Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. Real life got to me. I ended up being crazy busy with work and family and then got sick on top of it. I hope people are still reading. Let me know at the end.

Chapter 7

EPOV

My mind was racing as I led Bella towards a secluded area in the lodge. I would have preferred to do this somewhere less public, but I didn't want to push my luck. I wasn't sure how Bella would react to what I had to tell her and somewhere in the back of my mind I guess I was hoping that the public setting might help in my favor. Totally selfish I know, but I was grasping at anything that might push this situation to my advantage.

My heart had ripped into millions of pieces when I saw the look on Bella's face as I walked towards her after my encounter with Tanya. She had looked so defeated and withdrawn. It made my blood boil that anyone could make her feel that way least of all Tanya. Tanya wasn't fit to stand in the same category as Bella let alone make her feel like less of person.

I wasn't looking forward to this conversation with Bella, and to be honest I had hoped to not have it until our relationship had progressed to a more stable status, but I guess the fates had other ideas.

I led Bella to an area of comfortable couches around a stone fireplace situated at the back of the lodge. Thankfully it was currently vacant and I was grateful that we could have some privacy. I motioned towards one of the couches wanting to follow Bella's lead.

She walked over and sat with her legs tucked under her and her hair hanging in her face acting as a curtain between us, so I couldn't read her expression clearly. Although the fact that she was hiding her face was signal enough that she wanted to shield herself from me. The mere thought sent a sharp pain through my chest. I just had to make this right. There was no other option available to me. I was too far gone now, Bella had to be a part of my life and I was prepared to bare my soul if need be.

I sat opposite of her on the couch but turned so that I facing her. I wished that I could see her face but her hair was still in the way, so I slowly reached my hand out to tuck it behind her ear. I really had nothing to lose at this point and figured I might as well get every moment I could while she was with me, Thankfully she didn't pull back from me, but she didn't react either. At least now I could see her beautiful face, god knows she is the most breathtaking creature I had ever seen. It was almost painful to look at her exquisite features and not touch her. At least for now she was still here, and I was going to take full advantage of her presence.

Taking a deep breath and reveling in the scent that was solely Bella, I attempted to organize my thoughts. I decided that the best approach would be direct honesty. That way there would be no question of how Bella felt about my past. If she knew everything then whatever decision she made would be a reflection of how she truly felt about me.

"Bella," I began trying to gauge if she was listening. Her eyes flickered to me briefly letting me know that she was hearing me, but they quickly looked back to her lap.

"I want to be completely honest with you and I hope that you'll listen to what I have to say. All I'm asking for right now is for you to hear me out. Will you let me explain?" I asked as I held my breath waiting for her reply.

After a few seconds she simply nodded her head in acquiescence. At least she had agreed to listen. I wasn't going to complain. Now I just had to have her believe in my words.

Taking a deep breath to compose my thoughts, I began, "First let me say that what you saw outside was not what you think at all. I realize that it may have looked differently than it actually was, I am not involved with the woman you saw talking to me, but we were together before."

With those last words I saw Bella flinch slightly.

Damn this was not going how I wanted it to.

Well I was already in to deep to stop I might as well finish what I started, so I began talking in a low voice, "During the main season last year, I started reevaluating my life. To most people I'm sure my life was picture perfect: great job, great family, and great friends. Yet I always felt like there was a piece missing somewhere, but I could never place what it was exactly. Then one night the whole family was having dinner together at my parents' house and it dawned on me what I was missing. Everyone around me was coupled off. They each had found the one person that would make their world complete, and there I sat alone. I wasn't unhappy mind you, but I realized that I wanted the same thing for myself. I wanted to find that other person to make my life whole."

I chanced a glance at Bella and saw that she was listening intently while chewing on her bottom lip, so I forged on not wanting to give her time to speak just yet. I wanted to get it all out on the table fist.

"After that night at my parents' house I decided that I was going to make more of an effort into finding that person that was meant for me. I think this is where I may have lost some judgment by the way. I was so focused on my epiphany that I wasn't being as clear headed as I normally am."

Bella was still not looking at me, but her shoulders had relaxed slightly and her breathing was steady and slow. Obviously she was listening intently to my monologue.

