A/N: Thanks to everyone reading this bit o' fun! Big thanks to Lulubelle28 for dotting the t's and crossing our eyes. or somethin' like that. Also big ups to the Unicorn Brigade...say the prayer before you begin ladies...;P Without further ado, Miss Shalu and myself present another chappie o' down-home goodness...
Well folks, I went and found that there dictionary and I ain't even gonna begin to say what I think a'that "Sodomized" word.
Anyhoo, it's about time we checked back in to see what them boys are up to. Banjo music and lemonade. I think I might go see if momma has some lemonade in the fridge…
Rosalie bounded through the back door, waving a hand at the group as she headed over to a Jeep parked next to a tree. Alice's eyes followed her, noting in particular the incredibly short denim skirt and the red, stacked-heel platforms she wore. Within seconds, she tore down the driveway, squealing her tires once she hit the asphalt on the road.
The girls exchanged looks as Edward handed a banjo to Jasper, who had finished pouring and serving the lemonade.
"Y'all like music, right?" Jasper slung the strap around his back and began twisting the knobs to tune, picking at various strings simultaneously. Twings and twangs assaulted the girls' ears.
"Sure," Bella answered softly. Alice remained frozen and speechless. And maybe clenching her rear cheeks a little too tightly, each pluck almost making her wince.
"See if y'all know this one," Edward offered, finishing his own ministrations on his instrument. He nodded at Jasper, who smirked and tapped his foot to count off.
Alice leaned in and whispered aside to Bella, "Not likely." Bella rolled her eyes and giggled in response.
The rapid plucking of notes spilled over the air as the girls prepared a polite response. Alice was sipping the lemonade when the tune became familiar. Bella let out a guffaw, as Alice choked on the beverage. It was the theme song to The Beverly Hillbillies.
Jasper and Edward both unleashed brilliant smiles, brimming with mischief, and enough to make girly knees go weak, were they standing. Bella smacked Alice on the back, a bit too hard, perhaps.
"Perfect tune for the banjo, ya know," Edward said, with a snicker.
"I couldn't remember the lick from Deliverance, so we figured this'd be jus' fine." Jasper leaned in toward Alice and whispered, "'Sides, I wouldn't wanna scare 'way such beautiful creatures."
Bella's eyes went wide; it was the first time she remembered her friend Alice blushing so brightly. Alice stuttered to atone for the earlier remark, but the boys looked at each other and quietly decided on another.
"Maybe this is what you were expecting?" Edward started picking out "Foggy Mountain Breakdown," and Jasper followed suit. Alice's red cheeks got brighter. Bella's laughs got louder. She and Edward locked eyes, and he winked. Her laughs slowed, and she beamed a broad smile.
Jasper stopped playing and moved to sit next to Alice on the picnic table. "I'm sorry, Sugar. We're just teasin' ya. Got a request, sweetheart?"
She looked up at him, shyly, feeling seven shades of self-conscious. "I-I don't...I don't know any country songs," she barely squeaked out.
"It don' gotta be country, Miss Alice," he replied. "What's yer favorite song?"
Alice looked around in semi-disbelief. Her expression shifted to a knowing smirk, a challenge clearly forming. She finally managed to answer. "How about 'Back in Black'?"
Jasper's eyebrows rivaled the height of Edward's, but in no time, they began striking the familiar chords of AC/DC. Jasper handled the lead riff. When Alice's face dropped in shock, they dissolved into laughs. "Not the most fun to sing, but a good song. Let's see if you know this one," Edward spoke through his chuckles, and mumbled something to Jasper.
Moments later, their skillful strums tickled out "Hotel Yorba" by the White Stripes. Bella gasped; they were one of her favorite bands. Alice echoed her reaction and looked at her. Their smiles were huge as they both relaxed a bit more. They drank their lemonade and bopped along to whatever tune, new or old, the boys played.
