Fighting the Darkness

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Hey, there! It took me a long time but here's the next chapter. And I owe a huge "thank you" for it to Zivacentric, because without her support, and not to mention endless patience in listening to my constant ramblings, I would surely be nowhere near posting this chapter. So, thank you my friend! You are great!

Chapter 11: The Winner Takes It All

Gibbs quickly made his way down the stairs into the basement. It was quite late and there was only darkness in the whole house. Ziva must be sleeping in their bed, he thought… or in the guest room with little Abby… or Avigail as it had turned out. At least he would consider himself a lucky man if that was so and Ziva hadn't already packed up and left. But somehow he doubted that. Ziva wasn't the running kind. She was a fighter and Gibbs really hoped that she wanted to fight it out.

He quickly downed the bourbon he had just poured into his mug then leant heavily on the counter hanging his head in defeat.

It had been a very long day and what could get screwed up, it surely did. The worst part was that he himself had screwed up. He was such an idiot, an idiot who acted impulsively and without any thought rather than letting his brain work just a little. Then he might have not hurt the most important person in his life.

He sighed heavily while rubbing his tired eyes. What should he do now? He had hurt Ziva in a way he promised he'd never do. He had let her down in the worst way possible. And he didn't even know why. He told her once that whatever was in the past, it belonged there, and if she felt like talking about it, he would be there to listen. He meant every word of it. Of course, the fact that her daughter came back from the dead changed the situation somewhat but, hell, he had made a vow that he would stand by her for better and for worse… and if somebody should ask him, Ziva getting back her daughter definitely didn't belong to the 'worse' category. If anybody, he knew what such an opportunity meant…

And yet he had treated her as a simple agent, worse, he had treated her like an uncooperative suspect…

Suddenly he felt something strange… as if somebody had been in the room with him. He raised his head and tried to concentrate on the presence, which had disturbed his thoughts, but suddenly his attention was diverted. On the wall in front of him where he and Ziva began to put pictures, which held memories for them, he spotted a picture, which hadn't been there before. There was Ziva on it… a pregnant Ziva sitting on a bed with crossed legs. She was smiling gently at whoever was holding the camera but somehow her smile remained sad. She looked breathtaking, though, with her dark curly hair loosely put back in a ponytail wearing a man's button-up shirt. The weigh that she had undoubtedly put on during her pregnancy just made her more attractive if that was a good word to use. There were a couple of other pictures, too, he noticed. On one of them there was a young tall man standing, holding a young petite woman in his arms. He leant closer and he could see that the young woman was Ziva and on that photo she was truly smiling and so was the man next to her. On another picture a teenager Ziva was clinging on the back of a young man pressing her cheek to the man's, laughing. He took that picture from the wall and as he took a closer look at it, anger flared in him when he realized that the young man was Ari Haswari.

"He had not always been that sick bastard you knew, Jethro." He snapped up his head at the soft voice coming from his right and, for the first time, he noticed Ziva. She was sitting on the counter with crossed legs and closed eyes. She looked serene as if their argument earlier that day hadn't even happened. Relief washed over Gibbs. Ziva was ready to talk… and he was ready to listen. "He was a good man. I know that it is hard to believe but he really was."

"Ziva, I…"

"No." She opened her eyes and looked at her husband. "You are right when you condemn the man who killed one of your men… one of your friends. He was a mad man blinded by revenge… and unfortunately I was one of the reasons of his rage against our father and ultimately one of the reasons of Kate's death… I can understand all of your feelings towards him… I felt it, too… but I will never be able to think of him merely as a heartless killer. He was much more than that, Jethro." She reached out and took the picture from his grasp then looked at it with a sad nostalgic smile. "He was so much more. He was my hero… and I was his princess."

"Tell me about him, Ziva." Tentatively, Gibbs stepped closer to his wife and placed his hands on her knees. Ziva's words about her brother made him curious and he wanted to know more about the man Ziva had killed for him. He wanted to know more about her brother.

Ziva slowly raised her head and smiled at the man standing in front of her.

