands all over me." Pushing again I almost had enough room to break free but he pressed the whole length of his body against mine but being careful to give my right leg space.
"It's not like that and you know it. Just shut up and listen to me."
"Get your hands off." I growled.
"I sorry if I made you feel… like it was your fault. I was angry at you, yes, but only because you're so reckless it scares me. I'm sorry I asked you to risk your life but I didn't think you were shit I thought I was for making you go through that. And yes I am possibly more fucked up than you." Wilson said in one long breath. He stared at me expectantly, hoping that somehow all that would make me feel better. I let out a slow shaky breath and without think about it, I leaned forward slightly until our foreheads touched and closed my eyes. Wilson lifted his head, his cheek brushing over mine, until his lips were pressed against my temple.