Wow. 11 reviews in only 2 chapters. This fic is more successful than I thought it would be. I thank all of you for reading and reviewing my story. Now, I'm going to answer the request of one reviewer, and make this chapter a lot longer. This will also be the last chapter before our heroes head to the Tendo Dojo. That means there's a lot to cover. Enjoy!
Chapter 3
Over the next couple of weeks, Max and Ranma traveled through the Bayankala mountain range. And, during those two weeks, Max made good time on his workout. Ever since he had been knocked into the cartoon (he knew it was the anime style of Ranma ½ that he was in; although he had never seen an episode, he had seen screen shots, and knew that Ranma-chan had red hair), he'd gained a small knowledge of martial arts basics. Although he'd had his share of practice in aikido back home, new things had come to him in his new body; must've been left over from the old man's mind. And, with that knowledge, plus his own workout skills, Max worked out non-stop. Running as much as possible, lifting the heaviest objects around, sit-ups and push-ups every morning, etc. By the end of the second week, Max had gotten Genma's body into great shape. He wasn't chiseled like a European body builder, but he was a lot better looking.
Ranma noticed the sudden change in his father's behavior. Usually, the old fart just sat around all day. When they traveled, he walked pretty slowly, and Ranma had always kept at that pace to make things easier. It never bothered him, though, that his father was in worse shape than him.
Now, things were different. He couldn't say he was in much better shape than his father. There went some of his pride (take that, you egotistical son of a bitch!), and, with it, some of his happiness. However, he still clung to the fact that he had a better-looking face than his old man, and he wasn't bald either.
One day, Max sat alone on a mountain edge, his back to a tree trunk. A few hours earlier, he and Ranma had sparred. Max, taking advantage of the Cartoon Rule of Creativity™, was able to match Ranma in moves, and almost beat him. They had stopped before things got interesting, though. Ranma, in girl-form, had left to find some food without telling Max, since Max had eaten their last ration.
That was where we left Max. As he sat on the small cliff, looking out onto the landscape, he pondered what to do next.
I know what I gotta do before we get to that village, he thought, chuckling, thinking of his plan. THAT will give those Amazons a pretty good scare; not to mention Ranma. Still, I feel like there's something missing…
He kept thinking about what he might have forgotten. What else had happened in China that he could benefit from? There was at LEAST one more thing…
Let's see- I've gotten into shape; I've already got our trip planned; I know what I'll do about teaching him those techniques; what else is there? Hmm…I guess one thing I'd change about me is the baldness…but how exactly can I- GASP!
His head flew up in shock and realization. He slammed his right fist in his left hand.
Of Course. How the hell could I have forgotten?
And, with that, he took off in the direction Ranma had left in.
"Ohh…so hungry…"
The growl from her stomach, plus the sweat-stained gi that clung to her skin, all made things worse for Ranma-chan as she slowly trekked through the mountains. Maybe it wasn't a good thing she had ditched Pop to look for some food. She had wanted a meal to herself for once, but still…
"Stop, thief!"
Suddenly, Ranma-chan whipped her head around to see a most unusual sight. A man in black clothes was running towards her, carrying a large bowl of porridge, eating it as he ran. Another man, clearly the rightful owner of the aforementioned porridge, was chasing him.
"Stop! That rice porridge is-"
"Mine! All mine! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"
Ranma-chan smiled to herself. This was a good opportunity- since the food had already been stolen, it wouldn't be wrong of her to take it from the thief and eat it herself. Plus, Pops was nowhere to be found.
The man was getting closer. One good kick, and the food would be hers.
That was when a small boulder collided with her, sending her rolling out of the path of the chase. She hit the ground with a hard thud. When she got up, rubbing her head, she looked up to see something that really ticked her off: Pops had appeared out of nowhere, kicked the porridge thief away, and had gulped down the food himself.
Mad as hell, the teenage martial artist lunged at her father. "Dammit, Pops! Do you have to steal every bit of food that comes my way?"
Max responded by throwing the bowl down, catching the girl, and slamming her to the ground. He wiped his mouth as he spoke.
"Now, now, I think you can be a bit more grateful than that. You had no idea what you were about to eat."
