Atlantia45

A/N: How about a slight detour?

(Disclaimer: Imagination is your best friend…)

"OH ho ho ho, OH ho ho ho ho ho ho!" Renge cackled into her microphone, "Here I am backstage with the Ouran Host club!" Renge stood in what appeared to be a white waiting room, much like one at the doctor's office. She stood in the center of the room as the rest of the Host Club member's sat scattered about the room flipping through magazines. All except Tamaki and Kyoya.

"When we last left off, our idiotic cold heroine ruthlessly cut the Hitachiin twin's hearts in half! Here they are after the battle, devilish twins! The fans would like to know! How was Haruhi's reaction to your love love serenade!" Renge shoved the microphone before the indifferent twins.

"Meh." They said in unison.

"There you have it folks! This devastating news leaves me so depressed! I could eat ten bowls of rice out of pure sadness!" Renge announced loudly running towards a door.

"Just before we got back, we sent the lovely Kyoya-sempai in! We'll show what's happening inside soon enough! But for now let's listen in! So far four of the Ouran hosts tactics failed indefinitely! Will our Prince Kyoya be able to conquer the dragon that blocks the path to our damsel in distress' heart! Let's listen in!" Renge placed her ear to the door and listened closely hearing a faint creaking sound.

"No, Kyoya I don't want to!"

"Come on Haruhi, open up."
"I said-AH…mmm."

"That's right Haruhi, good huh."

"Ah-mmm…"

"Haruhi, does it taste good?"

"Mmhmm."

"Would you like more?"
"Yes! Please!"

"You're so eager, I like that."

Renge quickly pulled away from the door pressing a napkin to her nose holding back her nose bleed, "AH! What exactly is going on in there!"

The twins jumped to their feet in reaction to Renge's heated stammering, "What's going on!"

Mori and Honey continued flipping through magazines, "They must be having fun. Right, Mori?" Mori nodded in agreement.

Renge quickly sat down fanning herself squeezing her nose, "Listen! Listen! AH!"

The twins rushed to the door and pressed their ears against the door, the teens concealed inside were louder than before.

"N-NO! Kyoya, it's too much, you're filling me up…AH!"

"Come now Haruhi…what's with the change of heart."

"St-Stop! Please, no it's too much…it's too good…I-Ahn!"

"Can't resist can you? Hmm, that's adorable for a peasant."

"P-Please no more, I can't! I…!"

"Ah, Haruhi…don't resist."

"KYOYA!" Hikaru growled.

"Bastard!" Karou pulled away from the door. The twins ran over to the dazed otaku and began shaking her violently.

"Hey Renge," the two said in unison, "Open that damned door!"

"No can do! Such a thing I can't interrupt!" Renge said dazedly, grinning. "But there is one thing you can do."

The twins became more frantic, "Quickly what!"

"KYOYA! PLEASE!"

Renge gestured towards a small box in the corner, "Open it! And-"

Without any hesitation the twins grabbed the box and grappled it open revealing, "A…rice cooker?"

"Make three cups please! This is just too much on my body I can't make my rice!" Renge said faintly.

"BITCH!" The twins tossed the cooker and were subjected to even more of Haruhi's desperate moans.

"Kyo-Kyoya! Stop! Pl-Please. AAAAAAAHHHH!"

Abruptly, Renge leaped up from her chair clutching her microphone, "What is happening behind that door? Will our heroine finally choose her canon pairing? And where is Tamaki? All this and more, next time on the OURAN TRIALS!"

…Yet another sexual implicit episode…Hoped you enjoyed it…Kyoya is easier to write when there are sexual overtones. Poor Haruhi...