Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.
Chapter 2: The Cullens
The drive to the Cullen house didn't take very long. As I drove my car up the ridiculously long driveway, I gazed at the house that I was getting closer to. This house was bigger than the one they had in Forks. I got out of the car and noticed the entire family on the front porch. I walked toward the porch at a human pace and stopped in front of the steps.
"It's so good to see you Bel- Grace," Carlisle said warmly. I forgot how young Carlisle appeared. It's amazing he could pass for a day over twenty-four. With his blond hair and bright aura, it was almost painful to look directly at his beauty.
"Thank you," I replied shyly. "It's nice to see all of you as well."
Esme stepped forward and said somewhat cautiously, "I want you to know that you are always welcome here…indefinitely." Esme still looked the same, of course, like a beautiful queen from a fairytale. Her caramel colored hair framed her soft face as she smiled at me.
"Thank you, Esme," I replied warmly, yet strained. I wasn't ready for the emotion I felt running through my body.
"Bella!" Emmett's deep voice boomed. He flashed to my side and scooped me up into a bear hug. My body instantly stiffened.
"Emmett," Esme scolded. "We will honor her request and call her Grace. I'm sure it is not easy for her to be here, but we will do everything in our power to make her as comfortable as possible."
Emmett looked at me with a sad smile. "Sorry," he whispered before he flashed back next to Rosalie.
Rosalie stood firmly in her spot. "Hello," she said in a bored voice. Her beauty was astonishing, even for a vampire. Her long blond hair was straightened and flowed freely down her back. Every feature on her face was perfect; even the scowl couldn't take away from her beauty.
"Hello, Rosalie," I replied curtly.
Finally, Jasper stepped forward with a pained expression. "Hello, Grace, it's wonderful to see you again."
"Nice to see you as well, Jasper."
Jasper looked extremely handsome. I allowed my eyes to roam his body and saw scars that could only come from other vampires. I had to fight my natural instinct to crouch. I quickly raised my gaze to his eyes, not wanting to seem rude for staring. He looked so uncomfortable, and it pained me to see him that way just because of my presence.
"Hello," a smooth velvet voice said.
I took a deep breath and turned my head toward the owner of the beautiful voice.
"Hello, Edward," I said softly. I slowly took in his appearance. He was still beautiful, with his copper hair disheveled on top of his head. His jaw line was prominent, giving has features a more angular look. His eyes were the same golden topaz as my own, framed by beautiful thick lashes. We gazed at each other for an undetermined amount of time. It could have been seconds, minutes, or even hours - I honestly had no idea.
He stepped forward and opened his mouth. I waited for him to say more, but he closed his mouth and looked at me with an unreadable expression in his soft topaz eyes. Feeling a little awkward that everyone was basically staring at me, I politely complimented the house and lawn.
"Thank you, that's very kind," Esme replied.
"Well come on in," Alice said impatiently. She was nearly bouncing up and down with excitement in her eyes. I couldn't help but smile at the Alice I once knew and loved.
After we made our way into the house, Esme gave me a quick tour. The front room was a large wood paneled family room with a 60-inch flat screen television. I figured that Emmett would probably get the most pleasure out of the massive TV. Adjacent to the family room was a beautiful sunroom. Esme would enjoy having leisure time to paint or read in this room. I also saw a kitchen that would rival a professional chef's. Across from the kitchen sat the dining room, with a table large enough to accommodate about twelve people.
We went into the family room and all took a seat. I sat in a soft chair while Jasper and Alice sat on the couch closest to me. Esme and Carlisle sat on an oversized chair that just big enough for the two of them. Rosalie and Emmett sat on a love seat and Edward pulled up a chair directly opposite of mine. I noticed that we all formed a perfect circle.
No one said anything. I looked at Jasper, hoping he would send out a wave of calm, but he just looked at me with his same pained expression.
I cleared my throat. "Well…this is certainly interesting."
"We don't mean to make you uncomfortable. We just don't really know where to start," Carlisle said.
"Well, let's start here," I said gesturing to everyone. "What have you all been up to the last 25 years?"