Ranma-chan just looked mad and confused. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Max got off of her, and pointed behind the girl. "Why don't you ask him?"
She turned around to see the other man running up to them. He caught up, gasping for breath. "Sir…do you have any idea what you've just eaten?"
"I do. Why do you think I ate it?"
"What are you talking about, Pops? You stole it from ME!"
The man looked at Ranma-chan, then back to Max. "That's true, sir. You didn't have to steal it from your daughter. It wouldn't have had any effect-"
"That's what you think. C'mon, let's go inside, and explain this whole thing."
"Huh?" Ranma-chan just looked at the two men, confused as ever.
Inside the man's cottage, as Ranma chowed down on a huge bowl of ramen, he explained the whole story about the Dragon's Whisker. After he had finished, Max picked up the nearby kettle, and doused Ranma with it. Ranma, too shocked by the story to move or avoid the boiling water, reverted back to his normal form. When the man saw the change, he gasped in shock again.
"O-ho! So you ARE a man! Well, now we all know why your father ate that porridge for you! You really SHOULD be grateful!"
Ranma looked up at his father. "So that's it? You weren't being your usual glutton self? You wanted to prevent me from losing my hair?"
Max smiled, looking the other way. "Well, it didn't hurt that this will quickly restore my hair growth, but, yeah, pretty much. You still get enough to eat, anyway."
"How the hell did you know where I was?"
"Nothing. Just a hunch. Plus, I remembered something I read in one of those guide books with a Japanese translation. Something about the Dragon's Whisker, and where it might be…random shit."
At that moment, Max felt something growing on his bald head. He reached up to feel it.
"Yes! It's growing! Hallelujah, I'm back, baby!" He walked outside the hut, happily humming to himself. Ranma just looked on, another piece of his pride gone, ripped away. Still, he couldn't feel but a bit lucky that he hadn't eaten it…
Two days later, Max's hair had grown out fully. With a little work, he soon had the kind of look he wanted: long, shaggy black hair that didn't pass the back of his neck, but still looked pretty swell. Along with his newly-formed body, and the rugged ugly/cool face, he looked just like an Asian Harvey Keitel. Yep, things were sweet.
But they weren't sweet enough just yet. Unless he was mistaken, they would be reaching the Amazon village very soon now; the Jusenkyo Guide had been traveling with them for a while, and Max knew it was coming soon. He had to act fast.
During their next stop, Max asked the guide where the nearest town was. After finding out, he walked ten miles to a medium sized town, where there was sure to be some black market connections: most likely the Russian Mafia.
He walked up to a building that was unmistakable: a sign out front had a neon light in a strange insignia: a huge skull, placed in front of a hammer-and-sickle combination: the sign of the Russian Mafia. They always hung around China, for different reasons: opium dealing, easy labor for weapon-making, lots of space for unnoticed business, etc. He walked up to the door, where a hired goon was waiting.
"You want something, sir?"
"Yeah," Max answered. "I need some things. I'm wondering if I can get 'em here."
The guard nodded. "Maybe you can. Can you pay for 'em?"
"Of course."
"Okay, wait a minute." He stepped inside, talking to someone in Russian. A few seconds later, he stepped back outside. "Sergei will see you in five minutes. Until then, wait."
Five minutes later, Max was led inside, down a hall, into a room with a bar, and a huge desk where a man sat. His right hand man, who had a huge, smooth goatee, stood next to him. The man, Sergei Voronov, welcomed the newcomer with enthusiasm.
"Hello, hello! I understand you are looking for some merchandise! Maybe even a little work, am I right?"
Max walked over to a chair in front of the desk, and sat down. "Yes."
"Wonderful! I have work for you, in case you don't have money! There are always problems with those lousy Chinese opium dealers. They ruin our business with their knowledge of the land and their national connections! We need to infiltrate their business! One way to do this is to have some of their vehicles. Now, listen up: there's a small dealer on the other side of the mountain chain to the west of this city. Not much security. If you can bring me one of their trucks, I'll pay you handsomely, in cash and in hardware! Do you accept?"
Thinking everything over within two seconds, Max nodded.
"That's great! Josef (Yo-sef) will fill you in on all the details. I'll see you when you get back with the truck."
