Chapter 7
Okay, I feel I owe my readers a little Q&A session.
Q: Where the hell's the new chapter of Being Alive?
A: As you all know, it takes me a bit to get the Being Alive chapters going. The next one is one I've been trying to map out for a while now, and it will take a bit to finish. I haven't forgotten the story, but I'm taking my time. So don't worry.
Q: Why are you working on this?
A: None of your business. Read on.
Chapter 7
The Long Bad Friday
In a small, windowless basement somewhere in town, Max and Carlos each placed a .50 Desert Eagle on the coffee table in front of them. The man sitting on the other side watched as they threw on the other contents of the bag, including jewelry and wads of cash. Looking down at the huge pile of goods in front of him, he reached back behind his chair, grabbed a small, black duffle bag in each hand, and tossed them to each of his customers.
"Knock yourselves out."
He then flipped a switch to his right, turning on a light in the area behind them. Max and Carlos turned around in time to see the contents of the room revealed.
Firearms of all kinds lined the walls; other weapons, boxes of ammo and clips, and various tools were stacked on tables and the floor; and a Japanese flag was plastered along the back of the room.
Max and Carlos looked at each other, then stood up, opening the iron gate door to the room, as the dealer went through his payment.
"Holy…" was all Max could muster. A second later, he and Carlos were rummaging away at the merchandise. Carlos put down his bag, and picked up a nearby bolt-action sniper rifle, putting it to his shoulder.
Max briefly handled a submachine gun before stuffing it into his bag. "You know what I think we're gonna need? Some rope."
"Rope? What the hell for?"
"Just as a necessity," he said, continuing to look around. "You know how Charles Bronson's always got a rope strapped around him in the movies, and he always ends up using it? I have a feeling we're gonna need one later on."
Carlos put down the rifle, and continued to look.
"You sound like a country boy who watches too many movies."
"Well, I am from Georgia," Max replied. "You're basically talking to a half-Irish, half-Japanese kid from the south who camps and hunts regularly, and willfully hangs a Dixie flag in his room next to a Japanese flag."
"You never told me you were actually part Japanese," Carlos said, looking over a handgun.
"My dad's from an Irish family, and runs a barbecue joint; my mom from a Japanese one, and works as a mechanic. Weird, isn't it?"
"Kinda'. So, we're not spending any of our own funds for this stuff?"
"Fortunately, no. But we're still going to have to find a steady source of funding," he responded, taking an assault rifle off the wall. "You know anything about running a business?"
"Well, I do work for a software company. Which reminds me, we need to get a good computer to set some things up."
"Good thing we're in the best place for that," Max said.
They passed through the front gat to their home, both of them carrying their respective weapon bags, and Carlos hauling brand new computer model in its box.
"I figured we'd better set this up in the basement," Carlos said. "I'd like it if we could keep our work away from prying eyes."
"Good idea," Max replied. "Wait a minute- this place has a basement?"
"Hey, I only found it last night; I'm as surprised a you are."
The two entered the house with their luggage. Ranma jumped up from his spot in front of the TV, and ran up to his old man.
"What took you, old man? What's all that you're carrying-"
Max cut him off as he walked by him. "Dojo, five minutes." He continued into his room, not looking at the boy.
As Ranma steadily placed his hand on the dojo shoji door, a thought came to mind. Remembering the last time he had come here to meet his father, he scowled. You ain't gonna fool me with any tripwires or tricks like that again, Oyaji, he thought. Sliding the door open, he looked at the floor in front of him, finding nothing. Smirking, he walked in, finding his father sitting cross-legged while reading a newspaper.
"What is it this time, Oyaji?"
Max quickly looked up from his paper. "Huh? Oh no you don't!" he yelled, quickly drawing his knife, leaping and tackling the boy to the ground, holding his blade on his son's neck.
"What the hell – ow!" the boy yelped as Max lightly drove the blade into his hand. "Knock that off, punk! When you enter, you let me know what you're doing here! You could' a been someone else. Now, get up!" he said, getting off Ranma, and allowing the boy to stand up.
Ranma nursed the tiny wound as he stood up, but didn't argue. "What'd you call me in here for?"
"I think you have a good idea," Max said. "As you know, yesterday, Tendo and I were ambushed and accosted by a number of Triads who followed us here from China. If they're willing to go after people they don't know, they're most certainly going after anyone involved back there! And that includes you! So you need to be ready!"
"And why exactly are they after us-"
"Not important! The only thing you need to worry about is making sure you don't end up in the slop in one of their little pig farms with the rest of their victims. And to do that, you need to look alive!" Max said, turning around quickly and moving his arm in a tossing motion.
Ranma just barely dodged the knife, and it embedded itself in the wall behind him. A semi-shocked look adorning his face, he turned back to his father, who was now standing right in front of him.
"Not bad; but it still needs more work. Now, let's get down to business: are you ready to do anything for the sake of the art?"
After a second of hesitation, Ranma responded, "Yes."
"Can you keep your head about you when confronted with mind-blowing weirdness at every turn?"
"Yes!"
"Are you ready for anything?"
"Yes!"
After a couple seconds of silence, Max asked him again, "Are you still ready for anything?"
"Ye-"
"Wrong!"
"Augghh!" Ranma yelled in pain, his answer stopped short by the blow of Max's tonfa club to his shin.
