BPOV

Something felt off. I couldn't shake the feeling; my stomach was in knots the more time dragged on. I didn't know why I felt like this because my life was good. I had a very healthy and happy little boy and a very loving and attentive boyfriend. I just couldn't place it.

Edward was more stressed lately and for some reason that also entailed a lot of sex. Every night he seemed so vulnerable as he would quietly kiss and undress me. I couldn't tell him no, I didn't want to tell him no. He thought I was asleep after, but I could hear him whispering his love for me, sometimes I thought I felt him crying.

I unlocked the front door to the condo not sure if Edward was here or not. Alice said she would have Jasper bring Rylan here if neither one of us came and got him by ten. It was now ten twenty and Edward was sleeping on the couch in sweats with Rylan laying on him.

I placed my bag next to the coffee table, which I sat on and watched them. I never thought Rylan would have this. He never got to meet Jake and have him love him, but here he had someone who loved him effortlessly just like Jake would have.

In one of Reverend Weber's services, he talked about God having a plan for us all and I couldn't help but think that Edward was a part of ours.

He had a rough beginning with losing his parents and drugs, but now he was focused and responsible. He took care of us and even though we hadn't said it, I honestly felt like I knew where this was going.

"I remember someone once lectured me on watching people sleep," he grumbled giving me a lazy smile.

"I'm allowed to," I grinned leaning forward.

"Why is that?" he quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Because I love you," I told him simply pecking his lips.

His face grew serious it almost concerned me. "I don't think I can ever express my love for you, Bella. I know that your love makes me a better person…"

"Edward," I wanted cry from the way he was looking at me. It was like I was never going to see him again.

"Let's go to bed, yeah?" I didn't answer I just followed him. He didn't take Rylan to his room, instead he maneuvered him as he turned down the bed laying our boy in the middle and slid in next to him.

I changed into shorts and a tank knowing that even though it was cold Rylan would probably get warm. He was like Jake in that way; you could be freezing, but his temperature would be hot.

Edward's eyes were fixed on me and I almost wanted to shy away. This look was different.

"If you could move anywhere where would you want to move to?" I asked suddenly.

"I'd be anywhere you would be, love," he smiled.

"That's not the answer I wanted," I replied, smacking his shoulder.

"Chicago," he hesitated before continuing. "When I was in rehab I thought about moving back. If my parents were alive Rose and I probably would still be there."

"She wouldn't have met Emmett." It went back to everyone has a plan theory.

"I suppose your right," he mused.

We were quiet.

"Do you ever think about having more children?"

"I never really thought about it," Until lately. "Have you? Thought about children, that is."

He looked down at Rylan and brushed his hair of his forehead.

"Recently, I have," Edward murmured keep his eyes on my baby.

"And?" I pushed.

He was not looking at me and it felt like he wasn't even here. Moments like this scared me. "I think about having little brown haired, green eyed children running around me. I see an older version of Rylan playing with them," he paused. "That's why they're called dreams Bella."

I felt my tears slide down my face onto my pillow. He thought we shouldn't have kids together? That it was a dream, too far out of our reality?

I pulled Rylan to me and turned my back on him. Right now, I didn't know why he would say something like that. His arms surrounded us and I placed my hands on them removing his hold.

"Bella," he pleaded softly.

"I'll take us home," I warned, the only reason I wasn't gone is because Rylan was sleeping and I knew if I moved him, I wouldn't be able to get him back to sleep.

He pulled back and I tried to will my tears to stop. Once I calmed down, I could hear him breathing in my hair. He must have thought I fell asleep because his arms were around me again. "I'm so very sorry," he whispered over and over until I let sleep take me.

"I'm never going to find it," I whined as I pushed a fussy Rylan.

"Daaaa-dee… Daaaaaa-deeeeeee," he shrieked.

He had been like this for the past two hours, where my newborn niece was being an absolute delight.

"Bella what is wrong?" Rose asked.

"I'm tired and you both know I hate shopping," I sighed running my hand through my hair.

"No, what is wrong," she said more firmly.

"I have a fussy two year old who doesn't want to be here as much as I do. He'd rather be at home with Edward because he wants his Da-deeee."

"This started before we left," Alice pointed out rocking Audrey in her sling. "Edward looked guilty about something."

Rylan's kicks and protests on the stroller became more forceful.

"I'll kick his ass," Rosalie offered.

"It's nothing."

"If it was nothing Bella, you wouldn't look so sad," Alice insisted.

"We were talking about stupid things and I found out how Edward felt."

"You're not making any sense."

