Fighting the Darkness
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Damn, I should really work on my presentation… but that's for me to worry about… here's the next chapter. Enjoy! And thanks for the reviews, I loved them!
Chapter 9: Baby Problems
Ziva was pacing in the room like a caged animal. She felt trapped. She felt that she would suffocate in any minute and the worst part was that she couldn't escape from her present situation. She couldn't escape from herself… Her feelings were so confusing that she didn't know whether she should break down and cry or laugh until she cries.
She felt betrayed, disappointed, angry, heartbroken… and scared. What should she do now? How could she make sense of everything that had just happened? She had killed the man she loved… the man whose child she was carrying… But he was a traitor, he leaked information to Hamas… he was the reason of many a good Mossad officers' death.
She pressed her hands to her closed eyes as she desperately tried to block Anwar's image from her mind. His warm deep brown eyes hadn't left her mind since that day just as she could still feel his blood on her hand that had held the gun.
After another round around the room she cried out in frustration and, after grabbing the first object she could reach, she hurled it to the wall at the opposite side of the room. The expensive sculpture crashed to the similarly valuable painting on the wall then fell scattered on the floor.
"Nice throw, Ziva." Eli David entered his office, his face unreadable as always. "You really should show more appreciation towards fine arts, Daughter." A ghost of a smile could be visible on his face. In spite of being annoying most of the time, his daughter's temper could be amusing on occasions.
Ziva just let out a frustrated puff of air out of her mouth and turned her back to him. Why the hell was she there? What was she expecting from her father anyway?
"Come here, Ziva." Her father opened his arms for his daughter but Ziva, turning towards him confused, couldn't move. Her father was offering her a hug, the comfort she so desperately needed, but still, his voice felt commanding and it made Ziva froze to the ground. "Come on, Princess… Come here." This time Eli David gave a warm smile to his daughter, a smile Ziva hadn't seen since Tali's death and it felt so unfamiliar directed at her. However, the memories from her early childhood came back and she couldn't help feeling like daddy's little girl once again. With quivering lips Ziva ran to her father and threw herself into his awaiting arms clinging to him as if she didn't want to let go ever again.
It was the first time in almost twenty years that she cried in the presence of her father.
When Ziva would later look back on the events that had taken place in that office, she couldn't give a reason why but she felt safe as she clung to her father sobbing like a little child. It felt so good to have her father back that suddenly every doubt concerning Eli David, every accusations and warnings Ari or Anwar had told her seemed to fade away and for a moment there was nothing left in her heart but love towards her father and longing for his care.
After her tears had dried up, she pulled away a little to look at her father and as Eli David wiped away the remnants of her tears she opened her mouth to tell him everything. She wanted to tell him that she loved Anwar… that he hadn't betrayed only Mossad but her as well… that he had broken her heart and left her with a child to pick up the pieces. She wanted to tell him all of this just because she so wanted to hear him say that everything would be alright.
But when she opened her mouth, her father spoke up.
"Now, my child, that man is not worth those tears of yours." Ziva instantly tensed up which made her father smile at her. Although his smile kept its warmth, Ziva couldn't help the knots forming in the pit of her stomach. "I hope you did not think that I did not know about your little fling with that… man. But I understand it. You worked together a lot and sometimes everybody feels lonely… But thank God it is all over. You did the right thing."
The right thing, Ziva wondered. She still felt the torment as she stood in that warehouse holding her lover at gunpoint and hearing her father telling her to do her duty.
"We put this whole ordeal behind us and continue working because there is still so much to do. But do not worry, Ziva. From now on I will pay more attention to you." As he said the words his tone was gentle but, looking into his eyes, she couldn't help the shiver that ran down her spine. The message of her father was loud and clear. He knew about her affair with Anwar - because for him it couldn't be anything more than some sick affair - and he would see to it that nothing similar would happen in the future.
She stepped out of his embrace terrified. A horrible thought occurred to her but she shook her head. No, her father couldn't have lied to her just to get rid of Anwar. And he certainly wouldn't have used her for that. It was simply unfathomable… and she couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it. But she couldn't help her stomach twist in fear as she thought about her child. What would happen to it?
As she looked at her father, she found herself unable to find the little girl in herself again, that same little girl who had clung to her father just minutes ago. The daughter was lost in her troubled thoughts. She could only look at the man in front of her as a mother, a mother whose sole mission was to protect her child. And at that moment she knew that that was exactly what she would do. It didn't matter that the man she had to come up against was the same man she had admired ever since she was a little girl.
"I need a break." She spoke up and it took every bit of her self-control not to let her voice tremble. "I need a little time to sort out my thoughts and after that I will be able to concentrate on my job properly."
"Alright, Ziva." Her father nodded. "Take your time."
Ziva slowly stepped back up to her father cupping one of his cheeks with one hand and placing a gentle kiss on the other. When she pulled away, she gave him a sad smile.
"Good bye, Father." With that she quickly left the office.
She knew that she wouldn't be back for quite some time… maybe ever.
