Chapter Thirteen

Revelations And Declarations

Quil rubbed my back, until I had finally stopped crying. I'm sure I was a mess, but he didn't seem to mind. I had a feeling he too had shed at least one tear for Jake. I pulled myself up and looked at his bare chest which was wet with tears. I tried to wipe them away with my sleeve but he carefully took my hand in his.

"It's okay," he said, as he pushed my messy hair out of my eyes and looked at me.

"Why didn't he even want to talk to me, Quil? Why won't he talk to me? I've called for three days and nothing," I said, sniffing and wiping my eyes.

"Bella, it's not anything that you've done. I think that whatever happened to Embry has happened to Jake and we just have to find out what's going on," he said.

"I think Jake didn't want to be around me anymore, so he....he did it this way so he wouldn't.....ha....have to face me," I said, and the tears slid down my cheeks again.

Quil took my chin in his hand and pulled my face up to look at him. I noticed for the first time that his eyes were almost as dark as Jake's, but Quil's were soft with a hint of mischief in them. He was handsome with his broad, sturdy face, dark eyebrows, and full lips. But tonight he showed me a side of him, I'd never known before.

He offered me not only a shoulder to lean on, but compassion as well. Quil and I formed a bond that night that I'm not sure could be easily broken. It wasn't anything like the relationship Jake and I had, but it was one of being there for each other no matter what.

"Bella, I know that there could never be anyone to replace you in Jake's life. You're not only his friend, but he loves you. I can see why too. You're warm, and smart, and caring, and beautiful. Jake's not looking for anyone else. This is something neither of us understands," he said, looking into my eyes.

I was about to argue a few of the points Quil had made, when we were both startled by the sound of a wolf howling near his house. I instinctively moved closer to Quil and we looked at each other with wide, unsettled eyes.

"Quil. I know this may sound strange, or even crazy, but have you ever really listened to the legends of your people?"

"You mean about the wolves and us being descendants from them?"

"Yeah."

"I've listened and laughed a lot about it. We all have over the years. Why?"

I turned and looked him right in the eyes, "Quil, I know for a fact that there are things in this world that aren't easily explained. I know for a fact that the cold ones exist," I said in a whisper, trying hard to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Bella. You're just emotional right now..." I stopped him as I pressed my finger to his lips.

His eyes were fixed on mine, and I reached for one of his hands moving it over my wrist and laying it on the scar that had been left behind by one of them—by James months ago. His face was full of questions as he felt the coolness of my scar, then he looked down and a strange recognition spread across his features as he began putting two and two together.

"Bella, what happened? How did you get that? The Cullens. Did the Cullens do this to you?" he asked, as anger flashed in his dark eyes.

"No. The Cullens didn't do this, but one of their kind did. Well, not exactly their kind, one similar to them."

I pulled my knees up, close to my chest, as I looked down at my wrist. He moved his hand away and I began rubbing it as I traced the crescent scar with my finger and waited for him to digest what I had told him.

"I always had a bad feeling about the Cullens and when we heard that he had, well left you in the woods like that, I knew he wasn't a good person, or whatever he is," he said, watching me trace the scar.

"It all seems like a bad dream now and all I have as a reminder is this scar and the scars inside of me. But that's in the past now. What isn't in the past is what's going on here in La Push. Quil, do you....do you think that it's possible that they've somehow found out how your ancestors turned into wolves and they are now...."

There was silence in the room and Quil and I both had goose bumps and the hair stood up on the back of my neck. He didn't say anything for a long time, but when he finally spoke up, he finished my sentence, "Wolves? I don't know how it could be possible, but if you say there are real vampires in this world then I guess anything is possible, so the wolves we've been hearing, the one on the beach that day and the one just now, could have been Embry or Jake?"

"And what about Sam, Paul, and Jared? They've all changed and stay to themselves now too?"

"No. No, this just can't be. It's too much. I know the stories and all, but this is..."