"Lesson number one: trust no one! The minute God crapped out the third caveman, a conspiracy was hatched against one of 'em!" As Ranma managed to stand up under the pain, Max went back and fetched something from his duffle bag. "Okay, enough screwing around. You're perfectly set for hand-to-hand combat; but that won't do you much good when you're staring down the business end of a Remington 700 rifle 300 yards away. Here, you'll need this," he said, holding out a handgun.
The young martial artist took the weapon in his hand. It was a revolver, and a rather big one at that. "And what's this?"
"Smith & Wesson .357. A simple weapon I think you'll be able to handle. Keep it on you at all times when you're out, even at school. Keep it concealed, though. Gun laws are pretty strict in this country."
"Screw that! I don't need no stupid gun!" He tried to hand the weapon back; Max immediately swiped it, spun it around in his hand, and pointed it at the boy's crotch.
"Oh, really? What's gonna save you from a little predicament like this, then?" he said, pushing the barrel against his son's pants.
Ranma's jaw clenched, and he swallowed hard, attempting to keep his expression crisp. He watched his father scoff.
"Didn't think so," he said, spinning the gun around, holding the handle out to his son. "Keep it on you. You likely won't have to use it, but that's never a sure thing."
After moment of hesitation, Ranma finally took the gun. Just when he realized he had nowhere to put it, his father spoke up. "You'll find a holster and ammunition in our room on your futon. Keep it under the floorboards while we're at home, and don't mind the other things."
Ranma looked at his old man. "What do you mean, 'other things?'" He thought for a second, and turned to walk away. "On second thought, I don't need to know."
"Okay, so how exactly do these things work?" asked the blonde juvenile ninja as he held the small piece in his hand.
Kakashi, who sat in the driver's seat of their stolen car, took the gun from his friend's hand. "Here," he said pulling back the slide. "This puts a bullet in the chamber, and this button here releases the magazine. It's pretty simple."
Naruto took the gun back. "Well, excuse me for not being able to figure out these damn things."
"Whatever. Sasuke, have you got the weapon I gave you?"
The black-haired boy pulled out a sawed-off pump-action shotgun from behind the seat. "Yeah, I got it. And I know how it works already."
"Good. Now, we just wait for the guy to enter the shop," he said, looking at the small, barely noticeable jewelry trader across the street from where they were parked.
A Chinese man carrying a briefcase stood on a street corner. He'd been ordered to lay low with the stolen merchandise by Kwok, and was awaiting further instructions. He thought he could hear arguing from a small car parked just up the street from where he was standing, but he paid it no mind. Seeing a nearby food stand, he walked over to order something.
"How are we supposed to even know what he looks like?" the blonde asked.
"Look, she said that he was an older, balding man who'd be carrying a briefcase. Not too hard to spot."
"Are you kidding me? At least one balding man walks by here every few minutes!"
"They aren't all carrying briefcases. So, just shut up."
Naruto pulled his gun. "Don' tell me to-"
"Hey! Both of you shut up! Look!" the black-haired ninja said, pointing."
They all looked across the street to see a man, briefcase in hand, walking into the shop.
"Was that him?"
"I don't know. Was he bald?"
"How the hell could I tell? He was wearing a hat!"
"Look, no more hesitation. Let's start the show!"
Both Naruto and Sasuke stepped out of the car, hiding their perspective weapons inside their coats before pulling down ski masks over their head. Naruto carried a duffle bag as well, and they headed for the shop entrance.
Inside the shop, Naruto held his handgun on the female shop keep, who raised her hands in the air behind the counter.
"All right. If you know what's good for you, you'll load everything into this bag!" he said, throwing his duffle bag on the counter.
"Okay, okay," the woman said, opening the cases.
"Sasuke, everything all right?"
"Yeah, I got him!" the other ninja said, his shotgun trained on the older man, who was on his knees.
"Good, grab the case!" He turned back to the woman, who was holding the bag out for him to take.
"What the hell are you doing? Load it up!"
The woman gulped before speaking again. "That's all there is."
"What?" he said before grabbing the bag and looking inside.
"A truck from another dealer came by this morning and loaded up all the merchandise. All we've got left are-"
"-some crappy stones and silver!" the boy finished. "Not one lousy diamond!" Throwing the bag back on the counter, he pointed his gun at her again. "Put in all the cash you've got!"
The woman went to the register, and threw in about 8,000 yen before handing it back. "Sorry," she said, "we don't carry more than 10,000 in our register at any time. And the safe was cleaned out by our boss yesterday…"
The blonde began to get red in the small amount of face that was visible through his ski mask. "Damn it all!" he yelled, grabbing the bag from her. He continued to point his gun at her, and moved closer. "I ought' a put one in you right now!" The woman began to cry.
"Dammit! Naruto!"
"What the hell do you want, already?"
"We got the wrong guy! There's only a bunch of papers in this damn case!"
"What are you talking about? There's supposed to be some big piece of merchandise!"
"I told 'ya, he's the wrong guy!"
"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" the boy yelled as he stomped his feet. "Is anything at all gonna go right today? I'm gonna chew that bitch out when we see her again! C'mon!"
They both left the shop, and hurried back to their car.
Throwing his trash into a nearby can, the Chinese man walked back to the corner. Looking around, he still noticed the noises coming from the car just up the street.
He also noticed a jewelry shop across the street. Feeling bored, he began to cross the street.
"You guys got it all?" Kakashi asked.
"No, we don't!" the blonde retorted. "That shop had practically nothing! And the guy with the briefcase had nothing, either! All we got was this crap!" he said, throwing the bag to his friend.