"Do I have to talk about this?"

"Yes," they both said in unison.

"We asked each other questions, one was about kids…it was stupid."

"Bella, that isn't stupid," Alice said softly.

"It is because he says he dreams of it… he dreams of it! He doesn't see it happening."

"You two are serious," Rosalie stated because it wasn't a question. I turned to her noticing the furrow in her brow. Edward did the same thing when something puzzled him.

"I love him and honestly can't see us ever… not be together."

"Bella," she sighed.

"Sweetie, I know. It's only been four months, so what's with the baby talk."

"I see him with Rylan and I just can't help but wonder what it would be like if… I'm not saying right now, just in the future I can see wanting to have something like that with him. Us having a big family, I can see myself with Edward, forever," I shrugged. "I don't know if he feels that way, he's been off."

They both exchanged a look and I didn't like it.

"What?"

"Let's drop it, we came here for your gown, Carlisle needs his date to be gorgeous," Rose nudged me taking the stroller to push my son.

As much as I adored Carlisle, he wasn't Edward. Five stores and four texts to Edward without a response later we sat in the food court as I tried to eat. Both of the kids were knocked out.

"I think I'm coming home tonight Alice."

"Why?" she frowned.

I glanced at my phone he still never answered me back so I shut it off. They both sighed and shot me pity looks, but surprisingly dropped it.

Alice found a gown that she said was made for me. It was navy blue and dipped low in the front and back. I was afraid of it, but she insisted that this was the one.

Jasper was confused when I took my stuff up to my room. I figured Alice could fill him in.

Between the two kids, Jasper showed both Audrey and Rylan equal attention. He put Cars in for Rylan knowing it would knock him out. Alice told me to go to bed and I listened. It was hard to fall asleep but somehow I managed.

I felt the frantic kisses peppering my skin. My eyes slowly opened, but everything was fuzzy I reached for my glasses, hitting my kisser. I smelt the vodka on his breath.

Once my glasses were on, I was looking at Edward who looked horrific. His suit was askew and his face was swollen mostly his left eye and nose. Finally, he realized I was awake.

"You didn't… you didn't come home," he slurred.

"You're drunk," I said in disbelief. Something was going on; he had been sober for six years. I know people relapse… There was something wrong. "How did you get here?"

"The driver," he admitted laying his head on my shoulder as he pulled me closer. "I'm so, so sorry Bella… I want everything with you, but when you find out… I love you… You won't want me."

He wasn't making sense and it was scaring me. I glanced at the clock noticing it was three in the morning. I didn't want to wake Carlisle; I knew he was the only one that could help us.

"Edward?" I asked as he slumped against me burying his face in my chest. He was asleep.

I dialed Carlisle hoping he would answer.

"Bella, what's the matter?"

"Um, nothing's wrong per say… Edward's drunk."

"Where are you?" he sighed.

"We're at my house, he must have used his key, he said the driver brought him here, I didn't know he even had a driver. He's saying things that aren't making any sense," I rambled biting my lip watching Edward as he lay against me.

"I can come get him," he offered.

"Just can you come over in the morning? He's sleeping right now and I don't know what to do for him?"

"No problem, he'll need to go see his sponsor."

"I didn't know what to do and it looks like he was in a fight."

"He has been known to get physical when he drinks."

"Carlisle," I whimpered because this scared me. Edward like this scared me. I didn't know the younger Edward Rosalie spoke of, but I know she held discontent for that one.

"I'll try to fix this," he gently assured me.

We said our goodbyes.

I didn't know what there was to fix, everything had been perfect and now this happened. I didn't know why Edward felt like I wouldn't want him. I love him and I want nothing more than for us to be together. From the way he was talking, he thought I would end this, but I would be a fool if I did.

I loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. As I peeled the designer suit off him, I cringed seeing the bruise on his ribs. Edward what happened tonight?

I carefully got out of bed placing his suit on my desk chair hoping it wouldn't wrinkle. Like a magnet, Edward drew himself to me once I lay down on the bed.

"I love you," I whispered kissing his swollen eye. He shifted holding me closer.

I love Edward, but why did it feel like that wasn't enough.

A/N: Now that I've depressed myself… After editing this I'm shocked that this has ripped my guts out. Any who my work schedule will be odd this week due to a three day weekend I'll try to get another update in before Monday?

I saw Eclipse and was disappointed because I didn't like it. Twilight and Eclipse are my favorite books but I don't like the movies and then New Moon is my least favorite book but I loved the movie… I don't get it, I'm weird.

Dolphin62598 is my beta!