The Switch

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Chapter Six: Howard and Vince Are Safe and Sound

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It was a lazy Friday at the Nabootique. Howard Moon sat peacefully at the counter of the store, quietly marking down stock on a small pad of paper with a pleased smile nudging at the corners of his mouth. The shop was quiet, but also orderly and clean. Out of the corner of his eye, Howard noticed a pencil on the counter that was slightly out of place—he straightened it with a crisp motion and regarded his handiwork with satisfaction.

The shop's bell jingled cheerily.

"Afternoon," he noted to his coworker as Vince strode in wearing one of his usual elaborate outfits. The raven-haired young man flashed Howard a dazzling smile.

"Morning," he corrected cheekily. As he walked up to the counter, he passed a large clock that clearly displayed the time—2:00 P.M.

"Got the paper for you."

Vince threw down that day's newspaper, and Howard picked it up, flipping to the editorial section to read the small heading: "Sugarballs McGinty's Switch from Jazz Funk to Jazz Funk Fusion Remains Unremarked Upon."

Howard gave a small growl in frustration and threw the paper aside, only to be startled by a large pair of bright blue eyes.

"Sorry about the jazz letters. But no lasting damage from all the other bits, yeah?" Vince asked with a touch of concern.

"I'm fine, do you mind?" Howard retorted, jerking away as Vince leaned in to scrutinize his face. Vince laughed a little and backed off.

"I'll take your word on it, then."

Howard turned his attention to the rest of the paper, but snuck a glance up at Vince as his friend plopped down into his favorite chair.

"And you? Everything in working order?" he asked, carefully crafting his question to seem the proper amount of unconcerned.

"I sorted it out," Vince replied casually, flipping through a magazine but finding nothing particularly appealing to him.

"Mm," Howard acknowledged. They sat in silence for a long moment, Howard forcing himself to focus on the stock list and Vince flipping through his magazine without ever stopping on an article. Eventually Vince sighed and tossed the thing aside, slouching in the chair. Howard glanced up at him, but neither spoke to the other.

"That potion work all right for you two?" Naboo asked, coming downstairs into the shop with Bollo following close behind.

"Like a charm—thanks, Naboo," the two shopkeepers replied simultaneously. Naboo arched one slender eyebrow.

"So, instead of having your bodies switched, you've gone and consolidated your personalities into one, and fit them into two bodies? That's hardly ideal."

"Very funny," they responded. Each stared at the other for a long, suspicious moment.

"Squid butcher," they suddenly declared in tandem.

"Fascinating," Naboo drawled, not seeming very fascinated at all.

"Howard foul things up while he was in there?" Bollo asked of Vince, voice promising retribution to the offending party. "Any stains on the upholstery, if you know what Bollo mean?"

Vince glanced briefly at Howard before addressing the concerned ape. "It wasn't as bad as all that. And… no, I really don't know what you mean. I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with even one possible interpretation, actually."

"Does anyone care whether I've got Vince stains on my upholstery?" Howard piped up loudly. Vince, Naboo, and Bollo all fixed Howard with looks of unsettled disgust.

"That's not… quite what I meant," the taller man murmured, embarrassed.

"You're a freak," Vince asserted, but quickly changed tactics. "But out of curiosity, you've always had that birthmark on your elbow, right?"

"Birthmark? What birthmark?"

Howard stood frozen in alarm for a beat, then grabbed at his shirtsleeve frantically, trying to yank his arm out of his shirt as if there were a bee inside.

The other three ignored him as he thrashed about, trying in vain to get his elbow free from his sleeve.

"So, are we all right, then, Naboo?" Vince asked the shaman. "You seemed a bit pessimistic about our odds the other night."

In the background, Howard flailed helplessly with his arm shoved through the collar of his shirt, trying to get a good look at his elbow.

"You should be fine," Naboo admitted. From behind the counter a small crash resounded. "Just stop using my magic potions, yeah? They're not toys."

Vince shrugged, looking a bit guilty. "In my defense, you did put that stuff right under the counter of the shop."

Naboo nodded understandingly. "We'll both make an effort, then."

There was a loud thud as Howard hit the floor. "You're a good kid, Vince," Naboo admitted fondly. "I know you're only naturally curious."

