Fighting the Darkness

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Chapter 7: Disturbed

It is dark and although it looks cold, she doesn't feel anything. She can see the trees bending in the wind and she can see the rapidly falling raindrops but she cannot feel them. However, she can feel the weigh in her arms and she looks down. There is her baby girl sleeping in her arms and she smiles at her. As she walks on, she begins to sing an old children song. For a fleeting moment she finds it strange that the words of the song leave her lips in Arabic.

She stops when she reaches an open grave and this is the first time that she realizes that she is in a cemetery. Then she is not alone anymore. Her father is standing next to her and she instinctively holds her baby closer. But it doesn't matter after all because when her father reaches for her, she cannot do anything to prevent him from taking her still sleeping daughter from her. She is crying as she watches her father put the baby into the grave but she cannot move.

Then her father disappears but she can see two other silhouettes standing behind the headstone of the grave. By now, she can barely see from behind her tears but she knows who they are. She still can't move. She wants to talk to them but the sobs that are shaking her body are too strong and she can't utter a single word. She wants to scream out, she wants to tell them that she is sorry… that she loves them… but she can't do either of them. And the men are standing there watching her accusingly.

Her surrounding begins to blur and she finds herself standing in a dark building with a gun in her hand. Her father is back. He is standing behind her and though she cannot understand his words, she knows what he wants her to do. So she raises her gun… her heart beats fast in her chest… but she is no longer in that building. She is in a basement, which she finds familiar and oddly comforting. But the man standing in it seems somewhat out of place. She knows that the man doesn't belong there. He isn't a stranger, though. She knows him. She is in love with him.

She smiles happily when she sees the joy in his eyes… those familiar deep brown eyes. He is talking to her but she cannot make out the words. And he is holding a baby. Her baby. Their baby. She smiles at them but then she realizes that she is still holding the gun. Suddenly she feels scared… so scared. Her arm automatically reaches out so her gun is aimed directly at the man's head. She doesn't want to do this… she doesn't want to pull the trigger… she is sobbing again… then there is a gunshot… she closes her eyes and when she opens them again and looks at the man who she has just shot, she finds him gone… but lying on the dusty ground with a hole in the middle of his head there is her brother…

Then she feels somebody touching her shoulder and she spins around… and she finds herself face to face with her father…

Ziva shot up in bed. For a moment she felt disorientated but as the memories of her dream came back to her, she broke out in heart wrenching sobs. In the next instant she found herself enveloped in the embrace of two strong arms.

As she was lying in Gibbs arms, clinging to him like a little child, she was repeating three words. Three little words that broke the ex-marine's heart over and over again.

I am sorry.

He held her until she stopped crying and her breathing evened out, all the while wondering what could have happened. He wasn't unfamiliar with nightmares, although they came less frequently nowadays. But it happened nonetheless. He used to wake up in cold sweat but ever since he could see Ziva lying next to him sleeping peacefully or regarding him with understanding sleepy eyes, it was easier to go back to sleep. Ziva, on the other hand, usually didn't wake up. Gibbs remembered the nights they spend on the phone before their marriage. He always assumed that Ziva had been woken up by one of her nightmares and hadn't been able to go back to sleep. He had to realize, though, that she simply hadn't been able to go to sleep at all. He noticed that Ziva could sleep trough any of her nightmares. Usually he was the one woken up by them when Ziva was tossing in bed next to him. These times he would took her in his arms whispering soothing words to his wife waiting for her to settle. After that both of them would sleep through the night.

But this time it was different... and he was worried…

After going back to sleep, Ziva was woken up once again that night. She didn't open her eyes, though. She waited. Something had disturbed her sleep and she wanted to know what before she would react in any way. That was when she heard it and a fraction of a second later her hand snapped up to her face trapping whatever touched her there between her hand and cheek. Her eyes flew open in alert and she found herself staring into a pair of frightened deep brown eyes.

"Abby?" Ziva whispered in surprise and let go of the small hand she was gripping by her face. The little girl drew back slightly then tears appeared in her eyes. Ziva quickly sat up in bed cursing under her breath. "Abby, I am so sorry. I did not know..." Ziva was lost for words. "What were you doing here?" She asked softly feeling extremely guilty for scaring the girl like that.

They were staring into each others' eyes for a time when Ziva felt the bed shift under her then shortly after that she could feel Gibbs' hand on her shoulder. She took a quick worried glance at her husband who was sitting behind her then turned back to the girl.

