A/N: Whoa! Sorry it's been so long, y'all! We've both got other stories, and I guess time just got away from us. Thanks to criosa for luvin' up the betafication. Cheers to all our UUbitches who keep us going. Hope y'all enjoy! Yeeehaww!

Momma, keep yer durn eyes covered! No, I mean it…

Okay, so Miss Alice got herself an eye-full there didn't she?

Do y'all wonder where Edward done gone and went?

I'ma wonderin' what Rosalie is fixin' fer dinner…

Bella watched Alice turn fifteen shades of tomato before she decided to take a shower herself. First grabbing some clothes, she stepped out of the room, leaving Alice staring open-mouthed out the window.

She stepped across the hall to the room Rosalie had pointed out earlier as the bathroom. Just as she grabbed at the doorhandle, it swung inward to reveal a freshly showered Edward in the doorway. He wore nothing but a pair of low slung, faded Levi's with a button fly. Oh yeah, she done looked. Beads of moisture still clung to his skin like early morning dew on the grass.

Her mouth was working like a fish outta water. Open. Close. Open. Close. She knew it was her turn to put tomatoes to shame with her pretty blush.

"Well, Sugar, are you gonna take a shower or stand there? 'Cuz I'm pretty sure that I could figure sumthin' better to do, if you're of a mind to." A crooked little grin graced Edward's face as Bella finally caught her breath.

"Would this sumthin' you had in mind require me needing a shower afterwards? Because I think it could be skipped." Her eyes revealed her slip as a shocked expression crossed her face like she'd stepped outta the fryin' pan and into the fire.

Edward's head fell back as he huffed pitifully. "Lordy, woman. Yer gonna be the death of me if you keep talkin' like that. I suggest you take a shower now." Bella noticed his eyes had taken on quite the mischievous look. She quickly stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. Then she noticed there wasn't a lock or even a hook to make sure the door would stay shut.

"Don't worry, Miss Bella, I'm a complete gentleman." His slow drawl came through the door quickly followed by his chuckle and footsteps retreating down the hall.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Rosie, this dinner looks good enough to eat!" Jasper grabbed his cousin up in a tight hug before settin' her back on her feet.

"Well, I damn sure hope so...gol'durn eejit." But her grin gave away her harsh tone.

The table was burdened with all sorts of southern fried goodness and several foods the girls didn't recognize. Fried chicken, fried pork chops, fried potatoes, a bowl of what looked like wallpaper paste with chunks of dough floating in it, some green bean casserole thing with crunchy looking things on top, mac 'n' cheese, biscuits, cornbread, and a salad (just for something not so heavy). The salad stuck out like a sore thumb amidst all the artery-hardening platters.

"Chicken an' dumplin's! My favorite!" Edward sounded like a man who'd just found a sweet spot in a trout stream. He all but threw himself into his chair.

"Boys, we got guests! You best make sure they git served first." Carlisle sat down and gave a butt-blistering glare at the boys.

"Yessir," fell reverently from both of their mouths.

The girls took seats next to their favorite boys, and Rosie sat at the foot of the table. "Would you say the blessin', Jasper?" She asked him with a smirk.

"Um, sure." He squirmed a bit in his seat and then quickly spit out, "Good Food. Good Meat. Good God, let's eat!"

Everyone at the table erupted in laughter, except Carlisle. He looked like he was about to ask Jasper to go out back and get a switch off the hickory tree. Instead, he mumbled somethin' about dressing up a pig.

Rosalie rapped Jasper on back of the head for the second and, odds are, not the last time of the day.

There was little conversation at the table. Food was piled high and rendered down to scraps at least twice. The girls figured out that the "wallpaper paste" was actually very tasty chicken 'n' dumplings. Alice had thirds of that. The salad was the only thing that was left untouched.

"Boys, y'all need to clean this up. I have to go get ready for work, and I'm takin' the girls upstairs with me." Rosie stood and waved her hand at the stupefied girls. "C'mon! We gotta get ready."

She led them upstairs to her room at the end of the hall and opened the door. They stepped into an immaculate boudoir, done up in shades of blue. She sat on the bed and gave them a meaningful look. "I don't know what y'all saw or heard today, but I'd appreciate if you kept it under yer hats. Things ain't always black an' white."

Bella nodded, and Alice copied her. "Rosie, it's none of our business, truly. But I don't understand what the big deal is," Alice offered, taking a seat at a vanity covered in multitudes of girliness.