After a number of songs, and the entire pitcher of lemonade, Carlisle emerged. "Ladies, if y'all like, I can take you over to Cooter's garage," he paused upon Alice's giggle at the name "Cooter." "I reckon yer wantin' to see 'bout yer sports car."
Alice yelped at the reference to her car. "Oh! Yeah, I almost forgot."
"She totally forgot," Bella muttered under her breath to Edward, who'd sat down next to her at some point during the impromptu concert.
"We can take 'em," Edward volunteered, his voice breaking on the cackle he swallowed after Bella's comment.
"I need y'all boys to finish up in the barn, like ya promised me," Carlisle instructed. "I'll get the girls to town and pick up the groceries fer supper. Otherwise, Rosie might have my hide."
Them boys've been werkin' harder than a one-legged man in an ass kickin' contest to impress 'em some citygirls. And b'lieve me, folks, it's not goin' unnoticed. Now, I wonder what's happenin' over at Cooter's garage...
Carlisle pulled the truck up to the open bay door. "Nah, I'ma gonna pick up some fixin's for supper, but I'll be back in a few for y'all, awright?"
"Thanks, Mr— I mean, Carlisle," Bella blushed at her slip. Alice was already out of the truck and halfway inside. Bella turned back to him and smiled in apology. "Alice is, um, a bit attached to the car."
Carlisle smiled back and snickered. "S'alright, Miss Bella. I'll be back 'fore you can say pick-a-peck-a-pickled-peppers."
Bella stifled a laugh before closing the truck door and waving. She skipped forward to find Alice when she heard noises. She slowed as she draped her eyes over the Lamborghini and rounded the corner inside the door. Alice appeared from the inner wall, grabbed her by the elbow, and slapped a hand over her mouth. "Listen!" she hissed as quietly as possible, ducking them into a corner.
Bella strained her ears. Alice released her lips from the constraints of her hand and clasped her chin instead, jerking it to face the cracked office door. Breathy moans and grunts overrode each other. Bella snapped her eyes back to Alice, despite the stronghold she still had on her chin.
"God, baby..." A low growl indicated someone was about to, um...yeah.
"Is that...?" Alice began mouthing the question to Bella when a female voice cried out...
"EMMETT!!! Fuck..."
"Rosalie," they whispered to each other in unison, exchanging smug looks. The panting and groaning soon subsided, to be replaced by muttering and awkward curses. They heard some quick scrambling noises before Rosalie emerged through the door, yanking on the hem of her skirt.
Alice and Bella tried to appear casual with epic fail, but Rosalie froze and began stuttering. "I-I...uh, I was just, uh...I haven't...I-I...fuck!" She rushed up to them and gripped their arms with the strength of The Brute Squad.
"OK, LISTEN," she hissed. "You saw nothing, you damn well heard nothing, and you will say not a goddamn thang to nobody or, so help me Baby Jesus, you will be missin' limbs once I'm done with you. Hear me, Princess and the Pea?" The red hot pokers shooting from her eyes would've been enough to scare them if they hadn't been focused on the lack of circulation left in their arms.
"Yep!" squeaked Alice.
Bella, however, shook off the threat surprisingly fast enough to question, "So why are you so adamant about denying Emmett, when you're obviously into him?"
Luckily for Rosalie, and perhaps Bella, too, Emmett chose that moment to exit his office. The shock of seeing Rosalie still there was slight, but he masked it well enough. "Howdy, ladies. I 'spect yer wantin' to know 'bout yer car....That is a mighty fancy automobile."
Rosalie rolled her eyes and stalked off to the Jeep, squealing out within seconds. Emmett cleared his throat and swallowed almost audibly as the girls raised their eyebrows at one another. Soldiering past the unease and unsaid, Emmett briefly explained the issues with the vehicle damage. The transmission was blown, and he'd already spoken with a parts importer in Atlanta, who had ordered the part for him.
"Sorry to say," he continued, wiping his brow, "it's gonna be a good week a'fore it gets here. Could be sooner, but I couldn't garrn-tee."
