Karen's Note: Hey y'all! Miss me much? -winkwink- (Jodie: -cough- No.) -glareatJodie- Anyways… My excuse for not finishing this chapter faster is the fact that nobody is reviewing anymore…(It's really because I've been so busy but…carry on!) -tear- So sad… (Jodie: Not feeling any sympathy here.) -glareatJodieagain- So…REVIEW PPL!!!!! How many times do we have to tell you??? PLEASE!!!!!! I BEG YOU!!!!! REVIEW!!!! OR I SHALL DO SOMETHING SUICIDAL!!!!! (Jodie: Ooo! Please do!) Grrr…don't make me come tickle you! (Jodie in Karen's dreams: NO MORE!!!! SPARE ME O MIGHTY ONE!!!! SPARE ME!!!) (Jodie in real life: You wish.) I do. Teehee. Yeah…Making fun of Ron is fuuuunn…So…I realized that so far, Harry hasn't said anything except ask who we are and look at us weirdly…Dude, it wasn't INTENTIONAL or ANYthing…Oh, and I kinda made Jodie act like an idiot in the whole chapter, as she has so kindly pointed out to me once…or twice…every second…the whole day…for the whole week…or two weeks…or maybe even ten…So, being a kind and generous person, I changed it (a bit) of course. Now she just makes extremely scathing and sarcastic remarks. (Jodie: Thank you, Karen.) Oh, and the fact that Jodie threatened to kung-foo me to death and then bring me back to life and then do it again might have been some sort of incentive to do so… (Jodie: No! -pout- I would NEVER do that.) Riiiiiiiiiiight…. (Jodie: You be quiet young lady or I'll kung-foo you to death and then bring you back to life and then kung-foo you again.) Didn't you hear what you just SAID???? (Jodie: Yeah. So?) -rollseyes- (Jodie: -grinsmirksnigger- Enjoy the chapter!)
Reply to laffytaffy: WHAT?!!!!!! YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT A ZEN IS???!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! YOU POOR, POOR CHILD WITH OVERPROTECTIVE PARENTS!!!! I PITY YOU!!!! I PITY YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME?!!!!! THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!!!!!!! RUN!!!! SCREAM!!!! CRY!!!! PLEAD!!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!!! DOOMED I SAY!!!!! (Jodie: What she means is that a Zen is an mp3 player. Actually, Zen is a brand name, which Creative created. Haha, Creative created…Ahem. Righto. Her "Zen" is actually a Zen V Plus, but Zen is easier to say...or type. Whatever. Yeah. Carry on, Karen.) DOOMED!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!! IT ISN'T FAIR!!!!! I'M STILL YOUNG!!!!! I HAVE A LONG, HEALTHY LIFE TO LIVE!!!! WHY?!!!! WHY ME?!!!! WHY??!!!!!!!! (Jodie: Okay, okay, that's enough for now Karen. You can pout and wail and all that fun stuff quietly.) Okay. WAAAA-- (Jodie: Quietly meaning QUIETLY.) Okay. -whisperyell- WAAAA- (Jodie: Okay…Quietly meaning not typing anything.) Oh. Pssht. Why didn't you just say so? (Jodie: -rollseyes- You're hopeless.) -snort- Look at who's talking.
Reply to Vivian: (Jodie: What about me!! Did you forget that it was Jodie who thought up the whole idea?!!!! Or that is was Jodie that pokes Karen into hurrying up and update?!!! Or that it was Jodie who wrote approximately HALF--) Actually, you wrote LESS than half. (--of this chapter?!!!!! Hmph...I am soooo underappreciated. Lol! Thank's for the review ,Viv!) Hi, Vivian! Ignore the crazy lady babbling to herself. (Jodie: Hey!!!) I speak only the truth. (Jodie: -growl-)
Reply to adeckofcards: (Jodie: YAY!! Tanu finally read my--) Ahem. (Jodie:--our story!! And what do you mean by threatening people? I would never do that:P)
Reply to Kevin Zhang: (Jodie: Uh...how in the world did you know we had a story, let alone find it in the gazillion stories by harry potter fanfic writers...ditto question to you too Vivian.) Helloooo. Earth to Jodie. Itold Vivian to read our story and well, umm….Kevin, how DID you find our story??
Reply to Gurleen: Hey, Gurleen!!! I finally finished the chapter! (Jodie: Well, if she didn't, you wouldn't be reading it.)Shuttup, Jodie. (Jodie: -rollseyes- -grins- The spinning eyeballs strike again!!!)
Reply to Noodle Addikt: (Jodie: Er…Are we supposed to know you? Was that "when pigs fly" a clue or something...I'm confuzzled...the only people who I know would say that are Adinah and Jamie...Adinah already reviewed so that leaves Jamie...unless Adinah got an account recently...I'm confuzzled too...) -rollseyes- Doiiiiiiiii. It's so obviously Jamie. Right, Jamie? Nice username by the way. Totally azn.
Reply to CRAZEDSTALKERPERSON: ….Ya kno, your username is not very comforting…I'm just hoping that you're some person we know that just wants to be like special and weird or something…Thx for reviewing anyways though:)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything…except…me…and my stuff…and me…and Jodie (Jodie: HEY!!!)…and me…and-and-and- (Jodie: You get the point.) -grin- Enjoy!
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Hermione towered over us, and suddenly let out a giggle. "It's funny watching Snape get angry when he can't do anything about it."
"He can't do anything about us?" Jodie asked cluelessly. (Like usual.) (Jodie: Heyyy!!!) "Since when? Not that I'm complaining or anything..."
"Well, aren't you protected by some sort of 'diplomatic immunity'?" she asked.
