JN: WOW!! It's been a year since our last update and I have to say...SOB...it's all my fault. I'm so sorry WAIL and if HICCUP I can ever ever EVAH apologize SOBWAILHICCUP in any way (short of killing myself, torturing myself, depriving myself of anything...and that leaves...oh) please say so!! tear. Eh anyways, Karen has declined to write a KN because she is speechless in my almighty presence. Nah, it's because she can't think of anything to say right now. So let's just wish Karen a happy 14th birthday (which makes all of OUR characters outdated now). Btw, I am currently going to start rewriting the first chapter so stay tuned for the rewritten first chapter! The reason is because it seems that that's the chapter that's turning people off, so I'm gonna fix that XDDD. Anyhoo. ENJOY!! ...and review.
MeloveTreCool: Oh noes!! We DID forget. But it's not my fault. ... ...-looksaroundfrantically- It's Karen's! (Karen: Oi!). Lolzers. Thing is though, since we're so far into the story, and I don't know what was cool 10-15 year's back, I think we should keep it in the same voice. 'Cuz a lot (Karen: alotalotalotalot--) of the story has stuff about recent stuff included. Besides, it's fiction isn't it? :) We can change some things. Hmm...we can say that we took the whoooole Harry Potter Universe into a time traveling telephone booth into the future for one Hogwarts school year! :D (Karen: I think that's stretchin' it a bit too far, Jodie.)
Yui: Okay. I have no idea who you are, but apparently Karen does, and if Karen likes you, so do I. So... ... ...Let's be friends! (Karen: Ahem, okay. YUIIII err Elim? Hmm haven't talked to you in a while...I'm going to ATDP!! But uh no jap for me this year. Maybe I'll see you tho . THANKS FOR REVIEWING SOOOOOO MUCH hehe yeah we're kinda weird XD but you already knew that...)
Siwen: YAY!! Siwen likes our story!! I put a lot of stock in your opinion, Siwen, so you should feel very privileged. xP
Noodle Addikt: Okay, 1) the Mononono baggie thingy wasn't my idea. It was Karen's. So 2) It's her fault. K? And thank you for your tears, but I'd rather have hugs. They're more happy-inducing. UPDATE 10/24/07: Haha, at first, I had no idea what a Monokuro bag was, then since I'm in china, I kept seeing these little piggy designs so I realized that they were the Monononono thingys. (AHA THE MONONONO THINGIE GAINED ANOTHER NO...I find that strangely amusing. xD Sounds like it gained weight... o.o I think I lost myself.) lol. They're cute! Oh...and here's a little tribute to you! See if you can find it!
Disclaimer: I own nothing here except me, my dog, my stuff, Karen (Karen: Oi!), and Wang Shao Wei (Karen: You wish.) (Me: I do.), and a magnificent talent at singing...coughcough Oh, ya, something new. There is actually a line in here taken directly from Deathly Hallows. (:O!! xD) See if you can spot it. That line belongs sole-y to J.K. Rowling until 70 years after her death as per say the patent/copy-write thingymabobber. (Who says you can't learn anything at a rich International School?)
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"Jodie?"
"It's a Saturday, Mom. Five more minutes," I mumbled groggily.
"Um, Jodie?"
"Go 'way. I'm sleeping."
Someone sighed. "This isn't working, Hermione. Here, let me try….. ... ...WAKE UP, JODIE, YOU OVERRIPE SACK OF POTATOES!!"
Jolted awake, I came up swinging, attempting to clock whoever was talking about vegetables. "Holy Bajeezus and Baby Bajeezus!! Karen! The sun's not even out yet! Can't you guys just let me sleep?? You're as bad as Siwen at science camp!" I glared around the room.
Karen was smirking, as usual, having easily ducked my feeble attempt to smack her on the side of her annoying little head while still half-asleep. Hermione was grinning at our (what she terms "outrageous and just plain outright") behaviors, as usual. Lavender Brown was looking at us in distaste, as usual. Parvati was looking bored, as usual. Dammit, why is everything always the same here?? I'm surprised they didn't die of boredom before I, (Karen: Ahem.) er, and Karen (Karen: 'I and Karen'...If Mrs. Peterson was here, I highly suspect that she would be looking for the electrical cord by now.) arrived. I mean, seriously! Ms. Conflicted Color's nose is so high up that the aliens who helped build the Great Wall of China could probably see it. Parvati Patil too! (Her name kinda sounds like Perverted Petal doesn't it? Then again, let's not go there...back to the ranting). I'd think that she's probably bored by now of being bored. Geez. It's been like--
"Jodie?"