Pushing ahead, I continued talking. "The lack of thinking things through is what led me to getting involved with Tanya. She and her family had been coming to the resort during the main season for many years, so I knew who she was and we had seen spoken on several occasions. She had shown interest towards me in the past, but I was always polite and never reciprocated that interest, although she always persisted. Last year though, I decided that I might as well give it a shot. Again my judgment was skewed by my recent thoughts regarding finding someone special. It should have dawned on me that if I was not interested before that there was good reason. Needless to say Tanya was more than willing to explore a relationship with me."

Bella snorted in response to this revelation. Part of me wanted to smile at her response, but I knew that I had to get it all out first.

"Thankfully my family was there to open my eyes in regards to Tanya. Needless to say they were not big fans of hers. They saw her for what she really was, a selfish, manipulative woman that was more interested in what I could offer materially than emotionally. At first I was annoyed that my family thought they could interfere, but I soon realized how right they were. As soon as I got my head out of my ass, I ended things with Tanya. She wasn't too pleased mind you, but I knew that finding someone that was right for me wasn't going to happen that way. I know now that finding that person will happen naturally and not by force."

With these last words I slowly reached my hand out to brush Bella's hair back from her face once again as it had fallen down to shield her from me. I had to know what she was thinking. I wished I had the courage to tell her that she was that person for me, but I knew that this was not the time for that conversation.

Her eyes closed slowly as I brushed her hair back, and she took another deep breath still not saying anything.

"Bella please say something," I pleaded. I couldn't stand not knowing what she was thinking.

BPOV

I couldn't believe that Edward had just shared so much with me. If I am being honest with myself, I was ready for him to tell me that Tanya was 'the one that got away'. My god she was beautiful and obviously interested in him by the way she was touching him. What guy wouldn't be interested, right?

However hearing his confession about their past relationship was not the story I had expected to hear. As he spoke to me my emotions went on a rollercoaster ride. One minute I was feeling defeated and crushed after seeing them together and by the end I was feeling oddly hopeful. Although he had not indicated that I was the one he had been looking for, he had at least confirmed that Tanya was not. That fact alone gave me hope.

Before I could give into that hope though I did have a few questions that needed answered first, as well as my own story to share. Edward wasn't the only one with a past that could affect our possible future relationship.

When he pleaded with me to talk to him I felt bad for not saying anything, but I knew that I had to organize my thoughts first, knowing from experience that my mouth often got me into trouble when it got ahead of my brain.

Now that my thoughts were organized I knew that I had some questions of my own.

I turned my body so that it was facing his and slowly looked at him. His forehead was puckered with worry lines and his eyes were troubled. I felt awful that I had caused him to feel this way.

"Can I ask you a few questions?" I asked tentatively. He really had no obligation to tell me anything. He had already told me so much. We weren't a couple, and he had already shared so much with me. I didn't blame him if he chose to refuse.

His brow furrowed a little deeper before he replied, "Of course, Bella. You can ask me anything."

Thinking through the questions rolling around in my mind, I chose the one that had been left unanswered with his explanation.

"Are you and Tanya still friends? Is that why she seemed so close to you?"

I guess part of me wanted reassurance that they were truly over and that it wasn't one of those lingering relationships that rekindled every few months based on convenience.

I was startled to see rage flicker across his face before settling into a face of sadness. I wasn't sure what to make of those emotions. They weren't what I had been expecting to see.

He reached over and gently picked up my hand looking at my face for a moment before speaking to me in a voice filled with conviction, "God no Bella. Tanya and I aren't anything. Please believe me! It was never anything."

He took a deep breath but continued talking, "Tanya and I should never have happened to begin with. I let my thoughts of what I wanted cloud my judgment. There was never a future with her. I can honestly look back and clearly see what a mistake I had made. Unfortunately Tanya does not see it quite so clearly."

My brain registered his last words with a mixture of apprehension and… jealousy? So Tanya wants Edward. Well that was just great! How could I compete with her?

Then I heard Edward gently nudging my shoulder and saying my name quietly, "Bella?"

"Sorry, my mind drifted off," I replied lamely not wanting to voice my thoughts.

"Bella, I swear to you she means nothing to me. I have a very clear idea of what the person I am meant to be with is like. And Tanya can't even compare," his voice was soft and pleading. He was looking at me with such intensity that I felt a shiver travel down my back.