"Ahh, yes. Our little friend 'diplomatic immunity'." I grinned evilly.
An identical evil grin lit up Jodie's face. "I knew that," she said.
"Uh-huh," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm (-drip- -drip-).
Ignoring me, Jodie said, "And didn't good ol' Dumbly say something about not abusing it?" She rubbed her hands together in anticipation.
"I don't know..." I said, smirking. "I don't quite recall that…So it won't be my fault if I accidentally do something…accidental." I got to my feet.
Jodie, smirking and also getting up, suddenly spun around in true Jack Sparrow fashion to face someone standing behind her and shouted, "Let me go or I'll have you Longshanks!!" She found herself looking at a livid Professor Snape. "Eh, sorry dude," she apologized somewhat sheepishly. "Just got caught up in the moment, that's all." I noted the fact that she continued smirking though.
He glared at her and ordered the rest of the class, "Keep working on nonverbal spells, while I…discuss matters with these two young ladies." He marched us out of the room and pointed a threatening finger at us. "Now, you two will both sit quietly in the seats at the front of the room where I can keep my eye on you for the rest of the class and all my classes to come until you buy a wand and some good manners-"
I interrupted and asked innocently, "They sell good manners in Diagon Alley?"
He continued, "-or you will find yourselves in an unpleasant situation…Am I understood?"
"Okay," Jodie said, still smirking.
"Sure. I can stay quiet," I agreed, smiling sweetly at him.
She snorted. "Can not."
I looked at her indignantly and said, "Hey! I can too!"
"Can not."
"Can too!"
"Can NOT!"
"Can TOOOOOO-" I stopped mid-syllable and glanced up at the still-fuming Professor. "Sorryyyyyy…" I said in a completely un-sorry voice. I poked my tongue out at Jodie as we were shoved back into the room in an unceremonial manner.
She mouthed back at me, Can not.
Thirty minutes later found us playing rock-paper-scissors while all the students around us were either tottering around like my great-aunt Wie-Ling's old Pekingese (the poor dog has arthritis, is half blind, and walks around you with four extremely short, teeny-weeny-WEENIE legs), gasping for breath like Jodie's little brother's fish (he never cleans its tank so you can't really even SEE the fish), or turning interesting shades of all the colors of the rainbow (Jodie and I were seeing who could spot the most colors. I had already found a sort of blue cheese-ish color, chartreuse, purple, burgundy, puke green, and a remarkable shade of tomato. To my chagrin, Jodie was the one who found lavender.).
"Pathetic, Weasley…Here -- let me show you-" Snape pushed a magenta-faced Ron aside and pointed his wand at Harry.
"Protego!" Harry shouted, flinging Snape back into a desk.
Jodie cringed and whispered to me, "That desk will never be the same again."
I nodded sympathetically.
Snape stood up, shook out his robes, and looked at Harry. "Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?" he asked coldly.
Harry replied through gritted teeth, "Yes."
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me 'sir,' Professor."
"Ooooo…busted!" I shook my head. "You are soooo going to get it."
Snape looked as if he barely had control over the fact that he wanted to smack Harry's little head all the way down to Australia. Jodie and I edged a little bit away from him. No sense in being too close to a person who clearly needed anger management sessions.
"Detention, Saturday night, my office," Snape ground out. "I do not take cheek from anyone, Potter…" He added with venom, "Not even 'the Chosen One'. Class dismissed."
We walked out of the dungeon, following a slightly gloomy group of people.
"That was brilliant, Harry!" chortled Ron.
As I said, slightly.
I exclaimed, "Dang, Harry. That was completely, stupidly, moronically, retarded-dedely AWESOME! I remember how much I loved that scene from the boo-"
Jodie clapped her hand onto my mouth. Again. I spat it out, saying, "Dude, sorry…but that doesn't give you enough reason to stuff your hand in my mouth." I muttered under my breath, "Ungrateful, little bi- " I stopped when I saw a wide-eyed first year staring at me. "-kini," I finished.
Jodie looked at me.
"Whaaat?" I asked. "I can't go around contaminating poor little minds with our weirdness. That'd be totally uncool."
Hermione was saying, "-really shouldn't have said it. It was definitely not a good idea."
Harry replied angrily, "He tried to jinx me, in case you didn't notice! I had enough of that during those Occlumency lessons! Why doesn't he use another guinea pig for a change? What's Dumbledore playing at, anyway, letting him teach Defense? Did you hear him talking about the Dark Arts? He loves them! All that unfixed, indestructible stuff-"
"Well," Hermione said in a small voice, "I thought he sounded a bit like you."
"Like me?" Harry said, outraged at being compared to Snape. (Jodie and I were watching intently. This is a very intense scene in the book. So, likewise, we must be intense. Intense is me. I am intense. -girlwalksbymeeatingchocolate- Hey…chocolate!)
"Yes, when you were telling us what it's like to face Voldemort. You said it wasn't just memorizing a bunch of spells, you said it was just you and your brains and your guts – well, wasn't that what Snape was saying? That it really comes down to being brave and quick-thinking?"
I whispered to Jodie, "I don't remember Snape saying anything like that."
She shrugged. "I wasn't paying attention. The whole class was too kill-your-partner-or-I-fail-you for me." she replied.
Harry looked a bit dazed by the fact that Hermione had memorized his little speech from last year. Jodie was looking at both of them strangely. So many biiiiiiiig words, huh Jodie? (Jodie: Heeeyy!!! It's not as if you have any mental acumen to comprehend the fragility of Hermione's introspective psyche!) (Me in Jodie's dreams: -drool- acu-cu-what?) (Me in real life: Hahaha, very funny. By the way, Jodie...what does acumen mean?) (Jodie: Something waaaay beyond your comprehension.) (Me: -silence-) (Jodie: -startsfidgeting-) (Me: You don't know, do you, Jodie.) (Jodie: I do too!!!...It's umm...something to do with the brain...or sommat...) (Me: -smirk-)
"Harry!!" shouted a weenie-looking boy. Harry went over to say hi as we walked toward the Gryffindor common room.