"It's just complicated, is all." A somewhat vulnerable look crossed her features, but it was too fast to be sure.

"It's okay, Rosalie. Our traps are shut." Bella gave her a sympathetic look.

"Thanks. I really do appreciate it." Her serious tone disappeared as she shifted gears. "So, the boys are bringin' y'all down to the Boar's Nest. Do yuns have anything to wear?"

"That depends. What is a 'Boar's Nest' and what happens there?" Alice asked, her eyes appraising Rosalie's shoe collection like it was a double-dip chocolate-chocolate chip ice cream cone. Or Jasper in the shower.

Just in case, y'all ain't never been there, The Boar's Nest is the local hot spot. Beer, pool, a little dancin' and the occasional poker game. Well, the poker game is only if Roscoe is otherwise preoccupied. Cain't have the law breakin' up a game where yer trailer is on the line. Yer wife wouldn't really enjoy givin' up her dream home to BobbyRay. Don't ask me how I know that.

"What'd'ya mean the doors don't open? What the hell kind of car has doors that don't open?" Alice was quickly regretting her choice of attire for the evening. Bella was quickly catching on and jumped into Edward's waiting arms, who hoisted her into the open window of the orange charger.

"Give me two minutes." Alice turned and ran back into the house.

"Oh, shit. You two might as well get comfy. Her two minutes is more like ten." Bella was leaning over the front seat watching Alice's retreating figure.

Twenty minutes later, and still no sign of Alice. "A'right, this has gone on long enough." Jasper's face was contorted into a scowl, and he looked like he was gonna bust a blood vessel soon.

Just as he turned to stomp into the house, the screen door opened, and she stepped out. Jasper's mood did an instant one-eighty. His grin grew wider than the blue sky.

Noticing her effect, Alice bounced down the front steps in a pair of super-low rise, skin tight dark jeans, coupled with a shirt from Rosalie's closet. It was a pink button-down blouse tied into a knot just below her bosom, showing off a fair amount of her sleek stomach. She finished off the ensemble with a well-worn pair of cowboy boots that Rosalie had pressed upon her earlier, though she had refused to wear them at the time.

Jasper looked like a lost ball in the high weeds.

"Okay, I'm ready now." Alice declared as she approached the driver's side of the car.

"Holy Moses and the saints." Bella and Edward snickered at Jasper's comment, but Alice apparently didn't hear him.

Jasper paused a beat before leaning down to pick Alice up and gingerly deposit her through the window. She slid down into the backseat next to Bella and smiled triumphantly.

The ride to the Boar's Nest flew by, as Jasper wasn't one to obey speed limits. The country roads jarred the car, and the trees and scenery flashed by in spurts of green and brown. When they pulled up in front of the building, Edward and Jasper hopped out and grabbed the girls as they climbed over the front seat and out the windows.

"Are y'all ready fer some fun?" Edward's crooked smirk made Bella grin.

"Do they have pool tables? I love to play pool. I'm not all that great at it though." Alice stifled a giggle at Bella's question, who gave Alice a "shut up" leer in return.

"Sure, Sugar. We can play some pool." Edward's arm casually draped over Bella's shoulders as they went in the front door.

The slightly smoky atmosphere welcomed them in, and they headed straight to the old, beat up bar. It had scars and gouges but was polished to a healthy shine. Rosalie stood next to it with a tray in hand, a cocky smirk tipping her lips.

"It's about time y'all got here."

"Sorry, Rosie. I had a wardrobe malfunction." Alice looked a bit abashed. Rosie took in her attire and smiled.

"Well, you look just right to me." Alice lit up like a firefly and bounced on her toes.

"Thanks."

"Darlin', what would you like to drink?" Jasper was gazing down at Alice with a fierce light in his eyes and a possessive hand on her hip.

"Um, I guess a beer? Bella, what are you going to have?"

Bella and Edward seemed to be lost in a little world of their own. Edward's head snapped sideways at her like she just spoke in Swahili. "Hm? Oh! I'll have a shot of Jack, please. What? I like whiskey," he responded to Bella's arched eyebrow, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"Make that two shots, Rosie." Bella matched his grin.

They made their way over to the pool tables, where several rounds of shots and beer later, the boys recognized that they'd had their asses handed to them by the pretty lil' pool sharks.

"Yer not all that great at it, huh?" Bella giggled at Edward's comment.

"Nope. I'm excellent at it! My dad taught me to play when I was six."

