Chapter eight

A week later Shabnam got the letter out and rang the number. A man's voice she didn't recognise answered. She realised this must be Christian. She felt immediately awkward.

"Hi, I'm just trying to get hold of Syed?"

"I'm afraid he's not here right now, can I take a message?"

"Yes, thanks. Could you say his sister called? I would love to talk to him, but please tell him not to phone the house." she said hastily. "I'll call again. When's he likely to be in?"

"He's usually back just after six. Can I tell him you'll call again this evening?"

"Yes, I will. Is this Christian I'm speaking to?"

"It is"

"Well, Hi Christian, nice to talk to you, I'm Shabnam. Look, things are a bit delicate at home right now. But I really do want to speak to him. How is he?"

"Yeah, he's okay-but I know he misses his family- it's not been it easy… Could they really not find it in their hearts to accept this?"

"It's not going to happen right now Christian. To be honest with you, it might never happen. It's a massive thing in our culture to have made such a step I don't know if they will ever accept it. It is not just about him you see. The choice he has made affects us all. But I respect his courage and I want him to know I love him and am thinking of him."

"Shabnam, it'll mean so much to him…I worry about him"

"Why?"

"He's just… isolated here. We're happy, but I sense he feels cut off. I know he's gonna feel better when he speaks to you."

"Well, I'll definitely call him later. Christian, its nice to nice to talk to you. I must go; but I will call back this evening."

"Okay bye "

Shabnam put the phone down. Christian sounded nice enough. However it was still hard for her to imagine her brother in love with a man. If Zainab found out she had spoken to Christian, she would be furious. Zainab blamed Christian for everything.

Shabnam rang again later that evening and this time Syed answered.

"Shabs! Oh, it's so good to hear your voice. How are you? Are mum and dad okay?"

"Syed! So long since I've heard your voice! Ah brother …mum and dad. Well, I'm not going to lie to you. Things have been pretty awful here since you dropped your bombshell. But they are settling down. Mum wouldn't speak to dad to start with but they're working it out. You know how they are. It's been a massive shock for them Syed, you know that, but they have each other, and us. I want to know how you are brother."

"Yeah I'm good. The place we live is great. –It's only temporary unfortunately- but I'm already looking for somewhere else. The job is temporary too-just working in a deli, but once we're settled it will change."

But are you happy Syed, you know with…?"

"I am Shabnam. It feels right... I love him. I've just been lying to myself for so long. I'm sorry for the shame I must be causing you… I know I've hurt you all…"

Shabnam could hear Syed's voice breaking.

"Syed don't, I find the idea difficult I admit, but only because it's you. I do have gay friends and it's never bothered me. It's their choice and frankly none of my business. I respect your courage Syed. I said that to Christian… He sounds nice."

"Thankyou. You don't know how much that means to me" Syed sounded upset again. "Did mum get my letter?"

"I'm sorry Syed I didn't give it to her. It's not the right time, wait a bit and when things have calmed down I will make sure she sees it."

"Is that really your decision to make?"

"I'm sorry Syed, but I'm with them, I know how they've been and I'm telling you, now is not the time."

"Tam hates me; he made that clear before I left"

"No you're wrong. Tam hasn't got any real problem with you and Christian. He… well look, don't be angry with him…but I think he thought a lot of Amira. He's just angry that he didn't have your opportunities. He looked up to you Syed- he always did – he's just jealous because you always did do better with the girls"

Syed shook his head.

"Tambo…Well he doesn't have to worry about that any more."

"No… Look Syed, do you want to meet up? I haven't seen you for so long. I'm going to keep it secret from them, it's best for now. But I want to see you."

"Would you …come here?"

"Let me see you on your own first Syed. But I would like to meet Christian soon. I'll come again. I promise."

They chatted for a good while longer, and later, when Christian came in from his evening shift, he found Syed happier than he'd seen him in a while. It was as if a weight had been lifted from him.

"Heh you. Are you hungry?" Syed said, giving Christian such a happy, loving look, that Christian smiled wickedly.

"Yeah always." he said, leering.

"Christian, you're impossible" Syed laughed "I meant for food as you well know," he said with mock reprove

"Yeah, I could eat-Did you speak to your sister?"

"I did, and she's going to come and see me!"

"Here?"

"No, not this time, but she said she'd like to meet you –she's okay with it… and Tam. It was just so good to hear her."

"I'm glad Sy."

Christian hung up his coat and moved to where Syed was stirring something on the cooker. Putting his arm around Syed's waist, he kissed the back of his neck and rested his head in Syed's shoulder

"I love you "

"Yeah, I don't blame you, I am gorgeous." Syed laughed

"Kiss me then," said Christian. "Turn that food off and come to bed"

Syed switched the cooker off and ducked out of Christian's hold to get to the sink.

"Just let me wash my hands will you! You're bloody insatiable!"

He laughed as Christian grabbed him by the waist again. He turned and holding Christian's face with still wet hands, pulled him into a kiss. He wanted Christian to feel how much he loved him. He'd never been good at saying what he felt to him. They kissed passionately and Syed, all ready hard, felt a sweet ache spreading through his groin.

"I'll never get enough of you." he said

"Good."

The food forgotten, they helped each other out of their shirts and then they were kissing again, Syed thrilling at the feel of Christian's hard body against him. The feel of his warm skin. The smell of him.

"I'm gonna fuck you Christian. I wanna have you. But I got to do something first"

Christian laughed "Sy you're so nasty, since when did you start talking dirty!"

