Shabnam is going to be a pivotal character later in this fan fic as Christian and Syed have much more to face yet -

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Chapter seven.

Shabnam arrived back in Walford three weeks before Christmas. She was shocked by her mother's appearance. Zainab was very obviously pregnant now but her face had lost weight and she looked drawn and tired. She was lifted hugely by Shabnam's company and slowly she started behaving more like her old self. Tamwar was relieved, it took the pressure off him and though he loved his mum dearly, he had always understood his father better. He and Maz were able to relax a little. Relations between Zainab and Massood weren't that much improved but at least they were civil to each other. Neither was ready to have the conversation that must eventually come. They had both said hurtful things when Syed had left that day and they would have to address the hurt they both felt at some point. Time passed, allowing emotions freedom to settle unhindered and thoughts to level and become clearer. They both still had a great love for each other and at some point, as both Tam and Shabnam knew, their father would reach out and their mother would be relieved that he had. That was the way it always seemed to go with those two.

They all still avoided the wider community and naturally people filled in the things they didn't know with gossip and conjecture. The departure of Syed and Amira raised many an eyebrow, some wondering if they had run off to live together. Only Bushra had guessed at anything that resembled the truth and for once she felt enough shock to keep her thoughts to herself, not sure if she was right anyway. She had called Zainab but the Massoods always seemed too busy to see anyone these days and Zainab had talked doggedly on about Shabnam and her travels until Bushra knew there was no point in pushing for information about Syed..

Neither Tam nor Shabnam mentioned Syed's name to their parents, but when they were alone together they discussed the whole issue at length. Tamwar was furious with his brother. Although he was personally not homophobic in the slightest, he had always resented the way Syed managed to command everyone's attention. Even now when he was gone and no one even mentioned his name, Tamwar felt marginalised. Syed may not be there, but he was still managing to occupy everyone's thoughts. He'd always been jealous of Syed; of his charm, his self assurance, of his ability to attract women. But it was Amira that had really fuelled Tam's anger toward his brother. He thought Amira was a goddess, fancied her like mad and felt unable to comprehend how anyone could have had someone so perfect and let them go. He felt angry on her behalf, fancied himself as a bit of a Knight protector and he would happily have duelled at dawn if that's what it took to show her that he at least realised she was a true princess. The gay thing, he said to Shabnam, just seemed weird when it was your own brother and with Christian.. urghh, he didn't get it.

Shabnam was far more sympathetic. She understood the constraints of their faith and secretly she felt that Syed had been very brave, although she couldn't say it was the right thing to have done. She alone, of all the family, wanted to see Syed but she knew she would have to do it secretly and she wasn't even sure how to find him.

Just before Christmas, a letter arrived with Syed's handwriting addressed to Zainab. Massood would have thrown it away if he'd checked his own post as he'd place it on the table, but he was hurrying to work and left the pile where it was. Zainab who had a headache and was lying quietly upstairs, called to Shabnam to bring the post up. Shabnam had a quick look through to see if any of her friends had written and recognised Syed's writing. She didn't give it to Zainab but instead hid it in her bag, feeling guilty but justified. Her mother and father didn't need anything more to divide them right now.

She kept it almost a week before curiosity overcame her reticence at opening her parent's mail.

Dear Mum,

I write this letter because I need to tell you that you and dad have always been the best of parents. The best anyone could wish for. I know I have brought you shame and if I could take away the pain I have caused you, if I could have found a way to spare you it, I would. I write this letter with a heavy heart. I can hardly imagine never seeing you again. Believe me, I am paying for what I have done with the loss of my family. But I truly believe only Allah can judge me and when the time comes I will put myself in his hands and face him. I beg you please don't hate me and please try and find it in your hearts not to hate Christian. I know you won't hear this but Christian has taught me to be a better man. I have spent my life running. Lying and wriggling my way out of situations because I didn't have the guts to face up to the consequences of my actions. Christian has helped me to be more honest, to be brave and to think of others. He did not corrupt me. I made the first step toward him. I know you may never understand this, but I love him with all my heart. I could never have made any of you happy living a lie. I ask for your understanding if not your forgiveness.

Syed

There was no address but there was a phone number.

There will be chapter eight of this fan fic up before christmas