"We traveled overseas for a while," Carlisle said vaguely.
"Oh," I said awkwardly. "So I'm sure you all have questions…where would you like me to begin?"
"Well I, for one, didn't think you would be desperate enough to be like us that you would actually get someone to change you," Rosalie spat.
Esme looked sternly at Rosalie, while Carlisle prepared to reprimand her.
I held up my hand to stop them. "Well, Rosalie, I suppose you're right and wrong in this instance. I was desperate to be like you all, but that was only when Edward and I were in a relationship."
I made sure I kept my eyes focused on anything but Edward. "Once our relationship was over, I decided that there was no point of having eternity with no one to spend it with."
"You will always have us," Alice said with a strained voice.
"How was I supposed to know that?" I snapped. "You all left me, not just him."
Alice winced and Jasper put a comforting arm around her. I instantly regretted my words.
"Look, Alice," I sighed, "that's not fair of me. I apologize."
"You have nothing to apologize for," she said softly.
I figured I should get this out of the way. "I want you to know that I'm not harboring any ill feelings towards anyone." I turned my body slightly so I would be facing Jasper.
"Jasper," I started and watched him wince and cover his face. I stood and walked toward him and kneeled until I was eye level with him.
"Jasper," I said again softly. He didn't move at all. I sighed because I knew this would be a monologue.
I turned my head to look at Carlisle, pleading with my eyes for time alone with Jasper. Carlisle quickly understood my look and motioned for everyone to leave the room. When Alice stood, I told her she was welcome to stay.
"No, it's better if I leave for now," she said, then placed a quick peck on Jasper's cheek.
I settled on the couch next to Jasper and waited, not really knowing where to begin. He sat as still as stone, with his face still in his hands.
"Jasper, I want you to know that I was never upset with you. Even when I was human, I understood how powerful your instincts could be. And now that I'm like you, I can say that I would have probably done the same thing if I were in your shoes," I said quickly, feeling a little uncomfortable.
After my little speech, Jasper still did not move. "Oh, for crying out loud Jasper, talk to me!"
He finally looked up from his hands with pain still evident in his eyes. "How could you be so forgiving?" he questioned quietly. "I'm so ashamed."
"There's nothing to be ashamed abo-"
"There's plenty to be ashamed about! Every time you came to visit us, you literally put your life in our hands. You trusted us, and I broke that trust," he finished in a voice so soft I could barely hear him.
Frustrated, I decided I would show Jasper how I felt rather than tell him with words. Taking a deep breath, I felt my invisible shield start to stretch away from me so that Jasper could be enveloped also. Once I had Jasper in my shield with me, I thought calming and affectionate thoughts.
With a sharp intake of air, Jasper turned to me with a dazed look in his eye. "What's happening?" he said as a smile began to form.
"These are the feelings I have toward you Jasper, and as you can sense, there are no feelings of animosity. I truly forgave you as soon as it happened."
Feeling overwhelmed with emotion, Jasper turned toward me and embraced me. I stiffened slightly at the contact. Finally, I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him and sighed at the pleasant feeling of the embrace.
We stayed that way for a few minutes before we finally parted. Once we separated, I released Jasper from my shield and wrapped it back around myself tightly.
"Thank you," Jasper said with a genuine smile.
"No problem," I grinned.
We sat in comfortable silence for a few more minutes before Jasper broke the silence.
"So, Alice tells me you're interested in history," he said.
"Oh yes, I love history. I realized my passion for it my freshman year of college when I took my first history class. I declared my major as History and the rest is well…history." I cringed at my lame joke.
Jasper cringed as well. I rolled my eyes, "Okay, so I can count standup comedy out of my life-long dreams."
"Yeah, I would definitely give that dream up immediately," he laughed. "I, uh, have a lot of books from different centuries in my study, if you ever want to look at my collection…" he trailed off with a little uncertainty.
I stood quickly. "I would love to see it! Let's look now," I said with excitement dancing in my eyes.
"Of course," Jasper smiled as he stood just as quickly as I did.
We left the family room and went toward the grand staircase that looked and smelled of varnished oak.