"You can't sleep, Abby?" Ziva could hear Gibbs' deep voice and felt relieved when Abby finally reacted. She watched as Abby shook her head with downcast eyes as if anticipating some kind of reprimand for her behaviour and she had to wonder again if the Wilsons were suitable foster parents. Then again she hadn't given her the warmest welcome, either. "Would you like to sleep here with us?" Gibbs asked and Ziva had to smile when Abby's head snapped up and she nodded happily. "Then what are you waiting for, Kiddo? Hop in."

Ziva had to chuckle as Abby climbed over her and settle down completely satisfied between the two adults. Ziva gave an amused look to her husband as she settled back down in bed. Gibbs just smiled at her clearly proud of himself. Well, he didn't have quite a difficult job dealing with the situation, Ziva scoffed to herself, after all he must have gone through it countless time.

As her eyes closed an image of Gibbs as a father filled her mind and she went to sleep with a smile on her lips.

The next morning the Gibbses and little Abby stepped out together from the elevator. Gibbs went straight to his desk but Ziva stopped short between hers and Tony's.

"I did not realize that we are so early." She stated somewhat confused after noticing that both McGee's and Tony's desk were empty.

"No, it's not early. Not at all." Gibbs told her not bothering to hide his dislike of the situation. "I'll be down with Ducky. You'll be alright with Abby here?"

"Actually, I thought about taking Abby down to… Abby." Gibbs nodded at the girls smiling then turned to leave. "Have fun, Kiddo."

"Alright, little girl." Ziva squeezed Abby's shoulders as the girl looked up at her curiously. "Are you ready to meet the other Abby?" The little girl nodded. "I thought so, too. I have a feeling that you will love her."

Later, when Ziva returned to the squad room, she found only McGee sitting by his desk. Tony was nowhere to be seen.

"You were late, Tim." She said as a greeting as she passed her friend's desk but she didn't get any answer. She stopped and turned around with a raised eyebrow. McGee was staring at the screen in front of him and it was obvious that he was completely zoned out. She stepped behind him and leant down so her face was right besides McGee's. She waited for a little longer but there was no indication that the other agent had noticed her.

"I said you were late, McGee." McGee jumped visibly which Ziva found quite amusing and she stepped back laughing.

"God, Ziva. Did you really have to sneak upon me just like that?"

"Sneak, McGee?" Ziva asked back still laughing. "You would not have noticed a herd of elephants if they had been marching right through the squad room." McGee didn't respond to that. He just rubbed his eyes troubled which made Ziva alert. Her features became serious in an instant. "Is something bothering you?"

"Me? No…" Ziva narrowed her eyes in suspicion then leant closer and, placing each of her hands on the armrests of his chair, trapped McGee in his seat.

"Is something bothering Abby?" Ziva inquired further with narrowed eyes and McGee visibly paled under her scrutinizing gaze.

"Abby? Why would… How could I… Why are you asking me this?" Now he looked remarkably embarrassed and Ziva couldn't help torturing the poor thing a little longer.

"I do not know…" She shrugged. "…maybe because you are the one who is sleeping with her?" She suggested. The look on his face was priceless, Ziva thought. Did he really think that nobody knew about the two of them? "Come on, McGee. Everybody knows about it. You even wrote it down in your book." Ziva stated the obvious and McGee opened his mouth to answer to that but Ziva lifted a finger effectively cutting him off. "Do not say a word. Just answer my first question."

McGee was thinking for a few seconds then answered.

"Well, Ziva. Thank you for your concern but nothing's bothering me." He answered seriously and watched as Ziva furrowed her browns in confusion.

"Alright, I meant my second question." Again, McGee was about to answer but Ziva stopped him. "And do not even think about starting this conversation all over again." She straightened up. "Tell me what is up with Abby." At that McGee sighed heavily and Ziva sat down on the cabinet waiting for the man to speak.

"I don't know." Ziva raised an eyebrow. "I honestly don't know." McGee's tone became defensive. "She's acting all weird recently. Did she tell you something?" He looked at Ziva hoping that his girlfriend had shared her problem with the Israeli woman.

"No." She shook her head and was about to say something when caught sight of Tony exiting the elevator. "Hey, look at that." She nudged McGee, a smile appearing on her face. And this time, as usually when Tony was involved, her smile wasn't mocking or fake, it was almost tender. But it quickly changed and she was ready to tease her friend.

"Hey, Tony." She greeted the agent who looked worse for wear. "Long night?"

Tony just rolled his eyes as he was trying get rid of his stuff and the baby carrier while balancing a sleeping toddler in one arm. Ziva stood up and stepped up to him leaving McGee to observe the events.

"Let me help you." She offered in a low tone then reach for the girl. She took Lora and held her close burying her nose into her hair. "Isn't she an angel?" She asked in a whisper and looked at Tony when he scoffed.