--a whole week already, and I'm quite sure that I haven't seen one change of emotion flit across those two fa--
"Um, Jodie?"
--ces. Not even a different kind of distaste or a different kind of bored.
"You know, Hermione? I'm sensing a little deja vu here."
Maybe their faces are stuck like that.
"CAN YOU PLEASE WAKE UP NOW? WE'RE LOSING DAYLIGHT HERE!!"
-whooshwithalittlehighwhistlingoverheadasIfallbacktoEarth- Jolted (again) out of my intense mental ranting, I looked up at the two pissed off girls above me. "Ya know, Karen. The yelling gets old fast. After a while, you start sounding like that teacher from Charlie Brown. The one that goes wahwahwahwahwa--" I faltered,"... ...Wait a second. That wasn't you!!" I looked at Hermione. "Wow, Hermione. I've never heard you yell before...well there was that time in the fourth movie that you went, like, totally ballistic at Ron but that movie sucked so mu-- Waitwaitwait...did you just yell at me, Hermione??"
Karen looked a bit awestruck as she answered slowly, as if she was not comprehending what had just happened before her very eyes (or ears), "Yes, Jodie. She did yell at you. And she used a slangy-not-British-like phrase too."
Hermione's eyes widened, her hand pressed to her mouth as if she didn't know that an inner anger demon resided in her teacher's-pet-angel-of-the-classroom soul.
My eyes teared up. "Look, Karen. Our little goody-girl has finally grown up! I do believe that was her first temper flare."
"I do believe you're quite right. LET'S CELEBRATE! DRINKS ALL AROUND!!"
A shaky and still-recovering-from-shock voice intruded our little victory dance. "Um, guys. We're kinda getting off track. You need to go to Diagon Alley to get your supplies, remember? And Harry, Ron, and I were told to accompany you."
I jumped out of bed, energized by the prospect of a new day and the anticipation of more non-Hermione like outbursts from our pet (She insists on the term "caretaker", but we all know who's taking care of whom. Showing her the ropes, we are.). "Okay! Just let me change out of my PJ's and stuff and let's go! We can pick up something to eat on our way or something. What time is it?"
Hermione replied in an instant, "5:26 A.M. We need to leave an hour after sunrise, which is approximately 6:26 considering that the date today is September 8th..." she trailed off. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Well, I don't know. Maybe because you memorized the whole friggin' sunrise thingamabobber!! That's just way scary," I said, walking toward the bathroom (or water closet as they call it there, I think) with today's choice of clothing (Which, of course, I picked with fashionably stylish taste..actually, not really. More like the first things I picked up.), "not to mention unnatural. Anyways, you guys just follow all the irresistible smells to breakfast while I change."
When I did all my stuff, I walked out of the bathroom and down to the Great Hall, which was completely empty except for a couple of 7th years trying to do homework they left till the last minute. Seeing Karen and Hermione and co. getting up from the Gryffindor table, I waved and walked towards them, snatching an (uneaten) apple from one the last-minuters who was so intent on his paper that he didn't even notice, the sucker. (One of the rules I live by: Laugh while you can. Life's more fun that way...and you can burn calories!) (I had a nagging feeling that that's where Karen and I would be sitting quite oftenly at this time of day doing the same thing once we started class. Support last-minute essays! And uh...don't tell Hermione I said that.)
"Don't tell me that that is what you're going to wear today, Jodie," Karen sneered at me goodnaturedly in her Abercrombie and Fitch glory.
"What?" I looked down at myself and took in my clothes. Comfortable jeans, a black cami, a white denim jacket, my collection of wristbands (Save Darfur everybody! Cancer would be pretty cool if it was cured too!), my wide-band spwarkly watch, and a pair of well-worn converses.
Karen took me in from head to toe. "Please tell me that you didn't just throw on the first thing you picked up."
"Of course I didn't!" Dang it, she knows me too well. "I put on carefully the first thing I picked up."
"Those jeans are from China AND fake, aren't they."