"This house is truly beautiful," I murmured, as my hands touched the smooth railings.
"Thank you, dear," Esme said from the next floor. I smiled and followed Jasper to his study.
Once we entered, I saw a white leather couch across from a large window. Next to the window was a massive bookcase that took up a majority of the room. I turned my head and saw a desk with a lamp and a comfortable chair behind it next to a large fireplace.
"Wow, I could spend forever in this room," I said with awe.
"I could spend forever in this room, too," Jasper chuckled.
I rolled my eyes at his joke. "I guess I'm not the only one who has to say good-bye to a life in comedy."
Jasper chuckled again. "Seriously though, this space is my own little haven. When you see the bedroom, you'll understand why I need to escape sometimes."
"Alice?" I said quietly, knowing she would be able to hear me from anywhere in the house. She appeared instantly by the door, with a huge smile on her face.
"Jasper was telling me about the bedroom the two of you share. Could I have a tour?"
"I would love to show you!" she exclaimed, as she darted by my side and took my hand to lead me to their room.
Once I looked inside the room, I instantly understood Jasper's need of having his own space. The room was the very essence of Alice. There were fashion magazines open all over the king size bed and on the floor surrounding it. The closet door was propped open to reveal a room with hundreds of shoes and hats everywhere. I allowed my eyes to roam and take in the sketches of gowns and shirts pinned up to the wall.
"It's a bit of a mess," Alice said sheepishly.
"Just a bit," I agreed sarcastically, while smiling at Alice.
"Come sit with me," Alice said, as she pulled me to the couch near a large window.
We sat down, and I suddenly felt awkward. I looked at Alice waiting for her to say something. The look in her eyes told me that she was debating on speaking.
"Spit it out, Alice," I told her, getting a little frustrated at her silence.
"Bella, I've missed you so much. I'm so glad to have you back in my life. No matter what happens, we won't be apart again." Her words were so fast that they almost blurred together. I sat quietly absorbing what she just said. "Please say something," she added with desperation.
"Alice…I don't really know what to say." I hesitated, not wanting to hurt her feelings, and another awkward silence fell between us.
"Spit it out," she said, using my earlier words against me.
"Er…okay, well, I'm only saying this so you know how I felt, not because I'm trying to hurt you, okay?" I questioned, looking deep into her eyes, willing her to understand.
She looked at me with tense eyes and nodded.
"Before I came to Forks, I never had any close friends. Then I met you and you…you were more than that. It was like…I loved you like…you were my sister, Alice. I didn't even get a chance to say good-bye to you. The pain that caused me was…unbelievable," I finished cautiously, hoping I didn't upset her with my words.
Alice's eyes shone with tears I knew would never fall and then she quickly covered her face. She started sobbing.
"Oh, Alice," I said, while rubbing the small of her back. "Please don't be upset. I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you."
"Would it be better if Jasper came to help you calm down?" I pleaded, wanting desperately for her to feel better.
"No," she said in a strangled voice. "I'm okay…I'll be fine." Her voice didn't convince me.
"Alice, please, I can't stand seeing you this way," I pleaded, feeling helpless. She looked up at me with a sad smile.
"Really, I'm okay," she affirmed with a little more certainty.
"Alice, I apologize for upsetting you. I only wanted you to understand what our friendship meant to me." I didn't want to upset her again.
"Don't apologize. I was so upset that I couldn't, at least, tell you good-bye. I never got over being abruptly uprooted from your life. It still haunts me," she finished in an almost inaudible voice.
"So why didn't you at least tell me bye?" I asked, puzzled.
"Well…Edward felt th-" Her words were cut short by the sound of a piano being played, furiously, from the floor above us.
I looked at her questioningly.
She shook her head and sighed. "I guess Edward would like his side of the story to be heard also."
"His side of what story?"
"Well, I guess he would like to explain his true reasons for leaving you," she said quietly as if she didn't want him to overhear.
"His true reasons?" I repeated, stupidly. "I'm not sure I understand."
"Well… you know how extreme Edward can be," Alice hedged.
"That's quite enough, Alice!" I heard Edward say in an irritated tone.