"Okaaaaay…Soooo Hermione…where're we going next?" Jodie questioned, attempting to break the silence.
Hermione looked at her and said, "Well, there's a break next…then we have some more classes, I guess…"
"Righto!" Jodie replied enthusiastically, gesturing enthusiastically and attempting a heroic pose. "Onward! To infinity, and beyond!"
She had been waving her hands around so zealously that she promptly tripped. Conveniently, her tripping pushed Ron into the way of an ornamental pillar that ran into him. Ouch…Ya know, I kinda feel sorry for that guy…
"Oh dear…Sorry, so sorry," Jodie said, getting up and dusting imaginary dust from her clothes. "What an awful accident…I feel so terrible…I'm dreadfully sorry…Such a coincidence that I tripped in your direction…"
Ron muttered something unintelligible under his breath while glaring at her, and picked himself up off of the stone floor. Jodie had a syrupy, big, and almost mocking smile pasted on her face. (-ding!goesthelittlehalo-) Glaring at her some more, he turned around to pick up his battered wand, which had fallen out of his pocket; while he did so, Jodie's composure changed significantly, and she grinned evilly at me and winked. I couldn't help but join in, and I felt a not-so-innocent smile creep over my face.
Right at that moment, Harry came back, clutching a folded piece of parchment.
"What was that about?" asked Ron.
Opening the piece of paper, he motioned to us. "Look at this."
Dear Harry,
I would like to start our private lessons this Saturday. Kindly come along to my office at 8 P.M. I hope you are enjoying your first day back at school.
Yours sincerely,
Albus Dumbledore
P.S. I enjoy Acid Pops.
"He enjoys acid pops?" Ron looked cun-fuzzled.
Jodie mused aloud, "Hmm…I wonder what acid pops taste like…I want one!"
Right at that moment, a cute guy walked past us with a green, acidic-looking lollipop. "Oooh!!" she said, running toward him. "GIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMME..."
"Stop bothering the poor hottie, Jodie. Harry's busy explaining to poor, slow Ron what 'acid pops' means. It's rude to interrupt and be a nuisance and make us be stared at while making a complete fool of yourself! Not to mention that cute guy is looking at us weirdly now…" I hissed at her.
She stuck out her tongue out at me and said to me indignantly, "Like you don't ever do that."
"I do NOT!" I exclaimed huffily.
"Riiiiiiiiiiiight…" she replied mockingly.
"Fine. So maybe I get a little bit…excited, but I do NOT yell into random people's faces and act like a crazy person."
Jodie looked at me.
I said tersely, "What?"
She looked at me.
"I do NOT."
More staring from Jodie. She then gave me The Eyebrow. (O the Horror!!!!)
I started to feel a bit uncomfortable. "Or…anything…" I trailed off lamely.
We reached the Gryffindor common room (not to mention the Fat Lady) and climbed through the hole in the wall behind the painting.
"Soooooooo…what do we do now?" I asked Hermione.
"Let's see…how about…homework!" She said this almost happily. (-shudder-)
"No!" both Ron and Harry exclaimed in unison.
Harry hastily said, "Well, we'd rather not…After all, it's only the first day. How much homework could we possibly have?"
"Yeah, what he said," Ron said, ever-so-brilliantly.
Hermione looked slightly unhappy about not being able to start Snape's homework. When she started to look as if she might argue with them, Ron and Harry looked expectantly at Jodie and me.
"Hey, leave me out of this. I, quite frankly, don't do the homework thing, unless it's with a teacher I like and a subject I can comprehend." I said with certainty.
Knowing they wouldn't be able to get me to change my mind, Harry and Ron proceeded to stare Jodie down.
"Don't look at me. I mean, school's all very nice and everything, but it still is homework...if you get my drift," Jodie said, holding up her hands and backing away.
"I told you already, I'm going to treat this like one long vacation," I said to the pathetic-looking Harry and the even more pathetic-looking Ron who both clearly didn't want to do homework, stretching my arms to accentuate how relaxed I was. Ahh, the power of making others beg…I love it!!! I love it!!!!
"But…won't Snape be unhappy that you guys aren't doing your homework?" Ron asked, unhappy that he had to do homework and others didn't.
I said, chuckling, "Well…then I'd be in an unpleasant situation I guess…and isn't there something that saves us from said 'unpleasant situations'?"
Jodie smirked at them.
Ron pouted. (xDDDD)
I said, also smirking, "The job description says unpleasant, and the words 'Snape' and 'no homework' in the same sentence is definitely an unpleasant situation. One might even call it ugly. And that, my friend, is the beauty of our situation here at Hogwarts."
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We ended up finishing the break without doing any homework, or anything productive at all for that matter. Harry and Ron stalled and got Hermione to engage in a conversation about what Dumbledore would teach Harry in his lessons. They talked and talked and well…talked. Jodie and I got bored and started drawing smiley faces all over Ron with her Sharpie ("Here, you can have one on the back of your hand…and on your arm…and on cheek…and on your forehead…." "Hey, HEY! Keep that...er...pen like object with black writing on it AWAY from my forehead, you! NO! STAY AWAY!!! STAY AWAY!!!!! DON'T MAKE ME DO SOMETHING DRASTIC!!" "Awww, come on. It's just a smiley face. It won't make people stare at you or anything-" "BACK OFF!!!! I SAID, STAY AWAY!!!!"). It was much fun. -grin-
Hermione headed off for Arithmacy, while Harry, Ron, Jodie, and I stayed in the common room with nothing to do. So you can imagine how it went. We all sat there and did nothing….Just kidding. Do I look like I'm someone who'd just sit there and do nothing?? I think not. Jodie and I decided to take a walk outside on the castle grounds, as we hadn't had any time to see it before. Harry and Ron followed us because they had nothing better to do.