"You know, I loved my father." She laughed out bitterly. "I admired him and there was nothing I would not have done just to earn some good words from him… just to make him look at me with pride in his eyes. And it happened. It really did happen. But I had to earn his affection. But Ari… He loved me even if I behaved as a spoiled child." This time when she laughed out it wasn't bitter. "I remember when Tali was born, I got really jealous of her because suddenly she had all our father's attention. And it remained like that." She added a little disappointed. "She was everything that I was not and she got everything that I did not. She could bewitch anybody with a simple smile. And I was no exception, either."She added with a gentle loving smile, which left no doubt regarding her feelings for her little sister. "I loved my little sister dearly. But at that time I was just a little girl who could feel that she was getting out of the center of attention. That day I stormed up to my room sulking and Ari came after me. I remember him promising me that he will always love me. He was about ten that time, just a child really, but he promised me that he would always make sure that I know just how much he cared for me." She brushed away her now slowly appearing tears angrily. "I just want you to know that I love him no matter what he had done. I just… love him…" Ziva fell silent and Gibbs leant closer to her to place a kiss on her forehead. He stayed like that for a long time, his lips to her forehead, thinking. It was so hard to imagine that murderer like a loving brother but Ziva's clear affection towards him made Gibbs revaluate his opinion about Ari. He would never be able to forgive the man who had killed Kate but he could surely make an effort to see that man in him whom his wife loved so much… yes, he could do that for Ziva.

"You know…" Gibbs spoke up. "…that time when he held Kate hostage in the morgue… Kate had the chance to kill him but she said that she couldn't because she saw something in his eyes… I could never understand what she could possibly see in them… until now…" He pulled away from Ziva who gave him a grateful smile.

"I am sorry, Jethro." She told him in the same manner as she had told him in the interrogation room after Somalia. "I should have told you about my past earlier. I should have talked today when you asked me. But believe me if I tell you that I was not sure about Avigail until I saw Rebecca's picture. I lost her, Jethro. I buried her years ago."

"I'm sorry, too, Ziva." Gibbs offered his own apology. And this time neither of them mentioned his rule about apologizing. "I think I didn't really comprehend what you said at that time. I should have reacted differently. I just hope that you can forgive me for being a jerk."

Ziva reached up to pull Gibbs' face closer to her then she kissed him tenderly.

"I love you, Jethro." She whispered, their forehead touching. "You are a good man… sometimes quite pigheaded but a good man nonetheless."

"I love you, too, Ziver." He smiled then leant in to brush his lips against hers.

For a little while they stayed in each other's arms, just enjoying the other's closeness to which they had got so close to lose that day.

"There are so many things I should tell you." Ziva began after a little while. "I want to tell you about my childhood, about Tali and Ari, about my years in Mossad… and about Avigail's father."

"You have all the time in the world, Ziva." Gibbs gently took back the picture from her then stepped to the wall and pinned it back to its place.

Ziva watched her husband with curious eyes as he observed all of the other pictures on the wall.

"His name is Anwar." She told him when she noticed that his eyes were regarding the young man with a critical look. "He is Avigail's father." It felt strange for her to say those words out aloud but at the same time it felt good to acknowledge it at last to somebody else other than herself.

"Well, he's quite a good looking guy. And young, too…" Gibbs stated with slight jealousy in his voice, which made Ziva smile. Trust Gibbs to feel self-conscious if a younger man comes into the picture.

"He is dead." She told him softly. Gibbs looked at her questioningly and Ziva closed her eyes for several moments, steeling herself for what she had to tell her husband. Slowly she opened her eyes and offered her outstretched hand to Gibbs, who took it and let her pull him back in front of her. When he stood face to face with her again, she grasped both of his hands with hers and held onto them for dear life. She watched their hands for a while then she raised her gaze and looked straight into her husband's icy blue eyes. "I killed him." She stated, her glance never wavering from his. "I was carrying his child… I was in love with him… and I killed him."

Gibbs could see the shame in her eyes but he couldn't offer anything to make her feel better. This declaration took him by surprise and suddenly he didn't know how to react. So he remained silent and watched as Ziva bowed her head.