Feeling awkward again, I stood up and told Alice I was going to find Carlisle and Esme.
"Their room down the hall, past Rosalie's and Emmett's room," she said as I made my way to the door.
Walking down the hall towards Carlisle and Esme's room, I paused in front of Emmett and Rosalie's room and hesitantly knocked on the door.
The door swiftly opened to show Rosalie in all her glory, looking at me with a scowl on her face.
"Er…hello Rosalie…" I said cautiously.
"Grace," she said while folding her arms across her chest. "Is there something you wanted?"
"I wanted to talk to everyone separately before I began my long story," I said uncomfortably. This was the longest, if not the only, conversation I had ever had with Rosalie.
She sighed. "Well, come on in."
This room was larger than Alice and Jasper's, with a king size bed and a TV that was about the same size as the one in the family room. The closet door was open, and it revealed a room about the size of my own living room. I shook my head in amazement. Rosalie motioned for me to sit on the couch near the window and I sat down slowly, suddenly regretting my impromptu decision to talk with her.
"Rosalie, I know you've never liked me because you saw me as a threat to your family. I thought that I would be able to get on your good side once you realized that I, indeed, intended to guard your family secret as if it were my own. I realize now that nothing I could have done would have made you like me anymore." I paused to gauge her expression, but she just stared straight ahead.
"So I wanted to ask you, now that you know for a fact that I'm not a threat to your family, why do you still not like me?"
She was quiet for so long that I thought she wasn't going to answer me.
"Well…" she finally began, "it's just that I didn't understand why you would want to be around us. You had your whole life in front of you, and yet you spent all your free time with the damned.
"You were only seventeen years old, and you were already giving your heart to someone who could never give you the experiences every human should have. You were supposed to find a lucky guy, get married, have kids and grow old together, watching your kids and grandkids grow up," she said softly with an emotion I couldn't place.
She turned suddenly to look me in the eye and I flinched at the intensity of her eyes.
"Why would you want to give up what we all had ripped from us? When I was human, I wanted so desperately to fall madly in love and have children and grow old. You know what happened?" she added in a hard voice.
I just shook my head, not trusting my voice at the moment.
"I thought I found the perfect guy, and he ended up being the one to bring me to my early demise." Her lip curled back slightly over her teeth. "He was the perfect gentlemen, or so I thought. It was going to be perfect until one night he and his friends got drunk and decided to have a little fun with me," she said with a snarl.
I gasped quietly as I understood her meaning of fun. She looked at my shocked expression and her face softened a little.
"I'll spare you the details, but when he and his friends were done they left me in the street to die. And that's when Carlisle found me and brought me into this existence," she finished while looking at me with a blank expression.
"So…" I began, "I reminded you of the life you could never have?"
"Yes. It was bad enough for you to be in love with a vampire, but for you to be willing to give up your life to be with him…" she trailed off, seeming uncertain what to say.
"Rosalie, I completely understand the concerns that you had. You're right - I was young and in love and willing to pay the ultimate price to remain happy." I stared out the window. "I understand now how precious my life was," I finished quietly still looking intently out the window.
"So what happened to you? Did you not willingly come into this life?" she asked curiously.
"Rosalie, I want to tell my story to all of you at the same time, but I will tell you this." I paused and looked at her beautiful face as she intently waited for my answer. "When I came into this life, it was the result of my near death. I didn't choose this life, the vampire who changed me made that decision for me."
"Who did this to you?" she asked as she scooted closer to me on the couch.
I placed my hand on top of hers. "That's a long story," I answered cryptically, with a smile.
She frowned slightly then placed her other hand on top of mine so my hand was sandwiched between hers. "I'll be ready to listen whenever you want to tell," she said, finishing with a tentative smile.
Standing up, I felt better that Rosalie and I understood each other a little better. I told her I was going to see Carlisle and Esme, and she pointed me in the direction with a smile.
As I turned to knock on the door, it opened instantly to a smiling Esme. "Hello dear, please come in."
Their room was beautiful as I expected, with two large windows instead of one. Breathtaking paintings hung on the wall, and I couldn't stop myself from gaping at them.