The castle grounds were pretty impressive. There was a huge, huge lake and lots and lots of grass everywhere and people were just sitting around and chatting. Very ideal vacation resort. I scanned the crowd, looking for any familiar faces from the Harry Potter movies, when my eyes fell on Malfoy and his cronies walking towards us. I know he's supposed to be evil and everything in the story and stuff, but one has to admit he is kinda hot. Well, I don't know if Malfoy is hot, but Tom Felton is. Ewww…Tom Felton??? What kind of crappie, lame name is that??? -shudder- Moving on…As I was saying, he is hottie material. That is, when he isn't sneering. And he was currently walking towards us with a sneer on his good-looking face. Hmm…Not a very good way to start any relationship, huh? Well, who knows. Look at Lily and James Potter. Anyways, back to reality.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Chosen One and his Weasel sidekick. Where's the Mudblood, Chosen One? Trying to scrub off that filth?" Malfoy sneered.
Ron growled at Malfoy. Jodie, being slightly more graceful, settled with a rude hand gesture.
"And what's this, new additions to the pathetic group?" he asked icily, looking Jodie and me over. "Not too bad looking…" he commented as he eyed us.
I smirked. Jodie, as usual, rolled her eyes.
"How come I've never seen you before? There are very few Oriental people here at Hogwarts. Probably because, as everyone knows, Orientals are shy little wimps who never see sunshine. I would have noticed you two," he said. "Are you new students?"
I had had enough. He was cute, I'll give him that, but NO one dissed Asians in front of me. "First of all, we are not 'Oriental'. Hellooo. You say things like 'that's an Oriental rug', not 'that's an Oriental person'. The correct term is 'Chinese', or 'Taiwanese', though 'Asian' is fine by me too."
"Secondly," Jodie continued where I had left off, "we are new students, but considering the fact that you just dissed Asians, I've decided that that's none of your business and that all you need to be worried about right now is finding out just how shy and wimpy I can be."
"Thirdly," I said to a slightly taken aback Malfoy, "I'm Karen and this is Jodie. Nice to meet you." I held out my hand for him to shake. He grasped it in his own, a smile creeping onto his attractive face.
"Quite the hellcats, aren't you? I like cats…and, er, hell…I'm Draco. Draco Malfoy," he said, grinning handsomely.
"We know," I chirped.
"Of course you do, of course you do," Malfoy said conceitedly. "Everyone knows me."
Jodie asked him in a casual tone, "What did you say your name was again?"
Malfoy glared at her. She just smiled breezily back at him. (We're good at that kind of thing.)
"So, tell me more about you guys," Malfoy said to me. "When did you get here?"
"Oh, we fluttered in with the wind," I said vaguely.
"Yes, can't you just picture us fluttering in with the wind?" Jodie interjected.
"Erm…Not really…" Malfoy answered. "What House did you say you guys were in?"
"We didn't, and we don't really have a House…" I said, unsure how to say it so that he didn't realize that we were full-out Muggles.
Jodie just about read my mind and she made a terrific save, if I may say (which I will) (Jodie: Awwww, shucks, you shouldn't have.). She said smoothly, "You see, whenever the wind changes directions, we move on to another House. We're the kind of girls that like changes, no matter how conservative the people around us are."
Malfoy smirked. "My kind of girls, I'd say."
I turned to lean on the wall behind me and saw Harry and Ron staring at us.
Ron asked, flabbergasted, "Are you flirting with Malfoy???"
"No," I replied, unfazed. Malfoy raised an eyebrow at me. I continued, "we're having a sophisticated and highly mature conversation that obviously your tiny brain cannot follow."
Malfoy chuckled evilly, enjoying Ron's look of anger. "Well, I've seen enough," Malfoy declared.
I looked at him questioningly, slightly confuzzled.
Jodie voiced how I felt and said, "Come again?"
"Any girls who can make Weasel here dance with rage are definitely good enough for me," he said, smirking. "From now on, you two eat with me, not with that pathetic group," he said, jerking his thumb towards Harry and Ron. "You're too good for them. For me, on the other hand..." He trailed his voice off suggestively while looking at us with his clear blue eyes.
"Weeell..." I pretended to think it over.
"Please?" Malfoy asked us, his face so cute with those begging eyes and that smile.
I sighed for effect and then agreed. It took a little longer to get Jodie's consent but at last (with some nudging from me) she said, "Alright. BUT just to let you know, Karen might find you...interesting, but my heart will always belong to Viggo Mortensen and ONLY to Viggo Mortensen. Oh yeah, hurt my best friend, and I'll unleash my black beltness in your pretty little face."
Malfoy smiled so sweetly at us, I would have swooned onto Ron, but that would have been kind of a bad second impression on Malfoy, plus Jodie would have teased me for forever for doing so. I instead flashed (what I hoped to be) a charming smile back.
Jodie just had to ruin the moment and say, "Alright, alright, we get the point you two, you can stop making goo-goo eyes at each other. Hey look, there comes Hermione."