"I found an old book, about the Quileute people a while back at a book store in Port Angeles. It has a lot of information about the legends and things. I think some of it might be true."

He just stared at me for a long time as he tried to process what I was sharing with him. I wondered if he thought I was crazy or if he felt and knew deep down that there was at least a possibility? After what seemed like a long time, he spoke up again.

"I just don't know Bella," he said, shaking his head back and forth.

"I know. It sounds insane. Maybe I'm wrong, just like I've been wrong about so many other things," I said, speaking more to myself than to Quil, as I focused on the wall across the room.

My head was aching to match the ache in my heart and my eyes were burning from crying. I sat up on the couch and began putting on my wet shoes.

"Hey, where are you going?" Quil asked, with a note of concern in his voice.

"I'm tired and I need to go home," I said, taking my keys from the end table where Quil had laid them when we came in.

"I don't want you driving home alone. Why don't you let me drive you back to Forks? I'm sure your dad wouldn't mind bringing me back."

"No. I'll be okay. Thanks Quil for everything," I said, walking back to the bathroom to get my wet clothes.

"Bella, let me...."

"No, Quil, you've done enough. Do you mind if I keep these clothes? I'll get them back to you someday," I said, feeling the tears building in my eyes again.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. I'm driving you home, then I'll get a ride back somehow," he said, as he slipped a T-shirt on and put his arm around my waist, pulling me toward the door. I didn't have the strength to argue, so I let him escort me to the truck.

The rain had slowed, but was still a heavy mist, which matched the heaviness in my heart. Quil opened the driver's door and motioned for me to get in. I saw him turn and look around behind him, over his shoulder toward the woods, before he climbed in, and it made me have goose bumps again as I wondered who, or what was out there.

He started my truck, turned the heater on, put it in gear, then wrapped his arm around me. I scooted up close to him and let him hold me. He only moved his arm long enough to shift gears on the way home and I had to admit, I'm not sure I could have made it home that night without him.

I glanced up a few times and caught him watching the forest as much as he was watching the road. He was thinking, just like I was, about what we had discussed, but neither of us said anything else about it.

When we finally got to my house, Charlie wasn't there yet, so I asked Quil if he wanted to come in while I changed and I would give him his clothes back. We went inside, I turned on the lights, and told him I would be right back, as I went upstairs to change.

I grabbed some old sweat pants and a T-shirt of my own in my room and changed. I was just coming back downstairs, when I heard voices.

"Hello, sir. My name is Quil Ateara. I'm a frie...friend of Jake's and of Bella."

"Dad," I said as I stepped of the last stair.

"Bella, what's going on?"

I was rubbing my hair with a towel in one hand, trying to get the remaining rain water out of it, and carrying Quil's clothes in the other. My dad could tell that something was wrong.

"Mr. Swan, I drove Bella home. I hope you don't mind, but I didn't want her driving home by herself," Quil offered, but didn't seem to be afraid of my dad.

My dad looked at me and back at Quil, so I decided I better add something to Quil's statement.

"I got caught in a down pour......"

"Yeah Mr. Swan, Jake hasn't been feeling well and Bella came to see him, but she got caught in a down pour. She was upset about Jake, so I had her go to my house to change clothes, then I brought her home," Quil spoke up, finishing my sentence.

I just looked at him and he looked at me while we waited for my dad to say something. The moments seemed to drag on before he finally responded.

"Well, I hate that Jake is feeling bad, but I'm glad you took such good care of Bella for me. Hey, Quil, why don't you have a bite to eat with us then I'll take you back home?"

"Sure. Okay Mr. Swan, if Bella doesn't mind," Quil said, looking back at me.

"No. Um, I don't mind. I need to get something ready," I said softly, walking toward the kitchen.

"I'll help, Bella," Quil said, and followed me.

"Well while you two are in the kitchen, I'm going to get washed up and get out of this gear. Oh, and Quil, you can call me Charlie."