"Those paintings are phenomenal," I whispered.
"Thank you," Esme replied shyly.
"You painted these?" I asked in awe, already knowing the answer.
She smiled graciously, while Carlisle came behind her and gave her shoulders a little squeeze.
"She's really quite talented," he murmured with complete adoration for his wife in his eyes. "Please have a seat." Carlisle motioned to the two seats and small couch near the windows.
We sat down and the awkwardness came back to me again. I frowned at myself for being so uncomfortable around everyone.
"We're so happy to have you back in our lives," Esme began with an emotional voice.
"Esme, I must say that I was more than a little shocked to be in the presence of the Cullens again. I didn't think you would all want to see me again," I said softly, looking down at my lap.
I could see Esme reach her hand toward me hesitantly, and then she dropped it back by her side. "Of course we wanted to see you again dear. You have no idea how incomplete this family has felt without you."
I looked up at her in astonishment. She considered me a part of the family? But that doesn't make sense. My rational mind quickly shrugged off the kind words.
"That's very nice of you to say, Esme," I said while standing.
"Bella, I'm sorry, Grace, please don't shut us out. Maybe in time you can forgive us for the way we treated you in the past," she said, instantly standing in front of me with her hands on my shoulders.
"There's nothing to forgive, Esme. It's in the past." I shrugged.
"Please just give us a chance," she pleaded not satisfied by my previous answer.
"I…I don't know how," I replied in a small voice.
"Me neither," she admitted, "but we'll try together."
I simply smiled and nodded at her, wondering if she could really mean all of her kind words.
"Well, if it's okay, I'd like to talk with Edward now," I said as I watched her eyes dart to Carlisle's.
"I'm sure he would enjoy that," Carlisle said.
"His room is on the third floor. Would you like me to walk with you?" Esme asked.
"No thanks, I'll manage." I smiled at her. Once I was out in the hallway, I collided with a massive frame.
"Jeez, Emmett," I complained with a smile.
"Sorry about that, Bells, er…Grace," he said with a grin showing his dimples.
"No problem. I'm not so fragile anymore," I laughed as I playfully punched his arm.
"Jeez, Grace," he laughed while playfully rubbing his arm.
"Oh stop it; I know that didn't hurt."
"Yeah, true, I thought I would just humor you," he said as he grinned even wider.
I rolled my eyes, while walking up the steps. "I'm glad you had fun," I said as his chuckles echoed around me.
Suddenly, I was nervous as I was standing in front of Edward's door.
"Please come in," his velvet voice said from inside just as I was about to knock.
I opened the door and looked inside the bright room. This was, by far, the largest room of the house, with four windows and a grand piano. He had a couch similar to the one he had in Forks, and it looked as if his music collection had grown.
"I think my entire house could fit in your room," I said with a chuckle.
I had yet to allow myself the pleasure of looking at him, but I could see him watching me from his piano bench.
"Feel free to look around and make yourself at home." He motioned toward the couch.
I took my time looking at his music collection while I could feel his eyes watching me. Finally, I made my way over to the couch. He turned on the bench, so he would be facing me, and gave me a beautiful crooked smile.
Feeling a little encouragement from the smile, I began. "So…how have you been these last 25 years?"
His face was instantly guarded. "I've been better," he said softly, with a smile that did not reach his eyes.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry. I was just hoping that it wouldn't be awkward between us…" I trailed.
"No, you're not prying, it's just--" he paused seeming very uncomfortable. "I really haven't done anything in the last ten years."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, after we left, I basically became useless," he said in an ashamed voice.
"Why?"
"I wasn't really in a good place after..." he trailed off again, making me frustrated.
"I don't understand," I said, wishing I didn't sound so clueless.
"When I left you…"
My heart dropped into my stomach. "Please don't." I fought to keep myself in the present.
"Please listen. When I left you, it felt as if I left my heart with you," he said quickly, his words blurring together.
I stared at him, shocked, with my mind completely blank.
"I…don't…then why…I'm confused," I finished, sounding completely idiotic.
"Bella, when I left you, it was only for your protection," he said cautiously, gauging my expression.