I turned to see Hermione walking briskly towards us, her curly brown mass of hair flying behind her. We seriously need to give her some tips on what to do with all that hair. And those clothes. And shoes. And bag. She soooo needs a makeover... Ah well, she IS Hermione and she ROX! When Hermione reached us, the first thing she said was, "Ummm…What's going on here?" in a confused sort of way.
I could kind of see why she might ask that. There was Ron and Harry, still staring at Jodie and me with wide eyes and open mouths, unable to believe what had just happened, Malfoy standing next to us, apparently having a friendly conversation with us, Jodie and me, just standing there so innocently (Hermione: Ha! You two? Innocent??? HA!!!) (Karen: -pout- What's wrong with us and innocent?) (Hermione: HA!!!!!!!) (Jodie: Hey, that's a bit harsh Hermione.) (Hermione: HA!!!!!!!), and well, let's just say, Hermione was a bit overwhelmed by this change of the tide.
"Omigod!" Hermione exclaimed. "What's he doing here???" She pointed at Malfoy, disgust in her voice.
"Exactly," Malfoy voiced, "what I was about to ask. Why is she here???"
"Umm, hello. She's our friend," Ron said, looking at Malfoy like he should know this kind of thing.
"Yes, I know that," Malfoy snapped, "but what I want to know is why you two don't feel disgusted when you put yourselves into the Mudblood's presence. There's almost like an…aura of impureness emanating from her. Don't you feel it??"
I gasped. "No, you didn't…You did, didn't you?"
Jodie rolled her eyes and said, "No duh…"
I continued, "You—you just insulted Hermione…"
"Yes, I think we've reached that conclusion too," Jodie remarked scathingly.
"You…you..." I said furiously to an apprehensive Malfoy who braced himself to be slapped by one ticked-off Asian who was currently approaching him with an upraised hand, "…darling," I finished, cupping my hand to Malfoy's cheek affectionately. I smiled at him coldly. Malfoy stared at me with wide eyes, not yet taking in what had just happened. Needless to say, this made Hermione, Ron, and Harry all looked at each other as if to say telepathically, Did you just here what I heard? Because what I heard was just plain weird. Jodie, on the other hand, was looking at me suspiciously. Really. She just knows me too well. I smiled at her my famous revenge-is-at-hand-and-we-shall-conquer-again smile. She started to look a bit worried. I just smiled the bigger. Letting go of Malfoy, I chirped, "Weeell, I don't know about you guys, but I really got to go to the tinkle-room. Wanna come with me, Jodie?"
As Jodie and I waltzed off into the direction where I had noted a bathroom on our little tour of the grounds, I heard Ron say, "What's a tinkle-room?"
Harry's tentative reply was, "Whatever it is, I hope it isn't where they keep anything explosive. Judging the look on Karen's face, Malfoy won't make it to his next class."
Shaking my head at their lack of knowledge about the modern world, I strolled past a group of fifth years and then pulled Jodie into an empty classroom. I locked the door and sat down in one of those dinky medieval wooden seats.
"So?" Jodie asked. "What have you brewed up this time? Does it involve Malfoy getting hurt? I'd like that."
"Come on, Jodie," I replied. "What kind of revenge plan would this be if Malfoy didn't get hurt?"
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Jodie and I, after having discussed every possible aspect of our little revenge plan, walked back to the Gryffindor common room. However, right when we reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, the bell rang for our next class…which I had no idea what the heck it was.
"Well," I said with a sigh, "I think it's time for some major brain tweaking."
Jodie's response: "… ... ... ...Maybe you should go sit down on that rock over there, Karen. I think Malfoy's gotten to your head."
I said, "I don't know about you, but I don't ever remember Hermione telling us what class we had next…"
"Ahhh...That makes more sense," said Jodie.
"Yeah…" I replied. "And I really don't want to go up to some random person and, like, just ask them what class Gryffindors have next, because what if they AREN'T a Gryffindor?? That'd be kinda embarrassing…"
Jodie muttered, "Never bothered you before…"
I narrowed my eyes and said, "WHAT did you say???"
"Emmm…." Jodie apparently decided to live a long and healthy life. "They won't smother you at four?"
I kept on looking at her suspiciously but continued, "So we have to do some serious remembering and remember what class Hermione and co. have after their break. Okay? Okay. Ready, set…..go!"
We sat in silence, trying to remember.
After about, oh, three minutes, Jodie sat up and exclaimed, "I got it! They go to the fat dude's class! Aha! Am I a genius, or am I a genius?"
"Kindly expand on the so-called term 'fat dude' and, by the by, in civilized society, it's considered a tad bit rude to call someone 'the fat dude', you know, just if you didn't know," I said in a voice suggesting she knew just about nothing about anything civilized.
Glaring at me, Jodie explained, "Ya know, that old, fat dude in the book, old whatshisface…Slughorn! Also, you should be talking. Civilized my left butt cheek."
"Well," I said, getting up, "come on. Let's go!"
We found our way through the maze of numerous hallways and passages (amazingly) and walked into the dungeon, humming the Pirates of the Caribbean theme under our breath.
Walking into the dungeon classroom was like walking into…well, a dungeon. The sole occupant was a corpulent…no obese man who was flitting from little pot to little pot. Seeing us, he grinned. "Welcome to sixth-year Potions class. Please sit, sit! Class will begin shor- Harry!"
We turned around to see Harry enter the classroom with Ron and Hermione.
"How good it is to see you again! And who are your friends?" Slughorn inquired.
"Well, this is Ron and Her--" But Professor Slughorn already walked off. Shrugging, Harry motioned towards us to sit with them.
As more students filed into the room, Slughorn strode to the front and said, "Now then, now then, now then. Scales out everyone, and potion kits, and don't forget your copies of Advanced Potion-Making…."