"You're kidding me," the taller one said, looking in the bag.
"Does it look like I'm kidding you?"
"Forget it," Kakashi said, grabbing the wheel. "Let's just get out of here; we'll deal with that woman later!" Putting the car into reverse, and without looking back, he began to back up at a high speed He stopped when the car hit something.
"What the hell was that?" he said, looking back and seeing nothing.
Naruto and Sasuke got out, and found an unconscious, balding man with a briefcase lying on the ground.
"Shit! How bad is he hurt?" the blonde asked.
"Who cares? We gotta go now!"
"Wait, look!" the boy said, pointing at the ground.
Lying next to the man was an open briefcase, which revealed the contents: a large, golden idol in the shape of a monkey.
"Holy…" Sasuke said, looking at it admiringly.
"Grab it, moron!" Naruto said, slapping him over the head.
Shaking his head, the boy reached down, closed the case, and hauled it into the car.
"Go, Kakashi, get us outta' here!"
The car sped off down the street, leaving dark tire marks.
Down in the dojo's rather large basement, Max and Carlos were going through their weapons; field-stripping, counting ammo, and loading magazines. Both were wearing black suits with trench coats.
"So, are you sure about this meeting?" Carlos asked.
Putting down his pistol, Max replied. "The page said the meeting would commence at this place. I don't see why they'd lie." The page had come from one of the pagers they'd taken from the two thugs they killed.
"Why the hell would they still be using pagers in this day and age?"
"Keeping a low profile – no one can overhear 'em that way. Let's go."
Clutching their duffle bags, they both headed upstairs and out the door, closing it behind them.
Nabiki sat at her window, watching them go. She'd glimpsed what they were doing in the basement, and was wondering what the newcomer had planned. Before he had arrived, her father had never acted this way; she planned to get to the bottom of who these new freeloaders were.
Her phone rang, and she picked it up. "Hello?" she said. She took her ear away, holding the phone at arm's length as she was hit with a barrage of yells from the other end. "Ow! What the hell's wrong with you? Just calm down!" A few words later, her eyes perked up. "Did you get it? Tell me you got it!" Another few seconds passed. "All right, all right! I'll take care of it! Just get to the rendezvous, and wait there for me!" She slammed the phone down, and let out a sigh of frustration. "Dammit, is anything gonna go smoothly today?"
In some office building across town, Max and Carlos had donned black ski masks, and were standing above the opening to a ventilator system, each with a duffle bag and long sling of black rope. Carlos shook his head as Max handed him his share. Slowly, they lowered themselves in, and pulled the hatch over behind them.
Five minutes later…
Max and Carlos were sitting on the floor of a large leisure room, surrounded by the dead bodies of triads, all of whom were wearing suits, and sporting at least one bullet wound apiece. Blood was splattered on parts of the wall where rather nasty exit wounds had occurred.
"Unbelievable. That's the last time I listen to your plans!" Carlos said, pulling his mask off.
"Hey, shut up! I didn't know there'd be ten of 'em, the page only hinted at around five! And besides – just who was it that said we'd have no need for rope, huh?" He pointed above them to a giant hole in the ceiling, from where they had fallen through when the ventilator gave in. Luckily, the rope they were carrying caught them, and held them hanging upside down long enough to draw their weapons and lay waste to the triads.
"All right, I'll give you that," he said, standing up and dusting himself off. He spied a small, fiber case sitting on the nearby counter. "Hey, what's this?" Opening it, he found it was full of cash. "Oh, score!"
"What'd you find?"
"More money for us to take off their hands."
"Good! Things are looking up for us. Now, let's search the place for the idol."
Their search turned up nil, and they regrouped. "You think it's that Kwok guy who has it?" Carlos asked.
"I'm not sure. He gave it to one of the other guys before he left. We'll only be able to find out once we've gotten rid of all of them. We can interrogate the last one."
"And just how are we gonna kill Kwok? Didn't your Russian friend say he was ex-Red Army, Commando Division? Killed fifty Tibetan rebels, or something?"
"Fifty-four," Max corrected him. "But that doesn't matter. They say he's impossible to trace, so we'll let him come to us. Once we get rid of all these others, it'll only be a matter of time."
Inside the shed at Furinkan High, Nabiki frowned at the words she was being told. "What the hell are you all saying?"
"We're saying," the black-haired ninja said, "that there was practically nothing at the shop! They were cleaned out!"
"We're lucky we found the guy with the case as it is!" the yellow-haired one said.
Sighing in frustration, Nabiki reached into her purse, and pulled out a thick wad of cash. "All right. Here's the 100,000 yen I offered as a starter. Take it, and give me the contents of that case."
"Forget it," Sasuke said. "That part of the deal is over. We want this!" he said, pulling out the idol for everyone to see. "At least half of it, I mean."
"Look," Nabiki said, "what was in the case was mine. What was in the jewelry store was yours. So there wasn't much in the jewelry store – big deal! I'm giving you a cash compensation. Don't try to go back on this."
"To hell with you!" Sasuke snarled. "We're the ones with the advantage here!" An explosion of smoke followed, filling the whole shack. Nabiki coughed up as she heard the three storm out.
"Shit!" she yelled as she tried to wave off the smoke. Walking outside, she saw they were nowhere to be seen.
On the other side of the school, the three ninja-wannabes walked up the sidewalk.
"That bitch thought she could cheat us into a bum deal while she walked away with the real goods," Sasuke said. "Well, we showed her!"