With that, Max got up, and went to Josef for the instructions.
"Dammit! Where could Pops have gone NOW?"
Ranma was pretty mad lately. His father had gotten pretty strange since the incident at the springs. Not only had he gotten the guts to get into shape and actually practice martial arts, but he seemed to have gotten very autonomous in what he did. Plus, he seemed to be getting a lot more crazy ideas. On this particular occasion, he knew no more than the Guide knew: that he had gone to the nearest town for unknown reasons.
The old man seemed to know all the things that laid ahead for them; he had always been prepared for everything. That incident with the Dragon's Whisker had really shocked Ranma. His personality had undergone change as well. He never said anything stupid now, never talked about the 'path of the martial artist', or tried to make excuse for doing things cheap. He just acted like a normal person. And it was making Ranma feel a bit disturbed.
Now, he just wanted to find out what the old man was up to. It couldn't be anything good. Or, could it…
Ranma sighed angrily, and went back to practicing his moves. It would be a while before Pops returned.
It had taken about forty-five minutes to reach the other side of the mountain range on the west side of town. Once he was there, however, Max saw what he came for: hidden within a small forest was a small crop of opium poppies, and a small opium manufacturing plant at the foot of it. Sure enough, there was a small docking shack, where a few trucks were parked. They had the distinctive look that would allow the driver to infiltrate any of their camps- hence the Russians need for them.
Carrying the only thing he needed, Max circumnavigated the field, ducking low to avoid being seen. For some dumb reason, there weren't many guards or lookouts around the place. No problem; that made things a lot easier. When he finally made it around the field, he was fifty feet away from the garage, he scoped the area: only a couple of guards, armed with Kalashnikov rifles. Nothing he wouldn't be able to handle.
He picked up the thermos he had been carrying, and splashed its contents over his head. His transformation took place, and he grew in size. His form would serve him well.
Ever since he had gotten into shape, his panda body had changed as well. It had gone from the plush, giant-stuffed-animal look to a strong, fearsome animal with huge, sharp teeth, and long, steely claws. In other words, his panda form had gotten much better and stronger. He could scare the hell out of any passer-by he saw on the road when they were traveling.
He threw down the thermos, and scoped the area out one last time. The coast was clear. He checked for the other thermos he had on him- one with hot water- and turned back to the building.
With one giant bound, he leapt from the shrubbery, scaring the shit out of the guards surrounding the place. There were four of them,; two immediately backed away, aiming their rifles, but not firing, out of fear. One just ran away.
The fourth, however, was standing right where Max intended to land. He clutched his rifle, but, like his comrades, was too scared to fire. Pandas weren't supposed to be aggressive. Plus, they were an endangered species. How could he shoot such a thing. He began to scream as he saw the enormous panda flying towards him.
"AAAAAAHHHHH!"
The man's scream was finally silenced with a sickening squash, as Max crushed him under his huge figure. He then turned to the other guards, and pelted them with some baseball-sized stones he had picked up. They were knocked to the ground, dropping their rifles. The two who were still conscious got up, and ran like hell.
Piece o' cake, Max thought. He then walked over to the nearest truck, only to find someone already in the drivers' seat. And he wasn't alone; there was a rather attractive woman with him in the scantily clad, and they were pretty busy. The man turned from the girl to his window, coming face-to-face with a vicious-looking face of a panda, teeth bared. He screamed as Max opened the door, grabbed the man, and flung him out of the garage. The woman was thrown out as well, screaming her lungs out. As they ran off, Max held up a sign. (Hey, pal, you forgot to zip up your fly! Ha ha ha!)
With that, he grabbed the thermos of hot water, and splashed himself. He went around to the back to check what was in the load. There was just a small load of weapons and opium. But he also noticed another small box that was partially open. In the small crack of an opening, he saw something of a deep gold color.
He picked up the box, and ripped it open. "What the hell?" His jaw dropped. Inside was something that looked like a golden monkey idol. Just like the one from the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Only it was encrusted with diamonds, also. Lots of diamonds. He picked it up, and inspected it.
"What the hell are Chinese opium dealers doing with a damn Brazilian monkey idol?" He wondered if it was something the Russians were after. Probably not. They didn't say anything about stuff inside the truck. Hmm…maybe I'll use this when we get to Japan…get on the Tendos' good side. That twat Nabiki would probably go for this…man, the possibilities are endless.