"So? They're comfortable. And no, Karen. The cami is NOT from China; I think it's actually from Taiwan...more expensive you know...though the shoes might be. I forget. But that's besides the point. Hi, Harry. Hey, Ron." I stole a swig of pumpkin juice (tasted really weird, but I was thirsty and there wasn't any iced tea around) from Karen's cup (or goblet or chalice or unholy grail or whatever) and rolled my eyes as I noticed that Ron and Harry didn't say anything back, choosing to eye me uneasily instead, like a bomb about to explode at any second (Something I get a lot...guess they're just jealous of my awesome-ness.)."You know, guys, I've been thinking..."
"Wow! Really, Jodie! I didn't know that you were capable of doing anything remotely complex as that!" Karen interrupted jovially.
I shot back carelessly, "Yes. Shocking isn't it, how there are some things that I can do and you can't. Anyways, I've been thinking that we've left Eskie in the Room of Requirement long enough. We should take him out with us. He could use some exercise...he's probably, like, really fat right now. Not that he wasn't before, the lazy fuzz ball, but that's also besides the point. Okay? Okay. That's settled. Let's go get him."
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"Whoa. I see green." I looked around. As previously stated, I saw green--perfectly perfect green grass stretching across the horizon, as far as the eye could see. The only thing marring the over-sized lawn was a white blur. And a brown blur. Well, lots of brown blurs. Guess what they were. Yes, we were in the Room of Requirement, and yes, we stowed my dog away in there for a bit and left him in the room along with a ton of food and doggy toys and the like. But, no, we did not teach him how to use the room...he seemed to have figured that out himself. The white blur was him. And the brown blurs...the brown blurs were squirrels.
Oh dear.
It took us a while to herd him out the door (It involved a lot of shoving on my part and much anguished howling at the loss of his squirrels on his part. Really. Men these days.), and from there, it only got worse. When he was pushed out, we heard a terrible high-pitched scream. Karen and I looked at each other fearfully.
"I'M GOING TO DIE I'M GOING TO DIE I'M GOING TO DIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!"
Karen ran out to investigate, and came back shortly after,sighing with relief as she leaned against the wall for support.
"Whew, I thought somebody was getting killed or something," Karen grinned at me.
"SAVE ME!! SAVE ME!! I'M TOO BEAUTIFUL TO DIE!! I DON'T WANT TO BE MAULED BY A GIANT RAT!!" Lavender Brown screamed as Eskie jumped all over her, pawing at her clothes, and then attempting to sniff her butt.
"-gasp- Oh no you didn't." My face turned thunderous (or lightning-ish at least). "How DARE you! How DARE you insult my dog!! He is NOT a rat...he is of the fine family of Canis and of the noble house of Familiaris! Not that you would recognize the distinguish-ness of this distinguished family, Miss Conflicted Colors. Come here, boy," I called Eskie over while glaring claymores at her. "It's okay. Don't let that animal get to you."
Brushing off my attempts to stab her with my eyes, Lavender said flippantly while reapplying her makeup, lip gloss, blush, eyeshadow, etc., "Don't you worry, I would never let a mere animal get to me."
"Um, I think she was talking to the dog," Karen told her. "But that's okay, at least she didn't call you a pig."
"That pig won't hurt you, boy. I would never let her."
Hermione snickered. (Wow. She just made me day. I'm so proud of her. wistful/motherly/tearysmile)
Ron looked at Lavender sympathetically.
Harry sighed, "Let's go, guys. We should've been out by now."
After composing herself back to being the British-teacher's-pet-angel-of-the-classroom she was, Hermione coughed gently and said, "Harry's right. Jodie, Karen? Stop abusing Confli--Lavender and follow us."
I looked at Karen and she shrugged (That was the signal for "maybe we should 'come quietly' just this once"), so I did. Of course, the term "come quietly" is debatable. This is our definition:
"Oooooh!! Jodiejodiejodiejodiejodiejodie!! Did you SEE that FOB-y guy with that awesome Taiwanese-styled hair!! He was soooooo CUUUUTE!"
"Yeah, yeah, if you like a guy whose hair looks like you cut it."
...
...
"Look! It's Sam Wang Shao Wei. OH!! AND JAY CHOU TO!!"