Kakashi had a tiny magnifying glass out, and was inspecting the idol. "These diamonds are real – and the gold is plenty pure, too! She said this thing wouldn't be worth much."
"Shows you what she had in mind for us-"
Turning a corner, they stopped dead in their tracks when they nearly ran head on into a large man in a business suit. Taller than any of them, his face bore a goatee and many scars. He smiled lightly at them.
"I'll be taking that, boys," he said, pointing to the idol. "If you know what's good for you, you'll hand it over right now."
Sasuke and Naruto both took up combat positions. "Go to hell, old man! Like you can take us!"
"Yeah!" Naruto followed up.
Hearing a few screams around the corner, Nabiki ran as fast as she could. She turned the corner just in time to see a large man walking away, idol in hand, down the street. Looking just in front of her, she saw the three ninjas lying on the sidewalk, beaten rather soundlessly.
"Damn," she muttered to herself, turning back in the other direction. "Looks like this is gonna be harder than I thought."
"Are you sure that's what happened?" Tony said into his cell phone as he drove down the road. "Okay," he said, frowning. "Thanks." He flipped the phone shut.
"What's the story?" Avi asked from his seat.
"Bad news, I'm afraid," the Brit said, turning a corner. "Our friend Ryo is no more."
"No more?"
"There was a rather nasty butchering in a sales building not far from here. They found him in pieces in a bathtub filled with his own blood."
Avi turned away. "Yikes."
"Looks like he met the ones who had your merchandise. But our dear boys the triads got to 'im first. I can see they mean business."
"Damn straight, they do. Anti-Semite bastards, goin' all around the world and stealing artifacts we ought'a be stealing!"
"Anti-Semite? Avi, they're Chinese!"
"Yeah, that don't make much of a difference. They're this fuckin' close to the Arab world, and they had a long lasting relationship with the Russians. Commie bastards are all the same."
"Either way," Tony said, giving him a look, "there's more to it than that. My friend's given me more information; a nearby jewelry store got blagged earlier today."
"'Blagged'? Tony, how many times am I gonna have to fuckin' tell you, speak normal English!"
"Whatever. 'Robbed'. It's a fair chance whoever had this thing might've been at a place like this."
"So we find the punks who did it. Do we know who they are?"
"All we know is they're three young droogs wearing jumpsuits, and sporting weird hairstyles and head ornaments."
Avi sneered. "That seems to be the make-up of this whole goddamned country. Just look at what these people wear!" he said, looking out his window.
"Exactly, which is why we might have to do quite a bit of…searching to…" He trailed off, his eyes catching something down the street. "Allo, what's this?"
"What, whadd'ya…" Avi said, turning in the same direction Tony was looking. "Oh…"
Right in front of them, on the right sidewalk, were three staggering boys in jumpsuits, all battered and bruised.
While the other two were locked together in the trunk of their auto, Tony held Naruto over the dashboard, his Desert Eagle planted on the boy's temple.
"I told you, I don't know anything el-"
Tony pressed his gun down harder.
"Alright, alright! She hired us to take it from this jeweler!"
"And who took it from you?" Avi asked, leaning in closer.
"We don't know, some big Chinese guy. Lots of scars on his face."
"Gimme a name."
"We don't know-"
A harder press. "Don't make this worse."
"We don't know! All we heard was his name was Kwok, or something!"
At this name, Tony's face went white. "Kwok the Killer?"
Feeling he was getting somewhere, Naruto nodded.
"As in 'Kwok the Lead-Biter'?" Tony asked further.
Avi stood up. "Why the hell do they call him the 'lead-biter'"
Tony slowly turned to look at him. "Because he bites lead, Avi. Literally."
He shook his head. "Mother of God. Look, let's just drop these punks and get the hell after this Chink bastard."
Nabiki watched from a nearby building roof as the giant gaijin tossed the three fake ninjas back into the street, and drove off with his client.
"Interesting," she said as they drove off. "Very interesting."
Carlos threw their remaining gear into the back of the van, and slammed the doors shut. "So, where to now?"
"Not sure," Max answered, getting in on the passenger's side. "I've gotta call in their next page. It came only a few minutes ago."
Carlos got in the driver's seat, slammed his door, and turned the key. "That's ten in there, plus the five back at the ambush; fifteen killed so far."
"If only we knew how many they had to start with," Max quipped as they began to drive away.
"Those bastards!" Sasuke growled, rubbing himself off. The trunk of the small car had been rather cramped with Kakashi in there with him. "And they took our guns, too! What the hell are we supposed to do now?"
"Don't worry," Naruto said, coming up behind him. "I found a shop that actually sells them, and got us a few." He pulled out a brown paper bag, and handed each of them a small pistol.
Sasuke looked at the weapon skeptically. "I could've sworn that chick said these things were illegal here. How could they be selling them at a shop?"
"Hey, she already lied to us once before. C'mon, we have to get some wheels, and find that Chinese gorilla!"
"Fuckin' Maoist thugs," Avi said as they drove down the road. "We've been fightin' these bastards for years. And now, one of em' has the balls to steal my goods. So, how're we gonna find him, Tony?"
The Brit paused for a second, taking a deep breath. "He's ex-People's Army Special Forces. He's killed at least a hundred rebels in Tibet. Speaks several languages, and has contacts all over. He'll be impossible to trace."
"This is all starting to give me a little deja vu," the old man replied. "Well, he can't be far, so let's look for him. How hard can he be to spot, anyway?"
