Chapter 6
apologies
I woke up and looked out my window. It was a bright sunny day and the Cullen's would not be out in town today. I jumped when I heard a tap on my window. I looked out and there was Jake, sitting on the tree outside. I pulled the shade down and then the tapping began again, this time relentlessly. I yanked the shade back up and flipped him off and then let it back down. Again with the tapping. I went to my desk drawer and got some paper and a pen. I wrote "LET ME GET DRESSED FIRST!" and taped it on the window.
The tapping then stopped. I got on my jeans and silver tank top and put my hair back in a ponytail. I then walked over to the window and pulled up the shade, Jake was sitting on the branch waiting. I opened the window and let him in. "what do you want. You have 10 seconds." I demanded half whispering. He looked at me as if trying to gather his words. "I know you want me to apologize but I'm not going to. I'm not going to apologize for loving you. Especially when it is out of my control." He stopped and looked at me, waiting for my response. I stared at him. How in the world did he think he didn't owe me an apology? "Jake, you are my best friend, that is all you are and all you will ever be. I can't change my feelings about you just because you want me to! Yeah, it really sucks. I know it does and I know it hurts! But I can't change me for you!" I shouted.
He looked at me and I could see that he wanted to cry, he was fighting back the tears. I could also feel the tears behind my eyes and the lump in my throat. We stood there in silence for what seemed like hours, just looking at each other. Then, I couldn't take it any longer. I burst out in tears and fell to my knees. I covered my face with my hands and sat there sobbing. I suddenly felt Jake's arms around me cradling me like a child. I didn't pull away. We both sat there, me in his arms crying. "I…I…I feel so terrible! I don't want you to hurt Jake, but I can't change my mind!" I choked out. "Shhhhhhh" he cooed. I sniffled back the stuff running from my nose. "I'm a terrible person!" I choked out again. He sighed and then I heard him laugh a little. "You are so much like your mother Nessie." I looked up at him with a confused look on my face. "What do you mean?" I asked. He smiled and looked up shaking his head. "I was in love with your mother ever since she came back to Forks. I thought I seriously had a chance until…well…she met Edward. After that I lost the chance. It was almost like Romeo and Juliet the way they were. Him sneaking into her room at night for secret love sessions…always modest though. They never did anything, but he laid there and watched her sleep all night and would leave in the morning to go get his car to driver her to school. They were inseparable. I never gave up, and I loved her up until that one day." He stopped talking and looked at me. "Until what day?" I asked. He smiled and looked at me. "The day you were born." He said. I looked at him and I could feel the tears behind my eyes.
How could I be hurting him so badly? He looked at me with a sympathetic look on his face. He gently inched toward my face and when I didn't pull away, he kissed me. It was a small short peck that ended quickly. He looked at me as if waiting for something. "Nothing?" he asked disappointed. I looked down and shook my head and then looked forward. "Nothing." I said. It wasn't like I was happy there was nothing; I was very disappointed that I didn't feel something. I wanted to love Jake, but I can't force myself too. He released me from his arms and we stood up. It was a long awkward silence and finally he broke it. "So…uh…well I'm going to go. I'll let you get dressed or whatever you want to do. I guess I'll see ya later." he said. "O-o-Kay b-bb-ye." I stammered as he jumped out the window and ran off into the forest.
I closed the window and put down the shade and went to my closet. I took out a pair of faded jeans with holes in the knees and a green button-down shirt with long sleeves. I brushed out my hair and let the long bronze curls fall down my back. I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I went out into the living room and there were my parents sitting by the fire place, mother curled up in my father's arms and they were reading a book together. I wish I had a love like theirs'. "Good morning." I said as I walked into the room and sat down on the floor by the fireplace. They both looked up at me and smiled. "Good morning darling!" my father said cheerfully. They both got up and hugged me. "Are you hungry Ness?" my mother asked. I put my hand to my throat in and rubbed it. I forgot that it was burning excruciatingly. I nodded and we all bolted out the door several miles away.
I finally stopped and looked around. Suddenly there was a sent so strong that I stopped dead in my tracks and took a long hard whiff of it. I exhaled with pleasure. I have smelled wonderful humans before, but this is the most wonderful smell I have ever been fortunate enough to inhale. I began to walk toward this smell, taking it in as much as I possibly could. I was getting closer, I could feel it, every step, this poor human was closer to death. I knew now that I couldn't stop. It was too late.