Now, you can be sure that Miss Alice wun't too charmed by this bit o' news. But as my pappy used t'say, wish in one hand an' shit in th'other to see which'un fills up first…
Cooter dun' did 'is best to promise a good fixin' as fast as he's capable, but the prospect o' bein' stuck in Hazzard for at least a week wun't too thrillin' for these citified girls. Lucky fer them, then, that there might be a distraction waitin' back at the farm...
The ride back was a bit quiet. Alice was stewing over the bad news about her car.
"Alice, I told you you should've learned to drive a stick a little better before this trip—" Bella was immediately cut off by Alice's "look of death."
"Fine. But that's how you drop a transmission."
"I wasn't the only one driving, Bella," Alice spoke through her teeth.
Carlisle hated to see these two friends at each other's throats, so he refused to let this go on any longer. "Ladies, please don't get yer panties in a twist. Now, I am sure sorry you're in such a predicament, but allow me to offer y'all a room at the house while yer in town."
Alice huffed and stared out the window. Bella, growing tired of Alice's tirades, turned to Carlisle and offered her thanks. "I'm sure we'll be fine in a hotel or something."
He didn't mean to, but he bust out laughing. Bella, again, turned three shades of pink. "I'm sorry to laugh, Miss Bella, but there ain't no hotel for miles. Maybe 'bout an hour east. Ol' Miss Stanley's got a bed and breakfast about 20 minutes outside of town, but that's about it. If y'all'd be more comfortable, I'll be happy to take y'out there..."
"No, no...We really appreciate your hospitality, Mr. Cull—I mean, Carlisle. I hate to impose," Bella said.
"Nonsense, young lady, it's a pleasure." He winked as they pulled up at the house once again. Inside, Rosalie was waiting.
"I took yer bags upstairs, gals," she smiled a bit too widely. "Follow me, and I'll show ya yer rooms."
Carlisle stared after her, open-mouthed. The phrase "invasion of the bodysnatchers" might have come to mind.
"Here y'are," Rosalie waved them into a large bedroom overlooking the stream behind the yard. The windows were large and light streamed in, creating a warm glow throughout the room. There was a wrought-iron bed at the far end of the room and a day bed under the windows. "Bathroom's across the hall, if y'all wanna...wash up."
With that, Rosalie left them to their own devices. Alice looked out the door as if E.T. just left. "What the fuck did that mean? Do I smell?"
Bella was stuck to the windowpane, silent, mouth agape. "Uh, I think she's trying to buy our silence."
"Why's that?" Alice snorted. "Bella?"
Stomping over (as loud as tiny little Alice could stomp), she again addressed her friend. "Helloooo? What's your damage, Heather?"
Finally, she followed Bella's gaze down toward the yard. "Oh. My. God. This room is now my favorite place on earth."
The angle of their window provided a great view indeed. Of Jasper. In the outdoor shower stall on the back of the barn.
He stood beneath the stream with his eyes closed, lathering soap along his chest. Alice's mouth dropped when she noticed all of his...artwork. He had a tiny tattoo just over his heart she couldn't quite make out at this distance, but the half-sleeve was evident: a Japanese-style dragon and tiger fighting one another. Her eyes slid over his body stopping at his hip, at the consummate "V" that beckoned her gaze lower, if only it wasn't blocked by the damn stall door. (Apparently, she'd need to be on the roof to get the full view). On his hip were crashing waves reminiscent of Hokusai's The Great Wave.
Bella started giggling, and Alice realized she was sitting across the room on the bed. "What?"
"Why don't you go see if he needs help washing his back?" Bella snickered. "Or his front."
Alice looked back down and thought it wasn't a bad idea. Then, as if he could feel her stare, he looked up and locked eyes. And winked.
Boy, oh boy, I think Miss Alice done got an eyeful. O'course, if I were a bettin' man (and I am), I'd be abettin' she wanted to see a bit more o'them waves…
I'm also bettin' that them boys got a plan cooked up fer after dinner. I wonder if it has anything to do with a certain local waterin' hole?