His gaze was so intense that it seemed to burn right to my very core. No man had ever looked at me like that before and god it felt so powerful. The small voice in the back of my mind was insisting that he was referring to me when he spoke about the person he'd been looking for, but the rest of my brain was telling me that was not possible. We barley knew each other for one and honestly I was no match for Edward. He was everything I wasn't.

He was still holding on to my hand and looking desperately at me for some response. I realized this was my chance to give Edward the out he needed, so I swallowed the lump in my throat and spoke the words that I was sure he needed to hear to assuage any guilt he might have been feeling.

"Edward I believe you. I'm sorry that I reacted the way that I did. I had no right to do that. I'm also sorry for upsetting you. I really hope that you do find that person someday. You deserve it. Any woman would be lucky to have you love them."

It hurt me more than it should have to say those words. I am not sure when it happened, but at some point in the last few days, I had started falling for Edward Cullen.

At first Edward's face eased into a picture of relief, but as I finished what I was saying it quickly morphed back into a mask of concern.

Now what did I say?

Before I could open my mouth to try and explain myself further, Edward had let go of my hand and placed both hands on the side of my face and pulled my face to his and kissed me with the most powerful and intense kiss I had ever experienced. It took me a few seconds to respond because I was in complete shock, but eventually instinct and desire overtook me and I was kissing him back with everything I could. If this was the only chance I had then I was going to make the best of it. I reached my hands up to entwine my fingers in his silky hair and prayed that this could last forever.

Of course with breathing being a necessity, we eventually had to part. Edward rested his forehead against mine but kept his eyes closed, his breathing as erratic as mine.

Finally he spoke in a husky voice, "Bella, listen to me please when I say this. You are the one I have been looking for. I knew it as soon as I saw you and I wanted to tell you then, but I didn't want to frighten you. There has never been, and there never will be anyone for me but you. I know that this is probably too much for you right now, but I can't stand the thought of you thinking that anyone else can be for me what you are. I will keep my promise and we can take this as slow as you want, but I need you to understand how I feel."

As he finished speaking he opened his eyes to look at me while still cradling my face. The intensity in his eyes was no longer there, but it was replaced by the depth of his emotion. I knew that I couldn't doubt his sincerity, but I wasn't sure what to say. I desperately wanted to return those feelings, but there was that nagging part of my past that was holding me back. I knew than that I had to tell him everything. Maybe by telling him I could let it go and truly try to build a relationship with Edward.

Taking a deep breath, I looked back into his gaze and said the words that I didn't think I would ever share with any man, "I think it's time for me to share something with you."

His gaze never wavered from mine as he sat back on the couch pulling me into his lap. It felt so right to be sitting there snuggled into his chest. I only hoped that he would understand where I was coming from after I explained about James.

I inhaled his amazing scent in an attempt to boost my courage before I began speaking.

"When I first went to college in Seattle, I was overwhelmed and a little in awe of such a big city. I had grown up in a very small town where everyone knew each other. I eventually grew to love Seattle and made some really good friends there, but I wasn't big on dating. It wasn't like I never went out on dates, but it was never anything serious. That is until I met…James."

My body reacted to the sound of his name without even thinking about it. I shivered and huddled closer to Edward. He didn't say anything but he leaned down to rest his chin on my head and rubbed my back in small soothing motions. I took another breath and continued speaking.

"James wasn't in any of my classes, but we had some of the same friends. It seemed inevitable that we would eventually meet. At first we just talked whenever we ended up at the same functions. I didn't realize then that James was making sure that he was there when I was. At first I was flattered that James was interested in me enough that he wanted to 'bump' into me when I was out. He was good looking and I was well …not."

At this Edward started to say something, but I touched my finger to his lips to signal that I wanted him to wait. He nodded and didn't say anything, but I knew that he would eventually say whatever he had been thinking.

