Hey there folks! Y'all been sittin there, waitin' all patient-like, an the last time we seen our lil' group they was squealin' and a-kissin', an' poor Jasper was tryin' to figure out how he done ended up on th'ground with 80 pounds of hot woman on top of him. (Not that he was complainin', mind ya.) An' I s'pose I ain't got much else to say 'cept… YEEEEEEHAWWWW!
"ROAD TRIP? Did y'all just say road trip? There are two rules to starting a road trip. Rule 1: Invite me. Rule 2: Follow rule one. There's no way in hell y'all are road trippin' without me. And Rosie. She'll kick yer asses from here to next year if'n you don't at least ask her to go. You want that shitstorm hangin' o'er yer heads when y'all come home? I wouldn't." Emmett's voice resounded off the trees around them, making a few birds squawk in irritation.
Jasper peeked over Alice's shoulder at Edward as if to say, "Well, he's got a point. What'dya think?" Edward shrugged at Jasper's silent inquiry and they both smiled.
"Awright, Em. You git yerself over to the farm, tell Rosalie the deal, and see what she says. If she wants to go, then fine. If not, y'all need to bring us the General Lee, clothes, and whatever the girls want you to bring. Tell Uncle C we're goin' on a lil' trip an' not to worry. In the meantime, I'mma take Miss Bella here for a walk." A devilish grin graced Edward's face as Bella blushed in response. He hooked his arm in hers and led her towards the slim mouth of an overgrown walking path. In moments, they'd disappeared between the trees.
"Sweet Jumpin' Jehosaphat! I ain't never been to N'awlins! Did I ever tell you gals I am happier than a pig in slop that yer fancy car done broke down in my town?" Emmett's enthusiasm bounced him over to Alice, who was still perched atop Jasper on the ground. He scooped her up in a bear hug as he twirled her like a top. She let out a high-pitched peal of laughter as they spun, eliciting chuckles from Jasper, who remained on his back, tucking his arms behind his head like a pillow.
After Edward and Bella returned, a flushed pink coloring their cheeks (and maybe a couple of leaves stuck in Bella's hair), they ignored Jasper's teasing, though Bella pinched Alice's arm to stem her commentary. "Now, I'm gonna bruise!" she huffed.
Within three hours, the cabin was all packed up, and the girls were dressed in comfy traveling clothes (which translated to jeans and a tee for Bella, a dress and heels for Alice). They were just waiting for word from Emmett as to where to meet them.
The CB finally crackled to life. "This here's Shepherd to Lost Sheep, Shepherd to Lost Sheep. Come in, Lost Sheep."
Jasper jumped up and into Rosalie's jeep, grabbing the handset. "This is Lost Sheep, over."
"I hear tell y'all are wanderin' to the far pasture. Bo Peep and her sheepdog said to meet 'em at the Old Mill Bridge. Over." Uncle C's chuckle could be heard over the static.
"You done heard right, there, Shepherd. The south pasture is lookin' pretty green, an' we got some time to wile away. Over." The girls were having giggle fits over the covert talk. Jasper sent them a sly wink when he overheard their amusement.
"Awright, then. You sheep take care of those pretty little lambs; they are too sweet to let wander off on their own. Watch out for the wolves—they are still on the prowl. Over."
Bella looked at Edward and batted her big brown eyes before she opened her mouth and said, "Baa-baa-baaaaa."
Edward's eyes crinkled up and tears began to leak from Alice's as they laughed for all they were worth.
"That's a 10-4, Shepherd." Jasper had a hard time forming coherent words as he watched the other three fall to pieces in laughter. "We'll keep one eye open and our ears to the ground. We'll be in touch soon. Over."
After double checking the cabin was closed up and the fire completely out, they piled into the jeep and took off, making their way back out to the main road. The trip to Old Mill Bridge took about fifteen minutes, passing through some of the prettiest countryside Bella had ever seen. Everything was lush and green, and the smell was wonderful. It all smelled so clean. When they got to the bridge, Em and Rose were already there waiting.
