Chapter six.

Syed pulled his collar up, pushed his hands deeper in his pockets. There was a biting wind that day and leaves were falling from the trees in showers of red and gold. Syed hardly noticed. He put his head down against the wind and walked as fast as he could to his new job. Both he and Christian had managed to find temporary work to keep themselves going. Christian had taken a job in a local wine bar and he had had got work in a deli. Syed knew he wouldn't be happy with that for long but for the time being it paid the bills. Christian had had some savings but Syed had literally left with nothing.

He and Christian had been living in the new flat for five weeks. Syed had left on his own the night before the move, not wanting anyone to see him. He'd stayed in a bed and breakfast, both agreeing that they wanted to spend the first night in the new flat together. Christian hoped that once they were away from Albert Square, Syed would be more comfortable about them being seen together. He longed for them to just do ordinary things without all the limitations they'd had in Walford. It was true that Syed was beginning to regain the ability to enjoy himself without constantly feeling guilty. Christian was irrepressible He kept encouraging Syed to relax and enjoy their anonymity and one evening, after a film, he had managed to get Syed to go to a club with him. They had danced and laughed and Syed had allowed Christian to be publicly affectionate to him. This was not something he was used to as overt public displays were not encouraged between Muslim couples and with same sex couples it was virtually non existent. It was so easy for Christian who had long ago accepted who he was, but for Syed it was still a huge leap. It was impossible though to resist Christian, who just exuded happiness and had teased and touched Syed all night until Syed had succumbed. They'd gone home and had some noisy sex and Syed had felt happier than he could ever remember.

Syed thought about that night now, smiling to himself as he walked to work and he decided that he would surprise Christian later at the Wine Bar. So far he had not been there. Christian worked different shifts and although he mostly took the lunchtime work, preferring to spend his evenings with Syed, he was working that evening.

He arrived at the Bar just as it was really filling up with people after work. Christian waved to him when he came in, but was in the middle of a long order and so Syed took a seat in a corner and was served by another waiter. He bought an orange juice and waited for Christian to be a little less busy. It seemed to Syed that everyone was drawn to Christian like moths to a flame. Women and men alike laughed with him and wanted to be near him. It was obviously a gay haunt, although not exclusively. One guy in particular seemed to be vying for Christian's attention. He was tall and very good looking, dressed immaculately and obviously had a good physique. Before Christian, he was the kind of man Syed would have found attractive. It seemed to Syed that Christian was paying him more attention than was necessary. Christian had that incredibly sexually charged, flirtatious smile going on as he bantered with the guy, taking his order and laughing at whatever the man was saying to him. Syed was filled with jealousy and while Christian's attention was still elsewhere he left the bar and went home.

When Christian got back later that evening he was met with Syed's quiet fury. "You're late," Syed said as he came through the door.

"Yeah, sorry I stopped off to get something to eat. I brought you some – do you fancy some…"

"I'm not hungry."

"Really? Uh…is there something wrong?

No, I just don't feel hungry, is that okay? Syed said aggressively.

"Fine, well I'm gonna heat some up for myself" and he began getting out pans.

"Could you perhaps make less noise with those pans, I've got a headache" said Syed, deliberately avoiding Christian's eyes.

"Look Si, whatever it is, just say it- You're obviously worked up about something. I come in, no kiss, no hi how was work. What's up? You left the bar without even speaking to me.

"You seemed to be quite happy without my company"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Like I said, nothing. I've just got a headache. I'm gonna go out for a walk, I need to clear my head."

Christian came up behind him as Syed was doing up his jacket and slid an arm around Syed's waist

"C'mon Si,"

Syed pulled himself out of Christian's hold

"Get off"

"Si!" said Christian not understanding and reaching for Syed's hand.

"I said leave me alone" and he gave Christian a shove.

"Eh! What is going on with you?" said Christian.

All Syed's frustration came pouring out.

"I saw the way you and that guy were looking at each other; you must think I'm stupid!"

"What guy? What are you talking about?

"Six foot two, suit, black hair, tight trousers, the one you were slavering over at the bar." He stood glaring at Christian.

"Syed you're way off mark, I don't even know who you're talking about!"

"You can't help yourself can you Christian? I wondered how long it would be before you reverted to type"

"What?! Syed just stop this now. I don't even know what you're talking about, but whatever it is you got it all wrong, you're not thinking straight!"

"Well I don't think 'straight' anymore do I Christian? Thanks to you."

Christian just stood, looked at Syed and then turned his back.

"I don't know what's got into you but let me know when your headache's gone eh?

Syed left and walked for nearly two hours trying to get the feeling out of himself. He went to an all night coffee bar and sat for another hour still seething, torturing himself with thoughts of Christian flirting and smiling with other men. Much later he went back to the flat. Christian was in bed, lying on his back, fully awake, arms behind his head. Syed got in beside him without a word and turned to the wall.. They lay there like that for some time, acutely aware of each other. Then Christian turned, lay behind Syed and said quietly,

"Syed, there's never gonna be anyone but you- you must know that? After all we've been through to get here. But I can't not be me. I smile, I talk to people."

When Syed didn't respond he moved closer so he was now touching the back of Syed's leg with his own.

"I'm in love with you" he whispered

He put his hand on Syed's thigh and ran it down its length. Syed felt his whole body respond as if every bit of him was magnetically drawn to the body behind him. His breathing became heavier as Christian stroked him and still he couldn't bring himself to turn

"I'm in love with you Syed" Christian could feel Syed's body melting under his hands. He kissed Syed's back, his waist, running his hands lightly over Syed's buttocks, his balls. Syed breathing became heavier, his mind stopped fighting and he turned his head back to look at Christian. They kissed. A deep, tender kiss, drinking each other in. Syed turned fully on his back and Christian put one leg across him, lay half over him so they could both feel the stiffness and desire of each other. Christian made love to Syed with every bit of finesse he possessed, giving himself wholeheartedly and Syed made love back, holding nothing back. They lay there after, bodies still raw with the feel of each other, tiny pulses flickering here and there, connected once again.

Syed said, "I'm sorry, Christian, I just get so jealous, I think I've been getting jealous from the first day I kissed you."

"Sy, you worry too much, I'm not going anywhere."