"Oh, yeah, she definitely is… when she is asleep." Ziva chuckled silently and McGee stood up curiously.

"What happened?" He inquired momentarily forgetting about his problems.

"Well, let me see, McNosy…" Tony pretended to think. "…ah yeah, she didn't went to sleep until…" He looked at his watch. "…about three hours ago? She's like a freaking Energizer Bunny." He looked at the peacefully sleeping girl with a frown. "Don't believe that innocent look, she's the devil itself." Ziva and McGee looked at each other with exasperated looks.

"Dinozzzo, McGee…" Gibbs stormed into the squad room with coffee in hand. "… glad you joined us."

"Shhh…" Tony looked genuinely frightened and suddenly everybody looked at him surprised. "Oh, no… nonono…" He looked at Lora almost in panic as the little girl began to stir in Ziva's arms. Ziva hadn't got enough time to process the happenings before Lora began to cry and squirm in her arms. To everybody's surprise, Tony was next to her in an instant and took the screaming toddler from a stunned Ziva.

"Shhh… it's alright, baby… it's alright. I'm here." He cooed to Lora as she was clinging to him. "Hey, there's no need for any of this. Do you remember what I told you about big girls?" At that the little girl lifted up her head from where it was buried into Tony's neck and looked at the man with big blue eyes. With one hand Tony stroked her flushed face and after a few seconds of deep breathing and obvious thinking about keeping crying or stopping, Lora's breathe finally calmed. "That's my girl." Tony gave her a huge smile and tickled her stomach at which happy giggles bubbled up from the little girl.

The team just kept watching the scene in stunned silence. McGee in particular had a distinct feeling that somehow he had ended up in the Mirror Universe. Finally it was Gibbs who returned to the world of reality first. A little smile played on his lips but then he snapped back into boss-mode.

"What about stopping playing house and concentrating on finding our killer instead?" The team looked at Gibbs as if realizing for the first time where they actually was. In an instant they were at their desks looking incredibly busy. Well, Tony was busy with getting Lora sleep again but Gibbs decided that he would let his senior agent be for the time being.

Later that day the team was ready to go and talk to a person who might have some information on Lora's father.

"I'll go and take Lora down to Abby." Tony said as he scooped up the little girl. "Just give me five minutes."

"Oh, no… Don't even think about that." Abby appeared in the squad room with the other girl, who, as soon as she laid eyes on Ziva, ran to the female agent. "No more babysitting." Abby declared. "I'm not the NCIS daycare or Social Service or anything along that line. I have my own problems to tend to, my own work to do. By the way, you brought those girls here, you look after them. I don't want to sound mean because I really like that cute little thing there, she is like a mini Ziva and all and it's totally awesome but I just can't do it now. Sorry." With that she turned on her heels and left. Tony and Ziva just looked after her stunned while Gibbs seemed genuinely confused and McGee was visibly torn between going after her and going with the team.

"Go, talk to her, McGee." Gibbs solved the younger agent's dilemma and he was off to the elevator in an instant. Gibbs turned to the rest of his team with a raised elbow as if not understanding why the hell they were still standing there.

Tony still looked quite stunned so Ziva jumped in.

"I will call Jimmy." As soon as the ME assistant stepped into the squad room, the team was out of the door.

"Hey." Ziva said in a low tone as she settled down on McGee's desk. It was late and there was silence in the squad room with only a couple of people still at their jobs. "How did it go with Abby?" She asked concerned. Their previous conversation was cut short by Tony's appearance and now she really wanted to finish it.

"Not well." McGee sighed. "She refused to talk and I know better than to push it."

"You have to talk to her, Tim." Ziva insisted. "It will not get better if you ignore it, trust me on that." Now she felt like a hypocrite.

"I know. But for now all I can do is to go home and wait for her to come to me. I'll give it a few days then we'll see." He stood up with a heavy sigh and began gathering his things.

"Alright." Ziva conceded.

"See you tomorrow."

"Yes, see you tomorrow."

McGee was halfway to the elevator when he stopped abruptly and turned back to Ziva.

"Ziva?" She looked at him questioningly. "So you say that everybody knows about us…"

"Yep." Ziva nodded while a thoughtful expression appeared on McGee's face.

"It's alright…" He said finally nodding. "… I think." Ziva laughed up.

"Come on, Tim. It is not as if you should worry about breaking Rule 12."

"You're right, Ziva." McGee concurred then gave her a huge grin. "Boss has already seen to it. I don't even know why we didn't say anything." He shook his head then looked at Ziva gratefully. "Thank you, Ziva."

"You are welcome, Tim." She smiled at him warmly then McGee turned and left.

