Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters, spells, etc. belong to JK Rowling. I made nothing original in this story except for the plot. Oh, and the songs. I wrote those, as well.
Harry Potter and the Discontinuity Factor
Act 1, Scene 2
(enter various Death Eaters and Bellatrix Lestrange)
Harry: Oh my Rowling, he's BACK!
Voldemort: Ah, the feeling to breathe again, to walk again, (points wand at generic Death Eater) AVADA KEDAVRA! (Death Eater dies) To KILL again! To die, to sleep, no more! (song, "They Built These Curses (Just For Me)", begins)
Voldemort:
Being dead for twelve years
Really gives you perspective
Makes you wonder if your life
Led to some grand objective
Did I waste all my time
Slouching 'round the earth
I for one, know I've done
What I've been meant to do since birth
It's as if they built these curses just for me
To kill, to torture, to rule forcibly
All these years dead made me forget how much fun
It is to know that you could control anyone
(speaking)
Avada Kedavra! (kills nearby Death Eater)
Crucio! (another Death Eater begins to writhe on the ground)
Imperio! (makes Harry and a dead Cedric dance to the song, after which he drops them, and they both fall limp to the ground again)
(evil laugh)
(singing again)
Watch me as I touch
The Dark Mark on my arm (presses his right arm, all Death Eaters hold their right arm in pain)
No matter how you look at it
I was meant to cause others harm
Mind control and pain
They're my favorite curses of all
The killing always comes after
When the fun and charm of torture is gone
It's as if they built these curses just for me
To kill, to torture, to rule forcibly
All these years dead made me forget how much fun
It is to know that you could control anyone
It's as if they built these curses just for me
To kill, to torture, to rule forcibly
All these years dead made me forget how much fun
It is to know that you could control anyone
(song ends)
Voldemort: I'm back, baby, and I plan to control this world!
Bellatrix: (eager) Yes, my lord, and we have been orchestrating a plan to put you on the high chair!
Voldemort: Good work. It's good to know you haven't been wasting your time while I've been dead all these years. Though you, Lucius, (pokes Death Eater's belly with wand) have really packed on the pounds. You may want to work on that in the upcoming weeks.
Harry: You'll never get away with this, Lord Moldybutt!
Voldemort: Shut UP, boy! Can't you see that I'm talking with someone right now? Ugh, kids these days have no respect…
Harry: Hey, don't talk to me like that! I'm Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Kicked-Your-Ass!
Voldemort: (does a double take) What?! You mean… this ISN'T a joke that my Death Eaters are putting on? YOU'RE Harry Potter? You, you scrawny, disheveled, whiny little punk, you're THE Harry Potter? How anti-climactic…
Harry: Hey, give me a chance; I could take you down if I weren't under the Limpifying Hex! I mean, the one class I'm good at is Defense Against the Dark Arts!
Voldemort: Oh, you want to test that theory, boy? Fine, bring it on! (beats chest)
Bellatrix: No, master, let me take him on. He's not worth your time. Let me fight him.
Voldemort: No, Bellatrix, this little shit wants a fight; I'll give him the fight of his prepubescent life! Unlimpify! (Harry stands up)
Harry: Thanks for the pick-me-up. Now, (grabs Cedric and the Triwizard Cup) bye.
Voldemort: (while the lights flash and the scene changes) He tricked me; the boy got away! I am so blogging about this when I get home…
(enter Hogwarts, hedge maze)
(large gasps are heard from offstage, which slowly dissolve into murmurs and whispers)
(enter Dumbledore)
Dumbledore: My boy, Harry, thank the wizarding gods that you're okay… So what the hell happened? (shakes Harry by the shoulders) Tell me what happened, boy!
Harry: Voldemort's back! And there were Death Eaters… and… they killed Cedric! Oh, and I got a detention from one of them.
Dumbledore: Well, we'll waive that for now. But you are certain that Voldemort has returned?
Harry: Yes, sir. (enter Snape and Moody, Moody now has a pair of chopsticks for a hand)
Moody: What happened at the graveyard, Harry? What did you see? (Snape hits Moody)
Snape: What he means to say is, what happened in the place that we have no knowledge about, Potter?
Dumbledore: Professors, come with me. We have much to discuss. (exit Dumbles, Snape, and Moody)
Harry: (falling on his back) Well, at least I'm safe from harm here at Hogwarts…
Cho: (yelling from offstage) What did you do to Cedric, Harry Potter?!
Harry: (sits up rapidly, with a worried look) Or not…
Scene 2 End
A/N: So, I'm on break now, so I thought I might as well post one a day during this break, then go to the whole one every two days thing.
So that's that. Enjoy, review, pick the story apart, tell me what's good, and so on and so forth.