"WHEREWHEREWHEREWHERE?! ... ... ... ...Karen?!"
-smirk-
"Um, guys?"
Repeat that about every 10 minutes separated by awkward moments of silence and you've got the general idea. Eventually, we got to the Leaky Cauldron and that funny looking brick wall. Harry took over then (Strong and silent as usual...though mostly just silent.) and did that random tappy thing. When a door appeared in the wall, we saw something akin to the Xidan Market of China--chaos and bargaining. A.k.a. "heaven".
"OMGOMGOMG!! That's soo cute! Can we get that? Pleeeeaaase."
"Oh! Look at that lwittle gerbil! No!! NO! I will not be sucked down the vorpal of cuteness! I am devoutly loyal to ESKIE!!... ... ...But...it's... ... ...KEWT!! AHH!! ESKIE! Stay here! Don't go sniffing random wizard butts. That's not polite!"
"Um...girls?"
"Huh?"
"Did you say something, Karen?"
"No."
"Oh, okay."
Eventually, we ignored the shopping list and just bought a ton of junk including a very expensive amethyst (or so they said it was but I wasn't so sure...anyways, Karen still would have loved it even if it was made out of plastic because it was lavender...yes, she is that obsessed) necklace for Karen and a kinda African mojo-ish bracelet for me. Exiting Diagon Alley, we dragged the three pooped wizards and singularly hyper dog around London to do some real shopping...window only because Londonese money was not part of the Ambassadorial Package. Of course, whenever you enter a big city, there is always something you are sure to encounter...
"STARBUCKS! Whoo! Ya think it's time to introduce to Ron what a latte is?" I whooped in Karen's general direction while being inexorably drawn toward the cafe. Beside me, the same magnetic force was pulling on Karen.
"Booyah! I forgot that there are some people in the world who don't know what coffee is. Hey, Harry! Ever taken a shot of caffeine before? It'll cure you of everything, I swear. Including that strong-silent syndrome you have. Hm...you think dogs are allowed in there?"
Together, we dragged the quartuo (or whatever you call three wizards and a dog) along with us. Hermione was more than willing, as she decided that she needed a drink before she could survive going out again with us. Harry and Ron were a bit more reluctant.
"What's a latte? Why do we need to take a shot of it? It better not be some sort of torture device! Let go of me! Somebody save me! I'm being kidnapped by two girls trying to shoot me!!"
Hermione reprimanded him tiredly as we each sank into our own sleek, black, modern stools (you gotta love the Europeans). "Oh do be quiet, Ronald. I'll go order...what do you two...two...-yawn-...two girls want?"
Karen and I said simultaneously, "Two caramel frappucinos, grande, no whip cream, three-quarters sugar, with extra milk, and only a dash of caramel sauce, thank you very much."
Karen added, "Oh yeah, and give Harry a Cinnamon Dolce Latte--"
"--and get Ron apple juice," I cut in.
Karen snickered while Hermione smiled a bit. Harry was asleep, and Ron didn't know whether to feel offended or not.
"Aw, just kidding. How 'bout Coffee of the Week for you ickle Ronnykins?"
He gave me the finger.
"Ouch, I'm wounded. By the way, ya think Karen will recover from the shock of Malfoy being..."
Ron, seeing where the conversation was going, perked up immediately. A mixture of awe, happy revulsion, and malicious glee crossed his face. (Yeah, his face looked pretty screwed up.) (As usual.) (Karen: Now, now, no need to state the obvious, Jodie.) (Jodie: My mistake.) "I don't believe it!! I just don't believe it!! I never thought Malfoy was a-a-a-, oh, I really can't believe this!!"
Karen spared him an arrogant look while glaring at me for implying her obsession. "Well, don't. Because it isn't true."
Ron hit earth with a shattering crash. "What?!"
I spared him a pitying glance, "Didn't that Barbie look familiar at all? Pink and ruffles? Dinging any bell?"
(five minutes later after a lengthy silence in which the only noise was Eskie panting and much rolling of the eyes by Karen and me--I mean if rolling eyeballs had a sound)
"Oi! That was the freakin' doll that Karen gave to you that you used to bop me on the head and chase me around with during free period!"
"Now he realizes." Karen looked at me pointedly.