"Okay," he said, as he walked into the kitchen.

I mindlessly wandered to the refrigerator, pulling open the door, and gazing inside. I found several left overs and was grateful that we had them because tonight I definitely didn't feel like cooking. I pulled them out and started putting them into bowls for placing in the microwave.

When I put the first bowl in, some left over beef stew, I punched in the time, and turned around to lean against the counter waiting on it to finish. It was then that I saw Quil staring at me.

"Sorry that it won't be fresh, but I'm just too...."

He crossed the kitchen and came to stand beside me, "It's okay. I know you are exhausted after everything today," he said, rubbing my arm.

"Quil, do you think Jake will ever be the same? Or should I just give up?" I asked, hanging my head in defeat.

He lifted my chin so that I was looking at him. His dark eyes full of concern and compassion.

"Bella, you love him. Right?"

"Yes," I managed to squeak out as a tear trickled down my face.

"When someone loves a person, they don't just give up. I know he may not show it and things may look bleak now, but I think Jake needs you now more than ever. Don't give up on him," he whispered, as he wiped the tear away.

The microwave sounded, so I swapped out bowls, until I had a nice selection of left overs for everyone to choose from. I had just finished setting the table when Charlie came back into the kitchen.

"Bells, let me fix the drinks while you and Quil have a seat," he said.

So Quil and I sat down, and I started pushing dishes toward him, so he could make his choices first. We all picked out something, but I noticed that Quil ate a lot and looked like he could eat more. I had hardly touched my portions, when I told him to finish everything else off.

"Bella, I didn't try anything that wasn't wonderful. Did you make all of this, or is your dad the cook in the family?" Quil asked, trying to make things a bit liter.

"No, Bella is the chief in this house," Charlie said, laughing. "The only thing I'm good at cooking is fish."

I knew my dad didn't mean it, but the mere mention of cooking fish made me remember the night Jake and Billy had come over and how close Jake and I were that night, the night we first kissed. My heart clenched in my chest and a huge lump began to rise up in my throat. I tried to swallow it back down, but it was no use. I jumped up and asked to be excused, as I raced upstairs and ran into my room.

My bed was the object on which I collapsed and I buried my face in my pillow as I let the sobs take over. It wasn't long before I felt someone's hand on my back and the bed push down as someone sat down beside me. I knew it was Quil, even though he didn't say anything for along time. When he did finally began to talk, he said, "Is this the book you told me about?"

I slowly raised my head to look at my night stand. I nodded, trying to wipe my face.

"I've got to be getting back home and Charlie's ready, but can I borrow the book to look at tonight?"

"Sure," I whispered.

"Maybe you can come to La Push tomorrow after school and we can look at it and talk some more?"

"Okay. I guess I can," I said, setting up on the side of the bed.

"Bella, you try and get some rest tonight then and I'll see you tomorrow," he said and he placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"I'll try. Thanks Quil, for everything. You get some rest too."

Then he stood up, picked up my book, and walked toward the door, but he turned back, "I know things will work out in time. They just have to."

He pulled the door open and left. I heard my dad call upstairs that they were leaving and he said he would be back soon. I got up and went back downstairs and told them goodbye, then went to the kitchen to start cleaning up from dinner. When I had things washed and put away, I went back upstairs and gathered my things for a shower.

The water, hot and steamy, relaxed me which was a good thing. After the emotional upheaval of the afternoon, I felt exhausted and just wanted to get into bed. So, as soon as I finished I climbed into bed but before I could turn out my night light, my eyes strayed to the picture of my lone wolf guardian on my wall.

I don't know what came over me but I whispered, "Jake, I miss you so much," then I turned out the light and fell asleep. But even in my sleep, I didn't rest well. I tossed and turned and dreamed on and off all night. I woke up once hot and sweaty because I had been running from someone or something, then I woke up again later and I was freezing because I was dreaming of being alone in the snow.