"It didn't happen over night but eventually James and I started dating. It seemed like a dream come true. This good looking guy wanted to be with me, and I was thrilled. I had never had a serious boyfriend before and he was perfect. He took me to nice places and bought me flowers. All the things that one would think a boyfriend should do. This went on for several months, but it started to change after about 3 months together. It didn't dawn on me at first that things were not the way they should be. It started with little things; like James would have to cancel a date last minute or he would have to cut our night short. Nothing that really threw up a red flag, but then he started acting very jealous about everything I did. The clothes I wore were too revealing, any guy that even looked at me was 'lusting after me', or if I didn't answer the phone he accused me of hiding things from him. I was bothered by his behavior but chalked it up to him caring so much about me that he just wanted to show his love. "

Edward's grip had tightened slightly as I described James' erratic behavior. Looking back at it now I realized that it was riddled with warning signs, but I just didn't want to see them.

"I was trying so hard to make sure James knew that I wasn't interested in anyone else, but nothing seemed to work. One night I decided to surprise him at his apartment. I thought by surprising him that I would be able to show him that he was the only guy I was interested in spending time with. He had given me a key awhile back though I had never used it. I always respected his privacy. When I got to his apartment there was music blaring from his stereo, so he didn't hear me come in. He wasn't in the living room, so I walked back the hall to his room. Needless to say I was not prepared for what I saw there."

Edward quickly jumped in, "Bella you don't have to tell me this. I can guess what comes next. You don't have to relive this for my benefit"

I reached up and ran my finger down his jaw line before I spoke again, "It's okay, I want you to know everything."

He just nodded, so I took that to mean that I could continue with my story.

"James was in bed with another girl that I had recognized from being around when we had gone out with friends. I realized then that she had been near us a lot of the time and that if was probably not an accident. I was shocked and hurt and not sure what to do. At first I just stood there frozen in place. I tried to back out of the room without anyone seeing me. I guess they were so busy that they never noticed me there. I was sick just knowing how stupid and trusting I had been. I went back to my dorm room to try and figure out what to do. I didn't have long to wait because about an hour later James called asking if I wanted some company. I was sick thinking about what I just seen him doing and now he wanted to be with me, but I knew that now was better than later so he came over. When he got there he must have figured out that I was upset. He stood across from me and crossed his arms. Not thinking I asked how his friend was. He didn't answer right away. I guess he was trying to gauge just exactly what I knew. I didn't give him a chance to respond before I told him to get out and that I didn't want to see him again. That I wasn't into guys that kept other girls on the side. He glared at me and basically told me that I was never good enough for him and that if I had been a better girlfriend and knew what a man really wanted then he wouldn't have had to find satisfaction elsewhere. That was the last that I ever saw him, but he did manage to tell most of our friends that I had cheated on him and was never faithful."

I guess that was Edward's breaking point because he couldn't stay quiet any longer.

"God Bella! What an ass! Please tell me you for one don't believe a word he said."

His face was filled with anger, but at lest I knew that it was not directed at me.

"Well for awhile I did feel like I had done something wrong, or that I could have been a better girlfriend. Eventually though a few good friends made me realize that James was a jerk and that it wasn't my fault. However I do still fault myself for not seeing it sooner and not being a better judge of people. I think I just jumped into it so fast that my judgment never got a chance to really kick in."

Edward let out another deep breath, "Well in that case I know what you mean. Is that why you want to go slow?" he asked looking at my face.

"Yes. It's not that I am saying that all guys are like James, but I want to make sure that my judgment has plenty of time to do its job next time around. I hope you can understand. I guess it's also a little bit of self preservation, too."

I knew then that I was fervently hoping that Edward would understand and accept my reasons. I knew deep down that Edward was one of the good ones, but getting burned will always teach one to not play with fire again so to speak.

My heart started to race as Edward leaned in close to my ear, "Bella I promise you with everything I have that I will never hurt you. I will go about this as slow as you need to go. All I ask is that we can spend time together. I honestly can't imagine my life without you in it, and I will take you however you want."

My breathing was erratic. It amazed me the effect that Edward had on my body. It had never been like that with James or any other guy for that matter.

"Okay," was the best I could come up with at the time, and I knew then that I was falling for Edward hard and fast.

"Good," was Edward's whispered response before he leaned in to kiss me.

At that moment I was lost and didn't want to think about anything else except for Edward's lips on mine.

AN: I hope that sheds a little light onto their pasts. Please let me know if you are still enjoying the story. I get lots of hits, but I am not sure what you think.