After Ziva had been left alone in the squad room, she glanced at her watch and decided that it was time to get the others and head home. So she turned and made her way towards the morgue…

When she reached the morgue, she found Ducky, Gibbs and little Abby immersed in a round of cards. A smile appeared on her face when she saw that they were playing with a pack of Beauty and the Beast cards. That was one interesting sight!

Her smile turned sad, though, when the sight of little Abby turned her line of thoughts towards her past.

On those rare occasions when she let her mind wander about things, she usually found herself wondering about her baby girl. All those years when she thought that Avigail was dead, she usually wondered about where they would have ended up if it hadn't been for that terrorist attack which had so cruelly deprived her of knowing her daughter. Then after her father had told her that her daughter hadn't been dead after all and she had a chance to have her back, she began to wonder about how she could look like.

A sad smile appeared on her face as she looked at little Abby who had a serious expression on her face as she tried to beat the men. Ziva always imagined Avigail looking just like Abby did. Funny that the older Abby mentioned that she looked just like a mini Ziva. She was right, Ziva had to realize. From her dark curly hair whose unruly curls framed her face to her little nose and neat lips there was nothing that would have tell her apart from Ziva. Except her eyes. Her deep brown, almost black eyes, which had haunted her dreams for years. Those were Anwar's eyes.

Suddenly she felt the urge to slap herself for her stupidity.

Ever since Somalia and her subsequent return she had worked so hard to leave her pas behind and, however difficult it was, that meant Avigail, too. Ziva knew that she couldn't live on with her ghost hovering above her. So she had buried her into the deepest corner of her memory. She was aware that it wasn't the right thing to do but for her it was the only way to cope.

But when she looked into little Abby's frightened eyes in the Wilsons' house, everything came rushing back and she was left in the tumult of her dark memories with a little girl who could be her own daughter. But it was impossible, she knew. She knew because it still felt like a stab to her heart when Eli David informed her that in reality there had never been a chance for her to see her daughter again. That piece of information made her snap… that piece of information made put a gun to her own father's head… That and the fact that her father, seeing her daughter's heart break right in front of him, added with a stoic expression that losing Avigail had been a great loss for Mossad because that child with an Arab man as a father could have been an invaluable asset of the organization, given that her upbringing was proper…

She closed her eyes for a moment and buried her anger and hatred deep within her. When she opened her eyes again the only thing she could see was the smiling face of Abigail as she seemed to have won the game against the men who were currently laughing with the little girl.

As Gibbs' glance met hers, she could feel her heart warm up. A mere look into her husband's blue eyes and she knew that she was at the right place and right now everything was alright… more or less…

Ziva could feel a smile appear on her face and she spoke up in a light tone which didn't give away her previous dark thoughts.

"Gear up, Gibbs, we are leaving." Gibbs looked back at her and without a word he began to put away the cards.

"Well, Jethro, it's good to see who's wearing the pants from the two of you." Ducky chuckled to himself while Gibbs threw him a dirty look and Ziva seemed utterly confused if her furrowed brows and screwed up nose was something to go by.

"But both of us are wearing pants, Ducky." She voiced her confusion as she looked down herself just to make sure that she was indeed wearing pants. "And why is our choice of cloth so important? I just came down to collect Jethro and Abigail."

"It's just an expression, my dear Ziva." Ducky chuckled good humouredly and even Gibbs smiled at his confused wife. Abigail just watched on intently. "It goes back to the times when men were the sole breadwinners of their families while women were expected to stay at home looking after the house and the children. As only men wore pants at that time and they were the ones providing the survival of the family, it became associated with leadership."

"So… 'Wearing the pants' means being in charge, yes?" Ziva concluded at which Ducky just nodded. Gibbs, though, saw as Ziva's eyes lit up in understanding and he was just about to prevent any comment from his wife but Ziva was faster. "In that case, Ducky, your observation is correct. I am the one wearing the pants." She beamed at her husband smugly.

"Alright." Gibbs stood up somewhat grumpily. "I think we heard enough. Let's go, Kiddo. I hope at least you have some respect for me." Abigail stood up, too, and offered a hand to Gibbs, which he accepted.

Together they joined a still smug Ziva by the door where the Israeli woman sneaked an arm around her husband's waist then turned her head towards the ME.

"Good night, Ducky." She smiled at the old man. "Night, Duck." Gibbs also added as they left the morgue leaving a chuckling man behind them.

As the three of them waited for the elevator, Ziva pulled Gibbs closer to her while her other hand went up to his neck pulling his face down to hers.

"You do know that I love you, yes?"

"Oh, I know it. I love you, too, Ziver." He kissed her gently. "And that's why I let you wear the pants… occasionally."

TBC

I hope you liked it! Thanks for reading!