When morning finally came, I was actually glad to get up and try to sort things out in my head. Images from the night flooded my mind, as did the memories of yesterday. But I felt determination today, which was the only thing that carried me through the day and by lunch I had decided that I would go to La Push, but before I went to Quil's I would go find Jake.

I didn't care if I had to stay at his house for hours or traipse through the forest. I would find him and he would either tell me to my face that what we shared was nothing and that it was over, or that he was in trouble and needed my help. I had to get answers and he owed that much to me.

When school was over, I trudged out to my truck with a heaviness in my heart and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew that one way or the other, when I returned to Forks later, I would know where I stood be it good or bad, or at least I hoped that would be the case.

As I got closer to La Push, I began to feel my heart pounding in my chest. The rain had just begun to lightly fall but I didn't care. It couldn't have been any worse than yesterday. Jake's house looked quiet and I saw no signs of anyone. So I pulled up near the garage and waited.

With every moment that ticked by, sitting there in front of Jake's little Taj Mahal, I remembered all of the sweet and happy times we had shared there. I could see every touch, every smile, every ounce of care put into taking care of my truck.

I saw the warm sodas Jake had hidden away, and the notes he wrote to the man at the auto part's store. And I saw Jake, my best friend, the one who made me hear music again, the one who made me feel alive and loved and wanted, the one who had captured my heart and now held it captive and in desperate need of answers.

But I was soon pulled from my reverie by a sound. I wasn't sure what it was, or where it came from, but then I saw him in my rearview mirror and I knew this was it. I didn't even think, as I jumped out of my truck and closed the door quietly behind me. He was walking toward the garage, his fists in balls at his sides, his face drawn into a cold, hard mask, and it registered that he didn't even look like the Jake I knew, like my Jake.

I began walking toward him in with equal determination and refused to take my eyes off of him. As he strode toward me, I could see his jaw clinched tightly and noticed that he was larger—much larger than the last time I had seen him, only a few days ago.

His body was taut with ridges I had never seen before. He wasn't wearing a shirt, as a mater of fact, he wasn't wearing much at all. He only had on a pair of ripped, cut off denim shorts which hung low on his hips, exposing tender flesh that I had never seen before.

The rain had intensified and I felt my hair begin sticking to my head and face as it became heavy with rain water. My shirt was clinging to me like a second skin and I was trembling, partly from the cold and rain, and partly from nerves.

As we bridged the distance between us, I slowed until I was standing a few feet from him. The rain made trails along his copper skin and ran down until they dripped off the exposed muscles of his upper body. I swallowed hard and let my eyes move up his chest until I was looking him in the eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he almost growled at me.

"I came to see you. I had to see you for myself and hear you tell me the truth."

"What truth do you want to hear, Bella? That everything is fine and we can go back to the way things were?"

"No. I....I just need to know why? Why you left me?" I said, and I felt my knees began to get weak. It hadn't dawned on me until that very moment that he had left me, not like Edward had in the forest that day, but he had abandoned what we had together, our friendship and my love for him. I wanted to be strong, but when I said those words I began to crumble.

I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep myself from falling down right there in front of him, but I didn't know how long I could keep it up. I literally was coming undone as I watched his face grow even harder as he looked at me.

"I didn't leave you," he spat out.

"Yes, yes you really did, Jake," I shouted, as the tears started pouring down my face. "I thought we had something so special, Jake. I have never felt the way you made me feel, not for anyone, not even for Ed....ward. And if.....you tell me....that you didn't feel the same thing......then you are lying. But, I guess you're getting good at that. Aren't you?" I finished, sobbing and tightening my arms around myself.

"Bella.....no...." he said, then I heard a low growling sound coming from the trees behind him, from the spot he had emerged a short time before.

He stiffened and I saw his body begin to tremble. He looked so angry and hurt and I wanted to reach out to him and hold him, but right at that moment he frightened me. He wasn't the Jacob Black I had known.

