Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

Chapter 3: Staying Strong

There was only stunned silence after my revelation; then the yelling started.

"You fell in love with another vampire?" Edward spat, jerking up to his feet in an instant.

"Well…yes."

"I wanted you to move on, to have a normal life and the first thing you do is go out and fall in love with another vampire?"

I felt anger surge through every part of my body. How dare he speak to me this way? I looked around at everyone else's face and saw anger and disappointment that I could not understand. I realized the only way anything productive could come out of this is if I didn't allow my anger to take over. I took a deep, unnecessary breath and wiped my face clean of any emotion.

"Edward, I'm not sure I understand your anger, but I certainly don't appreciate it," I said in a calm, cold voice. "My story is already complete, it's history, no amount of yelling or tantrums will change anything."

"Is that what you think this is…a tantrum?"

"Well, what would you call it?"

"I call it rage! I call it frustration! Do you know how hard it was for me to leave you? I was so close to coming back and begging for your forgiveness." He paused and his eyes burned furiously into mine. "I made the hardest decision of my existence when I left you. The onlything that made it bearable was knowing that I was keeping you safe."

Stunned, I stared at him in silence. Then suddenly I was on my feet, standing only a foot away from him.

"Did I just hear you say it was hard for you to leave me?" I snarled. "You have no idea what I've been through since you left! And you have the nerve to tell me it was hard?"

He winced but continued to glare at me.

"I knew I shouldn't have come here," I said softly. I didn't want to break down in front of the Cullens. I didn't need their pity. I could see it in everyone's eyes as I looked around the room.

I started backing toward the front door slowly, keeping my eyes on everyone. I know I must have looked like a caged animal. Seeing what I intended to do, Emmett stood up at an incredibly slow rate.

"Bella, please don't leave. Let's all just calm down for a second," he pleaded, as if he were talking to a madman with a gun.

"Don't call me that," I whispered. Suddenly I felt the room sway, and I crumpled to the floor.

"Bella!" Edward appeared at my side in a sixteenth of a second.

"Don't touch me," I hissed, as I closed my eyes.

The emotions running through me were too much. I felt my shield tighten around myself as I cut off the concerned murmurs of everyone around me. I didn't want to hear them now. I needed to be alone. I hid from everyone by going deeper into my mind. I knew I was alarming them, but it was just too much.

I watched as my body remained unresponsive from a far corner of my mind. Carlisle had taken me to the couch, and I saw his mouth move, knowing he was saying my name over and over again. Not ready to face them yet, I sighed and turned away in my mind.

The anger I felt was still strong. I was angry at everyone. Mostly, I was upset with myself. Why did I even agree to see the Cullens? I've been keeping the agony at bay these last few years and this would be a major setback. I should never have confirmed any plans with Alice.

You're so weak, my mind screamed at me. The same pathetic Bella they left behind. Did you see the look on their faces? You expect them to understand what you've been through? You think they'll understand what it was like with him?

Even now, locked in my mind safely, I didn't allow his name to form. If I couldn't say his name to myself, how would I ever explain to the Cullens about the vampire who gave his life to save my own?

"Bella?" Carlisle said in a worried, but calm voice. "Can you hear me?"

At this point I could, indeed, hear him. I still wasn't sure how to handle the situation so I decided to be a coward and not respond.

"Jasper, what is she feeling?" Edward asked in a desperate tone.

"I don't know; I can't feel anything from her. It's like she's not here."

Why would Jasper not be able to feel my emotions? Then it hit me - my shield - of course, Jasper wouldn't be able to feel anything from me. I thought back to when I first arrived, and I kept feeling awkward, waiting for Jasper to send a wave of calm. He probably didn't even know I was anxious. I silently cursed myself for being so unaware.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked.

"Well, I'm not sure, but I think she has some kind of shield. Earlier when we were talking she was actually able to manipulate my power…I think. That was the only time I could feel what she was feeling, then after she was done, suddenly all her feelings were gone."

"Can you hear her thoughts Edward?" Carlisle questioned.

"No," Edward snapped. "Don't you think I would have mentioned it before now?"

Carlisle didn't say anything, and Edward instantly apologized for his harsh words. Carlisle remained quiet.

I felt ashamed for causing all this trouble and decided to open my eyes. I found Edward's eyes first. They were filled with instant relief.

"Bella, are you okay? What happened?" he asked frantically.

"I'm fine," I said softly. "I apologize for alarming everyone."

"What happened? Did you faint? Can vampires faint?" His eyes flickered to Carlisle's.

"I didn't faint, Edward. I just needed a minute to…gather my thoughts." I felt a little foolish since everyone was looking down into my eyes with panic. Did they really think something would harm me?

Get up, my mind snapped. Why are you still here? What are you trying to accomplish by cozying up with the Cullens? Pathetic, Bella, absolutely pathetic. Grinning like a fool and telling Edward you want to be his friend. Who are you fooling? Just leave before you suffer anymore. Go back to the quiet, satisfying routine of going to work. Go back to things that are certain.