"I was following orders… my father's orders. He told me that Anwar had betrayed us…" Ziva's voice broke as she lived through that awful day once again. Gibbs just watched on as she was struggling with the words while staring intently on their joined hands. His heart went out for his wife but all he could do was to shift his hands in Ziva's so now he was the one holding his wife's hands in his giving her some strength to continue. Because he knew that she had to continue. She had to get rid of her burdens. "I believed him even though a part of me could never believe the accusation. But I always believed my father. I always wanted to believe him. Always. It was not until before Somalia that I could finally see clearly. It was so late by then."

"And that was what drove you on that suicide mission." Ziva nodded still staring at their hands. Gibbs slowly reached up with one hand and gently lifted up her head to face him.

"What happened, Ziva? What made you want to die?" That question had been nagging him ever since that conversation in the interrogation room. He could never understand her behaviour. He could never understand why she had felt so guilty, why she wished for death so stubbornly. But he never dared to ask her… until now.

"What happened?" Ziva laughed out bitterly. "So many things had happened, Jethro. And I let them all happen. I executed Anwar… I buried my daughter… I killed my brother who most likely had done everything because of me… and finally I lost my father. I had to realize that he had lied to me in my whole life. He manipulated me… he used me…and he threw it all into my face when I was at my lowest. He accused Anwar because he could not bear the thought of his daughter being with some one like him. And he used me to execute his plan. He stole my daughter from me letting me believe that she had died. He wanted to raise her to be the perfect mole for him. Like Ari… He blackmailed me into a relationship with Rivkin promising me to have Avigail back… I almost killed Tony because of this…" Here she stopped as everything came rushing back to her and suddenly she felt as if she were suffocating in the torrent of her memories. Her breathing became erratic. Tears were now streaming down her face and her hands were shaking. Gibbs was afraid of her getting a panic attack so he let go off her hands and quickly cupped her face forcing her to look at him.

"Ziver…" He was looking into her eyes patiently waiting for her to focus.

When she finally did, Gibbs could feel his heart break into million little pieces. Ziva was visibly scared and at that moment he was seriously considering getting on the first plane to Israel and killing that son of a bitch who did that to her.

"Can you ever trust me again?" Gibbs felt the whole world crashing down on him as he heard Ziva's tiny voice. She was afraid of him?

"Oh, Ziver." That was all he could say as he could feel his voice break, and as he pulled his crying wife into his arms, he could feel his own tears, too. He let her cry. He let her cry thirty years worth of pain and despair out of her system. And he cried with her. He cried for that little girl who couldn't have that father she deserved. He cried for that young woman who had to lose her lover and for the mother who had to bury her daughter, for the sister who was forced to kill her brother, the only man who loved her in that cruel world. And he cried for his wife who had to suffer all of this.

When, after a long time, he could feel his wife's breathing even out and after his own tears had dried up, he slowly lifted Ziva up and together they slid down to the floor where he cradled her into his arms like a father cradles his little child.

"You know, in my whole life there was nothing that I wanted more than to be like my father." Ziva's voice, when she spoke up, wasn't above a whisper and Gibbs had to strain his ears to be able to hear her. "And only after becoming him did I realize what a monster he was. In my longing after my father's affection, I have become a monster. And I could not live with that. I could not live with myself after everything I had done. And I will not blame you if you do not want to do it, either."

With that said, she gave herself up to waiting. She had told him what she had to tell and now it was his turn to speak.

"I trust you, Ziva." Gibbs spoke up finally shifting Ziva in his arms so now she was facing him. "I thought I'd already proven it to you when I asked you to marry me. I had already trusted you with my life, you had earned it. And then, when I proposed to you in this basement, I trusted you with my heart, too, just as much as you trusted me with yours. I thought that was enough. But if you want me to tell you this, to put it into words instead of showing it to you then I'll do it. I do trust you. But you have to trust me, too. You have to believe me, Ziva, because without you I can't do it."