"Yeah, and she taught me to play in high school." Alice was well in her cups, though Bella wasn't looking near as fazed, though she'd been shooting Jack like it was water.

"I guess y'all deserve a reward." One would think that Jasper conceded defeat by his words, but for the wicked gleam in his eye. Edward caught the look, and as though he read his mind, he nodded.

"Ladies, would you accompany us to the bar, please?" Edward held out his arm for Bella to take, which she did, still giggling.

Jasper turned and lifted Alice by the waist, placing her on a bar stool. Bella stood next to her, looking quite curious.

"Rosie, can I get tequila shots?" Jasper said, a lightning-fast wink at Edward, who wiggled his eyebrows at Bella.

"What about us?" Alice squeaked. "I thought this was our reward."

"Oh trust me,darlin'...it is." Jasper picked the first shot off the bar. "Please forgive my reach, Miss Alice..." His voice trailed off as he leaned in awfully close to her neck, so much so she felt goosebumps where his breath caressed her.

He handed the shot to Edward and nodded. "Miss Bella," Edward began, a knowing smirk on his face, "would you mind hoppin' up 'ere on the bar?"

Rosalie was conveniently wiping it down at that very moment in prep, a matching smirk on her face. Bella's face was pricelessly alarmed. "Aww, c'mon, Sugar. I ain't gon' bite...'less ya want me to." His wink sent a hot streak all the way downtown. She breathed in deeply and complied. Staring in her eyes, he lightly pushed the shot glass into the slight space in her cleavage. She jumped a little, but her gasp told him she wasn't offended.

"Fuck me, body shots," Alice sighed wistfully. Bella's eyes went wide.

"Y'all right, Miss Bella?" Edward had not moved, still locked in her gaze.

"Uh..uh-huh..." Words failing, she nodded.

"Stay with me," he whispered. "I need ya to hold this, Sugar." He placed a lemon wedge between her teeth before leaning in to slide his tongue from her collarbone to her chin. He doused the moist trail with salt, quickly returning to the scene of the crime and removing the salt just how you'd expect.

Alice watched as Bella's eyes rolled back and closed as Edward's nose slowly trailed down until his lips circled the shot glass and lifted it from "the girls'" grasp and knocked the shot back. The glass dropped directly into his palm. He moved swiftly in and closed his lips over the lemon in Bella's mouth. His jaws flexed twice taking juice, before he leaned away with the wedge sticking out from his shit-eating grin. Bella was beaming and breathing quite hard.

"MY TURN!" Alice sat up rigidly from her perch, her eyes wide with excitement and fixed on Jasper. He met her eyes and swept his lips with his tongue.

"You mind layin' down there, sweetheart?" He tapped his fingers on the wood. Before he could ask twice, she was horizontal, her knees bent. Jasper snickered. Bella was hardly paying attention, her own tongue tasting lemon, tequila, and Edward on her lips.

Alice snatched the other lemon wedge and put it in her mouth in anticipation. "Played this game before, Miss Alice?" Jasper winked. Alice hoped she didn't leak her arousal onto the bar. She shook her head. "Catch on fast, then..."

He licked a wet trail from her bellybutton to just underneath the knot of her top. A little more than necessary for the salt, but...he liked extra salt. The salt ready, he grabbed the bottle and filled her navel with its nectar.

Slow lick. Lazy laps around the small pool at her midriff. Finally his lips met hers as he claimed his lemon. As he pulled away, Alice sat up with him, not willing to disconnect right away.

Now folks, I don't know about yer local bars, but in a small town, new faces tend to draw a lot of attention. 'Specially when they look like them girls do. Not to mention what just happened. I think the boys could be in fer some interestin' times after that.

Bella had dragged Alice over to the jukebox, where they were soon deep in conversation. Rosie sauntered over to them as Edward and Jasper looked on.

"Jas, son, I don't know 'bout you, but I don't think I'ma be happy when that car gets fixed." Edward tilted his beer back as Jasper gave him a conspiratorial look.

"Well, maybe it don't get fixed fer a while." Edward looked at Jasper, who kicked up his eyebrows.

"Man, I love the way yer mind works."

Jasper's grin turned sour when he looked toward the front door. "Sheeit."

Edward's head followed the direction of his black look and took in the sight walking in. Tyler Crowley, Eric Yorkie, and Ben Cheney, the second to last three people in the county they'd ever hope to see.

