Chapter ten

Zainab was woken in the middle of the night with a shooting pain in her abdomen. She felt sick and hot. She and Masood were still sleeping in separate beds. She got up to get water and doubled up in agony as another shooting pain gripped her insides

"Maz!" She called, real terror in her voice. She knew that she was losing the baby. "Maz please I need you!"

Zainab woke up suddenly, still gripped by a feeling of terror. As she became aware of her surroundings, she realised she was in hospital. Masood was asleep in a chair next to her bed. She loved him so much. She was tired of fighting. She knew the baby was lost. As she looked at Masood she felt the tears coming and she wanted to scream her pain.

"Maz" she whispered "Maz!"

He woke up and instantly reached for her hand.

"Zee? How are you?"

"Maz, I'm so sorry" she said the tears streaming down her face.

"Oh Zee don't! Shhhh The most important thing is that you are okay. I was so afraid when I found you. There was so much blood and…." He couldn't continue.

"We've lost our baby Maz."

A nurse came in.

"Ah Mrs Masood... How are you feeling? Do you need any pain relief?"

Zainab felt so full of pain she couldn't distinguish how much of it was physical. Her head was throbbing horribly. She found out later that she had hit her head as she passed out on the bedroom floor

"I just want to go home."

"Not yet I'm afraid Mrs Masood, we need to keep an eye on you. We don't want any complications- and you've lost a great deal of blood. You need to discuss the possibility of a D and C with the doctor...Just rest for now. The doctor will be round to see you within the next hour or so, he can tell you more. Are you okay Mr Masood? You're welcome to stay of course."

"I'm fine thanks"

"There is a coffee machine down the hall."

When she had gone Zainab looked at her husband.

"Maz, I got a letter from Syed"

"Zee, do we have to go there now?"

"He was our baby too" She started crying again.

"Okay Zee. I'll tell you something. I've been going to a group I found out about. I didn't know what else to do. They support parents with gay children. Maybe we can go together?"

"Yes"

It was the first time Zainab acknowledged the truth. She could do anything with Maz' support. Emotion took her then and as Masood held her they both wept, for the little one they would never hold but also for their eldest son who was lost to them.