Chapter Fifteen
I'll Be Right There
Jake held me in his arms and I rested my head against his chest for a while, neither of us speaking—we needed this moment of reconnecting.
The clouds had begun to roll in and the cab of my truck was getting darker by the minute. I knew we didn't have much longer until he would have to get back to the pack and report to Sam before he was missed.
"Jake, Quil and I have been trying to figure a way around this strangle hold Sam has you and Embry in. He can't keep you away from people who already know about your secret. Quil and I both know and we also know that you and Embry would never hurt either of us. Sam has to ease up on these ancient restrictions."
"Bella, it's not that simple. But you do have a point. One of his main concerns is protecting the secret of the wolves, but you've done a darn good job as detective figuring it all out. I'll have to think about this and make sure we're not missing something."
"Quil and I thought you might go talk with Sam, or maybe I could...."
"No! I don't want you getting mixed up in the middle of all of this," Jake said rather loudly.
"Jake, I'm already mixed up in this because of my feelings for you," I said, smoothing his short, black hair, against his temple.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry you have to go through this," he said, looking into my eyes with the expression of regret and guilt in his.
"Jake, you can't say that. Even if I could go back and was able to change things, the only thing would be that I would have gotten to you and been there for you when you phased. I would have been right by your side so that you knew you weren't alone," I said, taking his face between my hands.
"Bella. I.....I....I love you and nothing will change that. Do you hear me? Nothing."
Jake's facial expression changed and he began to tremble slightly, but I stroked his hair and rubbed his chest and the tension eased.
"I know you do, Jake. We'll find some way, a way for us to be together."
"Sure, sure. I'll try and figure a way to talk to Sam. I've got to go now, Bella. I'll try to call you tonight. Okay?"
"Okay Jake, take care of yourself and get some rest. You look so tired."
"I'm fine. You be careful and remember I love you no matter what," Jake said, as he kissed me with a little more force and emotion than I was expecting and it took my breath away.
I ran my fingers over my lips and felt the heat and tingle he had left behind. I wondered what it meant and why he seemed so intent on letting me know how much he loved me and that his feelings wouldn't change?
He slid me off his lap and cranked the truck. He drove to a clearing in the forest, turned around, and got me heading back in the direction we had come, before putting the truck in park and opening the door. He slid out, but stood in the doorway, just like he used to with his arms propped above his head leaning back into the cab. But this time, the difference was the appearance of his body, how muscular and defined it had become and the fact that he was standing there in just a pair of tattered cut off jean shorts.
I thought to myself that I must be staring at his physic, but frankly I couldn't look away. His body was perfect. His bronze skin had a glow about it as the light from the interior of the cab shown on his chest, stomach, and arms. He was close to me, but not close enough and I wanted to touch him one more time.
Leaning toward him, I let my lips press gently to his. He inhaled and moved a fraction closer to me. I slid one hand up the side of his neck toward his hair and began placing soft kisses down his jaw, to his collar bone, and then into the soft curve of his neck, finally trailing down his shoulder.
He moaned and pulled me against him, before taking my face in his large, firm hands, and finding my lips with his, one last time. Our kiss was full of love and warmth, yet laced with yearning, a yearning stronger than any I've ever known.
When we pulled away from each other, I had to catch my breath. I didn't want him to leave, but I knew a duty was calling him. He moved away from the door, closed it and pressed his hand to the glass, just like old times. But the look in his hollow eyes, was haunting and I didn't want that look to be what I was left remembering during the night. So I smiled at him with the biggest smile I could muster and mouthed an 'I love you.'
His eyes lit up and his lips slightly parted as he too mouthed the words in return then he gave me a smile, not quite as large and bright as the ones I had become accustomed to, but one that would comfort me tonight in my dreams.
I pulled away then and glanced back as he disappeared into the forest. The trees shrouding him in obscurity, but I knew it was his home now. A place that he felt comfortable in and I was thankful for that.
When I got back home, I was surprised that Charlie wasn't home yet. I knew I was much later than I had planned, but he was usually home by now. I ran inside and started rummaging through the refrigerator looking for something to make for dinner when the phone rang.
"Hello. Oh, hi dad. I was just working on dinner. Oh, okay. Well, be careful and hurry home when you can," I said, then I hung up the phone.
He had called to tell me he was working late and he would grab a bite out. He said for me to stay in and lock all the doors because there were some suspicious things going on in the next county. He didn't elaborate so my guess is that he didn't want me to worry, but he wanted me to know to stay in.