Tony turned to look at his companion. "Fine, Avi. But, suppose that we do find this man. How do you propose we subdue him, much less get the merchandise back?"
"Hello, Tony? That's your fucking department!"
"Well, then I ought'a tell ya – I'm not exactly looking forward to the idea of –
Avi turned back to the windshield. "Jesus Christ, look out!"
Tony slammed on the brakes, but not soon enough to avoid hitting the man in front of them. The impact sent him a good five feet back.
"Shit. We gotta go, step on it." When the car didn't move, Avi spoke up again. "What the hell are you waiting for? We can't be caught with this problem here, just go!"
"Shut it!" Tony said, holding his hand out while taking a good look at the man he instantly recognized. "Kwok?"
Avi turned to gaze at him as well. Both men exited the vehicle, and walked up to the man, who was beginning to stir. Tony immediately put him out with a hook to the skull.
"Good work, Tony!" Avi said, beginning to search the large man. "C'mon, where is it, where is it…" Finally finding something deep in his jacket, he pulled it out, holding the idol in his hand. "Sneaky Chinese bastard…"
"Shit!" Naruto said from the passenger's seat of their car. They were a number of yards behind the men they were following. "He's got the idol, an' they're puttin' him in the trunk!"
"So, what the hell do we do?" Sasuke asked.
"We follow 'em," Kakashi answered for him. "When they stop, we can ambush them, and make them give it to us. They won't be expecting it."
Up ahead, in the van, Max was still checking out the stolen pager.
"How long does it take to get a message out of one of those things?" Carlos asked.
"How should I know, they're using some kind of code combination to unlock it. Hold on, I almost got it." Pressing a few more buttons, he said, "This should probably lead us to the last of them."
"Hopefully," Carlos said. "I'm tired of dealing with these guys. I wanna get tow work on our other ideas."
"In good time. Naturally, we have to clean up this mess first."
Just behind them, Tony drove while Avi continued to inspect the idol. "All right, so whadd'ya wanna do with the Chinaman?"
"What the hell do you think? I want'cha to bury the motherfucker."
"How do ya' wanna do it? Shoot 'im?"
"That's still a bit noisy, ain't it?"
"Fine. We'll stab him."
"Isn't that a little messy?"
"Do you wanna kill him, or not?"
"Just where the hell did you get these things anyway, Naruto?" Sasuke asked, looking over his new gun.
"Just some place I saw in the shopping district. It was part Surplus, so I figured it made sense."
"I'm just wondering – that chick talked about the laws, and how hard it was to get a gun around here."
"Hell that place had plenty of guns! They weren't a problem. What I didn't understand was why they didn't sell any bullets there."
Sasuke looked up at his partner. "What the hell did you say?"
"I said, they didn't have any bullets. Kinda' weird, if you think about it. Maybe that's why they have a low crime rate. Plenty of guns, not enough bullets. Doesn't matter, though, 'cause we got enough left."
Sasuke looked at his gun one more time. "Have you even tried these things? How the hell do we know they'll work?"
"why would a shop like that sell us guns that didn't work? They looked to be doing pretty well-"
"Will both of you shut up?" Kakashi yelled. "I need concentration to stay far enough behind so that they don't notice-"
"Holy – LOOK OUT!"
They all yelled as their car collided head-on with a man standing in the middle of the street.
"Just how many others do you think are in here with us?" Carlos said, keeping his eye on the road.
"Whadd'ya mean by that?" Max responded, drinking a milkshake.
"I mean, look at us. We're both in the manga, as different characters. Whatever's doing this, I honestly don't think it's done. I'd expect a few more to appear, at least."
"Really? And just who else in the manga is due for a mind-change?"
"Clearly the unpopular ones, judging by our situation," he answered.
"Well, I guess that leaves Mousse, and maybe Kuno. Although, I really don't see that happening. Besides, it'd be a shame if Ranma doesn't get to beat him up any more." His cup half empty, and no longer feeling thirsty, he tossed the shake out the window. A second later, they heard a splat, followed by a car swerve, and a crash. They both looked back through the windshield, then at each other.
"Whoops," they said in unison.
"So, you gonna help me do it?" Tony asked.
"Me? Oh, no, hell no. I ain't gettin' blood all over these clothes. Besides, I wouldn't know how to do it."
"Please, Avi, it's only so easy. A corpse can be divided into six equal pieces to make it easier to transport, or, in this case, get rid of. Helps if you keep pigs, actually."
"Oh, like I really needed to know that! Jesus!"
"What are you so queasy 'bout? Don't tell me you've never encountered this kind'a job before-"
He was cut off by a milkshake cup splattering all over his windshield. He swerved to avoid traffic, and crashed the car into a mailbox.
A number of minutes later, a banging noise, as well as Chinese profanities, began to come from the trunk; something was knocking on it from the inside. Finally, after a final knock, the door flew open; and out walked the tall Chinese man, bound at his hands, and wearing a bag over his head.
Inside their car, Tony and Avi sat up from the crash, checking themselves for injuries. Catching something out of the corner of his eye, Avi saw their captive standing in the middle of the street, blinded by the bag over his head. Tapping his partner on the shoulder, he pointed. "Is that Kwok?"
They watched him step around for another second before another car, speeding down the road, collided with the man.
All three boys looked out their windows. "Oh, Kakashi, what the hell have you done?" Sasuke said.
"Sshh!" Naruto quipped. "Both of you shut up! Everyone's looking at us!"