Vince smiled bashfully. "Thanks, Naboo."

"It was only a chocolate smudge!" Howard yelled angrily from the floor behind the counter. Bollo shook his head in contempt.

Howard popped back up, shirt now on backwards and hair a little ruffled. "So, our futures are all sorted out, then?"

Naboo's eyes widened slightly in realization. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Let me check."

Naboo headed off to fetch his crystal ball while Bollo wandered over to the coat rack to snatch a cowboy hat, heading instead for the door.

"Where're you off to, Bollo?" Vince asked. Bollo didn't even look at him as he arranged the hat on his giant head until he seemed satisfied with its placement.

"Out," he grunted.

"Well, when will you be back?" Howard inquired, a little suspiciously. Bollo stopped at the doorway to cast Howard a glare.

"You not Bollo's mom."

Howard frowned, taken aback by the ape's rudeness, but at that moment Naboo finished setting up his crystal seeing ball on the counter of the shop.

"Gather round," he intoned calmly, waving his small hands over the surface of the magical artifact.

At the small shaman's urging, the image of Howard as an old man swirled back into form. As the three friends watched, future-Howard reached into his jacket to procure a handkerchief and sneezed violently into it, causing his rocking chair to swing backwards. He sniffed piteously, watery eyes sad amongst a forest of wrinkles, and folded his frail hands back into his blanket-covered lap.

"Seems stable enough," Naboo ascertained, and Howard let out a sigh of relief. Vince clapped him on the back encouragingly.

"See, Howard—in thirty or forty years you'll still be alive and kickin'. You look quite vibrant, actually."

He really didn't. But just then, another figure strode into the crystal ball's image. Vince Noir, strutting happily in a pair of knee-high red platforms, greeted the wizened Howard with a wave and a grin. In his other hand, he casually tossed a yo-yo.

"What?" Howard exclaimed in outrage as future-Howard observed future-Vince describing something to him animatedly. "Is this a joke? He doesn't look like he's aged a day!"

"He looks a bit younger, to be frank," Naboo observed as future-Vince slapped his knee in mirth at some part of the story he was telling. Future-Howard attempted a smile that inevitably led to a coughing fit, revealing a mouth full of yellowed, rotten teeth.

"Are you saying that in thirty years he's going to look exactly the same as he does now, with me all wrinkled and lame?" Howard bristled angrily. Naboo blinked as he regarded the scene in his crystal ball.

"Actually, this is only about three years into the future," he corrected, voice mild. Howard stared, seething in rage Vince tried to hide the way his shoulders were shaking in laughter.

Inside the crystal ball, future-Howard's head suddenly fell back, and he sat completely motionless with his eyes closed and mouth agape. Future-Vince stopped his story, concerned, crouching down to wave his hands in front of future-Howard's face, then shaking the elderly man lightly in distress.

"Have I just died?" Howard all but shouted, furious and horrified.

Naboo didn't seem quite as bothered, and shrugged. "It looks more like you're taking a little nap."

"Unbelievable!" Howard fumed as future-Vince looked around furtively before stealing some hard candy from future-Howard's breast pocket. Cheerfully unwrapping his prize, he entered the shop, abandoning the snoring future-Howard. Naboo took his hands away from the crystal ball and the image faded away.

"I have tried to warn you about your attitude, you know," Vince offered, attempting to be helpful but still failing to hide his laughter.

"Don't talk to me," Howard muttered hatefully, leaning against a cabinet and sullenly crossing his arms.

"See, that's what I'm talking about! You're quite wound up, you know. High strung."

"I mean it. Shut your mouth for the rest of forever."

Vince smirked, and even Naboo couldn't help but crack a smile.

Howard glared moodily into the distance.

"Ridiculous."

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The End—mostly. Read the next chapter for a bonus, "as the credits roll" type scene—although if you like to end things with a healthy dose of Howard mockery, it'd do you well to stop while you're ahead. Beyond here only cuteness and friendship awaits.

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Thanks for reading, especially to those who took the time to write to me—you guys seriously made my day(s). I worked hard to make this as Booshy and brilliant as possible, so hit me up with a review if I at least managed to make you smile!