"Whaaaat. I was bored!!" I snickered, "But that was funny. Ron running from a pink-covered Barbie. -looksblissful- Now that is one memory I hope to keep with me forever."
Ron spluttered at us, "You mean...you mean you PLANNED all of that?? You put the doll in his bag?? Which you slit wide open?? You were ACTING??"
"Yup."
"Yeah."
He continued to splutter, "And you did all that just because he called Hermione a Mudblood?"
"Yup."
"Yeah." Karen twirled a plastic straw absentmindedly.
I took it out of her hand and threw it at Harry who had fallen asleep, "She is sooo much cooler than mud."
Karen and Ron looked at me as if I belonged somewhere nice and safe...preferably tied up and gagged. Harry snorted and then continued to sleep. Man, he's got, like, NO stamina!! He needs a SERIOUS visit to Taiwan and do some SERIOUS shopping at the night markets. We'll bring him with us and he can carry all our bags. Anyhoo...
I shrugged. "It's okay, Ron, you're cooler than mud too." I looked at Karen a bit sadly...and turned away quickly.
Finally getting my implications, Karen glared virtual daggers at me. "Hey!"
Following Harry's example, I snorted and then told Ron, "Anyways, he had it coming."
"And now...now everyone's going to think Malfoy's...you know." Ron stared dreamily into space. "Wow. And to think that we've been here at Hogwarts with Malfoy for six whole years and we've never been able to get him bad. Then you guys come along and by the second day, thanks to your evil work, the whole school thinks he's GAY! I have to admit, you guys are pretty diabolical...but then again, we knew that already."
"Thanks." Karen smiled at him warmly, probably the very first time she'd endowed him with a genuine one.
"Say that again; this time I've got a tape-recorder. But seriously, no need to be so narrow-minded. Gay people are actually quite nicer than some people I can name, and considerably smarter too than others..."
My partner-in-diabolically-insane-crime laughed and we did our little handshake: -slapslapclapturnarou--eh, you get the point.
"Just kidding, Ron, just kidding. Buddies?
He looked at each of us uncertainly. "Er...well..."
I tried again."Fine, friends?"
"Ummmm..."
Getting irritated, I slammed my palm against the little round Starbucks table (drawing stares in the meantime). "Comrades??"
Karen wheedled, "Awww, come on, man, do it for Hermione!! You know she considers us, like, her best buds! Right, Hermione?"
Hermione, having just arrived with our orders, had absolutely nada idea about what was going on and from the look on her face...didn't want to. "Please leave me out of this," was all she could manage.
Taking the cup that Hermione gave him, Ron looked at us...or rather, at the palm that had slapped the table with such force that a hairline crack could be seen (oh, wait...no, that was just part of the table artwork...). He sighed, "Okay, comrades. -shakehands- I just hope I never get on your guys' bad sides."
Karen nodded sympathetically in agreement. "Me too. That would be ugly," she added with particular relish, "and would also include lots of pink and frilly dress robes, Sharpies, your journal, oh, and your boxers."
Ron shuddered with frightened apprehension (kinda wussy for a 16 year old)...and I shuddered with disgust at his shudder and at Karen's random evil plans that just pop up any random time.
"Fun!" Karen clapped her hands together gleefully.
"Geez, Karen. Talk about hitting low and going personal. Even I don't get these perv brain blasts." I took a sip of my holy grail of stimulating legal drugs. "Go ahead and drink up, Ron, we're not gonna poison you today."
He looked at the cup tentatively and sniffed it. A look of disgust crossed his freckled, acne-riddled faced. "God, that's revolting."
The cashier heard; she shot Ron a nasty look as she took the orders of the next customers, a plump, simple-looking business man who was carrying a mile-high tower of boxes for his lady love, a ferocious-looking woman with beady eyes, a hooked nose that could kill, and a shockingly large bosom.
Both Karen and I looked at Ron in shock, amazed to find anyone who was able to resist caffeine. Still shaking our heads, we stood up. "We should probably get going now. This time, let's REALLY do some sightseeing! C'mon! Let's go tear down Diagon Alley!" I high-fived Karen enthusiastically.
Hermione sighed and shook Harry awake.