There were so many things that had to be addressed… from Anwar's death to her feelings towards her father… There were important decisions to make. She could feel the change in herself but she didn't know what to do with it… but in the middle of the chaos her life seemed to have become, one thing was for sure… whatever would happen in the future, whatever choices she would make, she would always make sure that her choice was the best for her child…
"So, Probie…" Mike Franks spoke up after a swing of his beer as he and Gibbs were sitting in front of his cabin in Mexico. "When can I expect little Gibbses running around here?" He smirked as Gibbs posture turned visibly uncomfortable.
"Come on, Mike." Gibbs tried to drop the subject with an embarrassed smile but Franks didn't have any of it.
"I'm serious here, Probie. Look at that wife of yours. She's young, full of energy… and she's good with kids. Amira seems to love her. And don't tell me that you don't want kids."
Gibbs turned towards the shore where Ziva and Layla were walking with little Amira clinging to their hands between them. Gibbs had to chuckle when Amira's delighted squeal reached his ears when the cool sea water hit her feet just before she was lifted up into the air and then put back down into the dam sand. The women holding her hands laughed joyfully at the little girl's enjoyment.
"Ah… I don't know, Mike." Gibbs shook his head bitterly as he turned his attention back to his friend.
"You don't know?" Franks scoffed. "It's not a very complicated matter. It's simple logic, even for you, Probie. You love Lady Ziva and God knows why but she loves you, too. You married her so it's time for you to start a family. It's as simple as that." There was a time when Gibbs thought so, too. He wasn't naïve, no, he was far from that but it had been indeed that simple with Shannon. He just simply assumed that it was the way it worked. You love someone, you marry her then you have kids. End of story. Of course his ex-wives were a completely other question. And so was Ziva, it seemed. But while he didn't love his ex-wifes, well, he loved them alright, but he certainly wasn't in love with them, he loved Ziva so much that sometimes it scared him. But she was a complicated woman...
He could clearly remember a curt conversation, for example, during a case when he asked Ziva whether she wanted children. She hesitated in giving him an answer and he couldn't understand what was there to think about.
Now he knew.
"Well, Probie…" Franks continued after Gibbs didn't seem willing to react. "Let me give you some advice here. Don't think too much about it because time will go by and one day you'll realize that you grew an old man."
"That's it, Mike. I am an old man." That certainly was one of the reasons of his hesitation.
"That's bullshit, Probie, and you know that. And your little lady knows that, too." With that it seemed as though Franks had dropped the subject and Gibbs settled down comfortably in his chair watching the girls. "Damn it, Probie." Franks spoke up once again and Gibbs had to roll his eyes. Since when had Mike become an expert on relationships? "If I were you, I'd sure grab my wife, throw her on my shoulder and go have my way with her." And when did knocking up her wife become a central subject for them?
"What's with the cave mentality, Mike?" Gibbs raised an eyebrow.
"I'm just saying...trying to give you ideas... But you know what? Consider this. If you're really lucky, you'd have beautiful children. I can just see them... brown eyes, tanned skin, curly hair..."
"You do realize that those imaginary kids of yours don't look anything like me?" Gibbs interrupted his friend.
"That's what I'm saying, Probie." Franks replied indignantly with a little smile playing in the corner of his mouth. Gibbs had to laugh out.
Gibbs was down in the basement occupying himself with an old cabinet Ziva had fallen in love with at a yard sale. Since he and Ziva got married, the amount of time he spent down there hadn't changed a bit as one would have expected. On the contrary, he and Ziva spent so much time there that he liked to joke that they should move the bed and the fridge down to the basement and they would be good to live their lives in the dusty room. Of course Ziva wouldn't have any of it, but she loved spending time down there nonetheless. She would help him with whatever she could do or more often she just sat down in her armchair with a book or something else to keep her busy. They just liked spending time together that way.
Tonight, though, he was alone and when he heard the stairs squeak, he tensed. It wasn't Ziva coming down to him.
"It's just me, Gibbs. Don't shoot!" He had to smile at the familiar rusty voice. There was something strange in his favorite lab tech's voice, though, and when she finally got into his view, he instantly knew that something wasn't right with his girl. It seemed that her outburst earlier that day hadn't been just the result of her Caf-Pow depravation.
Abby was standing at the bottom of the stairs wearing only her PJs, which were imprinted by little sculls, with a huge sweater on them. Her hair was loose and tousled and gone was her dark make-up.
"What's wrong, Abs?" He asked concerned stepping closer to her. He didn't get any answers, though, as Abby just kept standing in front of him looking everywhere but at him. At that moment she looked so much like a lost little girl that Gibbs couldn't help stepping even closer and, without any word, taking her into a comforting hug. And Abby clung to him like a child to her father. "Talk to me, Abs." He asked her kissing her hair.
Slowly, Abby pulled away and looked at him almost shyly.
"Actually, Gibbs, I was hoping to talk to the other Gibbs."