"Uh, Mr. Slughorn? Jodie and I don't have anything 'cuz we're Muggles and haven't got any money soooo…yeah. Oh, Ron and Harry don't have any either," I said.
"Ah, yes, Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore did mention something along the lines of that…not to worry, my dear girl, not to worry at all. You can use ingredients from the store cupboard today, and I'm sure we can lend you some scales, and we've got a small stock of old books here, they'll do until you can visit Flourish and Blotts…."
Professor Slughorn walked to a cabinet in the corner and drew out four books and scales. When he placed them on our table, I quickly scrambled to find the Prince's book. Shuffling through the books, I picked it up and walked back to my seat. I smiled smugly and said, "Haha…you just wait until I show him my genius. With the Prince's book, I'll be drowned in crystallized pineapple."
Chuckling at me, Jodie went to get a book also. Opening it, she developed a confused look. "Uh, Karen. I thought you said you have the Prince's book." She looked at me and held up her book, which was filled with scribbled notes in the margins and in between the lines.
I looked at her, my face screwed up in mock pain. "How could you betray me that way?!! I trusted you!!!!" I pretend-swooned and promptly fell out of my chair. Climbing back up, I looked at Jodie sheepishly and said, "So…how did you get it? I thought I picked it up."
She grinned at me. "Luck, I guess."
"Oops, sorry m'dear." Professor Slughorn's ample girth knocked into our table, knocking some of the books onto the floor, and Jodie's book just happened to be among them.
"Shit," Jodie swore, scrambling to pick up the Prince's book and sighed in relief when she got it. "Whew. That was clo- WHAT!! Wait one freakin' second!!"
I looked at Harry's book and saw the familiar scribble on the yellow pages.
Jodie glanced in my direction.
I smirked. "Luck, huh?"
"Shaddup," Jodie growled.
"Ooo…it bites, I'm soooo scared," I teased her.
Jodie plopped her head down miserably. Slughorn strode back up to the front of the room. "Now then, I've prepared a few potions for you to have a look at, just out of interest, you know. The first few should be familiar, but the last one…the last one, I want to see who can figure it out."
Jodie and I grinned at each other. We had memorized the sixth Harry Potter book and could recite all the lines by heart.
Slughorn pointed at one cauldron and asked, "Anyone tell me what this one is?"
Before anyone could answer, all heads seemed to turn towards the doorway where one Draco Malfoy was trying to slink in the classroom without being noticed. Ahhh, Malfoy. This is going to be sooo fun. Everyone seemed to be astonished at his undignified manner, but Jodie and I, on the other hand, knew exactly why the pompous Malfoy might be acting the way he was. And frankly, that's exactly what I would do if I was him. What we've got prepared for him won't exactly make him smile.
"Veritaserum," I said calmly to Slughorn. "A colorless, odorless potion that forces the drinker to tell the truth." Looking over at Hermione, I felt a little guilty for stealing her line.
By then, Malfoy had reached his destination, a seat in the far corner, as far away as possible from Jodie and me (I prefer to think of it as from me). (Jodie: Remember the ego.) (Karen: You better.)
After recovering and shaking his head to make sure what he'd seen actually happened, Slughorn replied, "Very good! Now, this is pretty well known….Featured in a few Ministry leaflets lately too….Who can--?"
Jodie raised her hand the moment he gestured towards it, saying, "It's Polyjuice Potion, Mr. Sluggy. It let's you transform into anyone if you have something that's a part of them."
"Excellent! I didn't think that non-magic users would know so much."
"Well, we did read the whole boo-" Jodie glared at me. "-Potions book," I finished, looking at her defiantly. I then looked at the dejected Hermione, who was upset at being beat to answering the questions, and looked down uncomfortably. Jodie and I looked at each other, and we made a unanimous decision telepathically.
"Well, then. Now this one is very difficult to recognize. I don't expect you to but…" Professor Slughorn started.
"It's Amortentia!" Hermione cut in, finally getting to answer a question. "It's the most powerful love potion in the world!"
"You're quite right! I suppose you recognize it by its mother-of-pearl sheen?" Slughorn chortled.
Hermione leaned forward eagerly. "Yes, yes exactly. And the steam rising in characteristic spirals, and it's supposed to smell differently to each of is, according to what attracts us, and I can smell freshly mown grass and new parchment and the sweet cologne of--" She stopped abruptly and blushed. (I have a clear and upsetting idea of what she was about to say. WHAT IS IT WITH HER AND RON??? SHE'S GOT BROWN HAIR AND HE'S GOT RED FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!!! THEIR CHILDREN WOULD HAVE…er…RED/BROWN-SO-MAYBE-AROUND-PUKE-ORANGE COLORED HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ummm, ew?)
Slughorn looked bemused (a strange look for a face like his) and asked her, "May I ask your name please?"
She hesitated and replied, "Hermione Granger, sir."
"Granger? Granger? Can you possibly be related to Hector Dagworth Granger, who founded the Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers?"
"No, I don't think so, sir. I'm Muggle-born, you see."
Slughorn looked surprise and addressed Harry, "Oho! 'One of my best friends is Muggle-born, and she's the best in our year!' I'm assuming this is the very friend of whom you spoke, Harry?"
Harry answered, "Yes, professor."
"Well, well, take twenty well-earned points for Gryffindor, Miss Granger!"
Jodie nudged me and pointed in Malfoy's direction. I giggled when I saw his face. It looked like he had just been spoken to by our friend Siwen's little sister (if you've ever spoken to her, you will be amazed to see that she can speak, like, sixty-five words a minute. Jodie's tried to copy her…but…to no avail.) (Jodie: -sigh-).