Ron also looked resigned in a wise-man-deciding-he-can't-control-incorrigible-youngters-like-ourselves way (apparently, he's trying to take the older brother role after his intimidating wizard role failed miserably). "Yes, we might actually have to BUY something that's on the school list. (Wow, someone's learning how to be sarcastic.) Ron said, "Let's get going then, I don't want to drink this muck. Anybody got some Muggle money to pay for this?"
"Excuse me, mister-unsmarty-pants, it's not called 'Muggle money'. It's called 'money'...not that hard to pronounce. Say it with me, 'moooooooneeeeeeey.' Got it?" I poked him hard.
Karen poked him on the other side. "Yah, we don't want any discrimination from you. One, that's totally uncool and intolerable. Two, you sound very stupid saying 'Muggle.' And four (Jodie: Four? Where did three go?) (Karen: He went on a lunch break.), if you keep doing it, we will prevent you from doing so with a little persuasion," she held up one clenched fist, "and reason." She held up her other clenched fist. (So much for a 16 year old tough guy...he actually FLINCHED!! I know. We aren't even that scary! ...Well maybe a little bit...okay, maybe a lot. Anyhoo, back to the unscary Karen) She continued, " Personally, I prefer reason. I'm better at it and you won't feel a thing 'til you wake up the next week with your nose in the place where there should've been a brain. Or would've been in your case, as I am beginning to doubt there's anything in that general area of your anatomy."
"Of course, if you don't like either, I can just convince you by...well, iono, slipping a hint to you-know-who that you want to you-know-what to you-know-who." I patted his shoulder.
He looked at me in horror. "You--you--you...WOULDN'T do that! ...would you?
"Do what?" I answered back blithely, walking toward the cashier. After paying, we walked back to Diagon Alley to continue our...well, escapades.
Hermione whispered to me, "What was that all about?"
I tried looking innocent (It was difficult; innocence does not look good on me. My face deserves far better.), "No idea."
But things started getting ugly after that.
"Harry?" Turning around, we saw a slim and, well, short Chinese girl heading towards us.
"Er...Cho?" Was our hero's smooth reply. And THIS was who was going to save all wizard-anity, and possibly even the Muggle world, from the impossibly powerful serpent dude, the one who can look into a person's eyes as he murders them and enjoy it? (Karen: T.T We're screwed.) (Jodie: I hear ya, girl.)
Startled, Karen and I looked at each other. She poked me and said, "Hey, I guess there are people in this world shorter than you." Glaring at her, I looked more closely at the one Chinese girl Rowling had deigned to put into her story. Sure, she was pretty, but in a cliche and bland kind of way. She looked like the kind of model you'd see on an American Eagle ad but would forget about the next day...and she was short. Deciding to give it a try, I looked at Karen. At a nod, we jumped forward, knocking Harry over in the process (as usual), and proceeded to say, "Hi, ni shi Cho, dui bu dui? Hmm...wo men do jue de ni de ming zi ting qi lai bu xiang Zhong Guo ren de ming zi. Haha, mei guan xi la. Ni yao dang peng you ma? Wo men zhi dao ni da wo men...mm...san shui, ke shi, hao xiang ni xue xiao li mei she me Zhong Guo ren."
I added, "Oh, dui, wo shi Jodie, hai you..."
"Wo shi Karen," Karen finished with an inviting smile.
...
...
...
After too many moments of silence plus a few more, Cho ventured (-gasp-, she speaks!) "Er...I don't speak Chinese."
BOOM! CRASH! The long dormant Mt. Fuji erupted. Venice was thrown under the ocean by a massive tsunami. Dorothy came back from over the rainbow as tornadoes terrorized Kansas. KAPOOSH! ZAPEEUU! Hermione became dumb! Karen became smart (Karen: Hey!) Harry stopped sleeping!! ZAAAAAAM!
"Oh...My...GOD!!" I yelled into her face. "HOW CAN YOU BE CHINESE YET NOT SPEAK CHINESE!? STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF AND GET RID OF THE SCOTTISH ACCENT!! YOU'RE CHINESE FOR BUDDHA'S SAKE!! YAO XIU! WA GA LI PA! DIAM KI! DIAM KI!! DIAM KI!! HO YI XI!! BU!! HO YI DA XI!!
"Oh dear."
"That doesn't sound like what you said, Karen, when you were yelling at me a week ago." Hermione said, looking remarkably calm. Either she was giving up trying to make us at least act normal, or she was just plain used to it.