By this time I was standing next to the couch rather than lying across it. My mind struggled with my dilemma. Should I just leave now and forget about the Cullens? Should I allow them to hear my story? Would they pity me when they realized the tragic outcome of my story? Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if I shared my pain with someone else. If I leave now, will that just be the easy way out? No, I could be strong. So stubborn - this won't end well.

No one said anything as I crossed the room and sat in the chair I was previously in. After a moment of staring at me, everyone slowly made their way back to their seats.

"For goodness sakes, Bella," Alice said with frustration, "will you please tell us what's going on?"

"I'll get there, Alice, but I'm going to start at the beginning this time. I want you all to understand everything. Please try not to interrupt me."

I looked at everyone and watched as they nodded and waited for me to begin.

"When you all left me, I was a complete mess," I began. "I walked around for months, barely speaking and eating. Charlie threatened to send me back to Florida to live with my mom. I realized that he was hurting, too, and it was entirely my fault. From that point, I made an effort to break out of my depression, if not for myself then at least for Charlie.

"My truck broke down one day, and I decided to ask Jacob Black to help me fix it. We quickly became best friends and were practically inseparable. I started spending all of my free time at La Push and gradually started becoming more like my old self."

I paused, remembering what a mess I was the day I came asking for Jake's help with my truck. I also used this quick moment to gauge everyone's expression.

"The more I hung out around Jake, the more I wanted to hang around him. It felt like he was the glue that kept me from falling apart. He started to want more than friendship, and I started to panic. At that time, it was still too soon for me to even begin thinking about starting any kind of romantic relationships. Jacob didn't deserve someone as broken as I was. I saw Jake only as my best friend and would secretly wish that he were my brother so the tension would disappear. That way I could keep him in my life without hurting him."

"One day, Jake started to avoid me. He wouldn't return any of my phone calls, and when I finally did reach him on the phone, he repeatedly told me to stay away from him. Of course, this devastated me, and I felt my depression creeping back upon me. Charlie could sense that I was falling apart again and quickly became worried. I knew I couldn't put him through this pain again. I decided to keep myself busy by getting a part time job. Also, in my spare time I started to read again."

"Read again?" Edward interrupted. "I thought you always loved to read."

"Well…" I started hesitantly, "after you all left, I found it difficult to enjoy activities such as reading or listening to music."

Jasper starting looking immensely uncomfortable and began to shift restlessly in his seat. I looked at him with questions in my eyes, not understanding his sudden tension.

"What's wrong, Jasper?"

"It's nothing," he muttered.

I crossed my arms and glared, knowing he was lying to me. "Um, everyone is just feeling a little intense," he admitted. Everyone continued to look at me with a blank expression and this made me even more frustrated.

"Intense meaning?"

"Guilt," Jasper stated while looking down at the floor.

And cue the pity party for Bella. "It's in the past; there is no point of dwelling on the negative."

"There's plenty to feel guilty about," Alice began before I interrupted.

"Think about Jasper. He's obviously uncomfortable with the emotions in the room," I said using any tactic I could to stop their pity.

Alice looked at Jasper and gave him a small smile. He returned her smile while he rubbed the back of her hand. I smiled when Jasper finally looked relieved.

"So can I continue without everyone overwhelming Jasper?" I asked, only half-joking.

"Of course," Carlisle answered.

"Anyway, at school I started to talk to Angela Webber more often. She shared my passion for reading, and we soon found ourselves discussing and trading books. I started feeling happier, even when I was alone. I still missed Jake, of course, but I found myself strong enough to not let it bother me as much. A few weeks later, Jake showed up and told me that he had a secret." I grimaced in remembrance.

"What is it Jake?" I asked, irritated. I couldn't believe after all these weeks of ignoring me, Jake just crawls through my bedroom window to talk about secrets.

"I can't tell you, Bella," Jacob said, matching my tone.

"Then why are you here?" I snapped. "You told me to leave you alone, and that's exactly what I did."

He winced, and his eyes softened.

"I want to tell you, Bells, I promise, but I can't," he stressed.

"Ugh, Jake, what do you want from me? You want me to know this secret but you won't tell me. Where does that leave us now?"

We just stared at each other in frustration. I was about to ask again when he interrupted.

"The part that kills me is that you already know. I already told you everything!" he said. "Just think about the night at the beach when you asked me about the Cullens and call me when you figure this out."

"Jake, wait, what are you talking about?"

"Just think, Bella, I need you to figure this out," he said before jumping out of my window. I ran to the window thinking he was surely hurt but he was just standing on the grass looking up at me with an expression I couldn't decipher. Then he turned and ran towards the woods.

I sat there in complete shock. How in the world did he do that? Who could land on their feet after that long jump? I walked to my bed and started to think about the night I was told of the cold ones and my mind instantly found the answer. Werewolves.

"You hung out with dogs?" Rosalie's nose wrinkled with distaste.

"Honestly, Bella, only you would find another dangerous creature to hang out with besides vampires," Alice stated.

"Impossible," Edward murmured. "I didn't think the wolves still phased."