Hermione beamed at Harry. "Did you really tell him I'm best in the year? Oh, Harry!"
"Oh, Harry!" I mimicked and Jodie grinned.
"Well, what's so impressive about that?" Ron looked annoyed. "You are the best in the year -- I'd have told him so if he'd asked me!"
"Don't be jealous, Ron. I'm sure there will be someone for you…somewhere…over the rainbow…" Jodie condoled.
"Quiet now. Alright, it is time for us to start work." Slughorn pointed at a golden cauldron in the corner of the room. "This will be the prize. A wonderfully curious potion called Felix Felicis." Hearing Hermione's gasp, he smiled, "I take it, that you know what Felix Felicis does, Miss Granger?"
She answered in an excited hush, "It's liquid luck! It makes you lucky!"
I elbowed Jodie. "Wish you had some, huh."
She grimaced.
"Quite right, take another ten points for Gryffindor. Yes, it's a funny little potion, Felix Felicis," said Slughorn. "Desperately tricky to make, and disastrous to get wrong, However, if brewed correctly, as this has been, you will find that all your endeavors tend to succeed…at least until the effects wear off."
Everyone started perking up at the sound of that.
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Everything happened exactly the way it did in the book after that. The class had to make the Living Draught of Death, the person who makes the best potion gets the Felix Felicis, Harry makes the best potion, he gets the Felix Felicis, everyone is happy, yada yada yada. Let's fast-forward to the more interesting part, the part that I know you are just dying to know what happens.
The class ended and Harry was really excited and Hermione was really suspicious and Ron was really jealous and Jodie and I, we were, well, being us I guess. And we walked out of the classroom, heading towards the Gryffindor common room. Malfoy was waaaay behind us, at the back of the group leaving the class, trying to keep a safe and far distance away from us (me). As the flow of the crowd pulled everyone forward, Jodie and I stalled, as planned, and let others pass us. Oblivious Malfoy was walking steadily, being propelled by the current. Jodie and I blended in with the crowd and drew nearer and nearer to the Hated One. I reached into my black Mononoke bag (A tribute to Jamie! Those who don't get this, it's kinda an inside joke-thing so yeah…) and drew out our secret weapon.
"Go, Jodie, go, go, go!" I hissed.
Jodie stealthily approached the Hated One, not yet letting him see her as she hummed the Mission Impossible theme song. I, on the other hand, was still faithfully humming the Pirates of the Caribbean song. (Karen: Hey, it just seems more dramatic and stuff with some swashbuckling music in the background.) She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and whispered, "It's show time."
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Hey look, there's a butt…ahem, bug…and a little yellow ball of fire in the blue sky, and some white puffy things, and a big clear magnifying thing with a handle between the sun and the bug…and the bug is getting hot…I think there is steam coming off…and the bug is going sizzle…sizzle…sizzle…and the bug is writhing in agony...BUAHAHAHA!!!...okeii, evil moment over…okeii, the bug isn't moving anymore…now wat? ah. story. right. yesh. -grin-
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Jodie walked right up to Malfoy, smiled coyly (Jodie: I can't believe I'm doing this.) (Karen: -gag- Someone get me a bucket.), and said in a flirtatious voice while batting her eyelashes, "Heyyyy, cutiiieee."
Malfoy stopped dead in his tracks. Eyes? Like big blue bowling balls. Mouth? All the way down on the ground. Mind? Vegetative state. (-drool-) Perfect. I snuck up behind him and dropped our secret weapon into the bag which hung on his shoulder, and awestruck Malfoy never noticed a thing. He was still too busy staring at Jodie with unconcealed dumbstruck-ness. Even more perfect. I took out a pair of small scissors that I always kept with me for protection (eyeballs are very delicate appendages) and usefulness and stuff, and I proceeded to cut a long slit in his bag that went from the top to the bottom of Malfoy's bag. I backed away a bit to be safe, and just then, Malfoy came out of his stupor.
"Wazzat?" he asked groggily in a confused sort of way.
Ever smooth, Jodie merely said, "Oh, Karen's looking for you. Oh look! She's over there!" She pointed in the direction opposite from me.
Malfoy proceeded to walk in the direction opposite to the direction that Jodie had pointed at which was opposite to the direction opposite to me (a.k.a. he was walking right towards me). (Jodie: Reverse psychology. -sigh happily- It's a beautiful thing.) He walked hurriedly in a frightened manner right by me, and I stuck out my leg right into his path (gracefully of course) and he, well, tripped. Slllloooooooowwwww mooooooottttiiiiiiiooooonnn: "Wooooaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!" yelled Malfoy as he tripped and proceeded to fly like Superman above the heads of his fellow students. He was going and going and…going. "AAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" he shouted as he realized by the forces of aerodynamics and physics and such that the end of the trajectory and projectile that he had started with his momentum would probably lead to him to land flat on his face on the marble floor. Sadly, he didn't really hit his face because his arms were what he really landed on, cushioning his fall. Well, I guess it's kind of better that he didn't smash his pretty face and break his nose or sommat… But the whole falling part isn't the main part of the revenge plan. Oh, no, it's the bag that he was carrying that we should focus our attention on. You see, as he was falling, his bag ripped wide open and all his stuff flew out to land with much clattering nearby by his prone form. And now for the master…
"Omigod! Malfoy!" I gasped in a worried voice, running up to him and kneeling beside him to help him up.
I brushed back his bangs which were usually gelled up but had come loose during his amazing flight in the air. (Jodie: You did that just to touch him, didn't you?) (Karen: -pout- So WAT if I did??) (Jodie: -snickersnicker-) (Karen: Don't make me tell our fans about a certain Viggo poster above your bed that you--) (Jodie: -interrupt- I haff no idea what you are talking about. -faintblush-) (Karen: Riiiiiiiight.) His eyes looked a bit dazed, but he didn't seem to have anything broken.