"It took y'all long enough," Rosalie sniped as she stood next to the bright orange Dodge that the boys prided themselves on. She had two bags by her feet and Emmett leaned next to her with one by his. "Okay, first we're switching cars. Second, if we get separated we'll meet up at the Peachtree Hotel in downtown Atlanta. Got it?" As usual, she was all business; no one dared refute her little speech.
The boys grabbed the few bags from the jeep and popped the trunk on the car, stopping short when they saw the mountain of bags in the trunk.
Now, I don't know 'bout you folks out there, but I have seen the inside of that trunk, and I know that you could put three to five dead bodies in there and still have room leftover fer yer shovel…So when them boys saw how much was crammed into it, they done froze like molasses in the dead o' winter. It was packed tighter than Boss Hogg's sister's girdle after a Sunday fried chicken dinner buffet.
"What in blue blazes is all this stuff?" Edward remarked after Jasper let out a low whistle.
Alice's head popped around the trunk lid and smiled. "Silly man! That's my stuff! I told Rosalie to bring everything! I mean, I didn't know what I'd need, and I just know that if I left something behind, it would be the one thing I would need and…" Bella clapped a hand over the chatterbox's mouth.
"Well, a few things are mine, too. Those black bags, there." She pointed to one side of the overstuffed gargantuan space. There were four of them, none of them bigger than a small suitcase.
"I'm not sayin' a word, Jas. Not one dang word. But I will ask if any of our things got put in there." Edward glanced to Rosalie.
She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, you got a bag each and one small one for bathroom stuff. Just don't try to find it right now." Emmett snorted as Bella winked at Edward.
"Okay, I s'pose we should get this show on the—" Jasper's sentence was cut short when the harsh caterwauling of a police siren blared from the distance. It was just coming over the rise in the road and headed straight for them. "SHIT! Now'd be the time t'get yer asses in the car, ladies! GO!"
Edward shoved the bags in the trunk and slammed the lid thanking Detroit for the steel it was constructed from. Jasper hastily put Alice through the passenger side window, and Bella was already seated behind the driver's seat. Edward bounded around the front, sliding over the hood just like you see in the movies. Two seconds later both he and Jasper poured themselves through the window like their asses had been greased up. Alice and Bella shared a knowing smirk and a "fanning myself" gesture.
Rose and Em were already in the Jeep shooting across the bridge when the General's engine roared to life. Edward gunned the gas showering the fast-approaching cop car with gravel and dirt.
"This is Bo Peep to Lost Sheep, over!" Rose's voice blared over the CB.
Jasper snatched up the CB and didn't even bother with the formalities. "What's the plan, Cuz?"
The countryside was zipping by at speeds certainly deemed unsafe for highways let alone country gravel roads.
Rosalie's answer was immediate. "Ask Fire-Britches over there, he's the drivin' genius!"
Bella raised her eyebrows at Alice and mouthed "Fire-Britches?" Alice just looked perplexed.
Jasper turned to look out the back window. "Shit on a stick! Now there's two!" The girls simultaneously whipped around to confirm Jasper's revelation.
Edward just chuckled. "Well, I reckon it's time to split up! Ask Rosie if she wants the high road or the low road!"
Jasper relayed the question, and Rose picked the low road.
Edward nodded and immediately barked. "Awright, tell her to take the fork toward the Stanley farm and then cut through their last cornfield. It'll bring her back out onto the blacktop by the Cheney place, then she can take it to the highway for Atlanta. She should lose them in the cornfield."
Jasper repeated the directions, Rose responding that she'd keep in touch.
"So we're takin the high road, huh?" Jasper's grin was wider than a jack-o-lantern's. They were flying down the road even faster now, Alice glared at Bella and mouthed "seventy-five." Bella just giggled; her dad would burst a blood vessel—or ten—if he knew.
"Oh, yeah. I was thinkin' we'd hop on over to the ol' fishin bridge, get in a few sights for the girls before we leave the county." He wiggled his eyebrows at Jasper. "Hang on, ladies…left turn comin' up!"