Sure enough, a whole crowd of civilians had gathered, and was surrounding both cars in their respective positions.
Sasuke spotted the men exiting their car. "Hey! They're getting' out!"
"Okay," Kakashi said, raising his gun. "We follow 'em, quietly. Let's go." Getting out of their car, they followed the men into a restaurant.
Inside the nearly empty restaurant, Tony and Avi stopped to catch their breath. "Okay," the older man said, "I'm going to clean up. You do what you have to do to get us another ride outta' here."
"Fair enough," Tony said, watching him leave. He then headed to the back, looking for the phone, and passing by a table with the only other customers.
Carlos watched the larger man pass them, then went back to his drink. "So, any update on that page yet?"
"Yeah," Max responded, looking through a newspaper. "They're gonna ambush Ranma on his way home from school."
Carlos nearly spit out his drink. "Huh?"
"Relax, they're not gonna strike for another hour or so. Plus, I gave him that magnum. I was hoping for a situation where he'd have to use it to come up."
"Did they mention how many of them there were?"
"They've got six waiting on the order. They think everyone else is still alive, and that we're dead. Those ten guys we wasted were supposed to kill us later. All we have to do is finish these guys, and we're home free."
"Don't forget that Kwok guy," Carlos said as he stood up. "I'm gonna find the john."
Max watched him walk off, then went back to his paper.
About a block away, Nabiki watched through her set of binoculars as her three ex-employees followed the rest of the crew into the diner. Lowering them, she sighed.
"Dammit. Those guys aren't going to be able to achieve anything. If they were to get it somehow, I could steal it from them a lot easier than from the others. But they're such idiots…I wish something would come along and cause enough chaos for me to just grab it-"
She stopped talking when she noticed a particularly large man, with a heavily scarred face and a number of bruises, pass her; he was holding a large, menacing assault rifle with a grenade launcher attached, and letting out an occasional Chinese obscenity.
She smiled to herself. "Things just might work out after all."
Stepping inside, the three fake ninjas looked around for their targets. "Where are they?" Naruto asked.
"Maybe they're in the back," Kakashi said. "We should check."
"Hey! Over there!" Sasuke said in a whisper, pointing to a table. "Isn't that the guy who had the thing in the first place? That chick described him to us!"
"So?"
"So, he probably hired those guys to get it back for him! I bet he's got it on him right now!"
After a second, the other two nodded. "All right," Kakashi said as the trio pulled down their ski masks. "Let's do it."
As they walked over to the table, Naruto pointed his weapon at the bartender, who ducked under the counter and didn't surface. Then, they all pointed their guns at Max as he continued to read his paper. A second later, he looked up, getting a look at them.
"I'm only gonna say this once," Sasuke said, aiming his weapon. "You'd better give us what we want, or we'll be painting the walls with what little guts you've got."
Max took a good, long stare at the boy. "I know you…"
"Shoot him already!" Naruto said to his partner. Before Sasuke could return his eyes to their captive, Max grabbed hold of the hand that held the gun. Sasuke struggled, but Naruto came forward with his own pistol. "Let him go!"
Max sneaked a peek at the gun Sasuke was holding, then let go. The three returned to their position as Max laid back in his chair.
"So," he said, "you guys are supposed to be ninjas."
All three of them glanced at each other before returning to Max, who continued. "You come from a place where being a ninja means wearing a pansy orange jumpsuit and lame head ornament, and performing techniques best found in a French circus. Life sounds great for you guys; but, apparently, not great enough. So you come here, to this world, to see what it's like to finally hold the gun."
"These are your last words, pal! Make 'em count!" Sasuke said.
Max continued, as though he hadn't heard him. "Now, most punks who go for guns get their ideas from shitty gangster movies and role-playing games. They don't know anything about how one works: they just assume it works like magic. And that's exactly what you guys thought: you just go out and buy some guns, and the world is at your mercy. But you've got your parties messed up. You won't scare people with those things; you'll just get laughed at before having your legs broken. You guys don't know jack shit about those things in your hands. Look at you," he said, noticing their fearful aura. "You all know it, too. And the fact that you've got MODELGUN written down the sides of your pieces…"
All three ninjas looked at their guns: sure enough, the word MODELGUN was printed very clearly. They all slowly returned their gaze to Max, who was reaching into his jacket. "And the fact that I've got SPRINGFIELD ARMORY 1911 LONGSLIDE written on the side of mine…" he said putting his pistol on the table for them to see, "only proves my point. Now," he said, picking up his paper, "fuck off."
After a few seconds of hesitation, the trio were headed towards the back room. They entered a hallway that led to the bathrooms, and Sasuke locked the door behind them.
"Dude, forget it, let's just bail," he said.
The others were about to comply when Avi walked out of the bathroom, clutching the case in his hands. The fake ninjas all aimed their modelguns at him. "Give us the case!" Sasuke yelled.
Avi sneered at them. "Fuck you," he said. "Shoot me!"
Naruto pulled back on the slide of his gun in a feeble attempt at intimidation when the door on the other end of the hall opened up: in walked a battered and bruised Kwok, armed with a large, fully-loaded assault rifle. Glancing at Avi, he said "Hand me the case. Or, I shoot you!"
"You know what? Fuck you, too!" the Jewish man replied. "Go ahead and shoot me, you commie fuck, you'll be doin' me a favor!"
Outside the hall, Tony had just hung up from his call for a ride, and was walking past the table where Max sat when he heard the voices on the other side of the wall. Drawing his Desert Eagle, he yanked back the slide to chamber a round.