With Charlie not coming home for dinner, I decided to just eat a sandwich and went upstairs to do my homework. An hour had passed and I was starting to get sleepy, so I went to the bathroom to get ready for a shower, but the phone rang again, so I ran downstairs to answer it.
"Hello. Hello, is anyone there? Quil? Quil, is that you? What? What happened after I left? Quil, talk to me. No, no. It'll be fine. I'm on my way. You hang on until I get there. Okay? Quil, do you hear me?" but the line went dead.
I grabbed my keys, scribbled a note to Charlie, and left. I knew he would be furious with me for being out like this, especially when he told me to stay in, but Quil was sick, just like the others, and no one was there to help him.
When I got to La Push, I stopped at Jake's house. I was hoping he was there so he would know what to do. I stopped, not killing my truck, jumped out, and ran to the front door. I heard Billy say that it was open and for me to come on in.
"Billy."
"Bella. What are you doing here this time of night?" he asked, looking concerned.
"Billy, is Jake here?"
"No. No, he's not. What's wrong?"
"It's Quil. He's sick, it's happening to him too and he's alone. Is Jake out with Sam and the others?"
"Yes."
"Well, if he comes home or calls, please tell him I'm at Quil's."
"Bella, you can't go over there. It's....it's not safe."
"Billy, I know everything and I'm not going to let him go through this alone. Sam was wrong to try and keep them away from their family and friends when they need someone so desperately," I said, turning to leave.
"Bella. I know it's not safe. You could get hurt or worse."
"No. You're wrong. I have to go, Billy," I said, and left.
I jumped back into my truck and drove to Quil's house. I killed my truck and got out, running as fast as I could to get inside. When I stepped onto the front porch, I could hear him moaning inside. I eased the door open and peeked in, but I couldn't see him anywhere.
"Quil. Quil. It's me Bella. I'm here."
Then I heard him again and it sounded like he was in the bedroom, so I closed the door and walked down the hall. When I opened the door, I saw him lying on his bed, covered in sweat and just wearing a pair of shorts.
"Bell...."
I didn't even think about all the warnings. I just ran to the side of the bed and dropped down on my knees. I ran my hand over his forehead and felt of him. He was burning up. I hadn't noticed his temperature being higher than normal earlier, so I was confused.
"Quil, you were fine when I left. What happened?"
"I started....hurting....when you left.....I was so worried......about you.....and I couldn't......stop.....then I.....felt my arms and legs.....start to ache.....Bella it hurts so.....bad......I'm.....sorry.....I don't want....to abandon you....."
I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth holding it under the faucet and soaking it with cold water. I ran back to his bedroom and began wiping his face, neck, and chest with the rag.
"You've not abandoned me. Don't say silly things like that. We'll get through this together. Okay? Hey, I saw Jake after I left here this afternoon. I nearly ran over him," I said, laughing nervously, but I wanted to get his mind off his pain.
"You.....did?"
"Yeah, he was a lot like his old self. It's going to be okay. I promise," I said, as I continued to wipe his forehead.
He was quiet for a while then he started moaning again, but I just kept talking to him in a soothing tone, whispering reassurance which seemed to keep him calm. This went on for about an hour, then his demeanor changed and he became restless. My guess was that the change was about to take place, so I told him we needed to go outside.
He tried to stand up, but he was weak, so I tried my best to help him along. His arm was draped over my shoulder and I was pulling him as hard as I could to get him out the door. When we were finally outside, I started shoving him toward the trees behind his house, and I felt him began to tremble, so I started trying to pull away from him, to give him room.
That's when I heard a sound behind me, then I heard Jake shout, "Bella, get away from him! Run, Bella, run!"
I jumped at the sound of his voice and his words seemed to make Quil angry. He began to growl deep in his chest and his trembling got worse.
"Quil, it's okay. I'm not afraid. Its okay, just try and relax."
He looked at me and the painful look in his eyes told me he was about to lose himself to the wolf. I couldn't help but start crying, knowing how much this would change him, at least for a while. I knew how it had affected the others and that made me sad.
He reached out and wiped my tears away, then turned and thrust himself toward the forest, just as he seemed to burst from within. The Quil I had known, my friend, was now a huge warm chocolate brown wolf.
He took two steps forward, as if to get his bearings on all fours, then turned back to look at me. My hand was over my mouth, just to keep me from making a sound. I didn't want to frighten him. He tilted his head to the side and seemed to be wanting to say something when he threw his head back and let out the loneliest howl I've ever heard.
I didn't know what was going to happen next, but I wasn't moving. I wanted him to know that I wasn't afraid and that I would be there until he didn't need me anymore. But that's not what Sam wanted. I hadn't realized that he and the others had followed Jake and were now standing behind me.