With that, he stuffed the idol into his gi, got into the truck, and drove off. Within fifteen minutes, he was in the designated parking garage the Mafia had set up for him. He got out, and walked up to the main building, where the goons opened the doors for him, leading him to Sergei.
"Hey, look who it is! My new worker! Come, sit down! Have a drink, this is some very good vodka, from the hearts of St. Petersburg."
Max took the drink, and listened to the man rant on.
"That was a very nice vehicle you brought us. For that alone, we'll pay you ten thousand dollars! Oh, and Josef tells me you're Japanese! That makes it…how much again, Josef?"
The man whispered in his bosses' ear, and Sergei came right back. "Oh, yes! One million yen! That should be nice for you when you get back home! Maybe we can do business again, no?"
Max smiled. "Sure, maybe some other time. But I got an appointment to keep. So, I need some hardware."
"Oh, of course, of course! Josef, take him back to the cache!" He turned back to Max. "Don't worry about it, this bunch is on me! Happy shopping, Mr.…"
Max stopped in front of the desk. "Just call me 'Max'; my real name would be a bit confusing for you."
"I see! Well, so long, Max! I hope we'll be working together again!"
When all was said and done, Max walked through another door, escorted by Josef and another goon. When they reached the end of the hall, they entered a large, warehouse-style room, filled to the brim with weapons and hardware. There were no limits: crates of pistols, submachine guns, shotguns, rifles, full-blast machine guns, recoilless rifles, RPGs, tons of different kinds of explosives, and much more.
Josef stopped at a small desk with a lamp. Max approached the desk, still looking around the room.
"All right then; what exactly do we need here?"
Max returned his attention to the man in front of him. "Okay; I need a few basic items first. A couple of pistols; 9mm Berettas would be best. 15-round mags."
"Right." Josef motioned to the goon, and he went back to get the hardware. He placed two Berettas on the desk: one black, one nickel-plated.
"I'll need something heavier as well, but still light. An Uzi 9mm, long."
It was gotten as well.
"A Remington 870 shotgun, 12-guage; pump-action, pistol grip, folding stock, 10-round capacity."
The hired goon brought the weapon to the desk.
"Let's see…a few M-67 frag grenades, maybe twelve…oh, and a couple pounds of C-4, with detonators."
All this, plus the ammunition for the firearms, was retrieved from their respective containers. When Josef asked if there was any more, Max shook his head. Everything was wrapped up or thrown in bags, and given to Max. Josef then handed Max another bag, which contained the 10,000 dollars. Max gathered up all his purchases and the cash, and walked out the door, heading back to his campsite. As he carried his weapons and money, he couldn't help but smile to himself. Everything was going as planned. The Amazons were going to get the surprise of a lifetime.
"Suh-weet."
The next day, the trio resumed their journey. The Guide continued to lead them through the mountain range, getting them close to the Joketsuzoku village. Max, in an effort to keep a low profile, hid the guns, the money, and the idol inside his huge backpack, and the pockets in his gi.
Ranma, of course, was still very confused at his father's recent behavior. He didn't ask any questions, though, deciding that it would be better not to know. His father really had become easier to live with; not just because he hadn't stolen his food lately, but because he had become a better fighter, and, therefore, a much better person to spar with. Plus, the old man seemed to have gotten a lot smarter since he had fallen into that spring. He never took them in the wrong direction, never made a bad decision when it came to finding food, and always seemed to know what trouble was going to happen, if any. May now the old man could teach his son some useful techniques.
Luckily, Max did intend to introduce to Ranma a few of the techniques that he had seen in the manga, as well as several techniques he'd seen in other series as well. During his time reading and watching with his friends, he'd grown partial to a few styles he'd seen: one was virtually any technique that involved pressure points, shiatsu, or anything affecting the body from the inside through exterior strikes. Even though they seemed simple enough on paper or the screen, they were hard enough to develop. Still, this was in contrast to the real world, where such techniques were all but impossible, so, with practice, he was able to master a number of moves that he could use to disable opponents. He soon began to share some of them with Ranma, who was all the more confused as to how his father learned them in the first place.