Back in the hall, Kwok turned to the ninjas. "You three; drop guns."
"Fuck you!" Sasuke replied. The three aimed their modelguns at him.
"Okay…" he said, aiming his assault rifle.
"Avi?" Tony called from outside the hall. "Pull your socks up!"
Avi immediately dove to the ground, and he was followed by Sasuke and Naruto. Kwok, however, wasn't so lucky, and one of eight 50-caliber slugs from a barrage struck him in the head. Kakashi, in a botched attempt to avoid a bullet, twisted his ankle, and crumbled to the ground.
After the shooting ended, Sasuke and Naruto looked back at their partner. "To hell with it- we're outta' here!" They both got up and bolted for the door, Sasuke grabbing the case on their way out.
Kicking the door open, Tony walked inside, jamming a new mag into his weapon. Looking around, he spotted Avi on the floor. "Avi? Where the hell's the case?"
"Put the gun away," the old man said.
Seeing that the man he had struck in the head was still writhing around on the floor, he inquired again. "What's Kwok doing here?" He walked over to the wounded man. "Kwok – what are you doing here?"
His response was another Chinese obscenity. Tony responded by putting two more rounds in him. He then walked over to the injured Kakashi. "Where the hell's the case?"
More Chinese vulgarities brought his attention back to Kwok, who was still alive. "Don't take the piss, Kwok," he said.
When the man began to crawl towards him, Tony fired four more bullets at him. He turned back to Kakashi again, until he heard Kwok shout "Fuck you!"
Tony fired another round at him. Kwok still wasn't done: "Agghh, you British bastard are going to get it…"
"For fuck's sake…" Tony said, taking careful aim, and putting one final round in the Chinese man's head. Kwok finally collapsed to the floor, not moving. He turned his attention to the punk ninja, who was cowering in the corner. He pointed his gun down at him.
"Fuck you an' all," he said, pulling the trigger. When only a click resonated, he shook his head, and walked towards the door. "You lucky bastard…"
Ranma sighed as he walked home from school. Akane had stayed behind to finish cleaning duty, and Nabiki had not been present today for some reason. So, he was on his own.
He'd felt a bit uncomfortable keeping the gun on him, which he'd done throughout the school day, and still had on him. He never really saw himself having to use it.
"I still don't know why I have this thing," he said to himself, spying the shoulder holster beneath his shirt. "Me? Need a stupid gun? Please."
A few minutes and paces later, he felt the presence of others. Taking a quick peek back, he spotted someone in a business suit walking a number of paces behind him. He could swear the person was watching him; nonetheless, he decided to keep walking.
A few minutes later, they were walking through a residential neighborhood, and the man was still following him, at the same distance as before. Ranma finally decided he would confront the man rather than ditching him. Turning around, he began to stomp towards him, when the man jumped behind a nearby post box.
"Huh?" was all Ranma could say to himself before he felt it: the auras of at least five other men in the area, all accompanied by the sound of weapons cocking.
Diving to the ground, Ranma whipped out the revolver from inside his shirt, and, in a twisting motion while on his back, whirled around with the magnum in his hand, dodging bullets fired from different spots around him, while simultaneously firing off six shots.
Within a few seconds, it was over. He laid in the dust, barely able to comprehend what had just happened. Looking up and around, he saw six bodies, all of them men in business suits. The one who'd been following him, one from behind a bush, two from the roof of a house, and two from up in a tree. A woman who'd been jogging had ducked during the whole ordeal, and stared in horror at one of the bodies before running off in terror.
"What the hell?" he said to himself, looking at the bodies, then at his empty revolver. "This is what Oyaji was talking about. Guess he was right…"
"Man, I didn't think you were capable of that yet."
Ranma turned to see his father and Soun standing right behind him. "Not bad, son," he continued. "Real impressive. You're learning faster than I thought you would."
"Whatever," Ranma replied. "I never wanted to fight these guys anyway. Just how many more of 'em are we gonna have to fight?"
"That's actually the last of them," Max replied. "You just killed them."
Ranma scoffed. "Well, I still wanna know just how this happened-"
He was cut off by Max's cell phone. Max answered, and talked on the line for a few minutes while the others waited. Hanging up, he turned to Soun. "Josef wants us to help him with the triad problem now that we're out of trouble. Wants us to pay him a visit."
"Hold it, Oyaji," Ranma said. "You're not goin' anywhere without telling me first!"
Max sighed. "You remember that golden monkey idol I found while we were still in China?"
Ranma nodded. "Well, these are Chinese mainland triads, and followed us here, intending to get it back. But we don't have to worry about that anymore, so you can relax. We'll see you at home," he said, turning to leave.
Ranma watched his father and his friend leave, then turned to leave himself. Dammit, Oyaji…just what are you up to, anyway?
Back inside their car, Naruto held the idol in his hands, inspecting it closely.
"Man, it's completely flawless!"
"Well, put it back in the case already. We're getting out of town this instant."
"What about Kakashi? He's our driver, isn't he?"
"What about him? He'll be fine. We'll contact him later, once we've gotten this to safety. C'mon, start the car-"
A tapping noise on the passenger side window made them freeze in horror. They turned to see Tony holding his large handgun on the window.
"Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity," he said. "Outta' the car, both o' ya'."