"Get her out of here and take her home before Charlie comes down here looking for her," Sam said in a deep unpleasant voice, like I had committed some crime or something.
I heard footsteps from behind, walking up on either side of me, then Quil began growling and baring his teeth as he moved closer to me. The others stopped and I dropped to my knees in front of Quil reaching my hand out toward him.
"No, Bella!" Jake, shouted, but Quil turned his snarling toward Jake, so he backed up.
"Quil," Sam said in a very distinctive voice, like he was making himself known.
Quil turned and looked at Sam, then back at me as he lunged at me and fell down in front of me laying his head down in my lap, almost as if he needed me to pet him. I reached out and touched his soft, warm fur and let my hand sink deep down into it until I could touch his skin.
"Shhh, it's okay now, Quil. I told you I wouldn't leave you," I whispered, and bent down toward his muzzle.
He looked up at me with big, sad brown eyes and whimpered, just as he licked my face.
"I cannot believe this," Sam said from behind me.
I smiled at Quil as he licked me again, then he looked at the others behind me and stood back up. I knew he would be okay now and that he had to go learn how to control himself and how to phase back into his human form, but it was sad to watch him as he moved away and began walking into the forest.
Sam, Jared, Paul, and Embry followed, but only Sam looked back at me, before they disappeared into the forest behind Quil.
"Bella," Jake said, coming around in front of me as he slumped down on the ground like he'd been hit in the stomach.
"Jake. What's wrong?"
He reached out and touched me, right where Quil had licked me on the face. His expression was tortured and more conflicted than I had seen it since this whole ordeal began. I didn't understand what was wrong. I had told him that Quil wouldn't hurt me, which he hadn't.
Jake searched my eyes for a long time, before he said anything. "Bella, are you okay?"
"Yes Jake. I'm fine."
"How do you feel, Bella? How did you feel when Quil....when he.....when he looked at you just now? How did you feel when he......licked you?"
"I felt sorry that he was having to go through this, but I was so glad that I was there for him. I promised him he wouldn't be alone," I replied, looking at him feeling confused.
"So, you don't feel strange or different?"
"I didn't want to see him go. I'm worried about him, but....Why? Why do you care, Jake? I would have done the same for you. I wanted to be there for you, Jake," I said, and I felt the tears running down my face.
"Bella, I wanted you with me. I needed you. I wouldn't have hurt you either," he said, his voice choking as he became emotional.
He reached for me and tried to pull me to him, but I got up and stumbled backwards, falling over a limb. I didn't understand why he was acting so strange. Why did he care how I felt when Quil looked at me?
"Bella, please?" he said, getting up and coming over to me.
He reached down and literally scooped me off the ground and into his arms and that's when I realized how much I needed to be there. He wrapped me safe and secure in his arms and pulled me against his bare chest. I began to tremble, I suppose from the stress of all that had happened.
"Jake, I...."
"I love you, Bella. I love you so much. I could have lost you just now. But I didn't. Bella, please tell me how you feel?" he said, sounding desperate.
"Jake, I'm tired and I'm worried."
"Bella, how do you feel about me?" he said, looking down at me cradled against his chest.
I reached up and touched his face, trying to smooth the worry and, what looked like hurt, away.
"I love you, Jake. You know that nothing can change that."
He crushed me to him again, kissing my hair, my forehead, my cheek and whispered thank you over and over again. I knew that he was worried about me when Quil had approached, but this was more than I expected as his reaction to what had happened.
"Come on, Bells. I need to get you back home."
And he started pulling me with him toward the front yard. I was still a little shaken after all that had happened, so I was grateful that he was there. I let him lead me to the truck and climbed in as he slid me over just enough to get in himself. He didn't seem to want to let me go.
"My dad probably won't be back yet," I finally said, trying to break the silence as we drove to Forks.
"Hum?" Jake asked, but I could tell he was thinking of something else.
"He had to work late. He said something about strange things happening in the next county."
Jake immediately turned his attention to me and even looked away from the road for a few seconds.
"What do you mean?"
"He didn't tell me anything else, but that I needed to stay inside and lock all the doors," I said, letting out a long sigh.
I really didn't want to be alone right now, knowing what my dad had said and feeling so drained after the ordeal with Quil and Jake must have sensed my discomfort.
"Don't worry, Bells. I'll stay with you until Charlie gets home."
"You don't have to Jake," I said in rebuttal, even if I did secretly want him to stay.
"Well, I'm staying, so don't worry. Okay?" he said quietly.
After that, I just rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I must have dozed off the remainder of the trip because the next thing I knew Jake was laying my down on the couch in the living room of my house.