"Jake, please just tell me. It comes down to two things, you.....either....want me in your life.....or you don't," I said, as I lost my footing and fell on my knees, just as I had feared I would a few moments ago.

I didn't have the strength to get up and I didn't care if he saw me fall apart. I was hurting and he was the cause, so I wanted him to see how I felt, what he was doing to me. My head was down and I was trying to wipe my face, when I saw his feet move toward me. I flinched and looked up to see his face, full of pain and I even thought I saw tears in his eyes, but the rain was heavier now and it was hard to tell.

Could he possibly be in as much pain as me? What was wrong with him? He used to talk to me and tell me what he was feeling, or at least show me how he felt. But before I could process anything else, he had grabbed me by my upper arms and was pulling me up onto my feet.

"You can't be here. You're not safe. Things aren't like they were—I'm...I'm not the same, Bella," he said, in a voice I didn't recognize that came from deep in his chest.

"Jake, I don't care what you ar.....I need you," I sobbed, as he tried to steady me in front of him.

"You don't understand, Bella. I can't be what you need—what you deserve anymore," he said, between gritted teeth.

"Jake, I......survived before......when he....when he.....left me, but.....without you," I had to stop and get a breath in between sobs, "You are such a part of me, you're my light in this darkened world and you light my way—you guide me, Jake. I never got the chance to tell you before and it may be too late, but.....I.....love.....you," I said, trying to put as much sentiment into my voice as possible.

He didn't say anything as his trembling slowed some, but he kept his hands on my arms as he took deep breaths and closed his eyes. I was honestly afraid, but I was more afraid of losing him, so I somehow found the strength, pushing my fear aside, to move in between his arms and wrap my arms around his waist, laying my head against his chest.

He was hot and I had chills run up and down my body as I felt the heat transfer from his body to mine. I just wanted him to come back to me, but then I heard a wolf howling in the distance and the next thing I knew Jake had bent down, knocked my legs out from under me and was catching me in his arms, as he ran toward the garage. The rain fell in my face but I tried to shield myself as I clutched at Jake, holding onto him for dear life.

When we made it inside the small shelter, he sat me down and backed away, as the trembling began again, I watched as his entire body quaked before me. I had to help him, so I moved closer and lay my hands on his chest. I could see that it was calming to him and that he was struggling with something deep inside of himself.

"Bella, you deserve better than this. I'm not a good person anymore, I don't even know who or what I am anymore," he whispered, in a husky voice so softly that I found it difficult to hear him.

"I can't believe that. I won't believe that. You have more good in you than anyone I've ever known. And I want you, Jake, no matter what is going on. I want you."

He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my wet hair. I felt him sob once or twice then he whispered, "But it's true and you have no idea what all this means. But Bells, I can't lose you. I have to talk to you, alone. Tonight. Listen tonight. And Bella, stay away from Quil," he whispered very faintly with his mouth pressed to my ear. It was almost as if he didn't want someone to hear.

I heard a yelping sound, similar to that of a hyena then, he was gone. He ran out of the garage and left me standing there alone again. But I strangely found strength in his cryptic words, even though I had no idea what he had meant. One thing that I did know though, was that I wasn't going to follow his instruction. I had to see Quil now more than ever, maybe he could shed some light on the strange things Jake had said.

When I pulled myself together enough, I made my way back to my truck. I looked around, but no one was in sight so I climbed wearily into my truck and pulled away from Jake's house, turning toward Quil's. I kept hearing Jake's words echoing in my mind about staying away from Quil, but I had to talk with him.

As I pulled up in Quil's yard, he must have heard my truck, because he was coming out the door before I had even gotten stopped. He opened my door and immediately pulled me out and helped me into the house.

"Bella, what's wrong? You're soaked again. I thought you were coming straight here? You went to see him? Didn't you?"

There were so many questions and not many answers. My head was spinning and I felt chilled. I was shaking and couldn't seem to stop. Quil disappeared and came back with the clothes I had borrowed yesterday.