Bella suddenly found herself slung hard into Alice, squashing her against the side as Edward took a direct left onto a tiny road that she didn't know how he could've seen. Edward had slammed the brakes and twisted the wheel, the General smoothly sliding sideways before the tires spun and kicked up some rocks as they took off again down the narrow lane. Jasper held fast to the window frame and let loose one hell of a holler, gleeful as ever. One cop car went immediately zooming past them, the other fishtailing, blowing up a dust storm as it tried to catch the same turn that Edward had taken like a pro.
"Ow, Bella! He said hang on, for chrissakes!"
"Sorry, Ali, I didn't know we were gonna be in a Nascar race today!" Her sarcastic apology earned a glare from Alice, who rubbed her elbow and pouted. Once again Bella noticed how the swirl of green and brown flew past them and that she'd never felt more exhilarated; this was almost as good as the other night by the fire, almost.
Jasper's voice broke through her slight daydream, "Y'all doin' alright back there? We got a right turn comin' up, right about…now!" The ass end of the 01 swerved around another unseen corner and this time Alice's tiny, bony body slung into Bella. When they had slightly recovered, they twisted around to watch the cop car tailing them, enjoying the reckless ride much more than Newton and crew were.
Smirking, Bella grabbed the sides of the driver's seat and leaned forward. "Edward? How are we supposed to see anything at these speeds, not that this isn't fun as Hell, but it's not really conducive to sightseeing."
"Well up here on the right, that sparkly silver blur of water? That's where we used to fish," Edward teased back, throwing a smirk over his shoulder. "And in a second, you'll see a big ol' tree brustling past us... there goes. Yeah, that 'un was where I caught Jasper kissin' on Maria Estes."
Despite the danger of distracting a driver at this point, Jasper was not deterred from punching Edward's arm. As if he could feel the heat of her jealousy, he turned to a glowering Alice, who ignored him by looking out the window. "Darlin'," he cooed, his voice sweet and smooth like honey. "I was nine."
She didn't respond, so he decided to repay the favor to Edward. "On the flipside, back that-a-way 'bout two hunnerd yards is a treehouse, damn near fallin' apart. Edward lost his virginity in there."
"As much as I'd like to beat you senseless right now, cousin o' mine, I'mma concentrate on evadin' the Newton crew like the gol'durn pro I am," Edward said through his teeth, managing another sharp turn and mindboggling driving maneuver with the slightest of effort.
Bella leaned forward, speaking low in his ear, "S'Okay, Edward. After last night, I knew there was no way you were a virgin."
Jasper had to grab the wheel before they went headlong into a tree. "Hell'sa matter with you, boy?"
Edward cleared his throat. "Uh, distraction. Sorry."
Bella smiled triumphantly, catching Edward's eyes in the rearview mirror. He winked and much to her chagrin, she blushed again, her mind yet again returning to thoughts of his skin against hers, cast aglow in firelight.
"Old Pussy-boy is down right persistent, ain't he?" Edward remarked glancing quickly over his shoulder through the back window.
"Shore is, jus' like that crotch itch that Lauren Mallory had that she swore was poison ivy—all four years of high school!" The remark sent both of the boys into hysterics, but had Alice boiling over like a full teakettle.
"Tell me that 'itch' never got ANYWHERE near you, Jasper Cullen. Right now!" The shriek was borderline earsplitting and quickly escalating in octaves.
"Oh, sweet baby Jesus, Darlin'! Hell naw! Neither of us could bear to sit in any chair she'd plop her trailer-trash ass into. I'd bet my best huntin' bow that whatever she 'ad could eat through steel—fergit denim." He shuddered with revulsion before Alice squealed, leaned forward to plant a sloppy wet kiss on his lips. He caught her face with his hands and prolonged it, earning a moan that he swallowed.
Bella watched Edward roll his eyes and chuckle. She didn't bother asking him after Jasper's declaration.
She turned back around to watch Sheriff Newton gain on them a bit, and suddenly she couldn't resist messing with him just a bit more. Turning to Alice, she nodded her head in the cop's direction and cocked an eyebrow. Alice had seen that look before. She knew what Bella had in mind and grinned conspiratorially back at her.