The newcomers strolled up to the bar smackin' a few shoulders as they moved through the regulars. They were the county golden boys who treated anyone and everyone like they were lower than a snake in the grass. Oh, the irony.

"Well, well, well. Lookee here, fellas. If it ain't the Cullen boys." Tyler was speakin' to his buddies, but it was loud enough for most of the bar to hear. He spat the word Cullen out of his mouth as if it tasted of dead skunk. "I didn't think y'all was welcome here anymore."

"We're welcome here just fine, Crowley," Edward snapped back at him.

"Edward, do you smell the southbound end of a northbound mule?" Jasper was wrinklin' his nose.

Just as Tyler was about to make another remark, the crowd around them broke out into cheers and woo-hoos. All eyes turned towards the far end of the bar where the girls, including Rosalie, had jumped up onto the scarred surface. The opening strains of "Devil Went Down to Georgia" cried out from the juke box.

Edward and Jasper were stunned into silence. Maybe every other male in the bar, as well.

The girls broke into a wild dance, completely choreographed. Any woman in the bar knew it was from that movie Coyote Ugly. Rosie once watched it non-stop for three weeks, much to the boys' chagrin. Alice and Bella were obviously fans, too. Together, they were giving the crowd one hell of a show.

Bouncing. Stomping. Hootin'. Hollerin'. It looked like they had performed this a million times together.

"Hell, that car's gonna have permanent damage if I have anything to say about it." Jasper mumbled in delayed acknowledgement of Edward's earlier confession.

The song was coming to the end, and the girls were hamming it up more than ever. Their faces were flushed, and the joy and glee there was enough to power a small town. They stomped on the final notes, and the bar erupted in applause and cheers.

Jasper and Edward started in that direction when they noticed that The Unpleasant Three were already there. Tyler was helping Bella down, his hands coming dangerously close to her ass. Edward barely suppressed a growl at that, and a bit roughly, yanked Bella by the arm so that she stood behind him. Had she not sensed the growing tension, she may have unconsciously wrapped her arms around his torso and inhaled his scent.

Jasper stepped in front of Ben before he had the chance to touch Alice's outstretched hand. Confusion creased her brow as she remained standing on the bar.

Rosalie hopped down of her own accord and slapped Eric's face on her way around the bar (just for good measure).

"I'd introduce you to our guests, Cheney, but, well, I wouldn't want to be rude," Jasper snarled.

Ben took the bait. "How's that, Cullen?"

"I don't introduce my friends to assholes."

"Aw, hell," Rosalie muttered and headed behind the bar as the ruckus predictably broke out. Ben threw the first punch, missing the fast-moving Jasper, who countered with a fist to the gut. Tyler quickly followed suit shoving Edward, who stumbled into Bella, sending her flying backward through a row of stools.

"Bella!" Alice screamed from atop her perch, looking around for something to throw. Rosalie handed her a mostly-empty 'shine bottle. Alice looked back as if to say, "Seriously?"

When Rosalie nodded most seriously, Alice reared back and connected the bottle with Tyler's head. Extremely pleased with herself, she hopped up and down and clapped.

The entire bar had erupted in fights for no reason (as they always do, right?). Alice climbed down and hauled Bella out of the huddle she'd fallen in. Rosalie came out from behind the bar again and grabbed the girls by their arms.

"Y'all head out the back door," she ordered, picking up the phone. "Hop in m' Jeep. I'll be right out."

"What about—" Alice began to ask, her eyes following Jasper and the flailing punches Ben was currently trying to land. Jasper ducked and mule-kicked him, sending him careening through a line of tables. His megawatt grin told her he must've been enjoying himself.

"Yeah," Rosalie grumbled indignantly. "G'on. They's comin'."

Bella's troubled eyes stuck to Edward and his current lock with Eric as Alice dragged her by the hand through the melee. Moments later, they were in the Jeep, staring at each other. A minute later, Rosalie came out and was in the driver's seat with an effortless jump.

"Deputy Dipshit and his bumbling band of buffoons are sure to be 'ere any second. Them boys best git their asses out," she commented, laughing while she tore out of the parking lot like a bat outta hell.

That's it, Edward! Hit 'em in the keisters...Jasper, watch out behind—er, uh...AHEM. 'Scuse me, folks. I was, uh, just helpin' the boys outta that predicament they found 'emselves in. Is that a siren I hear in the distance? Oh, hell naw! The law's a-comin', fellas! Run for the hills! I'll take care of the still, you get the 'shine and take off...