"Me nasty? Coming from you! "

He undid Christian's trousers and then knelt to pull them down... He put one hand on Christian's buttocks, stroking and then pulling him closer. Christian was already hard and throbbing and as Syed started to slowly lick him, he moaned his appreciation, burying a hand in Syed's hair. Syed took the whole length of him into his mouth and using his tongue to massage, he pulled Christian even closer, holding him hard and sucking up and down the length of him until Christian felt he could barely breathe, the sensation was so intense.

"Sy I'm gonna have to fuck your mouth in a minute unless you stop that shit."

Syed tightened his hand on Christian's backside and Christian knew that was a yes. He held Syed's head and pumped a few times feeling the back of Syed's throat.

He groaned"Sy I'm gonna come all ready, I can't hold on much longer." Syed pushed his finger into Christian in answer and Christian almost shouted out, "Ohh fuck, fuck, fuck," he said mentally trying to steady himself..

The sight of Syed on his knees, sucking and licking him, head back a little looking up at him now, holding his gaze and the feeling of Syed's finger, pushing into him as deep as he could make it go and moving inside him was sensation overload and he began to shudder as he came. He felt Syed tense as he tried to deal with the force of him, thrusting and coming into the back of his mouth. When he finally pulled away, Syed stood up and kissed him, so he could taste himself.

"Syed I can't stand, my legs are going"

"Come with me then, I haven't finished with you yet." Syed was still hard.

"And you call me insatiable."

"You like it?"

"I love it; just give me chance to get my breath back!"

"I still want to fuck you Christian; I'm running things for once. Lie on the bed, I'll be back in a minute."

Christian lay face down, eyes closed, the anticipation causing him to slowly harden again. Then Syed was there and began to massage oil over his buttocks, between his cheeks, massaging his perineum and Christian started to writhe, his erection stiffening even more.

"Get up on your hands and knees" Syed whispered. "I'm not going to wear anything Christian; I want to feel you properly."

As Syed entered him, Christian felt himself tense, he wasn't so used to playing this role but then, as he allowed himself to explore the feeling that this was Syed doing this to him, he relaxed. He allowed his mind and body to feel what it was like to surrender to sensation and it exited him. Syed went slowly at first, moving deeper into him, savouring the feeling, stroking Christian's back and shoulders, holding his hips and thrusting a little more. The way Christian was moving, putting his head back and moaning sent shivers through Syed's whole body. Christian had no thought in his head but the sensation he was experiencing. Syed wanted to play rough. Christian seemed to have read his mind. "Harder Syed, go on" Syed slammed into Christian with a few quick thrusts and then slowed down, teasing him, forcing his way in as deep he could go, making it long and slow and then again with a few short, sharp thrusts until Christian was breathing hard and moaning his name.

"You like that?" Syed asked, knowing the answer. He reached around to hold Christian and then, "And this?" he said as he drove deep into Christian again. Christian started to jerk and pulse in his hand. "Syed fuck ohhh fuck" Syed began to come and he bent lower until his belly was against Christian's back and Christian let himself fall to the bed. They lay there, hearts pounding, Syed covering Christian's body with his own. Their breathing slowed and Syed pulled the cover over them.

"Ill never let you go Sy, you've no idea what you do to me." Syed moved and they lay looking at each other. Christian reached out to stroke Syed's face. He looked serious.

"I hope I keep making you happy…Maybe one day you'll marry me" There was a question in Christian's statement.

Syed's mood changed instantly, his face closed a little.

"Christian, you know I love you, but marriage between two men? It can't happen. I am a Muslim. It wouldn't be right. Don't be hurt," he said seeing Christian's face. "I was brought up to believe certain things. We've been through this before. I'm still struggling just being with you."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just sometimes afraid I'll come back and you'll have changed your mind."

"That won't happen. Anyway, get me a nice ring and I'll wear it for you." Syed said with a smile. "You know I'm yours."

They slept for a few hours and woke as it was getting light.

Syed's answer was still in Christian's mind, as if they had only just had the conversation. He was aroused by the thought of Syed offering to wear his ring. He ran one hand down Syed's chest.

"Roll over so I can lie behind you." He whispered

He wrapped himself around Syed, stroking him, positioning himself so it was as if Syed were sat in his lap. Syed could feel Christian hard against his backside

"Go on Christian, do it."

"Is this what you want?" said Christian slowly pushing into Syed, feeling him relax and his body making way. Syed's breathing started to come faster. "Yeah" He almost sobbed as Christian went deeper, thrust harder. Christian lifted Syed's leg and held it firm so Syed felt as if he were in Christian's control. Christian slammed into him. They were both moaning now, Syed unable to do anything but focus on his body and how hard Christian felt inside him.

"Touch yourself Sy, go on fuck yourself."

"Okay," Syed said it as if he were talking to himself, trying to maintain some control over his body. "Okay"

"Go on." Christian was pulling Syed's head back now, holding his hair, keeping Syed's leg up so he felt exposed.

"I'm gonna come Sy"

Syed felt as if he were coming apart. He was tightening around Christian and coming at the same time. Christian kept moving inside him even when they were both wet and slippery from each other. They curled up together, both a little sore. Syed could still feel where Christian had been, his body still retaining the sensation of penetration. As Christian wrapped one arm around him, Syed tried to push the thoughts that still came into his mind once his passion was sated, that still plagued him almost because of the bliss that Christian made him feel.

God was watching.