"Edward? Are there any turns coming up soon?" His eyes met hers in the rearview again. He shook his head. "No, Sugar. Why do you ask?"
"Let him get a bit closer then and watch his face."
Edward slowed the car just a tiny bit and then felt his jaw drop like it weighed a ton as Alice and Bella both blew a kiss to the man in the car behind them before twisting, dropping trou, and shining two of the prettiest moons Pussy-boy would probably ever see in his life!
Jasper tried to laugh, but ended up choking on his own spit. Edward had to concentrate hard on the road to not wreck them as he laughed uproariously at the expression on Newton's face. The man looked like he was gonna have a heart attack, or quite likely blow a load in his pants.
Priceless, Edward and Jasper thought through their wheezing laughter.
"You two better be careful or ya might get charged with murder. The dumbass coulda had a heart attack!" Edward's chastisement was anything but; it came across as more proud than admonishing. "We're only bout half a mile from the bridge, and there's one left turn comin' up in a coupla seconds. You gals ready?"
They both nodded their heads and braced for the turn as the car whipped around the corner. Finally, they felt they were really getting the hang of this highspeed chase stuff.
Alice was the first one to see the bridge and pointed it out to Bella. "Oh, look! There's the bridge. It's so old and quaint, I wish we had time to stop and loo—"
Alice's voice cut short as Bella realized what stopped her friend's verbal diarrhea: half the bridge was gone.
"You need to stop! STOP! It's gone! The bridge has collapsed!"
Bella had to admit, Alice had a real set of lungs on her. She was also practically beating Jasper about the head and shoulders in her attempt to get at Edward to make him stop the car. Bella was speechless with eyes like saucers.
Jasper turned in his seat and grabbed Alice's hands. "Calm down, Darlin'. Don't you worry none. It's all under control. Now sit back before you get hurt!" Jasper's words had a strange effect on Alice, and she said nothing more, gaping at him like the broken door on a barn.
There was no more time for words as it was. Edward smashed the gas pedal to the floor. As the General Lee surpassed ninety miles per hour, it thrummed under them, the end of the bridge beneath the wheels even faster than either of the girls thought possible.
"Hang on ladies, we's gonna git some air in three... two… one!"
The car launched itself off the end of dilapidated bridge like a snapped rubber band. They flew through the air, arcing over a gorgeous river that Bella couldn't believe she was focusing on when her life could end in seconds, but somehow the cool green water flowing under them snagged her attention. The moment seemed to slow and stretch before the air was pierced with a loud and resounding, "YEEEEHAWWW!"
DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME FOLKS! Them boys a'been doin' this since they was little squirts. Jumping bicycles and then motorbikes and finally cars when they got old enough to see over the steerin' wheel. Not that they didn't wreck a couple'a times, but they landed safe way more than not. Now, for us normal folks, a drive to Atlanta should take 'round three hours, maybe a lil' less. I don't think you'll be surprised to learn that Edward pulled the General Lee into the parking lot of the hotel in just over an hour 'n' a half.
"Woohooo! I think we done broke a record, Cuz!" Jasper hollered as he pulled himself out the window effortlessly.
"You could be right," Edward agreed, doing the same before reaching in to help Bella out.
"Jasper, please get me out of this car. I'm not gonna barf again, but I'm a li'l spinny," Alice slurred from the backseat.
He snickered and gingerly slid his woman out over the door.
"Have you told us why these damn doors don't open?" Alice snarked at him, obviously a bit perturbed by the fact.
Edward chuckled and answered instead, "Well, Miss Alice, truth is Uncle C welded 'em shut back when it was new. Couldn't get a good reason out of 'im."
"Welded shut," Alice repeated as if it was the dumbest thing she'd ever heard.
"Yes'm," Edward responded with a crooked smile. Bella sidled up and kissed a corner of his mouth.
"Plus," Jasper interjected, arms full of bags he'd been pulling out of the trunk, "It's a helluva lot o' fun! Who needs a reason?"