"I'm.....I'm sorry, Jake. I must have been more drained than I thought," I said, sitting up and rubbing my eyes.
"It's okay. I've never gotten to watch you sleep before. You're even more beautiful when you're asleep," he said softly, as he sat at my feet on the couch.
He looked at me thoughtfully, brushing stray strands of hair out of my face, then traced the contour of my cheek with his finger. It felt so good to have him touch me. I needed to feel his touch all the time. I had missed it so much.
"So what do we do now? Do you think Quil will be okay?" I asked, as I moved my legs off the couch and placed my feet on the floor.
"He'll be fine. I couldn't believe you stayed with him through it all. He seemed so much more calm than the rest of us were," Jake said, looking at me with regret.
"You shut me out, remember? I would have been there for you too, Jake," I whispered.
"I know. It should have been different," he said, as he began shaking his head from side to side.
"What do you think Sam will do now that he knows I know about everything?"
"I don't know. But I'm sure that I'll be finding out soon. He didn't look too happy."
"Jake, let me talk to him. If he knows how I feel and that I won't betray the pack, maybe he'll lighten up."
"He'll find me when I get back to La Push and we'll see what he has to say," Jake said, rubbing my hand. "Why don't you go get a shower and get cleaned up? I'll hang out here until you get out and if Charlie comes, I'll sneak out your window."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, go get ready for bed," he said, standing up and pulling me to my feet.
He kissed my forehead and I told him to help himself to whatever he wanted in the refrigerator before retreating upstairs and gathering my things for a shower. Once inside the bathroom, I made it a quick one, so I could get back out and spend some more time with Jake.
I hurried down the stairs still drying my hair with a towel, only to find him standing in the kitchen eating a sandwich.
"See, I knew you were probably hungry," I said, coming to stand beside him.
"I was, thanks," he said.
"No word from my dad yet?"
"The phone hasn't rang and I've not heard him pull up yet," Jake said in between bites.
When he had finished, he drank a glass of milk and I took his dishes to the sink to rinse them out. I felt him touching my hair while I worked at the sink and I wondered what he was thinking. He seemed so quiet.
"Jake, what's on your mind?"
"I was just remembering how much I like the way your hair smells. It's even stronger now, fresh out of the shower. I wake up sometimes in the morning with that scent lingering in my mind and I think I can almost smell it. You don't know how much I've missed just being with you."
I reached for a dish towel, dried my hands, and turned to face him, as I leaned against the counter. So he thinks about me, I thought, and it made me feel good knowing that at least I had been with him all this time in his thoughts and memories.
"I'm glad you think about me."
"Do you remember the song that was playing when I put the radio in your truck?" he asked suddenly.
"Some day lady you'll accompany me, where the rivers meet the sounding sea, flying high above me wild and free, someday lady you'll accompany me. Yeah, I remember," I said, feeling myself blush.
I smiled as I remembered the song and how I had thought of it the day we went to the beach and I was looking down at him while he lay in the sand and how I hoped it was a sign that someday we would be together.
"I listen to that song all the time. I bought the cd after that. It makes me think of you—of us and the way things used to be," he said, sounding reminisant.
I leaned forward and lay my head on his chest, just listening to his breathing. His arms were quick to envelope me and we held each other for a long time. It wasn't until I yawned that he leaned back and looked down at me.
"I'm sorry."
"No. It's getting late and you need to get in the bed. You've got school tomorrow. I'll tuck you in," he said, smiling at his little offer.
I couldn't refuse, so he led me upstairs, opened my bedroom door, and he began pulling cover back for me on my bed while I dried my hair, then I climbed in and he tucked the cover around me. He lay down beside me and pulled the book about the Quileutes off of my night stand, opening it and propping it up on his chest to look through.
My eyes were getting heavy and I remember him saying a few things like, 'Quileute warrior,' 'spirit fire,' 'ceremony,' and 'wolf,' before I fell into a deep sleep right there curled up beside him. The next thing I remember was my dad kissing me goodnight and turning off my night light, when he got home.
The next morning, when I woke up to the sound of the alarm, I first thought that I had dreamed everything. It wasn't until I shook my head a few times that I realized that it had all been very real and I would have to spend the rest of the day wondering how Jake was, where he was, and how Quil was.
As I got ready for school, I also wondered if I would hear from anyone or if I should try to go to La Push after this afternoon. And those were the thoughts that occupied my mind the rest of the day. I honestly couldn't tell you much of what happened at school, but I was so glad to see the hands of the clock finally show three o'clock that I almost cried. I was ready to get out of there for the weekend.