"Well, Jake had a theory that the werewolf gene only became active while in continuous exposure to vampires," I explained.

"That's actually a very interesting theory," Carlisle said in a thoughtful voice.

Alice rolled her eyes impatiently. "Can we please get back to the story?"

"Sure, Alice," I chuckled. "Anyway, Jake and I talked soon after that, and he was ecstatic that I still wanted to remain friends even after knowing he was a werewolf. We didn't hang out as much as we did previously because he said he always had pack business to attend to.

"I found that it didn't bother me as much to be away from Jake. He was still my best friend, but I enjoyed hanging out with my other friends as well. Especially Angela, she was so perceptive and honest. It was nice having someone that I could be totally normal around," I said with a chuckle.

"Earth to Angela," Tyler said as he waved his hands in Angela's face. She blushed and looked down at her full tray of food.

"You know, there's a magic trick for getting rid of that," Eric said, gesturing to her pizza. "It's called eating. You know, when you pick up the food, put it in your mouth and chew. It tends to work a lot better if you're not zoning out."

Mike snorted, and Jessica elbowed him in the ribs. "Don't be a jerk," she snapped. The two of them started dating a few weeks ago, and it was obvious to see Jessica that was calling all the shots.

I decided to take some of the attention off of Angela and poked my pizza with a fork. "I really don't blame her for skipping the pizza. It doesn't look appetizing."

"Yeah," Mike agreed eagerly, "how long do you think they've had it? I'd say it's the same pizza we had last month."

Lauren rolled her eyes. "The cheese would rot, moron."

"Not if they froze it and then thawed it back out to serve today," Mike argued.

Eric looked intrigued. "Maybe that's why it tastes this way; it could be freezer-burned."

Tyler took a large bite of pizza. "You know, I've never really understood that. How can something that's in the freezer become burned?"

I rolled my eyes as they started in about the wondrous world of frozen food. As I took a bite of my apple, I allowed my eyes to roam over Angela's face again. Something was obviously troubling her. She had barely touched her food and she looked almost restless or impatient. Also, I think she may have said a total of two words since we sat down at the lunch table.

"Angela?" I asked as the cafeteria was clearing out, "is anything wrong?"

"Hmm?" she said, as I interrupted her thinking. "I'm sorry, what did you say Bella?"

"I said, is everything okay? It seems like your mind is a million miles away."

"Well, I don't really want to tell you - it's kind of silly," she finished while blushing.

"You can tell me anything, Angela, you know that."

She stared at me for a moment, I guess to debate whether or not she would tell me. Then she took a deep breath and had a look of resignation in her eyes.

"Okay, but you have to promise not to laugh."

"I promise."

"Well," she began after a moment of silence, "you know that Ben has been out of town for the last two days?"

I nodded, not really knowing where she was going with this. "Yeah, you said he was in Tennessee to visit a sick family member."

"Yeah, his great aunt has cancer and doesn't have that much time left. He doesn't really know her that well, but he's doing anything he can to console his parents."

I looked at her blankly, still not understanding why she was upset.

She cleared her throat. "Well he calls me when he can or sometimes he sends text messages but…"

"But what?"

"I know this sounds silly, but I don't like being away from him. I'm being ridiculous right? I mean, it's just a few days, but it's like an ache when he's away. I sound like one of those love-struck teens don't I?" she rambled, while blushing furiously. "How can I say this without sounding obsessed? It makes me…anxious to be away from him. You know what I mean?"

I felt tears prick my eyes, but I quickly swiped them away. Of course, I knew how Angela felt. I literally said those same words to Edward before. I winced a little when I thought of his name - it was still somewhat painful. I also understood her embarrassment; it's not always easy admitting how deeply you care about someone. I thought back to the night I confessed my addiction to Edward.

"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too."

"Ah," he groaned quietly. "This is wrong."

I shook my head, snapping out of my memory, and I noticed Angela was looking at me with curious eyes. "Angela, I understand how you feel. When you love someone so completely, it's hard to be away from them even for the shortest amounts of time."

"Oh Bella, I hope I didn't bring up any painful memories for you," she said with a small frown. I merely shook my head and stood up. "Thank you for listening and understanding."

"Anytime, but I don't think the teachers will be pleased with our therapy session," I said with a grin while gesturing to the empty cafeteria.

We both laughed and quickly made our way to class.

I was snapped out of my story by the sound of a foot tapping impatiently on the floor.

"Impatient much?" I asked Emmett.

"When are you going to get to all the good stuff? I mean it's great that you were such good friends with that Angela girl, but come on!" he groaned.

Rosalie elbowed him in the side, and he winced. "She can take as much time as she needs telling this story."

I smiled at her with appreciation before explaining my evasiveness. "Well, the truth is, I really like this part of the story. Everyone is happy and alive," I said softly, choking on the last word.

"Take your time," Esme whispered.

"Thank you." I looked down and tugged a loose thread on my jacket. Was I ready to tell them how my life went downhill? Was I ready to recall losing everyone that was dear to me?

End Notes:

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