Alice wanted to glare, but the silly, lopsided grin he was sporting turned her knees to jelly. He winked as he passed, hauling many of the bags into the lobby himself. She fought her responding smile, but it won in the end.
Within fifteen minutes or so, Emmett and Rosalie arrived, receiving quite the teasing for being so "late."
"Th' hell, you say!" Rosalie yelled at Edward. "Low road takes longer."
"Naw, it doesn't," Emmett said absentmindedly before looking up to Rose's searing gaze. "Well... I mean... Edward drives like a bat outta hell, as it is, so... they jus' got the advantage."
She held the heated look to his face, but when he moved closer to touch her, she bristled and scoffed, "Whatever."
As she quickly moved away from the Jeep and pulled her bags out of the back, Edward bumped Emmett with his elbow. "Din't you ever learn t' leave an angry snake curled up in the sun?" he whispered.
"She ain't no snake," Emmett hissed back and stomped past Edward to get his own bags.
Edward and Jasper shared a knowing look, and Alice and Bella decidedly shut their traps so they could all just get checked in and settled into their rooms. Edward asked for two rooms (one for the boys, one for the girls), but Bella stared at him, openmouthed and frowning. Alice scoffed, telling him to "stop acting like such a gentleman!" He was amending the request for three when Rosalie announced loudly to the lobby that she would not share with Emmett. Alice vehemently refused to not share with Jasper, who grinned like the Cheshire Cat. So, Emmett saved them further argument by agreeing to sleep in the tub if it made Rosalie more comfortable. She huffed, grabbing a cardkey before stalking off toward the elevator.
"You sure you're okay with this, Sugar?" Edward asked Bella.
"Campfire, hotel room... either way, I'm next to you," she replied. "And I'm more than okay." She planted a quick kiss on his lips.
"OMIGOD," Alice gasped, bringing the attention back to her. "We have to go dancing tonight! YES! Dancing! Please? Bella, come on, it will be AWESOME. And we can finally wear those clubbing outfits I brought us!"
"I'm up for some square-dancin'!" Jasper agreed, nodding. Alice looked at him, horrorstruck. "I'm kiddin', Darlin'. I have been outside Hazzard County before." He winked before bending down and throwing her over his shoulder. She squealed all the way to the elevator.
A few hours later, the entire crew was all spit-shined and polished, ready for a night out in "Hotlanta," as Alice kept saying. After a quick bite to eat and a couple of drinks at Intermezzo, they headed to what their waitress Linette declared "the slammin'est club in the South." Her boyfriend André was on the door that night, and because they were such good tippers, she texted him to put a party of "Edward Cullen plus five" on his list.
Once they arrived at Pulse, they knew Linette couldn't be far off. The line was wrapped around the corner of the building as their cab pulled in front of the door. Edward wrapped an arm around Bella as they all approached a tall, burly man blocking the entrance. "Howdy, sir! You must be André," Edward said, extending his hand out. "I'm Edward Cullen."
Slightly confused, André shook his hand. Edward explained Linette had sent them. André laughed and nodded, briefly telling them how Linette never asks him for favors for anyone but her and her friends. So, he was almost jealous until he read the "plus five" in her text. "When I first read the name, I was just hoping you were gay."
"He is," Emmett interjected, Edward rolling his eyes and shaking his head.
"Please don't mind him," Rosalie said as she stepped up to the bouncer. "Usually, we keep him gagged, but it's his night off the leash."
"Whatever floats your boat, miss, but just so you know, The Chamber closed a few years ago," André quipped, leaving the three Cullens and a McCarty slightly lost. He held the door for the group as Bella and Alice smothered their laughter until it turned into snorts. Rosalie just narrowed her eyes as she passed.
"You mind 'splainin' what the hell he was talkin' bout? Being as you gals find it so amusin'," Jasper said into Alice's ear, soft as he could manage, given the rising noise as they entered the club.
"Gags? Collars? Leashes? Maybe a crop or a paddl—"
"Got it," Jasper cut her off, holding his hands in surrender and blushing.