"What?" I was dumbfounded.
"I only left to protect you," he repeated, enunciating each word as if I couldn't understand.
"Protect me?!" I said in outrage, fighting to keep my voice low. "Protect me from what?"
"From me!" he shouted. "From this life."
"I wanted this life, Edward. Why would you take it away from me?"
"I left so you could have a normal life! So you could have a life that I couldn't give you!"
"I didn't want a normal life," I snapped. "I just wanted you."
"I just wanted what was best for you," he said quietly with grief in his eyes.
"What's best for me?!" I shouted while standing up. "Is this what's best for me?!" I gestured toward my cold, stone body.
He cringed. "Bella, I had no idea of the danger-"
"Don't call me BELLA!!" I roared, causing the windows to shake. He dropped his head to his chest.
"Please forgive me," he whispered.
"What exactly do you want forgiveness for?" I snapped.
"For leaving you, for not being there to protect you, for breaking your heart," he finished in an anguished voice.
I took a deep breath and felt mortified by my outburst. I hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder, ignoring the tingling pleasure in my finger tips at this contact.
"Edward, I'm being very rude." I took another deep breath and took a step back away from him. "It was inexcusable for me to talk to you that way; I hope you can forgive me." I finished softly, still embarrassed.
"Forgive you? What in the world would you need forgiveness for? I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving you. I only wanted the best for you. If anyone should be asking for forgiveness, it's me," he said as he looked up at me with pained eyes.
"That's not true; it's unfair of me to question your motives for leaving me. You don't have to explain anything to me. It's in the past now; there's no point of rehashing it."
Edward ran his hand through his hair and exhaled. "I know I don't deserve it, but is there any way you could forgive me? Is it too late? Have I hurt you too badly? I'll do anything, Bella. I'll gladly grovel before you, if that would help."
"Be serious, please."
"I'm quite serious. I ripped this family away from you. I obviously left you unprotected."
"I was very well protected," I said hotly.
"You were protected? Look at you, Bella! I didn't want this for you!"
"Stop! Just…stop. I don't want to do this, Edward. It hurts too much. How about we agree to put this all behind us and move on?" I questioned, hoping he would agree.
"You would be willing to move on?" he said with impossibly bright eyes. I couldn't help but smile at the hope in his eyes.
"Of course, I'm willing to move on," I grinned. "I can never have too many friends."
I watched his face fall slightly and was instantly confused. "Edward, what is it? Did I say something to offend you?"
"No, of course not," he said with half-smile.
"Come on, Edward," I sighed, getting frustrated that he was obviously holding something back. "Did you have a problem with my friend comment? Because I understand if that's too much for you. We could just be acquaintances."
"What? No!" he said in a panicked voice, puzzling me even further. "It would be an honor for you to consider me a friend."
"Are you sure?" I asked, still not totally convinced.
"Absolutely," he replied, flashing his crooked grin at me again. I quickly averted my eyes so he wouldn't see that his smile still had that same effect on me.
"Well, I'm glad to get all the awkwardness behind me," I said with a half chuckle. "I guess we should go back to the family room so I can get on with my story."
"It means a lot to us that you would be so willing to share your story."
I shrugged off his words. "Oh it's not a big deal."
He caught my hand between both of his and held it. "It's a very big deal, and it means a lot." His eyes smoldered with intensity.
I pulled my hand away firmly, but slowly, not wanting to hurt his feelings, and gave him a smile that I hoped was genuine. Turning away from him, I made my way quickly into the family room and was not surprised to find everyone already seated, waiting for me. I smiled as I crossed the room to sit in my previous seat.
"Okay," I said somewhat uncomfortably. I wasn't use to being the center of attention. "Where should I begin?"
"Who changed you?" Rosalie questioned with genuine curiosity.
"Oh, well, that's an easy one," I began. "I was changed by the vampire that I fell in love with."
End Notes:
Ok don't go crazy. This is definitely an Edward/Bella story. This is just one of the many twists and turns. Please bear with me and let me know what you think so far. Thank you so much for reading! It means a lot to me.