Locking the idol in the case, the two jumped out of the car. "Go to hell, you English prick!" Sasuke sneered. "You know what? We never needed these stupid gun things in the first place! Naruto!" he said, throwing his useless modelgun away.
"Right!" the other ninja agreed, doing the same. "You're really gonna get it now!" They both took up their perspective martial arts stances, and, with a final cry of rage, leapt at the man.
Tony just smiled, and cracked his knuckles.
Avi looked up from his act of cleaning blood off his shoe when he heard pain-filled screams from around the corner. Finishing his work, he walked down the sidewalk from the back door of the restaurant, until he saw Tony coming around the corner, briefcase in hand.
"Tony…what the hell was all that?"
"Don't worry about it," he said, shoving the case back into Avi's arms. "They won't be a problem any longer. Let's just get back to the airport so we can get this deal finalized."
"Amen."
Before they could continue walking, though, they stopped, noticing something in their way: a rather large Doberman, baring its teeth at them.
"Oh, hell no. Not another fuckin' dog!" Avi said. "Tony – shoot this damn thing before it does anything!"
The man looked at his client. "What the hell are you talkin' about? I can't just shoot a dog in broad daylight! It belongs ta' someone!"
"It's here to get our merchandise, just like last time! If you're not gonna shoot it, I will!" Putting down the case. he grabbed Tony's gun from out of his jacket, and aimed it at the dog. "Okay, dog! Get lost or it's a nice serving of 50-caliber for lunch!"
"God dammit, Avi-"
He was too preoccupied to notice that a particular someone, riding a scooter at top speed, had snatched up the case. When he saw the scooter speeding off, he forgot the dog, and fired after it, emptying the clip. Of course, the gun was too powerful for him, and the rounds went everywhere. One bullet ricocheted off a nearby dumpster, and found its way back to them. After the scooter was gone, and the dog had run off, Avi threw the gun to the ground in frustration. "Son of a bitch! I hate this country! Let's go, Tony, we can still catch that bastard! C'mon-"
He stopped cold when he turned to look at his partner. His jaw dropped.
"Tony?"
For the next few seconds, he let it sink in.
"Oh, shit…"
Later that day, Avi got on the next flight to New York. Fourteen hours later, he stopped at customs.
"Do you have anything to declare?" the customs officer asked.
"Yeah," he said. "Don't go to Japan."
Nabiki smiled to herself as she sped down the road, case in hand. It had cost her plenty to train that dog, and she didn't know if she would ever have to use it. But it had been well worth it. Now, she had the idol to herself, and the freeloading friend of her father would never know.
She was so lost in her thoughts she failed to notice a car speeding right in front of her. The driver slammed on the brakes, but still managed to buck into the scooter, which sent it out of control, and sent the briefcase flying from her hand, where it landed, and opened, on the sidewalk…right in front of Max and Carlos, who were passing by.
Looking down, Max hardly believed his eyes. "No way," he said, picking up the idol.
"Where'd that come from?" Carlos asked.
"Not sure," Max replied, looking around. "Either way, we've got it back. Still, I think it attracts too much trouble."
"You're probably right."
"We'll find a way to get rid of it while we're in China." Stuffing it into his jacket, Max stole a glance at the fallen Nabiki across the street, and winked at her before heading down the road.
The girl grimaced as she stood up, feeling angrier than ever before. Who the hell is this man, and what is he doing in my house? She narrowed her eyes as they disappeared down the street. Don't think I'm done with you, old freak.
A few steps up the street, they came across something else.
"Holy…" was all Carlos could say.
"Hey, I know this guy!" Max said, looking at the body.
"Who?"
"He's from a movie – his name's Bullet-Tooth Tony. But I thought he got killed."
"Well, now he's certainly-"
They both nearly jumped when the man began to stir.
"I don't believe it – he's not dead! This is awesome!" Max said.
'Whadd'ya mean?" Carlos asked.
"We can use a guy like him. He'd make an excellent negotiator for our business when we get it started. C'mon, help me get him up, we'll call a cab."
Carlos did so, and Max called over a taxi. The man in their arms was starting to regain consciousness. "A…Avi…"
"Avi?" Max said, letting it sink in. "Avi's…gone. He left when this happened. But it's okay. We want you to work for us. Don't worry about the money, we can pay plenty."
Tony tried to speak, but Max stopped him. "Don't worry about it, we're just gonna get you to a hospital. We'll talk about it later."
After a short flight, Max and Carlos had landed in China. Before they headed to meet up with the Russians, though, they decided to stop at a local jeweler Josef had recommended them to. They both sat in the man's office as he inspected the idol with a tiny magnifying glass.
After a few more seconds of silence, Max spoke up. "So, what do you think? You know anyone who might be interested?"
Putting down his magnifying glass and the idol, Ting patted down his skullcap, and looked at his customers.
"I might."
He then went to his phone, and began to dial.
The next day, Avi got on the plane, and headed to China to collect his merchandise.
Back in Nerima, at the local hospital, Kakashi sat next to two hospital beds, nursing his injured leg. Both Naruto and Sasuke occupied the beds. They were bandaged up on all limbs, and had sashes over their eyes.
"Excuse me, ma'am?" Kakashi asked a passing nurse. "What happened here?"
"We found these two up the street, in pretty awful conditon." She then pointed to a pair of buckets that held their perspective jumpsuits, hood ornaments, and kunai. "We pumped all this from their stomachs."
Kakashi could only gape in horror.
Well, that's the end of the caper arc. We'll be moving along smoother from here on out.
Next time: New friends?