"Do you, now?" Alice said, teasingly, trying to ignore a tugging in her chest at the sight of his reddening cheeks.
"Not really my thing, Darlin'," he continued, scrunching up one side of his face. "Though, I might have to spank ya if yer naughty."
"That's good." Alice laughed throatily and pressed her body into his, continuing with the admission, "I might like it if you tied me up, though." She snickered, grabbed Bella away from Edward's protective embrace, and ran towards an open spot at the bar.
Rosalie smoothed her tight, short red dress and strutted after them like she was on a runway. Jasper was still a little, uh, stunned by Alice's comment, but Edward watched Emmett's eyes fall out of his head as Rosalie walked away.
"Put the tongue back in there, Killer," he said, slapping him on the back and steering him in the girls' direction. "Come on, fellas. Let's get some dranks!"
Carving out a spot at the counter, they toasted to the trip, each other, sunny skies, and busted down Lamborghinis. Around their revelry, Bella couldn't help but to notice the climbing number of lusty looks being directed at Edward (Jasper and Emmett, too, for that matter) by female passersby. It made her feel smug and defensive at the same time. It didn't help that the Cullen boys seemed oblivious.
Two more rounds of drinks and one of shots later, Alice was practically levitating over the floortiles. "I gotta dance, Bella! Rosalie? Please? Come ON!"
Their enamored southern boys tracked every step they took toward the center of the floor, noting the fairly dense crowd. In a place like this, three beautiful women like these would never go without lots of male attention, especially if they're unattended on a dancefloor. Quickly realizing this, Edward threw the last of his drink back and slammed the glass on the bar, shooting Jasper a look. He and Emmett quickly followed suit and began to push their way into the crowd towards the trio.
The song changed and inexplicably opened a floodgate, because suddenly any extra space began to fill, making it much more difficult to get through. Emmett shoved his way ahead, his size intimidating most to get out of his way. Plus, he was kind of like a bulldozer, he just plowed indiscriminantly. Edward and Jasper were left behind, mostly thanks to the female attention barring their path.
When Emmett reached Rose, he stood very close, his chest lightly touching her back and shoulders. He leaned into her ear and asked, "Is it too much to ask that you dance with me, Rosalie?"
She spun and eyed him, her expression shockingly soft, thanks to alcoholic intervention. Her words, however, were not. "Emmett, I'm drunk. Not stupid."
After she returned to her position in the tiny circle the girls were dancing in, a grumbling Emmett retreated into the crowd. As he moved slowly through the throng of people, his scowl transformed to a neutral, open expression. Despite his obvious affection for Rosalie, he had an uncanny knack for "shaking it off," so to speak.
Like the Cullen cousins, Emmett was not unattractive. In fact, he was an adorably-dimpled charmer with his own pantydropping smile. Before he'd gotten too far, he began to move to the beat, comfortably dancing by himself. Surrounded by people, it wasn't terribly unusual or attention-grabbing. Within a minute, a tall redhead approached and painted him head to toe with her eyes. He smirked, grabbed her by the elbow and spun her around. She squealed and laughed before attaching herself to him in a close rhythm.
Edward and Jasper, meanwhile, had been inundated by offers for dance partners. Even though they had no interest, they saw the girls having fun, so they made the most of it, much like Emmett.
Soon, though, it was difficult to keep the clingers at bay, and some of the girls around them were getting really handsy. Jasper looked at Edward and began to laugh, finding it overly amusing. Edward joined him easily, both finding hilarity in their entrapment.
Hilarity, however, would not be how Bella saw it when she caught sight of her sweetheart from across the floor. A strawberry blonde had her claws up in Edward's bronze mane at the exact moment she spotted him. He quickly extracted her fingers, but Bella had already frozen in place, steam coming out of her ears. Alice noticed the rapid shift in Bella's demeanor and turned to follow her glare.
"SWEET JIMINY CHRIST ON A TEAKETTLE!" The bizarre mashup of a piercingly loud declaration snapped Bella from her tunnel vision, as well as catching Rosalie's interest. Both looked at Alice with knitted brows, though thoroughly entertained by the outburst. "Someone best get their hands off my man 'fore I get violent."