"YAO XIU!! YAO XIU!! YAO FREAKIN' XIU!!"
"That's because, Jodie's not cussing in Mandarin. That's Taiwanese she's ranting in."
"Well...what is she saying?"
"Hm...well, my Taiwanese isn't as good as hers, but the gist of it is 'Darn you, I wanna hit you, shut up, shut up, shut up, die, no, die from being stepped on' or something along those lines. Oh yeah, and she also said, 'Darn you, darn you, darn freakin' you.'"
"Oh well, that doesn't sound too terrible or anything. At least she isn't cussing or anything."
Hearing that, I stopped (I think Cho actually tooked a step back at that) and turned my head to interject, "Actually, I omitted the cussing for ickle Ronnykins sake--don't want them to be a bad influence on him. But I'd happily insert them back in if you'd like, and maybe even add some in Korean..." I turned back to face Cho. "YAO XIU YAO XIU YAO XIU YAO X--"
Behind me, Ron swore darkly under his breath. (In English. He just doesn't have my knack with languages.) Karen put her hands on her hips, attempted a Mrs. Weasley look (which was hard since she never met her) and said, "See?? SEEE?! THIS is what happens when you listen to Jodie cussing! WHAT did I tell you?! But NOOOOOO, you just HAFTA learn these bad words! SHAME on you, Ron! SHAME!!"
At that, I found time to stop (again) and say, "I know! Why do you hafta listen to me cussing?! Geez RO--NO, CHO! You are not going ANYWHERE!! I'M NOT DONE YET--COME BACK HERE, YOU!!"
"Oh dear...should we stop her?"
"Nah."
"Oh. Ok."
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After scaring the beheebejies out of Cho, we continued on our way back to Diagon Alley. Here and there, we picked up what we needed. Among those included 2 cauldrons (they were smaller than the ones you see in movies), quite a few books, and some really disgusting things that it was made certain were for Potions class and not (Karen and I were greatly disappointed to find out) for dumping into Ron's pants. So, dragging the three wizards along, we happened (happened as in not purposely looking for) across Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes.
"wOwEE! It's--it's--all--PURPLE!!"
"Oh no. Karen! AAH! ESKIE!! Don't eat that! Purple isn't even an edible color!! Shit. I feel like I have 2 dogs to take care of."
"I know how you feel, Jodie. I had that exact feeling 8 days ago."
"I KNOW! I SO get you! ...Wait...8 days ago was when you met us. Hey...are you trying to make a point there, Hermione?"
"Er..."
Sighing, I looked around. Yes, everything was purple and quite impressive, truth be told. We heard--okay read--it was big, but...purple?
"Karen! Get back here already!!"
"When pigs fly..." she shot back.
Damn...a little respect maybe? I mean, I AM the older one! I ducked as a pig flew over my head. A purple pig. How many of those do you see in a lifetime? Before I could head over to her, a voice whispered into my ear, "Well, well, well, look what the wind blew in. Founders of the Gay Malfoy Act, ey?" I did a jump-twirl thing and found myself face-to-face with a tall, lean, hazel-eyed boy that looked like he could be on one of those bags with people on them that Karen always brings back from her shopping sprees at one (or a few) of those expensive and preppy name-brand stores. She always insists that whatever she bought on sale...but her idea of cheap could be debatable.
Her definition of cheap: OMGOSH! UNDER 50! IS A MIRACLE!!
My definition of cheap: WOOT! UNDER 5!!
Ha! Contrary to Karen's belief, I do have my mature moments. But, back to the hot stranger...
He was leaning casually against the wall, hands in pockets, staring at me intently...and he had red hair.
"Jeezuz! Don't do that! You scared the randomness out of me for a moment there."
He said with a well-practiced wink and an easy smile, "Sorry. Couldn't help it."
Karen interrupted and said while examining a lavender star necklace that guaranteed the wearer to win the heart of whomever stays in their presence for the next hour while wearing it, no doubt compiling more creative ways to express her evil side, "Oolala. Hazel eyes, huh, Jodie...you've got better taste than I thought."