After a couple weeks of traveling and training, Max finally found out how to harness chi. While he couldn't form a full blast of air just yet, he was starting to learn how to use it in hiding his presence, as well as feeling the aura of all those within his presence. This opened up a whole new field of possibilities from which to work.
And he didn't stop with just martial arts moves; he also made the effort to further develop his skills in firearms and explosives. Being a hunter and camper back home, with a penchant for engineering, he purchased a few older manuals from the Soviet-Bloc era from a shop in a passing town, and set to work on ideas. One day, he even stopped to run an opium truck being driven by gangsters off the road, scaring away the thugs. When he was done, he took all their leftover ammunition and explosives, and packed them away. Ammo and explosives were not cheap.
Finally, the day came. Max could tell, because they had gotten caught in a rainstorm the day before, and had no means to get hot water anywhere. Plus, they had run short of food a day earlier, and had not eaten since then. The timing was just right.
And, sure enough, they came across a few crops, with various farm animals, mostly chickens, scattered around the area. There were a few people as well, dressed in casual Chinese clothing.
"I'm sooo hungry…" Ranma groaned. His stomach, however, drowned out most of the sound of his talking. Max, even though he was a panda, was also desperately famished. He was in no mood for the likes of bamboo anymore. The stuff was just too damned bland.
"Mr. Customers: this place we come to now is village of Amazons!"
As they walked, Max briefly heard the sounds of cheers, and metal clanging on metal.
"Amazons? Whozat?" Ranma asked in a slurred voice, thinking more of his stomach.
"These people here! The women here very strong!"
"Huh?"
"They show their skill now!"
Then turned another corner around a house, and they saw it: a large crowd of women in various Chinese outfits, all of them looking rather fit, surrounded a large tree trunk that was held up by ropes connected to other poles. On the trunk, two people were fighting it out. One was large and bulky, and was attacking her opponent with a long, stretched-out mace. Her opponent looked much younger, had long, purple hair that was tied into a rather strange hairdo, and was considerably better looking, maybe even attractive. She fought back with a pair of bonbori. Both seemed to have no trouble staying on the trunk, leaping up to avoid a blow, then landing right back on it.
Max watched the scene with interest, just as Shampoo knocked the other woman into the stratosphere. Now was the time to get prepared. He turned to talk to Ranma…only to see that he had already reached the table where the prize feast was kept, and was already munching away on some pork buns. Max sighed. Man, and I thought this old guy was supposed to be a glutton. He then went over to eat his fill as well. He wouldn't be the one paying for the whole incident.
Sure enough, it happened. The Guide turned to them, a confused and worried look on his face.
"Mr. Customers? What you eat here?"
Before Ranma could answer, she leapt up into the air, avoiding the bonbori that slammed down in her direction. As she sat on it, she looked up to see the angry face of the Amazon girl who had just won the last fight. Everyone in the crowd looked on in shock.
The girl yelled out something in angry Chinese. The Guide was quick to translate.
"'You there! Woman and Panda! Why do you steal my prize?', she say."
"Prize?" Ranma-chan said, picking up the nearby sign that had fallen off the table.
While the Guide laid down the rest of the situation, Max slowly crept away. When he was behind one of the houses, he took out the thermos of hot water he had been keeping. Splashing himself, he gathered his pack, and extracted his weapons. He packed his pair of Berettas into his gi, as well as a few grenades. The Uzi went into his gi as well. Then, he took the shotgun, leaving it in its wrap. He carried it over his shoulder, and returned to the battle sight, just as Ranma-chan was knocking Shampoo off the trunk with one solid kick.
The crowd of Amazons gasped in shock as their champion went down at the hands of a foreigner. This was not good for them. Shampoo, shocked out of her world, walked up to Ranma just as she was declared the winner. She moved in close, put her hand on Ranma's cheek, and delivered the kiss of death.
Just as the Guide screamed, and reached for Ranma's hand, Max stepped in front of him. He also had stepped between Ranma and Shampoo.
The girl looked up at Max, and inquired in Chinese.
The Guide worried as ever, replied "She ask, 'Who you?'"
"Pops, what're you doing?"