For some time Ziva couldn't speak. She was too stunned to do so. Slowly she reached up with one hand and softly put it against Gibbs' cheek. She regarded him as if it would have been the first time that she had seen him. As if under some kind of spell, she slowly ran her hand over his features. She touched his hairline, his brows then she ran a finger down his nose. She took in every inch of his face and when finally her fingers reached his lips, Gibbs took her discovering hand in his and kissed it gently.

"I trust you, Jethro. I always have." Ziva whispered. "I think that I just could not trust myself."

"I'm sorry, Ziver." Gibbs' voice was low, too, as he pressed Ziva's hand to his chest. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. But you have to realize that you'd never got any choice in any of this. Your father is a manipulative SOB. He knows how to use people… he knows how to get what he wants. And that monster you're talking about? Ziva, it died out there in Somalia. You are not that woman anymore who does as Eli David wants her to do. You've already made your choice when you came back to America as a liaison officer. And even before that. During the years you slowly took up your stance against Eli David. And that was the best you could have done, because otherwise you would be surely dead by now. Eli David had failed. You are the one who won, Ziva. All that terrible things that happened made you stronger. You didn't let them break you. You fought and you've become a good person, an excellent woman."

There was a long silence in the basement as Gibbs let Ziva take in everything ha had just said.

"I won." Ziva repeated uncertainly as she tried to grasp that idea.

"That's right." Gibbs nodded smiling lovingly at his wife.

"I won." A little smile appeared on Ziva's face as understanding dawned on her and then her smile became wider and she beamed at her husband proudly. "I won." And this time she was completely convinced about the truth of that statement. "Thank you, Jethro."

"For what?"

"For helping me fight. For helping me became that person you can love and trust."

"Ziva…" He didn't know what to say to that but it seemed that Ziva didn't need any answer because in the next instant she was kissing him. She was kissing him with everything she had… and he offered no less. When they pulled apart, Gibbs gave her a gentle smile.

"So, we have a daughter now?" His eyes were glinting with joy at the prospect of being a father again.

"Yes, my love." Ziva stroked his cheek lovingly. "We have a daughter now." And as she said those words, she felt truly happy. She had been happy before, yes. But now every burden seemed to have fallen down from her shoulders. She was free. She wished that her brother would have lived to see that day. She knew he had worked so hard to make it possible and, in a way, he had made it possible because without him, she wouldn't have come to America in the first place…

As she looked at her husband, a mischievous glint appeared in her eyes and her lips moved into a huge grin.

"What?" Gibbs asked unable to stop a grin of his own.

"You said that I won." Ziva answered while she ran a finger down Gibbs' chest following it with her eyes then she looked up at the man and raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Yes..." Gibbs drew out.

"So, the winner takes it all, yes?" Ziva asked as she moved to straddle her husband, making sure that, in making so, she brushed up against him as much as possible.

"That is very true, darling." Gibbs whispered huskily into Ziva's ear sending pleasant shivers down her spine.

"Then I want everything. Now." Ziva breathed against his lips then closed the distance between them. During their quite heated kiss Ziva's hands moved to unbutton Gibbs' shirt but then the man's moved, too, to stop her. Ziva looked at her husband frustrated at which Gibbs only rolled his eyes.

"You do realize that we have a child in the house?" He asked her and Ziva groaned and buried her head into Gibbs' shoulder. "But we can always lock the door…" Gibbs suggested chuckling at his wife.

Ziva's head snapped up to look at him with a conspiratorial smile.

"It is a good thing then that I put Avigail down in the guest room, yes?" She told Gibbs then, in the next instant, she was out of his lap. "Move your butt, Marine." Ziva threw behind her back as she made her way towards the stairs with swaying hips, and a satisfied grin on her lips because she could literally feel his husband's eyes on her rear part. Gibbs was on his feet with such speed that would have put a horny teenager to shame.

"Impatient much, Ziva?" He whispered into her ear bemused as he reached her by the stairs and encircled her waist from behind.

"Oh, you have no idea." Ziva purred with a smile as she leant into him.

Little did they know that when they finally managed to stumble up the stairs and into their bedroom, they would find a sleeping girl there…

Oh well… the bright side of parenthood…

TBC

Thanks for reading!