I caressed his cheek, concern in my eyes, and asked, "Are you okay?"
" 'M fine," he mumbled, still dazed.
Quite a group had gathered to see what had happened and why the heck was there some guy hurtling through the air. Even more more perfect. Malfoy sat up slowly, rubbing his head with his fingers. He must have had a killer headache.
"Here," I said, "I'll help you gather up your things."
I got up and picked up various items, from parchment to ink to cauldrons to scales to quills to combs to hair gel to…pink and frilly Barbie??? Jackpot.
"Omigod!" I exclaimed, covering my mouth with my hand as if in horror. "Malfoy?" I asked, a question in my eyes.
"What?" he slurred.
"What's…this?" I asked hesitantly.
I held up the pink and frilly blonde-haired blue-eyed Barbie for all to see. Malfoy paled.
"What is that?" he asked frantically. "What the heck is that?? I don't have anything to do with that!!! I swear!!!! I don't even know what it is!!!!"
The crowd gave quite a murmur at what they saw before them, and those in the front passed on what they saw to the back in hushed whispers of "Malfoy has a Barbie!" and "He claims not to own it…" and "Don't they all?" and "It's pink and frilly…" and "OMG.". Malfoy was looking around in horror, realizing that no one believed him.
He turned to me and I said in an appalled voice, "Malfoy! I never knew."
"Well, well, well," Jodie smirked, "I knew something like this was bound to happen with you in the picture. Congratulations, Malfoy, you just broke Karen's poor heart."
Malfoy responded pleadingly, "I swear, I've never seen it before in my life. Please. Believe me." He turned to face the crowd again. "It's not mine! It's not mine!!!!!"
No one seemed to believe him, and one by one, the people walked away, shocked, but not shocked enough to unable to pass on the tale. I was pretty sure the school would be in a buzz by the next bell. Malfoy picked up his stuff, slung his bag back onto his shoulder, and proceeded to shuffle down the hall with his head down. The crowd in front of him parted as he walked down the hall and once the students saw him they all stopped talking to stare at him with wide eyes.
I gave Jodie who was currently smirking her head off a high-five and remarked, "Nice one with the broken heart thing."
I turned to watch Malfoy's blonde head disappear around the corner and felt kinda sad at having to go to such drastic measures and at having hurt him. (Karen: But my heart was NOT broken.) (Jodie: -scoff- Riiiight.) But hadn't Hermione had enough of that Mudblood stuff? That was just plain mean. She's as good as any of 'em.
I turned back to a smirking Jodie who was standing by me and said in an innocent voice, "Ya know, those big, old Slytherins? They're mighty clumsy, aren't they? Especially those Slytherins who tease Hermione; they're so clumsy and accident-prone. I somehow get this, oh, feeling, premonition if you will, that there's gonna be a mighty lot of itty-bitty accidents this school year."
Jodie just kept on smirking.
"I never knew about that facet of your personality, Jodie," I teased, changing the topic of our little discussion (in which I was doing most of the talking). "Were you preparing for Viggo when he comes around to visit little, old California? Is that it?"
Jodie glared at me and said, "That was completely against my inner nature--"
"-snort- WHAT inner nature?" I scoffed.
"—as you perfectly well know," she insisted.
I just smiled a yeah-I-totally-believe-you smile at the red-faced Jodie. This year is just gonna be sooo fun.
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Jodie's End Note: Hiya ppl! I just want to share with you something...something amazing...something mind-boggling...something...er...um...I forgot what I was going to say...WAIT!! I remember!! Ok...you know how I mentioned my friend, Siwen's, little sister? Well, I told her that we mentioned her in our story and she went, "Yes! I'm on the road to being famous! -pose- -pose- -pose-"...it was kinda funny. On a sadder note... ... ...I'M MOVING -SOB- -SOB- -WAIL-!!! My dad works in China and my mom is going through her mid-life crisis so it ends up that I'm moving to China for two years when school ends. Probably (at the rate Karen writes and edits, the next chapter will be written via e-mail. Don't you say it's going to be a good experience 'cuz you wouldn't say that unless you've actually LIVED there for 2 months...I mean, it's got it's ups but who wants to be a true Californian Asian freshmen at a new European high school!!!! (Oh yeah, I've realized that the only people who say that it's going to be a great experience for me are ADULTS. Everybody else is sad to see me go.)
Karen's Note (Again): I LUV ALL YOUS WHO REVIEWED!!!! KEEP IT UP!!!!! Umm…yeah, that's it. Oh, wait!!! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows comes out on July 21st!!! WHOOHOO!!!! I HOPE RON DIES!!! (Jodie: -snortandchokeonthehotcocoawiththe lilwhitemarshmallowsfloatingontopshewasdrinkingandstartcoughingreallybadlybutlaughinginagreementathesametime-) (Ron: HEYYY!!!!! I HEARD THAT!!!!) I know. XDDD But seriously, I do. XDDDD Hope you enjoyed my chappie!!! That should be enough Malfoy for YOU, huh Gurleen? And I must say I do feel as if my 29 page long chapter has taken back whatever Jodie stole from me with her two continuous chapters. If you have any comments, ideas, or praise, REVIEW!!!! We're always open to new ideas for our story! Baiiiiii, faithful readers!!!! (Oh, I almost forgot, the for the "Heyyy, cutie." part is an inside joke. For anybody who went to TAYL this summer and knew Byron and is reading/read our story...you'll get it. XDDDDDD Yeah... BAIIIIIIIII!)