Max looked over to the guide. "Tell the punk what just happened."
The Guide gulped, his face sweaty as ever, and explained to Ranma about the kiss of death, and the Amazon laws. When he was done, Ranma stood in place, her eyes wide. She then attempted to run. Max, however, grabbed her by the collar.
"Not yet, boy. Sorry, girl." He then walked to the center of the ring, in front of the huge trunk, and spoke outwards to the crowd.
"I know what you're all thinking: how my daughter just defeated your champion, and how she is supposedly going to die at your champions' hands. Well, I just wanna say this: feel free to try, but don't get your hopes up."
After a long pause, with no reaction from the Amazons, the Guide piped up, and translated to the crowd. When they heard Max's speech in their own language, they broke into uproarious laughter.
The crowd opened up to make way for someone. A woman, about six feet tall, and pretty muscle bound, walked out of the crowd. She carried a long, sharp Chinese sword. As she walked closer, Max ripped the paper off his weapon. She pointed her sword at Max, and said something in Chinese.
"She say, 'you is foolish man! You is one who will lose. Prepare to die!'"
She walked closer, stopping ten feet from Max, and held out her sword in a dueling fashion.
BOOM!
The loud crack of gunfire thundered through the air, scaring the daylights out of several Amazons. When the woman raised up her sword after getting back up, she saw that it had been cut down, reduced to almost nothing. She looked at her opponent in shock.
Max brought the barrel up to his mouth, and blew away the smoke. He then grasped the action with his right hand, and slammed the gun down in his grip, expelling an empty cartridge from the smoking chamber, and pumping in another round. He then raised the Remington into the air, for all to see.
"All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up!" He walked closer to the crowd. "You see this? This…is my BOOMSTICK™! A 12-guage pump-action Remington 870! Pistol grip, folding stock, 10-round capacity, wide ejection port, surprisingly little recoil, and plenty of power to blow people's heads off! All nicely provided by the Black Market! That's right! Shop the 'Merchant of Menace™'! You got that?"
At this, the Amazons continued to stare. After a few seconds, however, they started to talk amongst themselves. A bewildered Ranma appeared at Max's side.
"What the hell are you doing, Pops?" He then eyed the shotgun in Max's hand. "Where the hell did you get that thing?"
"I already said. Black market, Russian Mafia. They supply lots of stuff."
"Why did you buy it?"
"I felt like it. Now, move away, I think these broads mean business."
And they did. Just about every Amazon in the crowd had drawn a weapon of some sort. These ranged from swords, maces, and axes to bow and arrows, bonbori, and scythe blades. They all looked on with a murderous intent in their eyes.
Max smiled, and held up his 12-guage. Ranma looked from him to the Amazons, and back again.
"Pops, you're not thinking of-"
"You're damn right I am, boy. Now, go. And don't fight any more of the girls."
"Why not?"
"Trust me, okay? Just get out of here while I distract them. Go!"
Left with nothing else to do, Ranma shrugged, and took off. Shampoo, witnessing Ranma's attempt to escape, tried to follow.
"You I kill!"
She was stopped short by a shotgun round imbedding itself in the ground in front of her. She jumped, turned around, and eyed Max. Soon, he was surrounded by the whole attending tribe.
He just smiled slyly.
Max dove backwards, over the large trunk, and ran through the village. The attackers followed. When they sent waves of attackers after him, Max dove all over the place, pumping and firing for all he was worth. The first attacker came at him with an axe. He blasted the axe to smithereens, and kicked the woman away. Another girl jumped in from behind him, wielding a pair of swords. He blocked them off with his gun, and jabbed the butt of his gun into her stomach, then her face, before sending her flying backwards with a roundhouse kick. When one armed with a scythe leapt for him, blade aimed well, he fell back on his back, his legs scrunched. He caught her with his legs, then, smiling at her look of shock, kicked her into the air, sending her crashing onto one of the tiny grandstand structures they had lying around. When five girls lined up to pull some sort of Amazon trick attack on him, he leapt onto the huge trunk, blew away its supports, and sent it rolling after them. The girls ran, but could not outrun the huge log, and were crushed to the ground before getting up again, and resuming the fight.