"Here, you go get changed again and get a towel for your hair. You're going to catch pneumonia if you don't get dried out," he said, and I just walked numbly toward his bathroom.

When I had changed and tried to dry myself off, wrapping a towel around my hair, I slowly came back out of the bathroom, to find him standing against the wall in his hallway with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked worried and anxious.

"Thanks. Um, I did go to see him. I had to. I had to know what was going on," I said, leaning against the wall beside Quil, and looking down at the floor.

"And?"

"He's so.....so different," I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut and letting the hot, salty tears run down my cheeks.

Quil's strong, warm arms were quick to wrap around me and I welcomed his comfort as he pulled me against him.

"Tell me everything he said."

"I don't know. I can't remember it all. Um, he said things like he wasn't a good person anymore and that I didn't understand what was going on. He said I wasn't safe here, but then he said something about tonight and to listen for him. I don't know, it's all so confusing," I said, breathing a deep sigh against his chest.

"Was that all he said?"

"Almost, except he....he told me to stay away from you," I said, looking up to catch Quil's expression.

"Well that means one of two things. Bella, come to my room. I want to show you something," Quil said, and started moving toward his room with his arm wrapped around my waist.

"I don't understand."

He opened the door and motioned for me to have a seat on his bed. I did and watched as he went to his dresser and retrieved the Quileute book and came over to join me on the bed. He sat down close beside me and turned to look at me, as he opened the book.

"Well, knowing Jake and the feelings he has for you, he's either jealous of the two of us being together or he's worried that...well that....something's going to happen to me."

I had felt my face turn red and Quil's first theory, I mean here I was in his house alone with him, in his bedroom, and even on his bed with him but I didn't see Quil like that. I just knew that he and I were going through some of the same feelings about Jake and that we were friends helping each other through a tough time.

Then, as the rest of his statement came out, I felt my face drain of all color and I was cold again. I couldn't help the small tremors that shook my body as I thought about Quil possibly going through the same thing that Jake and Embry had experienced.

"Quil, you don't think that...."

"Bella, I really doubted what you told me yesterday, until I read this book. There is reference after reference in here about the fever, the changes, the losing of oneself to the wolf. They are scattered all throughout the book and if you cross reference and read all of the information, it all points back to the man, the Quileute man, becoming one with the wolf," he said, looking into my eyes, searching for what I was thinking.

"I know, Quil. So you think that they are wolves? And you may...."

"I think that it is very possible that something like this has happened. There are too many signs pointing in that direction, even though I'm not sure I would admit it to anyone but you. And yes, I think it is very likely that I may be next."

I gasped and involuntarily leaned back toward the headboard of his bed. I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to calm my racing heart.

"Bella, don't be afraid. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I don't have any of the signs. But I want you to know that if something like this does happen, I'm not going to lose sight of who I am. I'll still be here for you and I will not let it change me the way it has changed them."

"But Quil, you can't say that. You especially can't make promises that you don't even know if you can keep. If this is real and not just some crazy bad dream, then you don't really know what will happen."

"I know, but maybe if Jake talks to you tonight you can find out more."

He was right. And I was ready to get home so I could be there when and if Jake showed up. So after telling Quil that I would be fine and promising him that I would call him tomorrow to let him know if I heard from Jake, we wrapped the book in a plastic bag, and I made a run for my truck, just before it came another down pour.

As I drove home, I glanced occasionally toward the darkened tree line and wondered if Jake was out there somewhere, watching me or waiting for the right time to make his presence known. Only time would tell.

When I got home, I quickly changed into some dry clothes and made spaghetti for Charlie. I was too wound up to eat, so I just excused myself and told him I wasn't feeling well, and that I was going to take an early shower.

After drying my hair, I climbed into bed and pulled out my text book to read a chapter for tomorrow's assignment. I must have been very tired, because as soon as I finished reading, my eyes were beginning to close, so I turned off my light and feel asleep.