Chapter 12: It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood.
House stayed in the clinic for a little over an hour. Once again it was a slow day and he flew through the patients, relieving the congestion in the waiting room, and then handed the files over to the other doctors that were mulling about.
"It's been a slow week," one of the other doctors said as he checked out.
"Enjoy it while it lasts, cold season will be upon us before you know it," House said cheerfully and walked away.
"Is it just me or is Doctor House way too happy?" the doctor asked the nurse at the station.
"Yes, doctor," the nurse replied and went back to her work.
Shortly after arriving in his office to find a hand full of screws on his desk, a shattered chair on the floor and Wilson and his fellows waving and laughing at him from in the side office, Chase and Forman walked in carrying two big filing boxes.
"Cuddy wants us to go through these and pick the ones we think show your diagnostic skills to their highest potential," Chase said loud enough hat it would be heard in the other office but without being seen by the others he winked at House.
"Why?" House huffed and winked back.
"The Journal of European Medicine wants to publish some of your cases." Forman answered.
"I'm world famous Wilson!" House said as he moved into view of the other team, "Stick that in your pipe and smoke It!" he said flaunting his genius.
"Just do some work, House!" Wilson stated annoyed.
"Alright," House sighed louder then usual, "lets take it out on the balcony." He said and Chase and Forman followed him carrying the boxes with them.
The blinds in the side office were open but there was enough space to obscure much of what they were doing from the view. House sat down and motioned for his fellows to do the same. Through the window Wilson and the other could only see the tops of their heads.
"We don't have much time," House said quietly as he pulled the lid off of one of the boxes and saw that it was jammed full of shaving cream canisters.
"What are we doing?" Forman asked taking the lid of off his box to reveal even more of the foaming cream.
"It's elementary my dear Watson," House said leaning against the back of the sofa that was backed up against the divider between his balcony and Wilson's.
House grabbed a can out of the box, removed the lid and hit the nozzle against the concrete barrier. The nozzle broke, the cream started to foam out of it and he tossed the spewing can over the barrior, "Et voila!" House said.
Forman and Chase laughed and proceeded to do the same.
"Wilson is going to take his fellows on their rounds in another half hour; they will then find out that Cicciliano and Taub have stapled their patient files to the ceilings of most of their rooms while they slept. He will then run back to his office to call Cuddy and complain and find Thrombo has taken effect in his office. Once that is out of the way he will look out his balcony door and see that it is covered halfway up with unexplained white foam," House said.
Forman and Chase nodded and continued to wreak havoc on the cans of shaving cream.
"Well its not all white, some of it is blue, and green," Forman said, "we couldn't buy all the same brand cause sales people were getting suspicious. We had to go to like fifteen different places just to get enough."
"You did a great job," House laughed.
"The office space is running ahead of schedule," Chase said as he tossed another can over his shoulder, "we'll be able to put Hyperplasia into action tonight when they have left."
"Perfect," House smiled and tossed another can, a soft hissing coming from behind him. "It really is a beautiful day to be out here. I should have hassled Cuddy for this patio a long time ago."
"I agree," Forman said.
"I find it funny that while causing mischief we seem to be nothing but agreeable but as soon as we start diagnosing we fight light cats and dogs." Chase said musing over the events of the past few days.
"Nothing like a good plot to bring people together," Forman laughed.
Chase moved cautiously so as to not bring attention to himself, and looked over the barrier, the foam had already climbed up the wall and covered all of the floor of the adjoining balcony. "I would hate to be the guy cleaning that up," he laughed and fell back into the seat beside House.
House high-fived Chase as he observed the damage himself and returned to what he was doing. "I just hope it doesn't spill over to our side."
"Pull the sofa away from the wall before we leave, then at least we won't ruin our furniture. I don't think their will be enough to do much damage on our side." Chase said.
"I think you are right, it may muffin top on us, but I don't think that its going to have too much seepage," House said, "we'll add Vaginal Secretion to our list of symptoms to really mess with Wilson's head," he added with a laugh, "he already thinks our current case is all over the place."
"It's good code for what we've just done," Chase laughed, "but I hope that Wilson doesn't realize that no disease shows this grouping of completely random symptoms."
"You don't know that. There may be some disease out there that follows all of our symptoms," House.
"Google all of the symptoms together and see if anything comes up," Forman said.
"I don't think you'll find anything, or if you do, how do you know if the site is reputable?" Chase asked, "If you could believe everything you read online, then we would be out of jobs. People would be diagnosing themselves."
"But I would be curious to see if anything came up, just to disprove it if I could," House said contemplating the idea.
"God Bless Google," Forman laughed.
"Just something else for you to waste your time on today; make it look like you are busily curing patients," Chase said.
"And this is why I have a team," House said as he tossed another can over his shoulder.