Now was the time for the real fun, he thought. Pulling out an M-67, he bit off the pin, flipped off the handle, and hurled it towards the nearest house. The house, of course, went sky high in a spectacular blaze of fire, as did the Amazons standing around it. Max, realizing he was out of ammo, he swung his 12-guage over his back, and pulled out his two pistols. He took another grenade, and, without removing the pin, tossed it towards a group of female warriors who were running towards him, weapons raised. While the grenade sailed through the air, he aimed and fired, blowing all the Amazons into the air with another monster explosion.
As he continued to move through the village, he came to a nearby road, and saw something that lit up his face with happiness: a truck carrying dozens of propane tanks. He immediately leapt onto the truck, forcing the driver to stop. He threw the driver out of the truck, and drove it into the village, where plenty of Amazons were still appearing out of nowhere, ready to fight. Max got out of the truck, and grabbed one of the propane tanks. He kicked it into the air, and it landed, rolling into the crowd. He dispatched it with a few rounds blazing from his Berettas, and sent dozens of Amazons flying through the air. He sent tanks hurling towards houses, and set them afire, one by one. One building after another went up in flames. One particular structure, a building that was built into the side of the mountain, and was held up by supports, was dispatched very nicely, with the remains falling on top of several warriors. He sent several more explosions their way before he decided to call it quits.
He leapt into the car, and, using a brick he picked up off the ground, held the gas pedal down, sending the truck rolling through the village. Amazons jumped out of the way to avoid it, and it crushed several houses and structures. Before it could go any further, however, Max took the final action. He aimed his black Beretta, and emptied his magazine into the truck. He gazed at the ensuing inferno with glee.
"Yippee ki-yay, motherfuckers," he said with a smirk.
He turned and ran, heading to the rendezvous where Ranma and the guide were waiting for him. He listened happily to the explosion, the roar of fire, and the screams of several Amazons. Before he left, he stopped where an Amazon woman had fallen. With a dazed look in her eyes, she looked up at him. He smiled at her.
"I know what you're thinking. But forget it." He raised his left hand. "I'm already married. Plus, I'm already 45 years old. Too old for you. You're welcome to go after my daughter; in fact, I think I'd recommend it; but don't even try me. Peace out." He took off, leaving the Amazon girl speechless.
When he finally met up with the two, they just looked at him confusedly.
"What did you do back there, Pops?"
"Oh, nothing. Just gave them a fight they'll never forget. C'mon, let's go. We've got a ship to catch not far from here."
(Three days earlier, in New York)
A middle-aged Jewish man, about 60, was talking on the phone with a smile on his face.
"That's wonderful, Chow! You're sure it's the one?"
The man on the other end of the line, a Chinese guy, smiled. "Of course it is. It's the very same. Encrusted with a total of seventy-five carats."
"Great job!" the Jewish man replied. Just hold out there, buddy! Oh, and remember:" he held his breath for a second. "Don't get caught with your fly open, got that? In any way!"
"Yeah, I got it, Avi."
"I mean it, Chow! Stay away from the women for just a bit! You don't wanna get found out!"
"Hey, don't worry, buddy! These opium dealers are dumb as shit! Don't worry, Avi, I'll have that beauty waiting for you when you get here!"
"That's great, Chow. I'll see you there!" He hung up with glee.
"Beautiful. Absolutely fucking beautiful! Ha ha!"
He then looked at his colleagues. "50-carat solid gold. Encrusted with a total of seventy-five carats in diamonds."
"Where?" one of them asked.
"China."
"China?"
Avi smiled and repeated himself. "China."
His other colleague turned to him. "China?"
"Yes, China!" His smile disappeared. "You know, Pandas, bamboo, General Tso, the Great Wall, Jackie-fucking-Chan, China!" He finally stopped, and regained his composure. He also smiled again. "He'll have the idol ready for us. Chow's never failed me before." He sat back in his chair, and sighed. "Our fucking troubles are over, gentlemen."
There you have it. A long chapter, just like you wanted. Think I've gone a bit far? Well, don't worry. This fic will go far enough, but will be well-paced. The big action sequence came from my desire to know how Dan earned the nickname of "Captain Destructo" from the Amazons in Insertion. Anyway, read and review. Happy trails.