I death glared at her (our silent face signal for "Shut your trap I'm playing hard to get"), and turned around to face the guy again to continue, "For the love of Pete. Your are SO lucky we aren't in the States, or I'd sue you for sexual harassment. You gotta be, like, half a decade older than me!" I scoffed at The Twin. "By the way, I'm Jodie, your ickle bro's constant tormentor, and that weird lady in the corner pretending not to be watching us but who is actually checking you out is my friend Karen."
The weird lady in the corner waved and said blatantly, "Your store is totally awesome. Dude, it's all like...lavender!!"
Tactfully (and thankfully) before she started listing all the lavender things they had, the Weasley replied, "Yes, that I have noticed. I, my dear brother's tormentor and her weird lady friend, am George, the smarter twin." George bowed elaborately.
He was elbowed to the side by his clone who cut in quickly, "And I'm Fred, the handsomer one."
"HA! 'Handsomer' isn't even a word! See, I told you, baby...I'm the smarter one."
"Two of them fighting over little old you? You sure know how to reel 'em in Jodie." Karen laughed at me.
I whispered back to her, "In your face. While you can get hot guys, I can get hot AND rich guys, with a sense of humor to boot, not to mention two of them at the same time." (Karen: HA! Like once every ICE AGE OR SO!! Hehe ahh well...I'll let you enjoy it while you can (Aka no teasing--or at least not TOO much.), which isn't very long, I assure you.) Turning around and flicking my hair in her face, I went back to hottie reeling. "Anyhoo," I cut in before they could get in a fistfight (I'm considerate in that way), "you thought the Malfoy thing was pretty cool, huh?"
Both of them chuckled at the same time...which was sorta creepy. "It sure was. We've done a few things here and there to the slimy salamander before, but never anything as imaginative and...permanently damaging as that."
"Well, although I'm sure you would have gotten there at some point, I think you just needed a more...feminine point of view." I eyebrowed Karen, and she nodded.
After a 5 second pause, we both burst into song. "I'M A BARBIE GIIIIIIRL IN A BARBIE WOOOOOOOOOOORLD!! YOU CAN SOMETHING WITH SOMETHING SOMETHING!! LALALALALALALALA SOMETHING LALALA--!!"
"Wow, impressive. Even though you didn't know the words, you both stayed in tune and in time with each other." George sidled even closer, ignoring our obvious attempt at creeping them out (which, obviously, wasn't working). "So, lovely lady, how 'bout a drink?"
"Hey, sure, I would love one! As lo--"
"Nuh-uh, we gotta get back to school now, Jodie." Karen flashed a quick smile at the twins before pulling me away and then pushing me towards the door as she called back in the general direction of the magical people, "Don't we, Hermione?"
Startled, Hermione looked up from inspecting a blob of lavender goo that apparently could morph into anything. "Oh, yes, of course. Um, see you, Fred, George. Harry! Ron! Let's go!"
"Wait, wait, WHAT?!" I spluttered as I was hurried out the door. "HEY!! I want that drink!!"
"No, Jodie, you don't want that drink. You want to go back to our little magical school where we will proceed to discuss the fragile boundaries of flirting inappropriately."
"Flirting INAPPROPRIATELY?! EXCUSE ME, MS. MY-EYEBALLS-ARE-JUST-SO-DANG-ITCHY-WHEN-I'M-AROUND-MALFOY!!"
We started shouting at full force at each other, hurling insults back and forth.
"DOUBLE-PLAYER!"
"EYELASH-BATTER!!"
"SUCK-UP!!"
"CELLO-HUGGER!!"
"ESKIE-WORSHIPPER!!"
"LAVENDER-FANATIC!!" I bellowed.
"SHORTIE!!"
I thought I heard a lady whisper to her companion as they walked around me, "How can something so small make so much noise?"
I think I saw red.
"DISRESPECTFUL, IMPOSSIBLE, UNGRATEFUL, FLIPPERY, FLUMMERY, FIIIIIISH!!" I yelled at Karen.
Hermione the Peacemaker quickly stepped between us, saying in a peace-making tone, "Girls...can't we resolve this in a dignified and peaceful manner?"
Karen and I stopped our showdown to look at her, and then back at each other. Turning to Hermione, we said at the same time, "No."
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JN: And that's all for now!! Hope you liked it...i realized that as we move along, our writing becomes smoother, less cheesy, and more random. Aren't you proud?
Quote of the Day: "Some days ... the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again." – Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy