Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Sophie.

"My thoughts exactly sweetie" Tara smiled. "But while Willow and Giles were having their talk, the vampires were hiding out in a cave, and they weren't very happy at all.."

Spike and Drusilla were sitting together, while Darla sat apart from them, nursing her wounds.

"That stupid Giles, I won't be able to rest easy for a week!" Grumbled Spike, while Drusilla giggled. "Stop laughing Dru, it's not bloody funny!"

"I can't help it if my little Willie is afraid of the big bad King Giles" Dru laughed.

"Hey!" Spike growled, leaping at Dru.

"Will you idiots knock it off already?" Darla snapped.

"Dru started it" Spike mumbled.

"Look at you two!" Darla scolded them. "It's no wonder we're dangling at the bottom of the food chain!"

"I hate dangling" said Spike.

"If it weren't for Giles and his lot we'd be running the joint" Darla pondered.

"I hate them" said Spike. "They're annoying."

"And pushy" added Darla.

"And stinky."

"And boy, are they.. UGLY!" said all three vamps in unison.

"Surely we're not all that bad" said Wilkins, appearing in the mouth of the cave.

"Oh, it's only you Wilkins" said Spike, relieved.

"We thought it might have been somebody important, like Giles" said Darla, smirking. "Now that's power."

"Hearing his name gives me the shivers" said Dru.

"Giles" Spike taunted. Drusilla shivered.

"Ooh, do it again!" she giggled.

"Giles, Giles, Giles!" Spike repeated, as he and Dru began rolling around on the floor in fits of laughter.

"I'm surrounded by imbeciles" Wilkins groaned.

"But you Wilkins, you're one of us" said Darla.

"Yeah, you're a real pal" added Spike.

"Did you bring us something to eat dear Wilkie?" asked Drusilla. Wilkins sighed and tossed them each a thermos of blood, procured from various innocent creatures.

"I don't know if you really deserve this" he frowned, as the vamps tucked in. "I practically giftwrapped those children for you and you couldn't even dispose of them."

"Hey, it wasn't like they were alone" said Darla, annoyed.

"Yeah" said Spike defensively. "What were we supposed to do, kill the King?"

"That" said Wilkins, grinning evilly, "Is exactly what I was proposing."

Wilkins: I know that your powers of retention

Are as wet as a warthog's backside.

But thick as you are,

Pay attention!

Wilkins swatted the thermos out of Dru's hand.

My words are a matter of pride.

It's clear from your vacant expressions,

That the lights are not all on upstairs.

But we're talking of Kings and successions,

Even you can't be caught unawares!

Wilkins leapt at Darla and Spike, startling them into falling onto two geysers, which blasted them into the air.

So prepare for the chance of a lifetime,

Prepare for sensational news!

A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer..

"But where do we feature?" Darla interrupted. Wilkins pinched her cheek like a child.

Just listen to teacher.

I know it seems sordid,

But you'll be rewarded,

When at last I am given my dues!

And injustice deliciously squared,

Be prepared!

"Sure we'll be prepared.. Uh, prepared for what?" asked Spike, confused.

"For the death of the King!" growled Wilkins.

"Why, is he sick?" asked Drusilla.

"No, you fool!" he yelled, lifting her by the collar. "We're going to kill him.. and Willow too" he added, dropping Dru.

"Great idea, who needs a King?" Spike grinned.

"No King, no King!" the three vamps chanted in unison.

"Idiots!" Wilkins snarled. "There will be a King!"

"But you said.." Darla frowned.

"I will be King!" said Wilkins triumphantly. "Stick with me, and you'll never go hungry again!"

"Yeah! Long live the King!" cheered Darla, Spike, and Drusilla, as other vamps emerged from the shadows to join them.

Vamps: It's great that we'll soon be connected

With a King who'll be all-time adored!

Wilkins: Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected,

To take certain duties on board.

The future is littered with prizes,

And though I'm the main addressee,

The point that I must emphasise is..

Wilkins snarled suddenly at one poor vamp, causing him to panic and fall to his doom into a fiery crevice.

YOU WON'T GET A SNIFF WITHOUT ME!

So prepare for the coup of the century.

Vamps: Oooh!

Wilkins: Be prepared for the murkiest scam!

Vamps: Oooh, ah ah!

Wilkins: Meticulous planning,

Tenacity spanning,

Decades of denial,

Is simply why I'll,

Be King undisputed,

Respected, saluted,

And seen for the wonder I am!

Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared,

Be prepared!

Everybody: Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared,

Be prepared!

"That doesn't sound good" Sophie frowned.