Gibbs chuckled at the way Abby was fidgeting awkwardly once again avoiding his eyes. He could only guest that whatever the problem was, Abby wasn't comfortable discussing it with him.
"Well, the other Gibbs is probably in the guest room tucking in the other Abby." He told her smiling gently and finally he got a little smile from the Goth, who nodded then turned and slowly went up the stairs.
Upstairs, Abby didn't have to go to the guest room because in the dark hallway there was only one room from where some light came.
She stopped by the door of the bedroom, which was slightly ajar, and carefully pushed it. The sight that greeted her melted her heart and it made her momentarily forget why she was there at the first place. In the middle of the bed little Abby was sleeping peacefully with Ziva lying next to her with her head resting on her hand. She hadn't noticed Abby standing by the door, or if she had, she didn't show any sign of it. She just kept stroking the little girl's face while she was singing in a low voice.
"Ziva?" Abby's voice sounded uncharacteristically unsure. And only when Ziva looked up at her, did she realize that her Israeli friend's face was tearstained.
"Abby?" Ziva was startled for a moment but her friend's disheveled appearance quickly made her alert. She quickly brushed away her tears but didn't move from her position. "Is everything alright, Abby?" She asked concerned.
Abby didn't answer for a long moment trying to decide whether to impose on her clearly equally troubled friend or just leave it at that and tell her that she had just wanted to chat a little. However, Ziva was regarding her with such a concerned expression that Abby couldn't help it when finally her mouth quivered slightly and the tears began to fall.
"Oh, come on, Abby… come here." Ziva motioned for her to settle down next to her and her sleeping ward. With only a slight hesitation Abby made her way to the bed and lay down facing Ziva. By that time she had been openly sobbing. "Oh, Abby… hush now… hush…" Ziva whispered soothingly to her sobbing friend and stroked her cheek with motherly affection. The gesture wasn't lost on Abby and it made her cry even more.
After a while, with the help of Ziva's soft strokes and her soothing voice as she was singing the same song that Abby had previously heard, the Goth finally managed to calm down. She didn't say anything, though, for quite a while. They just lay in bed in silence with the sleeping girl between them. Ziva found it quite amusing that the little girl could sleep through such a commission.
"I'm pregnant." Abby broke the silence and Ziva's eyes snapped up at her friend in surprise.
For a few moments there was stunned silence in the room as Ziva didn't quite know what to say and Abby didn't seem willing to elaborate.
"Well…" Ziva began uncertainly. "It is good news, yes?" She searched the eyes of her friend but Abby diverted her gaze and began to regard the edge of her pillow with fascination.
"No… Yes… No… I guess… I'm not quite sure."
"Abby?" She slowly looked up at Ziva.
"Sorry. I'm just pretty shaken up at the moment. I don't know what to think. I can't be a mother."
"Why do you think that, Abby?"
"Are you kidding me? Look at me, Ziva. Do I look like a mother figure to you? My neighbor wouldn't trust me with her cat. Actually she did once but that sneaky little bastard ran away… I'm not cut out for a baby. What would happen to it? The poor thing wouldn't even be able to run away if it is fed up with me… at least not for a while… What?"
"Abby, you are panicking." Ziva stated with a gentle smile cupping Abby's face.
"Damn right I am."
"Then stop it! You are speaking as if you had to do all of this alone but you do not. You have Tim. God knows how much that means. I had to do it all alone, sure I got help but having the father of your child with you…" Abby's eyes widened for a moment but she had no chance to react to this new piece of information because Ziva quickly realized what she had just let slip out. "What I want to say is that Tim loves you and I am sure that he will be there for you."
"Yes, but…"
"There are no buts, Abby…" Ziva's voice sounded hard, almost angry but then she continued in a gentler tone. "Think about this way, you have got a gift, a gift you have to cherish because you can never take it for granted… never." She looked down sadly at the little girl and stroked her cheek gently. "They are the best thing that can happen to you."
"You think I can do it?"
"No, Abby." Ziva looked back up at her friend. "I know you can do it." She gave her an encouraging smile at which the Goth smiled back at her then leant over little Abby to give her friend s half-hug.
"I love you, Ziva. You are the best."
"I love you, too, Abby." Ziva chuckled happily after this sudden change of mood in her friend.
Abby lay back on the bed and a dreamy expression appeared on her face.
"I'm going to be a mother." She stated to nobody in particular then a little frown appeared on his face and she turned her head towards Ziva. "It's quite scary, you know."
"Yes, I know." Ziva concurred and squeezed Abby's hand.
Later that night Gibbs went up to go to bed but when he entered the bedroom, he stopped. Little Abby was sleeping peacefully on her back in the middle of the bed under the covers. Ziva's head was resting just right above hers, her lips slightly parted and her arm reaching over the little girl and resting on the waist of the other Abby, who was also sleeping soundly facing Ziva. Gibbs smiled gently at his girls then went to grab a blanket and lay it on Abby, who was lying over the covers, then he turned off the light and silently closed the door behind him. It looked like that he would spend the night on the couch.
TBC
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