All three turned to see the small harem around the two boys who simply laughed at each other. A blonde woman had her hands running up Jasper's chest as she pressed herself into his back. He was trying to pry her loose, but Alice couldn't see anything but red. She moved to start forcing her way to them, but Bella grabbed her arm and took the lead. Rosalie took a deep breath and hoped she didn't have to take her shoes off for this scuffle. She rolled her neck while mentally rolling up her sleeves, ready to duke it out for her girls' sakes, not to mention, keeping the scum off her idiot cousins.
Alice never realized what a force to be reckoned with Bella could be until she took to clearing a path toward Edward and Jasper. It was fairly biblical—parting of the Red Sea and all that. Moments later, she elbowed the primary offender's ribs, who still had her fingers grasping at Edward's hair. "Hands off, hooker," Bella snarled, twisting the girl's wrist backwards and pushing her away.
The girl swore and went to lunge for Bella, but Alice had caught up and socked her in the mouth.
Edward grabbed Bella by the waist and pulled her back into him. "Easy, Sugar," he crooned. "I'm all yours."
Bella spun in Edward's arms to face him, blushing evident on her cheeks. "I'm... I was a little jealous," she replied, obviously embarrassed, post-adrenaline rush. Edward replied only with a scorching kiss as he lifted her off her feet.
Alice turned and glared at the urchin still attached to Jasper's back. "Unless you're not attached to your teeth, I suggest you get your hands off," she hissed. The woman was much taller than Alice and mistakenly unafraid.
"Beat it, munchkin," Blondie said. "I was here first!"
Jasper finally got a good grip on her hands and twisted out of her embrace, throwing a quick arm over Alice's shoulders. "Ma'am, I'd take her advice, if'n I was you. 'Sides, she was here first."
Alice quickly leaped to wrap her legs around his waist and marked his mouth with her ruby-red lips on his before turning back to the woman. "MINE."
Jasper didn't succeed in smothering the snort that came out, so he leaned in to leave a string of openmouthed kisses along Alice's chin and throat. She squirmed happily, humming as the tramp finally walked away.
"Dang, Cuz!" Jasper hollered over the music at Edward, grinning like a wild man. "I think we set a bad example at the Boar's Nest!"
Edward dislodged his tongue from Bella's mouth momentarily to throw him an uneven smirk. "Maybe," he agreed. "Though I have to wonder if these here 'city-girls' could kick our asses."
Bella blushed and smiled at him. "Don't give me a reason to, Cullen," she said, sweetly. "Plus, there's only so many times I can come to your rescue."
"So, I's the one in distress? Hooker distress?" He teased.
"It did look awful from where I was standing."
"And here I was, tryin' to get t'you to save ya from them big bad wolves out here on the dancefloor." He tickled her ear with his lips as he spoke.
"Didn't realize that wolves can wear skirts, did you?" Bella giggled, as he continued to tease her skin with his mouth.
"I'm sure it's the lifestyle choice that's right fer them," he joked, reclaiming her lips with a heated kiss, swaying heavily with the music, or maybe the booze.
"I'd say let's just get outta here, but where in the hell is Rosalie?" Alice panted, Jasper reattached to her neck, his hands roaming.
Their eyes began scanning the faces and colors around the pulsing mass of people that was the dancefloor, stopping only when they saw the complete unexpected: Rosalie and Emmett sucking each other's faces off, not ten feet away.
Folks, I don't have the faintest idea what done happ'n'd 'tween headin' into the fray with Bella and Alice and that, but I'm shore itchin' ta find out! Until then, shots are on me! Meetcha at the bar!
A/N: Quick thanks to Sleep Talkin' Man (http: / / sleeptalkinman DOT blogspot DOT com) for the opening line's inspiration. 'Twas too "Emmett" not to use.
Also, The Chamber (that André mentions) was a real bar, but did close a few years ago. Intermezzo is a great little bistro that was still there, last I heard. Good food, great drinks. Pulse, however, is completely fictional in this case.
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